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Money offered for post graduate research is limited; as a consequence, some people argue that financial support from the government should only be provided for scientific research rather than research for less useful subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

Money offered for post graduate research is limited; as a consequence, some people argue that financial support from the government should only be provided for scientific research rather than research for less useful subjects. Do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that financial support is one of the utmost important needs for postgraduates for their research. Hence, some people believe that government should only focus on aiding support for scientific research rather than others. From my standpoint, I partly agree with this statement and I will elucidate it in this essay.

Firstly, the science industry requires a plethora of financial aid and attention owing to its potential contribution to global health. It copes with not only our problems related to environmental pollution but also the existence of wildlife. For instance, thanks to the improvement of health science, we can be vaccinated against COVID-19. This helps us to supply a new vaccine that is outstanding compared to others and successfully fight against that kind of virus.

On the other hand, investing only in postgraduate scientists can not fully understand the nature of other subjects that are also significant for the world, which are called less useful subjects. This can be cooperated with science to create an ideal world and bring back the steady backbone of humanity. This can be exemplified in psychology, which helps everyone to understand both the moral and real meaning of a situation, gain more knowledge and make exact decisions for each problem related to technology and health. Thus, the government should consider investing money in both science and the others.

In conclusion, despite getting crucial parts in improving the global future, scientific research can not get some methods to deal with some particular problems that can be tackled by other subjects. Also, evolutionary science can combine with the development of various aspects to form a better place for everyone to live.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "utmost important" -> "paramount"
    Explanation: Replacing "utmost important" with "paramount" adds a higher level of formality and emphasizes the critical nature of financial support for postgraduates in their research.

  2. "some people believe" -> "it is argued"
    Explanation: Substituting "some people believe" with "it is argued" introduces a more neutral and academic tone, avoiding the use of personal expressions in formal writing.

  3. "I partly agree with this statement" -> "I partially concur with this assertion"
    Explanation: Changing "I partly agree with this statement" to "I partially concur with this assertion" elevates the language and aligns with a more formal and precise expression of agreement.

  4. "plethora of financial aid" -> "abundance of financial support"
    Explanation: Replacing "plethora of financial aid" with "abundance of financial support" maintains the emphasis on the substantial need for funding in the science industry while using a more formal and precise phrase.

  5. "owing to its potential contribution" -> "due to its potential impact"
    Explanation: Substituting "owing to its potential contribution" with "due to its potential impact" maintains the causal relationship in a more formal manner, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  6. "coprs with not only our problems" -> "addresses not only our challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "copes with not only our problems" to "addresses not only our challenges" provides a more refined expression, emphasizing the science industry’s role in tackling global challenges.

  7. "kind of virus" -> "specific virus"
    Explanation: Replacing "kind of virus" with "specific virus" adds precision and formality, contributing to a more accurate and scholarly description of the topic.

  8. "can not fully understand" -> "cannot fully comprehend"
    Explanation: Substituting "can not fully understand" with "cannot fully comprehend" maintains the negative assertion while using a more formal and precise term.

  9. "called less useful subjects" -> "referred to as less prioritized disciplines"
    Explanation: Changing "called less useful subjects" to "referred to as less prioritized disciplines" introduces a more formal and precise description of subjects that may receive less attention.

  10. "can be cooperated with science" -> "can collaborate with science"
    Explanation: Replacing "can be cooperated with science" with "can collaborate with science" offers a more formal and appropriate term for describing the interaction between different subjects.

  11. "exemplified in psychology" -> "illustrated by psychology"
    Explanation: Substituting "exemplified in psychology" with "illustrated by psychology" maintains clarity while using a more formal term to showcase the role of psychology in understanding situations.

  12. "getting crucial parts" -> "playing crucial roles"
    Explanation: Changing "getting crucial parts" to "playing crucial roles" enhances formality and precision, emphasizing the active role of scientific research in improving the global future.

  13. "can not get some methods" -> "cannot employ certain methodologies"
    Explanation: Replacing "can not get some methods" with "cannot employ certain methodologies" offers a more precise and formal expression regarding the limitations of scientific research in addressing certain problems.

  14. "deal with some particular problems" -> "address specific challenges"
    Explanation: Substituting "deal with some particular problems" with "address specific challenges" maintains formality and precision in describing the scope of scientific research.

  15. "better place for everyone to live" -> "improved living conditions for all"
    Explanation: Changing "better place for everyone to live" to "improved living conditions for all" provides a more formal and comprehensive way of expressing the positive outcomes of collaborative efforts in research.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is undeniable that financial support is one of the utmost important needs for postgraduates for their research. Hence, some people believe that government should only focus on aiding support for scientific research rather than others. From my standpoint, I partly agree with this statement and I will elucidate it in this essay."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is somewhat clear in presenting the writer’s partial agreement, but it lacks a concise roadmap for the essay. To enhance clarity, consider providing a brief preview of the main reasons supporting your position. For instance, mention whether you will discuss the importance of financial aid for scientific research and why support for other subjects is also necessary.
    • Improved example: "While financial support is crucial for postgraduates, there is a prevailing opinion that government assistance should prioritize scientific research. In this essay, I will partially support this view by highlighting the essential role of funding in scientific advancements. However, I will also argue that neglecting support for other subjects is not advisable due to their unique contributions to societal well-being."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, the science industry requires a plethora of financial aid and attention owing to its potential contribution to global health. It copes with not only our problems related to environmental pollution but also the existence of wildlife. For instance, thanks to the improvement of health science, we can be vaccinated against COVID-19. This helps us to supply a new vaccine that is outstanding compared to others and successfully fight against that kind of virus."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The first supporting point is well-developed with a clear example. However, the explanation could be more nuanced. Instead of just stating that health science helps in vaccination, elaborate on how scientific research directly addresses global health challenges. Provide additional examples to strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "To illustrate, advancements in health science not only enable the development of vaccines but also equip us to tackle broader global health challenges. For instance, ongoing research has played a pivotal role in understanding and combating diseases beyond COVID-19, contributing significantly to the overall well-being of populations worldwide."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, investing only in postgraduate scientists can not fully understand the nature of other subjects that are also significant for the world, which are called less useful subjects."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The transition to the second supporting point is abrupt, and the sentence structure is awkward. To enhance coherence, consider restructuring the sentence for clarity. Additionally, provide more specific examples of "less useful subjects" and their societal significance to strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, exclusive investment in postgraduate scientists may limit our understanding of equally vital disciplines, often deemed less useful. For instance, fields like sociology and anthropology contribute essential insights into human behavior and societal dynamics, offering valuable perspectives that complement scientific research."

Overall, while the essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, improvements in structure, nuance, and the use of specific examples could elevate the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay displays a coherent structure, maintaining a clear progression of ideas throughout. It effectively discusses the importance of financial support for scientific research and acknowledges the significance of other fields. However, there are moments where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. While the essay does touch upon different aspects, the link between them might feel somewhat mechanical or disconnected in certain areas.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Cohesion: Work on smoother transitions between ideas. Ensure that the flow between sentences and paragraphs is more seamless, avoiding abrupt shifts.
  2. Refine Referencing: Strengthen the connections between ideas by improving referencing and linking phrases, emphasizing how each point relates to the overarching argument.
  3. Logical Paragraphing: While the essay uses paragraphs, ensure they are logically organized to enhance readability and coherence.

Improving the logical connection between ideas and refining the transitions would elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, incorporating both common and less common lexical items. There is an effort to use vocabulary with some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to flexibility and precision in expression. The writer effectively conveys ideas with a variety of words and phrases. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation that slightly impact accuracy. The essay successfully discusses the importance of financial support for scientific research and acknowledges the significance of less common subjects like psychology. The use of examples, such as the reference to health science in the context of COVID-19, enhances the depth of vocabulary.

How to improve:
To enhance the band score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation to minimize occasional errors. Additionally, incorporating a more nuanced discussion and further examples would contribute to a more comprehensive and sophisticated exploration of the topic. Careful proofreading is advised to eliminate any spelling or word formation errors that may occur.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, employing a variety of complex sentence structures. While there are instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively presents arguments and ideas with clarity, utilizing a mix of simple and complex sentences.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structures to avoid occasional awkward phrasing. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate minor errors and improve overall clarity. The use of more precise vocabulary and nuanced expressions may further elevate the essay’s sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Financial support plays a pivotal role in assisting postgraduate students with their research endeavors. Some argue that the government should exclusively allocate funds to scientific research, deeming other subjects less useful. I partly agree with this perspective, and I will elaborate on my stance in this essay.

Primarily, the field of science demands substantial financial aid due to its potential impact on global health. It addresses not only issues related to environmental pollution but also the well-being of wildlife. For example, advancements in health science have enabled the development of vaccines, such as the one against COVID-19. This breakthrough has allowed us to create a highly effective vaccine and successfully combat the virus.

However, solely investing in postgraduate scientists may overlook the importance of other subjects deemed less useful. These subjects can complement scientific research, contributing to the creation of an ideal world and reinforcing the foundation of humanity. Psychology, for instance, plays a crucial role in helping individuals comprehend both the moral and practical aspects of a situation. It equips people with the knowledge to make informed decisions, particularly in areas related to technology and health. Therefore, the government should consider allocating funds to both scientific research and other disciplines.

In conclusion, while scientific research is vital for shaping the global future, it may not encompass all the methods needed to address specific problems that can be effectively tackled by other subjects. A collaborative approach, combining scientific advancements with insights from various disciplines, can contribute to creating a better world for everyone to inhabit.

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