More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, the conventional mode of 8 to 5 work-hour in companies has become less popular and many of them start allowing employees to work remote. Personally, I strongly believe that the benefits of working from home exceed its drawbacks .

On the one hand, one significant positive development of working remote was of its convenience regardless of the geographical distance and work-hour or in unexpected situations. To be more specific, working promote enable employees to schedule their timeline plans to fit their most effective times, which was differ from person to person, and work wherever they are. For instance, in the COVID-19 pandemic period, employees are familiar with having meeting via online flat-forms such as Google meet or Zoom, which ensure them to have a stability workflow throughout the economic turndown and provide them a convenient way to accomplish their task when being isolated.

On the other hand, the problems associated with interaction between colleagues can not be ignored. As working environment not only provide them a place to work but also to gain networking, working promote has taken the opportunities for employees to get to know each others and gain relationship. Thus leading to the decreasing in the team-working enthusiasm and lacking of bonding between people. With no colleagues or supervisor besides them, some employees may feel struggle solving their tasks which significantly affect their productivity.

In conclusion, despite some drawbacks it may cause in this process, I completely believe that this trend has more benefits. Nevertheless, working from home has gained popularity these days as people are more and more value the convenience its provided.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"the conventional mode of 8 to 5 work-hour" -> "the traditional 8-to-5 work schedule"
Explanation: "Work-hour" is not a standard term; "work schedule" is more precise and commonly used in formal contexts.
"less popular" -> "less common"
Explanation: "Less popular" can imply a subjective judgment; "less common" is more objective and neutral.
"start allowing" -> "begin to allow"
Explanation: "Start allowing" is a bit informal and vague; "begin to allow" is more formal and precise.
"Personally, I strongly believe" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "Personally" is redundant in this context; "I firmly believe" maintains a strong, formal tone.
"working remote" -> "working remotely"
Explanation: "Remote" is an adjective; "remotely" is the adverb form needed here.
"was of its convenience" -> "offers convenience"
Explanation: "Was of its convenience" is awkward and unclear. "Offers convenience" is direct and clear.
"work-hour or in unexpected situations" -> "regardless of work hours or unexpected situations"
Explanation: "Work-hour" is incorrect; "work hours" is the correct noun form. Also, rephrasing for clarity and formality.
"working promote enable" -> "working remotely enables"
Explanation: "Working promote" is grammatically incorrect; "working remotely enables" corrects the verb agreement and clarity.
"schedule their timeline plans" -> "schedule their work plans"
Explanation: "Timeline plans" is unclear; "work plans" is a standard term in professional contexts.
"was differ from person to person" -> "differs from person to person"
Explanation: "Was differ" is grammatically incorrect; "differs" corrects the verb tense and form.
"flat-forms" -> "forms"
Explanation: "Flat-forms" is likely a typographical error; "forms" is the correct term.
"ensure them to have a stability workflow" -> "ensure a stable workflow"
Explanation: "Ensure them to have a stability workflow" is awkward and incorrect; "ensure a stable workflow" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"economic turndown" -> "economic downturn"
Explanation: "Turndown" is not a standard term; "downturn" is the correct word.
"the problems associated with interaction between colleagues can not be ignored" -> "the challenges of colleague interaction cannot be ignored"
Explanation: "The problems associated with interaction between colleagues" is verbose; "the challenges of colleague interaction" is more concise and formal.
"working promote has taken the opportunities" -> "working remotely has taken away opportunities"
Explanation: "Working promote" is incorrect; "working remotely" corrects the noun and verb agreement. "Has taken away opportunities" clarifies the meaning.
"get to know each others" -> "get to know each other"
Explanation: "Each others" is grammatically incorrect; "each other" is the correct pronoun form.
"lacking of bonding" -> "lack of bonding"
Explanation: "Lacking of" is grammatically incorrect; "lack of" is the correct prepositional phrase.
"feel struggle solving their tasks" -> "feel challenged in completing their tasks"
Explanation: "Feel struggle solving" is awkward and incorrect; "feel challenged in completing" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"despite some drawbacks it may cause" -> "despite some potential drawbacks"
Explanation: "It may cause" is vague; "potential drawbacks" specifies the type of drawbacks, enhancing clarity and formality.
"more and more value the convenience its provided" -> "increasingly value the convenience it provides"
Explanation: "More and more value the convenience its provided" is awkward and incorrect; "increasingly value the convenience it provides" is grammatically correct and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of working from home. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The first body paragraph highlights the convenience of remote work, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic, while the second body paragraph discusses the negative impact on colleague interactions and teamwork. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced examination of both sides, as the negative aspects are less developed compared to the positives.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in greater depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or statistics related to the drawbacks of remote work, such as potential impacts on mental health or long-term career development. Additionally, including a counterargument could strengthen the overall analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the benefits of working from home outweigh the drawbacks. The use of phrases like "Personally, I strongly believe" establishes a firm stance. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive or cohesive, particularly in the conclusion, which somewhat dilutes the strength of the position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should use more definitive language and reinforce their position in each paragraph. For example, reiterating the main argument in the topic sentences of each body paragraph can help maintain focus. The conclusion could also be strengthened by summarizing the key points more emphatically.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the discussion of the convenience of remote work. However, the development of ideas is uneven. The first body paragraph is well-supported with relevant examples, while the second paragraph lacks sufficient elaboration on the negative aspects of remote work. The mention of "networking" and "team-working enthusiasm" is relevant but could benefit from further explanation and examples.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where lack of interaction has led to decreased productivity or morale would enhance the argument. Additionally, using data or studies to back up claims can add credibility to the points made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of remote work. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "which ensure them to have a stability workflow" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clearer and more concise language. Avoiding overly complex sentence structures can help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the main points are easily understood. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic statements or tangents can help maintain relevance throughout.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there are opportunities for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and balance of argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the benefits and drawbacks of working from home. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized into distinct points: one focusing on the advantages and the other on the disadvantages. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but "On the other hand" could be more explicitly connected to the previous paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases that link the ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing the benefits, you could introduce the drawbacks with a sentence that acknowledges the previous point while indicating a shift in focus, such as "While the benefits are significant, it is also crucial to consider the potential downsides."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first discusses the advantages of remote work, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first paragraph could start with a more direct statement about the convenience of remote work, rather than beginning with a general statement about the decline of traditional work hours.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could begin with, "One of the most significant advantages of working from home is the convenience it offers," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, phrases like "To be more specific" and "For instance" are used, but there could be more varied linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and words. For example, you might use "Furthermore" to add information, "In contrast" to highlight differences, or "Consequently" to show cause and effect. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using cohesive devices that relate back to the main idea of the paragraph.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "conventional mode," "geographical distance," and "networking." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive, particularly with phrases like "working remote" and "working from home." This limits the lexical variety and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "working remote," alternatives like "telecommuting" or "remote work" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "flexibility," "autonomy," or "collaboration," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "working promote" which seems to be a misinterpretation of "working remotely" or "remote work." Additionally, phrases like "decreasing in the team-working enthusiasm" could be more accurately expressed as "decrease in teamwork enthusiasm" or "decline in collaborative spirit."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing the context in which words are used and opting for terms that fit more precisely. For example, instead of "working promote," the writer could clarify the intended meaning by saying "the shift to remote work."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "remote" (used as "remote"), "flat-forms" (should be "platforms"), and "struggle" (which should be "struggling" in context). These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common vocabulary related to the topic can help solidify correct usage. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly could also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and a reasonable attempt at using varied vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in precision, range, and spelling that could elevate the score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, simple sentences like "I strongly believe that the benefits of working from home exceed its drawbacks" are effectively used, but there are also instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect structures, such as "working promote enable employees" and "which was differ from person to person." The use of complex sentences is attempted, but they often lack clarity and grammatical correctness, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple and complex sentences more effectively. For instance, instead of saying "working promote enable employees," a clearer structure could be "working remotely allows employees to manage their schedules more effectively." Additionally, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If employees work from home, they can…") and relative clauses (e.g., "which allows them to…") can add complexity and depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "working remote" should be "working remotely," and "can not" should be written as "cannot." The phrase "which ensure them to have a stability workflow" contains a subject-verb agreement error and awkward phrasing; it should be "which ensures them a stable workflow." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before the period in "its drawbacks .", detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice using adverbs correctly (e.g., "remotely" instead of "remote"). Regular grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should ensure that spaces are correctly placed and that punctuation marks are used appropriately at the end of sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant examples, attention to grammatical accuracy and a broader range of sentence structures would significantly enhance the quality of the writing. Regular practice and revision can help address these areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, the traditional 8-to-5 work schedule in companies has become less common, and many of them have begun to allow employees to work remotely. Personally, I firmly believe that the benefits of working from home exceed its drawbacks.

On the one hand, one significant positive development of working remotely is its convenience, regardless of geographical distance, work hours, or unexpected situations. To be more specific, working remotely enables employees to schedule their work plans to fit their most effective times, which differs from person to person, and work wherever they are. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, employees became familiar with having meetings via online platforms such as Google Meet or Zoom, which ensured them a stable workflow throughout the economic downturn and provided a convenient way to accomplish their tasks while being isolated.

On the other hand, the challenges of colleague interaction cannot be ignored. The working environment not only provides a place to work but also facilitates networking. Working remotely has taken away opportunities for employees to get to know each other and build relationships. This has led to a decrease in teamwork enthusiasm and a lack of bonding between people. With no colleagues or supervisors beside them, some employees may feel challenged in completing their tasks, which significantly affects their productivity.

In conclusion, despite some potential drawbacks in this process, I completely believe that this trend has more benefits. Nevertheless, working from home has gained popularity these days as people increasingly value the convenience it provides.