More and more people are moving to live in big cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities?
More and more people are moving to live in big cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities?
At present times, the chunk of the population prefers to live in metropolitan cities while others desire to live in small suburbs. In fact, it has equallyy positives and negatives. In the upcomiing paragraphs. I will share some plausible reasons on both sides.
On the one hand, the younger population are highly energetic to spend a good life in hustle bustle urban areas. They are radically inclined to vibrant and bright cities where they have many opportuities to meet new people from different cultrues. Moreover, it has numberous options to look for a better job with a handsome salary. In fact, there are many vacancies available for an uneducated person. For example, Taxi drivers and retail shops salesman. One can use innovative ideas to set up small business. A recent survey in the UK showed that 40% of the adult population are residing in big capital for better standards of living.
On the other hand these days the older population significantly move to downtown to spend a good quality life away from densly crowded areas. It has also affected their health. Nowdays cities are immensely polluted due to traffic congestions and factories smokes. A reasearch was done in Germany by health professionals concluded that village life has ameliorated the life span to 8 years compared to the prople who live in large cities. In addition, retired parents are facing depression and loneliness by the ignorance of their children because they are busy bus in moving with the fast pace to compete the city life.
In a nutshell, I opine that city life has slightly overweighed its drawbacks. It completely depends on personal choices based on experiences. Authorities should improve the standard of living in remote areas.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
-
"At present times" -> "Currently" or "Presently"
Explanation: "At present times" is a slightly awkward phrase. "Currently" or "Presently" are more concise and formal alternatives. -
"the chunk of the population" -> "a significant portion of the population"
Explanation: "Chunk" is overly informal. "A significant portion" maintains formality while providing a more precise description. -
"equallyy" -> "equally"
Explanation: "Equallyy" contains a typo. "Equally" is the correct spelling. -
"upcomiing" -> "upcoming"
Explanation: "Upcomiing" contains a typo. "Upcoming" is the correct spelling. -
"In the upcomiing paragraphs" -> "In the following paragraphs" or "In the subsequent sections"
Explanation: "Upcomiing" contains a typo. "Following" or "subsequent" are more formal alternatives to "upcoming." -
"hustle bustle" -> "busy" or "fast-paced"
Explanation: "Hustle bustle" is informal. "Busy" or "fast-paced" are more appropriate for academic writing. -
"radically inclined" -> "strongly inclined" or "highly inclined"
Explanation: "Radically inclined" sounds informal. "Strongly inclined" or "highly inclined" maintain formality. -
"numberous" -> "numerous"
Explanation: "Numberous" contains a typo. "Numerous" is the correct spelling. -
"opportuities" -> "opportunities"
Explanation: "Opportuities" contains a typo. "Opportunities" is the correct spelling. -
"cultrues" -> "cultures"
Explanation: "Cultrues" contains a typo. "Cultures" is the correct spelling. -
"handsome salary" -> "attractive salary" or "competitive salary"
Explanation: "Handsome salary" is slightly informal. "Attractive salary" or "competitive salary" are more suitable for academic writing. -
"vacancies available for an uneducated person" -> "employment opportunities for individuals without formal education"
Explanation: "Vacancies available for an uneducated person" sounds somewhat colloquial. "Employment opportunities for individuals without formal education" is more formal and descriptive. -
"For example, Taxi drivers and retail shops salesman" -> "For example, taxi drivers and retail salespersons"
Explanation: "Taxi drivers and retail shops salesman" contains a grammatical error. "Taxi drivers and retail salespersons" corrects the error and maintains formality. -
"numberous options" -> "numerous opportunities"
Explanation: "Numberous options" contains a typo. "Numerous opportunities" is clearer and more formal. -
"In fact, there are many vacancies available for an uneducated person." -> "Moreover, there are numerous employment opportunities even for individuals without formal education."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, while avoiding repetition of "In fact." -
"a recent survey" -> "recent studies" or "recent research"
Explanation: "A recent survey" could be more generalized as "recent studies" or "recent research" to encompass various methodologies. -
"adult population are residing in big capital" -> "adult population resides in major cities"
Explanation: "Big capital" is informal. "Major cities" is a more formal term. -
"these days" -> "currently" or "presently"
Explanation: "These days" is somewhat colloquial. "Currently" or "presently" are more formal alternatives. -
"significantly move to downtown" -> "relocate to urban centers" or "move to metropolitan areas"
Explanation: "Significantly move to downtown" is informal and lacks precision. "Relocate to urban centers" or "move to metropolitan areas" are more formal and specific. -
"densly crowded areas" -> "densely populated areas"
Explanation: "Densly crowded" is incorrect. "Densely populated" is the correct term. -
"Nowdays" -> "Nowadays"
Explanation: "Nowdays" contains a typo. "Nowadays" is the correct spelling. -
"immensely polluted" -> "heavily polluted"
Explanation: "Immensely polluted" is somewhat informal. "Heavily polluted" is a more formal alternative. -
"traffic congestions" -> "traffic congestion"
Explanation: "Traffic congestions" should be singular to match the singular "congestion." -
"factories smokes" -> "industrial emissions" or "factory smoke"
Explanation: "Factories smokes" is grammatically incorrect. "Industrial emissions" or "factory smoke" are more precise terms. -
"A reasearch was done" -> "Research conducted" or "A study was conducted"
Explanation: "A reasearch was done" contains a typo and lacks specificity. "Research conducted" or "A study was conducted" are more formal and precise. -
"ameliorated" -> "extended" or "increased"
Explanation: "Ameliorated" may not be the best fit here, as it typically refers to improvement. "Extended" or "increased" may convey the intended meaning more accurately. -
"the life span to 8 years" -> "life expectancy by 8 years"
Explanation: "The life span to 8 years" is awkward. "Life expectancy by 8 years" is clearer and more precise. -
"compared to the prople" -> "compared to those"
Explanation: "Prople" is a misspelling. "Those" is more appropriate for referring to people. -
"by the ignorance of their children" -> "due to neglect from their children"
Explanation: "By the ignorance of their children" is awkward. "Due to neglect from their children" is clearer and more formal. -
"because they are busy bus in moving with the fast pace" -> "due to their busy schedules and the fast pace of city life"
Explanation: "Busy bus in moving" is unclear and informal. "Due to their busy schedules and the fast pace of city life" provides a clearer and more formal explanation. -
"to compete the city life" -> "to keep up with the demands of city life"
Explanation: "To compete the city life" is grammatically incorrect. "To keep up with the demands of city life" is more accurate and formal. -
"In a nutshell" -> "In conclusion" or "To summarize"
Explanation: "In a nutshell" is somewhat informal. "In conclusion" or "To summarize" are more formal alternatives. -
"overweighed" -> "outweighed"
Explanation: "Overweighed" is incorrect in this context. "Outweighed" is the appropriate term. -
"personal choices based on experiences" -> "individual preferences shaped by personal experiences"
Explanation: "Personal choices based on experiences" could be clarified. "Individual preferences shaped by personal experiences" is more precise and formal. -
"standard of living in remote areas" -> "quality of life in rural areas" or "living standards in remote regions"
Explanation: "Standard of living in remote areas" could be more specific. "Quality of life in rural areas" or "living standards in remote regions" provide clearer alternatives.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. It acknowledges the appeal of urban areas to the younger population due to job opportunities, social interactions, and vibrancy, while also recognizing the drawbacks such as pollution and its impact on health, particularly for the elderly. However, the analysis lacks depth and specific examples to fully support the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, provide more detailed examples and analysis for each point mentioned. Explore how each advantage or disadvantage directly relates to the experience of living in a big city, supporting your assertions with evidence or statistics.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position by acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of living in big cities. However, the stance could be strengthened by clearly articulating a preference or perspective regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
- How to improve: To ensure clarity of position, explicitly state your viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, strive for consistency in presenting arguments throughout the essay, avoiding contradictory statements.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. While it mentions advantages and disadvantages, the arguments are not thoroughly expanded upon or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the assertion about job opportunities lacks concrete examples or data to illustrate the point effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation and development, provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to substantiate each argument. Elaborate on how each advantage or disadvantage impacts individuals’ lives in big cities, offering nuanced insights and perspectives.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. However, there are instances of minor digression, such as briefly mentioning the preference of older people for downtown areas. While related, this point slightly deviates from the main focus on urban living.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, ensure that all points discussed directly contribute to the exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. Avoid tangential topics or examples that do not directly relate to the central theme.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the issue, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, idea development, and staying completely on topic. Incorporating these suggestions can help elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. The subsequent paragraphs present arguments for each side separately, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve coherence. For instance, a clearer indication of the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages would enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one and that there is a clear transition between different points or arguments. Using transition words or phrases such as "However," "On the other hand," or "In contrast" can help signal shifts in ideas and improve coherence.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability and coherence. However, the structure and effectiveness of the paragraphs could be improved. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument, but some paragraphs in this essay cover multiple points, leading to a lack of clarity and cohesion within those paragraphs.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea or argument, followed by supporting details or examples. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and emphasize key points more effectively.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence, such as transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand." However, the range and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be expanded to enhance coherence further. Additionally, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is repetitive or awkward, impacting the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns (e.g., "it," "this"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), and linking words (e.g., "furthermore," "in addition"). Ensure that their usage is appropriate and natural, avoiding repetition or overreliance on a few specific terms. Practicing the integration of cohesive devices into the essay’s structure will help improve coherence and cohesion overall.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including both basic and more complex words. For instance, words like "metropolitan," "vibrant," "opportunities," "innovative," "standard of living," and "ameliorated" showcase an attempt at varied lexical choices. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary to enrich the expression and depth of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary, including synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "city life," consider alternatives such as "urban lifestyle," "metropolitan living," or "cosmopolitan environment." Additionally, utilize domain-specific vocabulary related to the advantages and disadvantages of city living, such as "urban amenities," "congestion," "pollution," "social isolation," etc. Be cautious not to force complex words where simpler ones suffice, but strive for precision and variety to elevate the lexical quality of the essay.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with precision, such as "hustle bustle," "polluted," and "loneliness." However, there are instances of imprecise usage or awkward phrasing that detract from clarity and effectiveness. For example, the phrase "they are radically inclined to vibrant and bright cities" could be refined for greater precision and fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for clarity and accuracy in expressing ideas. Avoid ambiguous or vague language that may confuse the reader. Instead, opt for specific and concise wording to convey your intended meaning effectively. Consider refining sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each word contributes purposefully to the overall message. Utilize resources such as a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises to expand your repertoire of precise and contextually appropriate words.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a notable level of spelling inaccuracies, such as "equallyy," "upcomiing," "opportuities," "cultrues," "numberous," "reasearch," and "prople." These errors undermine the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading, spell-checking tools, and increased practice in identifying and correcting spelling errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and irregularities in English words to minimize mistakes. Regular reading and writing can also help reinforce correct spelling conventions and improve overall language proficiency. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring spelling errors and develop targeted strategies for improvement.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of structures used. Most sentences follow a straightforward subject-verb-object pattern, with occasional variations. For instance, "On the one hand" introduces a complex sentence structure, and "Moreover" begins a transition, showing some variety. However, more complex structures such as conditional sentences or relative clauses could enhance the essay’s depth and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions like conditional sentences (e.g., "If people prioritize environmental sustainability, they might choose to live in less populated areas"), relative clauses (e.g., "Cities, which offer numerous job opportunities, often attract young professionals"), or inversion (e.g., "Not only are big cities hubs of cultural diversity, but they also provide abundant career prospects"). Additionally, strive for coherence and clarity when using these structures to avoid confusing the reader.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains coherence through effective use of grammar and punctuation, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the chunk of the population prefers," "there are many vacancies available"), punctuation errors (missing commas after introductory phrases, inconsistent use of capitalization), and awkward phrasing ("it has equallyy positives," "it has numberous options"). These errors, although not pervasive, detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, consider revisiting basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, punctuation marks usage, and sentence structure. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring issues and areas for improvement. Finally, practice writing regularly, focusing on applying grammatical rules and punctuation conventions accurately to enhance clarity and coherence in your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Currently, a significant portion of the population favors residing in metropolitan cities, while others prefer smaller suburbs. This trend has both advantages and disadvantages. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss some compelling reasons on both sides.
On one hand, the younger population is strongly inclined towards vibrant urban areas. They are eager to embrace the bustling city life, where they have numerous opportunities to meet people from diverse cultures. Additionally, cities offer attractive job prospects with handsome salaries. Even individuals without formal education can find employment opportunities, such as taxi drivers and retail salespersons. Moreover, urban settings provide ample room for entrepreneurship, allowing individuals to implement innovative business ideas. Recent studies in the UK revealed that 40% of the adult population resides in major cities, attracted by the promise of a better standard of living.
On the other hand, the older population increasingly relocates to urban centers to enjoy a higher quality of life away from densely populated areas. However, this transition can adversely affect their health. Nowadays, cities are heavily polluted due to traffic congestion and industrial emissions. Research conducted in Germany by health professionals found that village life has extended life expectancy by 8 years compared to those living in cities. Furthermore, retired parents often face depression and loneliness due to neglect from their children, who are preoccupied with the demands of city life.
In conclusion, while city life offers numerous opportunities, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked. Individual preferences, shaped by personal experiences, play a crucial role in determining one’s choice of residence. Nevertheless, efforts should be made to improve the quality of life in rural areas to provide viable alternatives to urban living.
Phản hồi