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More and more people today are buying and driving cars which has a positive impact for the economy but can hurt the environment. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people today are buying and driving cars which has a positive impact for the economy but can hurt the environment.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

An increasing number of people are concerned about the effects of using cars. In fact, there are a number of people who hold firmly to their belief that purchasing and driving cars impacts positively on the economy but also affects the environment badly. In my opinion, this trend can cause more drawbacks than benefits.

On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why this trend is advantageous. Firstly, buying and using cars plays a vital role in developing the country’s economy. The reason for this is that if companies can sell cars to individuals, they will need to pay more tax fees for the government, thereby increasing the national budget. Thus, the authority can have money to develop the infrastructure such as constructing schools, hospitals or public parks. Secondly, this trend not only benefits the country but also brings advantages to individuals. It cannot be denied that using cars on the road is more convenient and faster than other means of transport, allowing individuals to go anywhere they want in just a short time. For instance, if people want to go 5 kilometers, they just need to spend about 5 minutes.

On the other hand, there are several underlying justifications why this trend is disadvantageous. First and foremost, car usage can impact the environment badly. This is attributed to the gas emissions released from the cars, causing air pollution and global warming. The implication of this is that inhabitants might suffer from some health problems such as lung cancer and the earth will become hotter day by day. Moreover, using private cars instead of public transports such as bus and subway contributes to the traffic congestion. If people use too many cars, the road will be overloaded. Therefore, it is extremely hard for individuals to move quickly, leading to the postponement. Finally, it is inevitable that using cars costs individuals a great deal due to the expensive fuel costs. This is because cars consume a huge amount of fuel which means individuals have to refuel regularly. For instance, if people uses car everyday, they need to refuel once a week and this may cost them about 20 dollars each time.

In conclusion, although car usage has several advantages such as economic development and convenience, I believe the drawbacks such as polluted environment, traffic congestion or expense dominate these benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "impacts positively on" -> "positively impacts"
    Explanation: The phrase "impacts positively on" can be simplified to "positively impacts" for a smoother and more concise expression.

  2. "hold firmly to their belief" -> "firmly believe"
    Explanation: The phrase "hold firmly to their belief" can be replaced with the more concise "firmly believe" to enhance clarity and formality.

  3. "this trend can cause more drawbacks than benefits" -> "this trend may have more drawbacks than benefits"
    Explanation: The use of "can" can be replaced with "may have" for a slightly more cautious and academically appropriate tone.

  4. "compelling reasons why this trend is advantageous" -> "compelling arguments in favor of this trend"
    Explanation: Replacing "reasons why this trend is advantageous" with "arguments in favor of this trend" adds a more academic and persuasive tone.

  5. "money to develop the infrastructure" -> "funds for infrastructure development"
    Explanation: Substituting "money to develop" with "funds for" makes the sentence more concise and formal.

  6. "For instance, if people want to go 5 kilometers, they just need to spend about 5 minutes." -> "For instance, covering a distance of 5 kilometers takes only about 5 minutes by car."
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a clearer and more formal description of the advantage of using cars for short trips.

  7. "several underlying justifications" -> "several underlying reasons"
    Explanation: Replacing "justifications" with "reasons" maintains clarity while using a simpler term.

  8. "car usage can impact the environment badly" -> "car usage can have a detrimental impact on the environment"
    Explanation: The addition of "detrimental" and rephrasing makes the statement more precise and formal.

  9. "inhabitants might suffer from some health problems" -> "inhabitants may experience health issues"
    Explanation: Using "may experience health issues" is more formal and precise than "might suffer from some health problems."

  10. "the postponement" -> "delays"
    Explanation: "Delays" is a more formal and clear term compared to "the postponement."

  11. "it is inevitable that using cars costs individuals a great deal" -> "Using cars inevitably imposes significant costs on individuals"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and clarifies the cost aspect of using cars.

  12. "if people uses car everyday" -> "if people use cars every day"
    Explanation: The correction ensures subject-verb agreement by changing "uses" to "use" and adds a space between "every" and "day."

  13. "this may cost them about 20 dollars each time" -> "this may result in an approximate cost of 20 dollars each time"
    Explanation: The suggested revision enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In my opinion, this trend can cause more drawbacks than benefits."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is clear in presenting your opinion, which is a good start. However, it lacks a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay. Providing a roadmap of your arguments in the introduction can enhance the overall clarity of your essay.
    • Improved example: "In my opinion, this trend can cause more drawbacks than benefits. In the following paragraphs, I will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing use of cars to provide a comprehensive analysis."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, buying and using cars plays a vital role in developing the country’s economy. The reason for this is that if companies can sell cars to individuals, they will need to pay more tax fees for the government, thereby increasing the national budget. Thus, the authority can have money to develop the infrastructure such as constructing schools, hospitals, or public parks."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively presents one advantage of using cars related to economic development. However, it lacks depth and specific examples to fully support the argument. You can enhance this by providing concrete examples or anecdotes of how the increased revenue from car sales has led to tangible improvements in infrastructure or public services.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, buying and using cars plays a vital role in developing the country’s economy. For instance, when individuals purchase cars, they contribute to higher tax revenues for the government. This increased tax income can be directly allocated to essential projects such as constructing new schools, hospitals, or public parks, which are crucial for the well-being of citizens. Such improvements in infrastructure not only enhance the quality of life but also boost the overall economy."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, there are several underlying justifications why this trend is disadvantageous."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While transitioning to the disadvantages in your essay is essential, the transition here could be smoother. Consider using a transitional phrase or sentence to guide the reader from the advantages to the disadvantages section, improving the overall flow.
    • Improved example: "However, it is essential to consider the disadvantages of this trend as well."
  4. Quoted text: "This is attributed to the gas emissions released from the cars, causing air pollution and global warming. The implication of this is that inhabitants might suffer from some health problems such as lung cancer and the earth will become hotter day by day."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: You’ve started discussing the environmental impact of cars, which is good. However, the explanation lacks depth and specificity. To improve this section, provide more details and perhaps an example of a region where severe air pollution has led to health issues or a case study on global warming.
    • Improved example: "This is primarily attributed to the emission of harmful gases from cars, contributing significantly to air pollution and the alarming phenomenon of global warming. For instance, in cities with high levels of air pollution, such as Beijing, residents suffer from a higher incidence of respiratory diseases like lung cancer, directly linked to prolonged exposure to polluted air. Additionally, the ongoing rise in global temperatures due to greenhouse gas emissions poses severe threats to the planet’s ecosystems and future generations."
  5. Quoted text: "Finally, it is inevitable that using cars costs individuals a great deal due to the expensive fuel costs."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you touch upon the financial aspect of using cars, this point could benefit from further development and a specific example or scenario. Additionally, you could mention potential alternatives to cars that might be more cost-effective.
    • Improved example: "Finally, the financial burden of using cars cannot be ignored, primarily due to the exorbitant fuel costs associated with them. To illustrate, a typical commuter who uses a car daily may find themselves spending approximately $20 on fuel every week. In contrast, opting for public transportation or carpooling can significantly reduce these expenses, offering a more economical choice for many individuals."

Overall, your essay addresses the task effectively, presenting both advantages and disadvantages of using cars. However, to improve your score, consider providing more detailed examples and enhancing the transitions between sections for a smoother flow of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: This essay demonstrates a reasonably clear overall progression of ideas and presents arguments in a coherent manner. It begins by introducing the topic and presenting both sides of the argument, followed by supporting points. The use of cohesive devices is effective to some extent, with the essay employing linking words and phrases to connect ideas. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as there is room for improvement in the organization of paragraphs.

How to improve: To reach a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more consistent and logical organization of paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single central topic or idea. Additionally, work on using cohesive devices more effectively to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid mechanical or repetitive use of cohesive devices. Overall, with improved paragraphing and refined cohesion, this essay has the potential to score higher on the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It uses some less common vocabulary items, such as "implications" and "underlying justifications," although there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, the phrase "impacts positively on the economy" could be improved by saying "positively impacts the economy." The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "impacts" instead of "affects." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using vocabulary more accurately and effectively. Paying attention to word choice and collocation can help avoid occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to enhance clarity and overall lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay falls within the Band 6 range for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. It employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and while there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely reduce communication.

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use complex structures, especially in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are several instances where sentence structures could be improved for clarity and coherence.

There are a few noticeable grammatical errors, such as "impacts" should be "impact" in the introduction, and "advantages such as economic development and convenience, I believe the drawbacks" should have a clearer structure for better flow. Additionally, the sentence "For instance, if people want to go 5 kilometers, they just need to spend about 5 minutes" could be refined for better clarity.

Punctuation and sentence structure need some attention. For example, the sentence "For instance, if people use cars every day, they need to refuel once a week, and this may cost them about 20 dollars each time" could be improved by adding a few commas for clarity and readability.

How to improve:

  1. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in the opening sentence. "Impacts" should be "impact."

  2. Work on sentence structure and clarity. For instance, the sentence "For instance, if people want to go 5 kilometers, they just need to spend about 5 minutes" could be rephrased for better clarity: "For instance, if people need to travel 5 kilometers, it only takes about 5 minutes by car."

  3. Use commas and other punctuation marks appropriately for better readability. For example, "For instance, if people use cars every day, they need to refuel once a week, and this may cost them about 20 dollars each time" could be written as: "For instance, if people use cars every day, they need to refuel once a week, and this may cost them about 20 dollars each time."

Overall, the essay shows potential but needs some refinement in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure to reach a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

An increasing number of people are concerned about the effects of using cars. In fact, there are many who firmly believe that buying and driving cars has a positive impact on the economy but also harms the environment. In my opinion, this trend can lead to more disadvantages than benefits.

On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why this trend is advantageous. Firstly, purchasing and using cars play a vital role in boosting the country’s economy. This is because when companies sell cars to individuals, they need to pay more taxes to the government, thereby increasing the national budget. As a result, the government can allocate more funds for developing infrastructure such as schools, hospitals, or public parks. Secondly, this trend not only benefits the country but also individuals. It is undeniable that using cars for transportation is more convenient and faster than other means of transport, allowing individuals to reach their destinations quickly. For example, if people need to travel a distance of 5 kilometers, they can do so in just about 5 minutes.

On the other hand, there are several underlying reasons why this trend is disadvantageous. First and foremost, the use of cars can have a detrimental impact on the environment. This is primarily due to the emissions of gases from cars, leading to air pollution and global warming. As a result, inhabitants may suffer from health problems such as lung cancer, and the Earth’s temperature continues to rise. Additionally, the preference for private cars over public transportation, such as buses and subways, contributes to traffic congestion. If too many people use cars, the roads become overloaded, making it extremely difficult for individuals to move swiftly, often resulting in delays. Finally, it is inevitable that using cars comes at a significant cost to individuals due to the high expenses associated with fuel. Cars consume a considerable amount of fuel, necessitating frequent refueling. For instance, if people use their cars daily, they may need to refuel once a week, costing them approximately 20 dollars each time.

In conclusion, although car usage has several advantages, such as economic development and convenience, I believe that the disadvantages, such as environmental pollution, traffic congestion, and expenses, outweigh these benefits.

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