More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

It is true that there is an increase in the number of suger sugar-containing drinks consumers worldwide in world temporary. This phenomenon can be attributed to several factors, which calls for possible solutions to be adopted.

There are various explanations as to why (these problems have been happening)-> more people are consuming sugar-based drinks today. [One possibility is that thanks to the refreshing feeling after drinking soft sofl-drinks, many big companies consider it to be potential potencial to create and build the brand image of their products, which can help them rapidly raise the consumption.] -> [Improvement] In fact, these companies will use social media as a channel of brand marketing in order to run online ad campaigns, thereby reaching prospective customers. As a result, watchers can be tempted by the ads' impressive visuals and contents, and thus they buy them it to try. Another point worth mentioning is that modern life is likely to cause people to use more suger sugar-containing drinks. The reason for this is that today workers might have to deal with hectic schedules and therefore tend to seek quick and easily available sources sourses of energy. Thus, they choose suger sugar-based energy drinks for instant energy boosts.

A couple of measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address these issues. The first possible solution is that the government should launch campaigns so that to raise citizens' awareness, which can reduce the sonsumption of refrain from using soft sofl-drinks. By way of illustration, they can inform the public about health risks such as obesity as a result of from excessive suger sugar-based drinks consumption in the daily news. This is likely to encourage consumers to drink soft sofl drinks less and buy fresh juices and other healthy drinks . The second approach is that busy workers should tend to use (another ways) -> alternatives without sugar suger instead of suger sugar-containing energy drinks to help offer them focus on their tasks. For example, they can use dark coffee or tea to boost their alertness, which not only eables them to concentrate, (but also to be beneficial to their mental health.)

In conclusion, while many reasons can be given to explain why suger sugar-based drinks are becoming more very popular poplular, some steps can be taken to improve the situation

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"increase in the number of suger sugar-containing drinks consumers" -> "increase in the number of consumers of sugar-containing drinks"
Explanation: Removing the extra space and correcting "suger" to "sugar" corrects a typographical error and enhances readability. Using "consumers of sugar-containing drinks" instead of "consumers" makes the phrase more specific and precise.
"in world temporary" -> "temporarily"
Explanation: "In world temporary" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Temporarily" is the correct adverbial form needed here to indicate a temporary condition.
"calls for possible solutions to be adopted" -> "requires the adoption of possible solutions"
Explanation: "Calls for" is somewhat informal and vague; "requires the adoption of" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"thanks to the refreshing feeling after drinking soft sofl-drinks" -> "owing to the refreshing sensation after consuming soft drinks"
Explanation: "Sofl-drinks" is a typographical error and "refreshing feeling" is somewhat informal; "refreshing sensation" is more formal and precise. Also, "drinking" is corrected to "consuming" for consistency.
"many big companies consider it to be potential potencial" -> "many large companies consider it a potential opportunity"
Explanation: "Potencial" is a typographical error and "potential" is used incorrectly. "Potential opportunity" is the correct phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.
"which can help them rapidly raise the consumption" -> "which can rapidly increase consumption"
Explanation: "Raise the consumption" is awkward and less formal; "increase consumption" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"watchers can be tempted by the ads’ impressive visuals and contents" -> "viewers can be attracted to the ads’ impressive visuals and content"
Explanation: "Watchers" is incorrect; "viewers" is the correct term. Also, "contents" should be singular "content" when referring to a single aspect of the ads.
"buy them it to try" -> "purchase them to try"
Explanation: "Buy them it to try" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Purchase them to try" corrects the grammar and maintains formality.
"suger sugar-containing drinks" -> "sugar-containing drinks"
Explanation: The repetition of "suger" is unnecessary and incorrect; "sugar-containing drinks" is sufficient and correct.
"sonsumption of refrain from using" -> "reduction in consumption of sugar-containing drinks"
Explanation: "Sonsumption" is a typographical error and "refrain from using" is awkwardly phrased. "Reduction in consumption of sugar-containing drinks" is clear and formal.
"sofl-drinks" -> "soft drinks"
Explanation: "Sofl-drinks" is a typographical error; "soft drinks" is the correct term.
"another ways" -> "alternative methods"
Explanation: "Another ways" is grammatically incorrect; "alternative methods" is the correct phrase.
"eables them to concentrate, (but also to be beneficial to their mental health.)" -> "enables them to concentrate and is beneficial to their mental health"
Explanation: "Eables" is a typographical error and the sentence structure is awkward. Correcting "eables" to "enables" and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and proposing solutions to reduce this consumption. The reasons provided include marketing strategies by companies and the fast-paced lifestyle of modern workers. However, while the essay identifies relevant factors, the explanations could be more clearly articulated and directly linked to the question. For instance, the discussion on marketing could be more focused on how it specifically influences consumer behavior rather than just stating that companies are using social media.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason is explicitly connected to the question. This can be achieved by clearly stating how each point directly contributes to the rise in consumption and elaborating on the implications of these factors. Additionally, including more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that the increase in sugar-based drink consumption is problematic and that solutions are necessary. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, the transition between discussing reasons and solutions could be smoother, and the conclusion could more strongly reiterate the importance of addressing the issue.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use clear topic sentences and transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. Reiterating the main position in the conclusion and linking back to the reasons discussed would also help reinforce the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for increased consumption and potential solutions. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of government campaigns lacks detail on what these campaigns might entail or how they would effectively change consumer behavior. The solutions also need more elaboration on their feasibility and potential impact.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. This could involve discussing specific types of campaigns or alternative drinks in more depth, as well as considering potential challenges in implementing these solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on sugar-based drinks and their consumption. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of solutions, which could be more directly tied to the reasons provided earlier. For example, the mention of "busy workers" could be more explicitly linked back to the reasons for consumption discussed in the first part of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made is relevant to the prompt. This can be achieved by constantly referring back to the main question and ensuring that each paragraph builds on the previous one in a logical manner. Additionally, avoiding unnecessary digressions will help keep the essay tightly focused on the topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from clearer connections between points, more detailed explanations, and a stronger reinforcement of the central position throughout the text.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, the transition from discussing marketing strategies to the impact of modern life on drink consumption could be smoother. The use of phrases like "Another point worth mentioning" does help signal a new idea, but the connection between ideas could be more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic—reasons for increased consumption and proposed solutions. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive. For example, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer delineation between the two reasons provided, as they currently feel somewhat jumbled together.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant details. Consider starting each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. This structure will enhance clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "In fact," "By way of illustration," and "for example." However, there are instances where cohesive devices are either misused or overused, leading to confusion. For instance, the phrase "which can help them rapidly raise the consumption" is awkward and lacks clarity. Additionally, the repetition of "sugar" and "soft drinks" without variation can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "sugar-based drinks," consider synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader interest. Also, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and enhance the meaning of sentences rather than complicate them. Practicing the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases in varied contexts can help improve this aspect.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement. Focusing on clearer organization, effective paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied terms related to the topic, such as "sugar-containing drinks," "brand image," and "health risks." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety, particularly with the word "sugar," which appears frequently in various forms (e.g., "suger," "sugar-based"). Additionally, phrases like "quick and easily available sources of energy" could be expressed more succinctly or creatively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "sugar," they could use "sweetened beverages," "soft drinks," or "sweetened drinks." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "high-calorie" or "sugary" to describe drinks.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "potential potencial to create and build the brand image" is awkward and redundant. Similarly, "the refreshing feeling after drinking soft sofl-drinks" could be more clearly articulated. The use of "sourses" instead of "sources" and "sonsumption" instead of "consumption" indicates a lack of precision in spelling, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. They can replace vague phrases with more specific terms. For instance, instead of saying "potential to create and build the brand image," they could say "potential to enhance brand recognition." Furthermore, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning will help improve overall clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "suger" (sugar), "sofl-drinks" (soft drinks), "potencial" (potential), "sourses" (sources), "sonsumption" (consumption), and "poplular" (popular). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process. This could involve reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, or asking a peer to review the work. Additionally, practicing spelling common vocabulary related to the topic can help reinforce correct usage. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "One possibility is that thanks to the refreshing feeling after drinking soft drinks…" and "The second approach is that busy workers should tend to use alternatives without sugar…" indicate an attempt to use complex structures. However, the complexity is limited, and many sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can hinder clarity. Additionally, the use of parentheses and brackets in the text suggests a lack of confidence in the sentence construction.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "The reason for this is that today workers might have to deal with hectic schedules," the writer could say, "Due to the hectic schedules that modern workers face, many tend to seek quick and easily accessible sources of energy." This not only varies the structure but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "suger" is misspelled throughout the essay, which undermines the writer’s credibility. Additionally, phrases like "which calls for possible solutions to be adopted" are awkwardly constructed. There are also punctuation errors, such as the inconsistent use of commas and the incorrect placement of parentheses and brackets, which disrupt the reading experience. The phrase "to raise citizens’ awareness, which can reduce the sonsumption of refrain from using soft sofl-drinks" is particularly confusing due to its structure and punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling mistakes and awkward phrasing. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify areas that sound unclear or convoluted. Additionally, practicing grammar exercises that focus on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper punctuation usage, can help. For instance, instead of saying "the sonsumption of refrain from using soft sofl-drinks," the writer could simply say, "the consumption of soft drinks." This would eliminate redundancy and improve clarity.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and attempts to address the prompt, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety, grammatical correctness, and careful proofreading will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that there is an increase in the number of consumers of sugar-containing drinks worldwide, albeit temporarily. This phenomenon can be attributed to several factors, which requires the adoption of possible solutions.

There are various explanations as to why more people are consuming sugar-based drinks today. One possibility is that, owing to the refreshing sensation after consuming soft drinks, many large companies consider it a potential opportunity to create and build the brand image of their products, which can rapidly increase consumption. In fact, these companies utilize social media as a channel for brand marketing in order to run online ad campaigns, thereby reaching prospective customers. As a result, viewers can be attracted to the ads’ impressive visuals and content, leading them to purchase these drinks to try. Another point worth mentioning is that modern life is likely to cause people to consume more sugar-containing drinks. The reason for this is that today’s workers often have to deal with hectic schedules and therefore tend to seek quick and easily available sources of energy. Thus, they choose sugar-based energy drinks for instant energy boosts.

A couple of measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address these issues. The first possible solution is that the government should launch campaigns to raise citizens’ awareness, which can help reduce the consumption of soft drinks. By way of illustration, they can inform the public about health risks such as obesity resulting from excessive consumption of sugar-containing drinks through daily news outlets. This is likely to encourage consumers to drink soft drinks less and opt for fresh juices and other healthy beverages. The second approach is that busy workers should consider using alternative methods without sugar instead of sugar-containing energy drinks to help them focus on their tasks. For example, they can use dark coffee or tea to boost their alertness, which not only enables them to concentrate but is also beneficial to their mental health.

In conclusion, while many reasons can be given to explain why sugar-based drinks are becoming increasingly popular, some steps can be taken to improve the situation.