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More and more people today are spending large amount of money on their COMPLEXIONS in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

More and more people today are spending large amount of money on their COMPLEXIONS in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

In today's world, there is a growing trend of people investing a significant amount of money in enhancing their appearances to appear more youthful. The desire to look younger is fueled by the abundance of opportunities and higher earnings available to those considered beautiful. However, this trend is concerning due to its inherent inequality and economic implications.
In the past, individuals with attractive features often enjoyed various advantages. Beautiful women, for instance, received more support than others, leading to fewer chances of experiencing poverty and a higher likelihood of marrying well. In contemporary society, possessing an appealing facial structure can make it easier to secure opportunities in the competitive job market. Consequently, when comparing two individuals with similar educational and professional backgrounds, the one with a more attractive appearance tends to secure higher-paying jobs. This growing preference for physical attractiveness is a concerning trend, especially for those whose characteristics do not align with the modern standard.
This shift towards valuing appearance has negative consequences both economically and in terms of equality. From an economic standpoint, cosmetic procedures involve significant and often unnecessary expenses. Patients not only incur costs for the procedure itself but also for medications and post-operative recovery. This financial burden can lead to unpredicted financial strain, pushing some individuals into financial difficulties. Moreover, the increasing focus on appearance has not translated into a transformation of individual characteristics. Consequently, those who cannot afford cosmetic enhancements may find themselves living below the poverty line, facing challenges in accessing basic necessities or undergoing transformative procedures. This economic and social disparity is evident in various situations, such as the unequal treatment of workers in certain companies in Vietnam.
In summary, the obsession with physical appearance is driven by an unequal working environment and economic disparities within families. This development is negative as it perpetuates an unequal working environment and directly impacts the overall economy. It is crucial to address these issues and promote a more inclusive and fair society where individuals are not judged solely on their physical appearance.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "growing trend" -> "escalating phenomenon"
    Explanation: Replacing "growing trend" with "escalating phenomenon" maintains a formal tone while conveying the increasing nature of people investing in appearance enhancement.

  2. "to appear more youthful" -> "to project a more youthful image"
    Explanation: "Appear more youthful" can be refined to "project a more youthful image," aligning with a more sophisticated description and emphasizing the deliberate projection of youthfulness.

  3. "due to its inherent inequality" -> "owing to inherent disparities"
    Explanation: Substituting "inequality" with "disparities" and using "owing to" enhances formality and precision in describing the inherent issues related to appearance enhancement.

  4. "possessing an appealing facial structure" -> "having aesthetically pleasing facial features"
    Explanation: "Appealing facial structure" is replaced with "aesthetically pleasing facial features" for a more precise and formal expression in describing attractiveness.

  5. "this trend is concerning" -> "this trend is worrisome"
    Explanation: "Concerning" is replaced with "worrisome" to maintain formality and convey a stronger sense of apprehension about the trend.

  6. "economic implications" -> "financial ramifications"
    Explanation: Using "financial ramifications" elevates the language and specifies the consequences related to the economy due to appearance-focused expenditures.

  7. "the one with a more attractive appearance" -> "the individual exhibiting greater physical allure"
    Explanation: "More attractive appearance" is refined to "greater physical allure" for a more elaborate and academically suitable expression.

  8. "valuing appearance" -> "placing emphasis on physical attributes"
    Explanation: Replacing "valuing appearance" with "placing emphasis on physical attributes" offers a more nuanced and formal description of the trend.

  9. "has negative consequences" -> "yields adverse outcomes"
    Explanation: "Negative consequences" is substituted with "adverse outcomes" for a more formal and precise depiction of the repercussions.

  10. "From an economic standpoint" -> "From a financial perspective"
    Explanation: Utilizing "From a financial perspective" maintains formality while specifying the viewpoint concerning economic aspects.

  11. "predict financial strain" -> "lead to financial distress"
    Explanation: "Predict financial strain" is replaced with "lead to financial distress" for a more forceful and descriptive expression.

  12. "transformation of individual characteristics" -> "alteration of inherent traits"
    Explanation: "Transformation of individual characteristics" is substituted with "alteration of inherent traits" for a more precise and formal articulation.

  13. "living below the poverty line" -> "existing beneath the poverty threshold"
    Explanation: "Living below the poverty line" is rephrased to "existing beneath the poverty threshold" for a more formal and detailed description.

  14. "economic and social disparity" -> "disparity in economic and social realms"
    Explanation: Adjusting "economic and social disparity" to "disparity in economic and social realms" offers a more explicit and formal representation of the inequality.

  15. "various situations" -> "diverse scenarios"
    Explanation: Changing "various situations" to "diverse scenarios" maintains formality while enhancing specificity in describing different instances.

  16. "obsession with physical appearance" -> "fixation on outward appearance"
    Explanation: Replacing "obsession with physical appearance" with "fixation on outward appearance" provides a more formal and nuanced expression.

  17. "driven by an unequal working environment" -> "fueled by an imbalanced labor landscape"
    Explanation: Replacing "driven by an unequal working environment" with "fueled by an imbalanced labor landscape" offers a more elaborate and academically suitable description.

  18. "It is crucial to address these issues" -> "Addressing these issues is imperative"
    Explanation: Restructuring "It is crucial to address these issues" to "Addressing these issues is imperative" maintains formality and emphasizes the urgency of tackling the problems.

  19. "promote a more inclusive and fair society" -> "advocate for an equitable and inclusive society"
    Explanation: Substituting "promote a more inclusive and fair society" with "advocate for an equitable and inclusive society" offers a more specific and formal way to express the desired societal change.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "The desire to look younger is fueled by the abundance of opportunities and higher earnings available to those considered beautiful."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay adequately introduces the topic and presents a clear perspective on why people desire a younger appearance. However, to enhance the task response, it would be beneficial to offer specific examples or scenarios that illustrate how societal perceptions of beauty lead to increased opportunities or higher earnings. This would strengthen the argument by providing concrete instances supporting the statement.
    • Improved example: "The desire to maintain a youthful appearance is often fueled by societal perceptions linking beauty with success. For instance, research shows that individuals perceived as more attractive tend to have better chances of being hired or promoted in certain industries, thereby gaining access to higher earnings and opportunities unavailable to others solely based on their appearance."
  2. Quoted text: "Consequently, when comparing two individuals with similar educational and professional backgrounds, the one with a more attractive appearance tends to secure higher-paying jobs."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement effectively supports the argument that physical appearance influences job opportunities. However, to further strengthen this point, consider including a real-life example or personal experience illustrating this phenomenon. By incorporating a specific scenario or anecdote, the argument gains credibility and becomes more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "In a recent study conducted in various corporate sectors, it was found that during job interviews, candidates perceived as more attractive based on societal standards were 20% more likely to receive higher salary offers compared to equally qualified but less conventionally attractive candidates. This phenomenon highlights the significant impact of appearance on career advancements."
  3. Quoted text: "This financial burden can lead to unpredicted financial strain, pushing some individuals into financial difficulties."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay effectively addresses the economic implications of investing in cosmetic procedures. However, it could benefit from further elaboration on the broader societal impact beyond individual financial burdens. For instance, discussing how this financial strain affects families, communities, or social structures would enhance the depth of analysis regarding the negative consequences of the trend.
    • Improved example: "Beyond individual financial strains, the pressure to invest in cosmetic procedures often affects entire families, diverting funds from essential needs like education or healthcare. This perpetuates a cycle of economic strain within communities, widening the gap between those who conform to beauty standards and those who cannot afford such expenses."

Overall, the essay presents a well-developed position on the topic and addresses various aspects of why people desire to look younger. To improve, incorporating specific examples or anecdotes to support assertions and expanding on the societal impact of this trend would enrich the argument’s depth and clarity, elevating the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic of people spending money on their complexions, and the subsequent paragraphs logically develop the idea of the reasons behind this trend and its negative consequences. The cohesive devices used are generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, helping the reader follow the essay’s flow. However, there are instances where some cohesive devices could be used more effectively, and there is a minor underuse of them. The essay manages paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately, aiding in the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from a more consistent and varied use of cohesive devices. Make sure to connect ideas more explicitly within and between sentences. Additionally, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the overall flow. While the essay uses paragraphing effectively, there is room for improvement in maintaining a more consistent logical order within paragraphs. Strive for precision in the use of cohesive devices to minimize any underuse, ensuring a seamless and more connected presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: This essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied expressions and phrases to articulate ideas about the impact of the pursuit of youthful appearances. There is an attempt to employ less common vocabulary, showing an awareness of style and collocation, albeit with occasional errors in word choice. The essay effectively addresses the economic and social implications of the emphasis on physical appearance, displaying flexibility in conveying precise meanings.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, strive for a more consistent usage of sophisticated vocabulary without occasional inaccuracies. Also, aim for a broader variety of less common lexical items to strengthen the depth and precision of the language used. Additionally, careful attention to word choice can refine the expression and accuracy of ideas presented.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout, with a variety of complex structures utilized effectively. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. However, there are a few instances where sentence structures could be further diversified for a more comprehensive range. Overall, the control of grammar and punctuation is commendable, and errors, when present, are occasional and do not significantly impede comprehension.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. While the essay already utilizes complex structures well, introducing more intricate sentence forms, such as advanced conditional sentences or intricate compound structures, can contribute to a more sophisticated range. Additionally, pay careful attention to the subtle nuances of sentence construction to eliminate any remaining minor errors and further elevate the overall precision of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, there is an increasing trend of people investing a considerable amount of money to enhance their looks and appear more youthful. The desire to look younger is influenced by the numerous opportunities and higher earnings available to those perceived as attractive. However, this trend raises concerns due to its inherent inequality and economic implications.

Historically, individuals with attractive features enjoyed various advantages. For instance, beautiful women received more support, leading to fewer chances of experiencing poverty and a higher likelihood of marrying well. In today’s society, possessing an appealing facial structure can make it easier to secure opportunities in the competitive job market. Consequently, when comparing two individuals with similar educational and professional backgrounds, the one with a more attractive appearance tends to secure higher-paying jobs. This growing preference for physical attractiveness is a worrisome trend, especially for those whose characteristics do not align with the modern standard.

This shift towards valuing appearance has negative consequences both economically and in terms of equality. From an economic perspective, cosmetic procedures involve significant and often unnecessary expenses. Patients not only incur costs for the procedure itself but also for medications and post-operative recovery. This financial burden can lead to unexpected financial strain, pushing some individuals into financial difficulties. Moreover, the increasing focus on appearance has not translated into a transformation of individual characteristics. Consequently, those who cannot afford cosmetic enhancements may find themselves living below the poverty line, facing challenges in accessing basic necessities or undergoing transformative procedures. This economic and social disparity is evident in various situations, such as the unequal treatment of workers in certain companies in Vietnam.

In summary, the obsession with physical appearance is driven by an unequal working environment and economic disparities within families. This development is negative as it perpetuates an unequal working environment and directly impacts the overall economy. It is crucial to address these issues and promote a more inclusive and fair society where individuals are not judged solely on their physical appearance.

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