More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefits more from this, the community or these young people?

In recent years, there have been many youngsters from developed nations are moving to underdeveloped nations for a short period to do volunteer work such as teaching or constructing houses for local people. This essay will discuss possible reasons and benefits from this.
There are some reasons why doing volunteer work in underdeveloped nations is becoming increasingly popular among young people from rich nations. Firstly, schools in developed nations tend to encourage their students to participate in volunteer campaigns in underdeveloped nations. These This activities help them gain new skills, meet new people, and give back to the community which aims to improve youngters’ social accountability accoutability, and would be certainly advantageous advantous for them when they land a job later in their career. Secondly, this is an ideal way to explore the world as well as broadening their horizons which helps them learn about new cultures, and gain a better understanding of the world.
It is true that this trend is benefits for both community and youngsters. Communities benefit because through helping people in poorer countries to have better living conditions and educational opportunities, young people can bring new knowledge, skills, and perspectives to transfer for local people. For example, a volunteer with a background in education can help improve the quality of education in the community by teaching methods or curriculums, the practical action anyone can see is that they may be able to teach literacy and numeracy skills for children. In terms of youngsters, the richness richess of experience which they gain from working and living alongside who from difference cultures, leading to much more maturity mature.
In conclusion, this trend stems from several reasons I’ve mentioned above, having benefits for both host countries and young people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years, there have been many youngsters from developed nations are moving" -> "In recent years, many young people from developed nations have been moving"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The corrected version corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses "young people" instead of "youngsters" for a more formal tone.
"to do volunteer work such as teaching or constructing houses for local people" -> "to engage in volunteer activities such as teaching or constructing houses for local residents"
Explanation: "Engage in" is more formal than "do," and "residents" is a more precise term than "people" in an academic context.
"This essay will discuss possible reasons and benefits from this." -> "This essay will explore the possible reasons and benefits of this practice."
Explanation: "Explore" is more academically appropriate than "discuss," and "practice" is a clearer and more formal term than "this."
"These This activities" -> "These activities"
Explanation: The repeated "These" is a typographical error and should be corrected to maintain grammatical accuracy.
"youngters’ social accountability accoutability" -> "youngsters’ social accountability"
Explanation: "Accoutability" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "accountability." Also, "youngsters’" should be "youngsters’" for possessive form.
"advantous" -> "advantageous"
Explanation: "Advantous" is a misspelling and should be corrected to "advantageous."
"broadening their horizons" -> "expanding their horizons"
Explanation: "Expanding" is a more precise and formal term than "broadening" in this context.
"this trend is benefits for both community and youngsters" -> "this trend benefits both the community and young people"
Explanation: "Benefits" should be a verb form to match the subject-verb agreement, and "young people" is more formal than "youngsters."
"helping people in poorer countries to have better living conditions and educational opportunities" -> "assisting individuals in less developed countries to improve their living conditions and educational opportunities"
Explanation: "Assisting" is more formal than "helping," and "less developed countries" is a more precise term than "poorer countries."
"the richness richess of experience" -> "the richness of their experience"
Explanation: "Richess" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "richness." Also, "their" is necessary for possessive agreement.
"who from difference cultures" -> "from different cultures"
Explanation: "Who from difference cultures" is grammatically incorrect and should be corrected to "from different cultures" for proper grammatical structure.
"leading to much more maturity mature" -> "leading to greater maturity"
Explanation: "Maturity mature" is redundant and awkward; "greater maturity" is more concise and maintains formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons why young people from wealthy countries engage in volunteer work in poorer nations and who benefits more from this arrangement. The first paragraph outlines the motivations, such as skill acquisition and cultural exploration. The second paragraph discusses the benefits to both communities and the volunteers. However, the explanation of benefits could be more balanced, as the focus leans slightly more towards the young people’s gains.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more explicit comparison of the benefits to both parties. For instance, dedicating a few sentences to detailing how communities specifically benefit from the volunteers’ contributions would create a more balanced view. Additionally, including specific examples of community improvements could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the dual benefits of the trend. However, the phrasing in the conclusion ("this trend stems from several reasons I’ve mentioned above, having benefits for both host countries and young people") could be clearer. It somewhat dilutes the strength of the position by not explicitly stating which party benefits more.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position on who benefits more in the conclusion. This could involve a brief summary of the arguments made and a definitive statement reflecting the writer’s stance, which would help reinforce their position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the encouragement from schools and the personal growth of volunteers. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "new knowledge, skills, and perspectives" lacks specific examples or elaboration on what these entail. The essay also contains several grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or scenarios that illustrate their points. For instance, when discussing the skills gained by volunteers, they could mention specific skills like teamwork or leadership. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence would improve the overall quality of the writing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of "broadening horizons" could be more directly tied back to the benefits for the community.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking personal benefits back to how they also serve the community. For example, when discussing cultural understanding, the writer could explain how this understanding can lead to more effective volunteer work.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, improvements in balance, clarity, development, and focus will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized around clear themes: reasons for the trend and the benefits for both communities and young people. However, there are moments where the flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing reasons and benefits could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the reasons, a transition sentence could summarize the points before moving into the benefits, such as, "While young people are motivated by personal growth and cultural exploration, their contributions also significantly impact the communities they serve."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the prompt. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. The second paragraph, for example, combines multiple ideas that could be separated for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the key points discussed in the body.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. In the conclusion, reiterate the main points succinctly to reinforce the argument and provide a clear takeaway for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "for example," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of devices, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "the richness richess of experience." This can disrupt the flow and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently." Additionally, ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and clear. For example, instead of "the richness richess of experience," consider rephrasing to "the wealth of experiences." This will enhance the overall coherence and readability of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "volunteer work," "underdeveloped nations," and "social accountability." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "underdeveloped nations" appears multiple times, which could be varied with synonyms like "developing countries" or "low-income nations." Additionally, the use of "youngsters" and "young people" in close proximity could be diversified.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help identify alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "volunteer work," consider using "community service" or "charitable work."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "youngters’ social accountability accoutability" contains a spelling error and redundancy. The term "richness of experience" is somewhat vague and could be articulated more clearly. Additionally, "the practical action anyone can see is that they may be able to teach literacy and numeracy skills for children" is convoluted and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their language. Instead of "richness of experience," they could say "diverse experiences that enhance personal growth." Furthermore, simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each term used accurately conveys the intended meaning will improve overall clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "youngters" (should be "youngsters"), "accoutability" (should be "accountability"), and "advantous" (should be "advantageous"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as spelling quizzes or using spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or utilizing spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying misspelled words, as it encourages the writer to slow down and focus on each word.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, enhancing clarity, and focusing on correct spelling, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("Firstly, schools in developed nations tend to encourage their students to participate in volunteer campaigns in underdeveloped nations.") and simple sentences ("In conclusion, this trend stems from several reasons I’ve mentioned above."). However, the overall range is limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "youngsters from developed nations are moving to underdeveloped nations." This could be streamlined for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences, as well as conditional clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young people," synonyms like "youth" or "volunteers" could be employed. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings (e.g., using adverbial phrases) can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, the phrase "there have been many youngsters from developed nations are moving" is incorrect; it should be "there have been many youngsters from developed nations moving." Other errors include subject-verb agreement issues ("these This activities") and misspellings ("youngters," "accoutability," "advantous," "richess"). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with commas, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that verb tenses are consistent throughout the essay. Regular proofreading can help catch spelling errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules—especially regarding commas in complex sentences—will enhance clarity. The writer might also benefit from using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify recurring mistakes.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and a basic structure, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety, grammatical correctness, and punctuation will greatly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, many young people from developed nations have been moving to underdeveloped countries for a short period to engage in volunteer activities such as teaching or constructing houses for local residents. This essay will explore the possible reasons and benefits of this practice.

There are several reasons why volunteer work in underdeveloped nations is becoming increasingly popular among young people from wealthy countries. Firstly, schools in developed nations tend to encourage their students to participate in volunteer campaigns in these regions. These activities help them gain new skills, meet new people, and give back to the community, which aims to improve youngsters’ social accountability. This experience would certainly be advantageous for them when they enter the job market later in their careers. Secondly, volunteering is an ideal way to explore the world and broaden their horizons, helping them learn about new cultures and gain a better understanding of global issues.

It is true that this trend benefits both the community and the young volunteers. Communities benefit because young people assist individuals in less developed countries to improve their living conditions and educational opportunities. They bring new knowledge, skills, and perspectives that can be valuable to local residents. For example, a volunteer with a background in education can enhance the quality of education in the community by sharing effective teaching methods or curricula. A practical outcome of this is that they may be able to teach literacy and numeracy skills to children. In terms of the young volunteers, the richness of their experience gained from working and living alongside individuals from different cultures leads to greater maturity.

In conclusion, this trend stems from several reasons I’ve mentioned above and provides benefits for both host countries and young people.