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More big shopping malls are being built and they replace small shops. Is this a positive or negative development?

More big shopping malls are being built and they replace small shops. Is this a positive or negative development?

Recently, many individuals are concerned about the appearance of more shopping centers, forcing small stores to disappear. While there are some considerable drawbacks of this erection, I would argue that it brings more advantages.

On the one hand, building more shopping malls has some detrimental influence. The initial reason is that since shopping malls’ products are rigorously checked and labeled clearly with expiry date and place of origin, customers would rest assured to purchase these items and refrain from retailer’s stores to shopping centers. As a result, local stores would lose a huge amount of profit, putting them on the edge of bankruptcy. Moreover, the costs of goods in malls tend to incorporate various fees, namely rent, utilities and staff compensation, thereby making consumers waste a great deal of money. To illustrate, the prices of clothes in shopping malls could double those in smaller stores. If consumers purchase goods from the retailers in the area, they might get a more reasonable price.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that the construction of shopping plazas is more beneficial. Firstly, they provide a diversity of services such as cinemas, restaurants, or supermarkets, which allow customers to utilize various conveniences. Hence, not only can all the products they need be found but also multiple services in the same place, contributing to a time-saving shopping experience. Secondly, a big mall requires a great deal of labor, creating many job opportunities to mitigate the local unemployment rate. AEON Mall, for instance, recruits thousands of staff for different positions matching with the levels of employees.

In conclusion, while replacing small stores with shopping malls can brings certain disadvantages, I firmly believe that the positivity of this modification, which are the convenience in purchasing goods and development in recruitment rate, outweighs the negative aspects.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Recently, many individuals are concerned about the appearance of more shopping centers" -> "In recent times, there is growing concern over the proliferation of shopping centers"
    Explanation: Replacing "Recently, many individuals are concerned about" with "In recent times, there is growing concern over" maintains a formal tone by using a more sophisticated phrase and avoids the informality of "many individuals."

  2. "forcing small stores to disappear" -> "resulting in the disappearance of small stores"
    Explanation: "Forcing small stores to disappear" sounds somewhat causal; replacing it with "resulting in the disappearance of small stores" provides a more nuanced and academically formal expression of the consequences.

  3. "considerable drawbacks of this erection" -> "significant drawbacks of this development"
    Explanation: Substituting "considerable drawbacks of this erection" with "significant drawbacks of this development" uses a more appropriate and neutral term instead of "erection," which might connote a different meaning in this context.

  4. "has some detrimental influence" -> "has certain detrimental effects"
    Explanation: Replacing "has some detrimental influence" with "has certain detrimental effects" improves the formality and precision of the language by using "effects" instead of "influence."

  5. "rigorously checked" -> "thoroughly inspected"
    Explanation: "Rigorously checked" can be replaced with "thoroughly inspected" for a more formal and precise description of the scrutiny products undergo in shopping malls.

  6. "putting them on the edge of bankruptcy" -> "placing them at the brink of bankruptcy"
    Explanation: "Putting them on the edge of bankruptcy" is more casual; "placing them at the brink of bankruptcy" offers a more formal and precise expression of the financial risk faced by local stores.

  7. "making consumers waste a great deal of money" -> "resulting in consumers spending excessively"
    Explanation: "Making consumers waste a great deal of money" is less formal; "resulting in consumers spending excessively" maintains formality and clarifies the impact of higher costs.

  8. "the prices of clothes in shopping malls could double those in smaller stores" -> "prices of clothes in shopping malls can be twice as high as those in smaller stores"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "prices of clothes in shopping malls can be twice as high as those in smaller stores" enhances clarity and formality while retaining the comparison between prices.

  9. "it is undeniable" -> "it is indisputable"
    Explanation: "It is undeniable" is less formal; "it is indisputable" is a more formal synonym expressing the certainty of the subsequent statement.

  10. "provide a diversity of services" -> "offer a wide array of services"
    Explanation: "Provide a diversity of services" is less formal; "offer a wide array of services" maintains formality and clarity in describing the range of services offered.

  11. "allow customers to utilize various conveniences" -> "enable customers to access diverse amenities"
    Explanation: "Allow customers to utilize various conveniences" is less formal; "enable customers to access diverse amenities" uses more formal vocabulary without losing meaning.

  12. "a big mall requires a great deal of labor" -> "a large-scale mall necessitates significant labor"
    Explanation: "A big mall requires a great deal of labor" is less formal; "a large-scale mall necessitates significant labor" employs more formal terminology and better aligns with academic language.

  13. "creating many job opportunities to mitigate the local unemployment rate" -> "creating numerous employment opportunities, alleviating the local unemployment rate"
    Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "creating numerous employment opportunities, alleviating the local unemployment rate" maintains formality and clarity while specifying the outcome of job creation.

  14. "modification" -> "transition"
    Explanation: Replacing "modification" with "transition" provides a more nuanced and sophisticated term to describe the shift from small stores to shopping malls.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "While there are some considerable drawbacks of this erection, I would argue that it brings more advantages."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is somewhat unclear and could be improved for better coherence. Consider rephrasing to provide a more straightforward and concise presentation of your stance. For instance, "Despite the drawbacks associated with the proliferation of shopping malls, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages."
    • Improved example: "Despite the drawbacks associated with the proliferation of shopping malls, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Now, let’s delve into the specific reasons behind this perspective."
  2. Quoted text: "The initial reason is that since shopping malls’ products are rigorously checked and labeled clearly with expiry date and place of origin, customers would rest assured to purchase these items and refrain from retailer’s stores to shopping centers."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The development of your argument in this paragraph is somewhat convoluted. To enhance clarity, focus on directly addressing the impact on small stores. For instance, "One significant drawback is that shopping malls, with their rigorously checked and labeled products, attract customers away from local retailers. This shift in consumer preference jeopardizes the profitability of smaller stores."
    • Improved example: "One significant drawback is that shopping malls, with their rigorously checked and labeled products, attract customers away from local retailers. This shift in consumer preference jeopardizes the profitability of smaller stores, potentially pushing them to the brink of bankruptcy."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, the costs of goods in malls tend to incorporate various fees, namely rent, utilities and staff compensation, thereby making consumers waste a great deal of money."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument is valid, but it could benefit from a more specific and concrete example to illustrate the point about inflated costs in shopping malls. For instance, "Additionally, the incorporation of various fees in mall prices, such as rent, utilities, and staff compensation, can lead to significant cost hikes for consumers. For example, the prices of clothing in shopping malls could be double those in smaller stores, putting an unnecessary financial burden on consumers."
    • Improved example: "Additionally, the incorporation of various fees in mall prices, such as rent, utilities, and staff compensation, can lead to significant cost hikes for consumers. For example, the prices of clothing in shopping malls could be double those in smaller stores, putting an unnecessary financial burden on consumers and making them question the value of their purchases."

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, but improvements in clarity and specificity of examples would enhance the overall Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets up the argument effectively, and each paragraph follows a coherent structure, presenting both sides of the argument. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a mix of sentence structures that aids in smooth transitions between ideas. Additionally, the essay maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the overall cohesion.

However, there are instances where cohesive devices could be used more effectively, and there is some overuse of certain linking words. The referencing and substitution are generally clear but could benefit from more variety. Paragraphing is generally logical, although there is a minor lapse in the third paragraph where the discussion shifts abruptly from drawbacks to advantages. Despite this, the overall progression of ideas remains clear.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence, consider diversifying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that linking words are used judiciously. Aim for more varied referencing and substitution to avoid repetition. Pay attention to maintaining a smooth transition when shifting between ideas or paragraphs, ensuring a more seamless flow throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the awareness of style and collocation is evident. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, such as "erection" instead of "emergence" and "recruits" instead of "employs." Despite these errors, the essay effectively conveys the main points with clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, focus on refining word choice and avoiding inaccuracies in vocabulary. Additionally, pay attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors. Consider using a more varied range of vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including both simple and complex sentences. There is evidence of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence forms. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as in the phrase "this erection," which may be unintentional and could be considered a slip. Additionally, there are some instances where word choice and phrasing could be improved for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to word choice and ensure that phrases are clear and contextually appropriate. Reviewing the essay for possible slips or unintentional errors, such as the phrase "this erection," will contribute to a smoother presentation. Additionally, focusing on refining complex structures and sentence variety will further elevate the overall grammatical quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there is growing concern about the proliferation of shopping centers, leading to the disappearance of small stores. While there are notable drawbacks to this trend, I contend that it brings more advantages.

On the downside, the construction of more shopping malls has some adverse effects. Firstly, due to the rigorous checks and clear labeling of products in malls, customers feel reassured about their purchases and tend to shift from local stores to shopping centers. Consequently, local stores face a significant loss of profit, pushing them to the brink of bankruptcy. Additionally, the prices of goods in malls often include various fees, such as rent, utilities, and staff compensation, causing consumers to spend a considerable amount of money. For example, the cost of clothes in shopping malls could be double that in smaller stores. If consumers choose to buy from local retailers, they might obtain more reasonable prices.

On the flip side, it is undeniable that the construction of shopping plazas brings more benefits. Firstly, these malls offer a variety of services, including cinemas, restaurants, and supermarkets, providing customers with multiple conveniences in one place. Therefore, customers can not only find all the products they need but also access various services, contributing to a time-saving shopping experience. Secondly, large malls require a substantial workforce, creating numerous job opportunities and helping mitigate local unemployment rates. For instance, AEON Mall recruits thousands of staff for different positions, matching the skill levels of employees.

In conclusion, while the replacement of small stores with shopping malls has certain disadvantages, I firmly believe that the positive aspects of this transformation, such as the convenience in purchasing goods and the development of employment opportunities, outweigh the negatives.

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