MOST CAREER CHOICES DEMAND VOCATIONAL SKILL OR SPECIALIST KNOWLEDGE. HOWEVER, DESPITE THIS, MOST SCHOOL STILL TEACH ACADEMIC SUBJECT SUCH AS HISTORY AND SOCIAL STUDIES. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGE?

In recent years, many jobs have a tendency to require specific skills or expertise. However, a large number of schools do impart formal subjects such as history and social studies. Despite its detrimental impact, I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin with, there are several compelling advantages to learning academic subjects. Firstly, it enables students to broaden their perspective and critical thinking. This is owing to the ability to analyze historical events and social patterns, which can strengthen strategic thinking. By studying how leaders respond to challenges, tasks, and deadlines, professionals can apply these strategies into their careers. This can lay the foundation for a simple and comfortable work-life environment. For instance, some business leaders who understand the market chain might make more sufficient and productive decisions regarding product development, not only that but studying formal subjects also instills a sense of adaptability and flexibility. History shows how industries and societies have enhanced in response to current innovations and breakthroughs. This well-rounded perspective of change allows professionals to gain a deeper insight into flexible mindsets, which is useful in adapting to shift their own career path.
Conversely, it is understandable why most jobs demand vocational skills and specialist knowledge. One clear critical argument is that core subjects do not directly answer the needs of the job market. Paying excessive attention to academic knowledge could limit students' preparedness for specific career trajectories. It is the primary culprit for the reduction of employability, lowering confidence, and adaptability in the workplace. Another factor that contributes to this situation is the increased training burdened on employers. The key rationale behind this is time and cost investment in training programs. This can spell trouble for the slow career progression of each individual. For example, industries such as manufacturing, healthcare, and IT often require specialized knowledge and practical competencies that are not covered in traditional academic subjects.
In conclusion, while there are concerns regarding the potential disadvantages of imparting formal knowledge, the benefits of broadening perspectives and adaptability make this arrangement more beneficial.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many jobs have a tendency to require" -> "many jobs increasingly require"
Explanation: The phrase "have a tendency to require" is somewhat vague and informal. "Increasingly require" is more direct and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"a large number of schools do impart" -> "many schools impart"
Explanation: The phrase "a large number of schools do impart" is redundant and verbose. Simplifying it to "many schools impart" streamlines the sentence and maintains formality.
"despite its detrimental impact" -> "despite the detrimental impact"
Explanation: The possessive pronoun "its" incorrectly assumes that the impact belongs to the subject "schools," which is not the intended meaning. Using "the" corrects this error and maintains grammatical accuracy.
"enables students to broaden their perspective" -> "enables students to broaden their perspectives"
Explanation: The singular "perspective" should be plural "perspectives" to match the plural subject "students," ensuring grammatical correctness.
"apply these strategies into their careers" -> "apply these strategies to their careers"
Explanation: The preposition "into" is incorrect in this context. "To" is the correct preposition to use when indicating application or direction towards something, such as a career.
"lay the foundation for a simple and comfortable work-life environment" -> "establish a simple and comfortable work-life environment"
Explanation: "Lay the foundation" is a bit informal and less precise in this context. "Establish" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"not only that but" -> "not only that, but"
Explanation: The comma after "not only that" is missing, which is necessary for proper punctuation in this type of construction.
"enhanced in response to current innovations and breakthroughs" -> "evolved in response to current innovations and breakthroughs"
Explanation: "Enhanced" might imply a superficial improvement, whereas "evolved" suggests a more profound and natural development, which is more suitable for describing historical and societal changes.
"well-rounded perspective of change" -> "well-rounded perspective on change"
Explanation: The preposition "of" is incorrect in this context. "On" is the correct preposition to use when discussing a perspective about something.
"paying excessive attention to academic knowledge" -> "focusing excessively on academic knowledge"
Explanation: "Paying attention" is a bit informal and vague; "focusing" is more precise and formal, and "on" is the correct preposition for this context.
"The key rationale behind this is time and cost investment in training programs." -> "The primary rationale is the significant time and financial investment in training programs."
Explanation: "The key rationale behind this" is somewhat informal and vague. "The primary rationale" is more direct and formal, and specifying "significant time and financial investment" clarifies the nature of the investment.
"This can spell trouble for the slow career progression of each individual." -> "This can hinder the career advancement of each individual."
Explanation: "Spell trouble" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Hinder" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the impact on career advancement.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of teaching academic subjects in schools, particularly in relation to vocational skills. The introduction clearly outlines the issue and states the writer’s position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The body paragraphs present compelling arguments for both sides, with specific examples and reasoning that support the claim. However, while the disadvantages are acknowledged, they could be explored in greater depth to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics related to the disadvantages of academic subjects, such as data on employability rates or testimonials from employers. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic and strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of teaching academic subjects outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the consistent use of phrases like "I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages" and throughout the conclusion. The arguments presented support this position well, although there are moments where the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the writer could use clearer transitional phrases when shifting between the advantages and disadvantages. For example, explicitly stating "On the other hand" before discussing disadvantages would help signal the shift in focus more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the benefits of academic subjects, such as broadening perspectives and enhancing critical thinking. These ideas are well-supported with examples, such as the mention of business leaders applying historical insights to decision-making. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, with fewer examples or elaboration on how these disadvantages manifest in real-world scenarios.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the disadvantages of focusing on academic subjects. This could include discussing specific industries that have faced challenges due to a lack of vocational training or providing anecdotes from individuals who struggled to find employment due to insufficient practical skills.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of vocational skills versus academic subjects. The arguments presented are relevant to the prompt, and the writer does not deviate from the main question. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the specific advantages and disadvantages as they relate to the job market.
- How to improve: To ensure even greater adherence to the topic, the writer should continually tie back the discussion to the implications for the job market. For instance, when discussing the advantages of academic subjects, explicitly linking these benefits to employability or career success would reinforce the relevance of the arguments to the prompt. Additionally, ensuring that each point made directly answers the question will help maintain focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into advantages and disadvantages, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of academic subjects to the drawbacks could be more explicitly signposted to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly indicate the shift in focus. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can be used more effectively to signal the transition from advantages to disadvantages. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence can help the reader anticipate the content of the paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph, which discusses disadvantages, could be further divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the limitations of academic knowledge and another on the implications for employers. This would provide a clearer structure and allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main idea supported by examples. For instance, the disadvantages could be split into one paragraph discussing the lack of job market relevance and another addressing the training burden on employers. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more thorough examination of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "However," and "Conversely," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, the phrase "this can" is used multiple times in similar contexts, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this can," try alternatives like "this may lead to," "this results in," or "this contributes to." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "therefore," can enhance the sophistication of the writing. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures will also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "compelling advantages," "detrimental impact," and "strategic thinking" effectively employed to convey complex ideas. The use of phrases such as "well-rounded perspective" and "flexible mindsets" also indicates a solid grasp of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, some vocabulary choices could be more varied; for instance, the repeated use of "advantage" and "disadvantage" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "advantage," you could use "benefit," "merit," or "positive aspect." Similarly, "disadvantage" could be replaced with "drawback," "downside," or "negative consequence." This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "make more sufficient and productive decisions" could be simplified to "make more effective decisions," as "sufficient" does not quite fit the context. Additionally, the term "enhanced" in "industries and societies have enhanced" is awkward; "evolved" or "adapted" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that the vocabulary used matches the intended meaning. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding the nuances of word usage. When drafting, consider whether each word accurately conveys your intended message. Using a thesaurus can also assist in finding more precise alternatives.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall quality. However, there is a minor issue with the phrase "increased training burdened on employers," where "burdened" should be "burden" to maintain grammatical correctness. This indicates a need for careful proofreading to catch such errors.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work before submission. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and potential spelling mistakes. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular spelling exercises can further improve your spelling skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, you can enhance your lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "Despite its detrimental impact, I believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages." This showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, enhancing readability and engagement. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "This can lay the foundation for a simple and comfortable work-life environment" could be rephrased to incorporate a more complex structure, perhaps by using a subordinate clause to provide additional context.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. For instance, you could combine ideas into a single sentence using conjunctions or relative clauses. Practicing sentence transformation exercises can also help in mastering various structures. Additionally, reading a range of academic texts can expose you to different ways of constructing sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "a large number of schools do impart formal subjects" is grammatically correct, but the use of "do" could be simplified to "teach" for clarity. Punctuation is generally well-handled, though there are a few areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which can strengthen strategic thinking" to separate the clause from the main sentence. The use of "not only that but" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal transition like "Moreover" or "Additionally."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading to catch minor errors and ensure clarity. Pay attention to the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences, to avoid run-on sentences and enhance readability. Additionally, practicing grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, can help solidify your understanding. Reading your essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation issues that may not be immediately obvious in written form.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, many jobs increasingly require specific skills or specialist knowledge. However, a large number of schools still impart formal subjects such as history and social studies. Despite the detrimental impact of this approach, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

To begin with, there are several compelling advantages to learning academic subjects. Firstly, it enables students to broaden their perspectives and enhance their critical thinking skills. This is due to the ability to analyze historical events and social patterns, which can strengthen strategic thinking. By studying how leaders respond to challenges, tasks, and deadlines, professionals can apply these strategies to their careers. This can lay the foundation for a simple and comfortable work-life environment. For instance, some business leaders who understand the market chain might make more effective and productive decisions regarding product development. Not only that, but studying formal subjects also instills a sense of adaptability and flexibility. History shows how industries and societies have evolved in response to current innovations and breakthroughs. This well-rounded perspective on change allows professionals to gain deeper insights into flexible mindsets, which is useful for adapting their own career paths.

Conversely, it is understandable why many jobs demand vocational skills and specialist knowledge. One clear argument is that core subjects do not directly address the needs of the job market. Focusing excessively on academic knowledge could limit students’ preparedness for specific career trajectories. This can hinder the career advancement of each individual, lowering confidence and adaptability in the workplace. Another factor that contributes to this situation is the increased training burden placed on employers. The primary rationale is the significant time and financial investment in training programs. This can spell trouble for the slow career progression of each individual. For example, industries such as manufacturing, healthcare, and IT often require specialized knowledge and practical competencies that are not covered in traditional academic subjects.

In conclusion, while there are concerns regarding the potential disadvantages of imparting formal knowledge, the benefits of broadening perspectives and fostering adaptability make this arrangement more advantageous.