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Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

The distressingly unstable state of the environment for decades has drawn attention from the citizens of Earth. Initially, nature’s call for help was heeded immensely. However, as time went by, the awareness became rather pretentious. Thus, this essay will elaborate on the concept of calling out people’s lack of acknowledgment of the environmental issues, which was stated, for it somewhat agrees with the idea.
The authorities and governments are often seen as the executive directors for every campaign that pertains to our surroundings’ preservation. This deceives people into thinking that the responsibilities are not up to them. As a result, the process of protecting the environment takes place inefficiently without cohesion.
Worse than that, many tend to act as if they are truly passionate about making the world a more livable place and end up subconsciously finding it tame. This is also the answer for why they don’t seem to genuinely see the status quo, but counteract by consuming adverse items to the world. Especially in some countries, even though there are signs against littering with a fining warning, people would throw their things for good.
Nonetheless, the amount of people who are indifferent about our planet cannot account for that much to be claimed as the majority. Young people are fond of environmental problems more than ever, as that is included in their curriculum, an undetectable element in advertisements nowadays. Hence, the widespread attempt to save energy, consume eco-friendly products, as well as keep the world unpolluted by being involved in organizations is abundant. Funds and campaigns like the recent “Oral” project by the renowned artist Bjork, which is pejorative towards intensive salmon farming causing harm to the aquatic environment, have been actively put into practice for years. This is, by no means, not exhaustive.
In summary, some individuals don’t take environmental protection seriously, but they do not represent the whole as the ones who truly care are overweighing them. The world would have been better, if there had been no dauntingly separated sides, and we had been conscientious altogether.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "distressingly unstable" -> "persistently unstable"
    Explanation: Replacing "distressingly unstable" with "persistently unstable" maintains formality while conveying the ongoing nature of environmental instability more precisely.

  2. "nature’s call for help" -> "the environmental plea for assistance"
    Explanation: Substituting "nature’s call for help" with "the environmental plea for assistance" enhances the academic tone by using more specific and formal language to describe the urgency of environmental issues.

  3. "pretentious" -> "ostentatious"
    Explanation: Replacing "pretentious" with "ostentatious" elevates the vocabulary level, providing a more sophisticated term to convey the idea that environmental awareness became showy or affected.

  4. "elaborate on" -> "explore"
    Explanation: Substituting "elaborate on" with "explore" maintains formality while offering a more concise and academically appropriate term to introduce the discussion of people’s lack of acknowledgment of environmental issues.

  5. "executive directors" -> "primary orchestrators"
    Explanation: Changing "executive directors" to "primary orchestrators" adds a layer of formality, emphasizing the significant role of authorities and governments in environmental campaigns without using a business-oriented term.

  6. "inefficiently without cohesion" -> "ineffectively and disjointedly"
    Explanation: Replacing "inefficiently without cohesion" with "ineffectively and disjointedly" offers a more precise and formal expression of the idea that environmental protection processes lack effectiveness and coordination.

  7. "passionate about making the world a more livable place" -> "committed to enhancing the habitability of the world"
    Explanation: Substituting "passionate about making the world a more livable place" with "committed to enhancing the habitability of the world" introduces a more formal and precise description of people’s dedication to environmental causes.

  8. "subconsciously finding it tame" -> "inadvertently perceiving it as mundane"
    Explanation: Changing "subconsciously finding it tame" to "inadvertently perceiving it as mundane" maintains formality while using a more sophisticated term to convey the idea that individuals may unintentionally see environmental concerns as unexciting.

  9. "status quo" -> "current state"
    Explanation: Replacing "status quo" with "current state" maintains clarity while using a more straightforward term, aligning with academic style.

  10. "throw their things for good" -> "discard their belongings with impunity"
    Explanation: Substituting "throw their things for good" with "discard their belongings with impunity" adds formality and precision, describing the act of littering more accurately.

  11. "cannot account for that much to be claimed as the majority" -> "do not constitute a majority"
    Explanation: Changing "cannot account for that much to be claimed as the majority" to "do not constitute a majority" simplifies the expression while retaining academic formality.

  12. "undetectable element" -> "subtle component"
    Explanation: Replacing "undetectable element" with "subtle component" maintains formality and provides a more precise term to describe the inclusion of environmental issues in advertisements.

  13. "save energy" -> "conserve energy"
    Explanation: Substituting "save energy" with "conserve energy" offers a more formal and commonly used term in academic contexts.

  14. "overweighing them" -> "outnumbering them"
    Explanation: Changing "overweighing them" to "outnumbering them" maintains formality while using a more standard term to describe the prevalence of individuals who genuinely care about the environment.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "The authorities and governments are often seen as the executive directors for every campaign that pertains to our surroundings’ preservation. This deceives people into thinking that the responsibilities are not up to them. As a result, the process of protecting the environment takes place inefficiently without cohesion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay introduces a valid point about the misconception that environmental responsibilities solely rest on authorities and governments. However, the development of this idea lacks depth, and the connection to the overall argument is somewhat unclear. To enhance this section, elaborate on how this misconception affects individual behavior. Provide a concrete example from your own knowledge or experience to illustrate the impact of relying solely on authorities for environmental protection. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "While it is common for people to view authorities and governments as the primary custodians of environmental campaigns, this belief often leads individuals to perceive environmental responsibilities as beyond their control. Consequently, a lack of personal accountability can result in inefficient environmental protection efforts. For instance, in my community, the reliance on government initiatives has led to a passive attitude among residents, diminishing the effectiveness of local environmental preservation projects."
  2. Quoted text: "Worse than that, many tend to act as if they are truly passionate about making the world a more livable place and end up subconsciously finding it tame. This is also the answer for why they don’t seem to genuinely see the status quo, but counteract by consuming adverse items to the world. Especially in some countries, even though there are signs against littering with a fining warning, people would throw their things for good."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay touches on the idea that some individuals feign environmental concern but engage in environmentally harmful actions. However, the explanation is somewhat convoluted and lacks specificity. To improve, focus on providing a clearer and more concise explanation of why people may pretend to be environmentally conscious while engaging in contradictory behavior. Additionally, offer a specific example from your own knowledge or experience to illustrate this phenomenon.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, a disconcerting number of individuals feign passion for environmental causes while unconsciously undermining these efforts. This discrepancy arises from a disconnect between professed values and actual behavior. In my personal experience, I have observed individuals who claim to be environmentally conscious but frequently engage in activities that harm the environment, such as excessive consumption of single-use plastics, betraying their proclaimed commitment."
  3. Quoted text: "Nonetheless, the amount of people who are indifferent about our planet cannot account for that much to be claimed as the majority. Young people are fond of environmental problems more than ever, as that is included in their curriculum, an undetectable element in advertisements nowadays."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the essay attempts to refute the idea that the majority are indifferent to the environment, the argument lacks clarity and coherence. To enhance this section, provide a more structured explanation of why the indifference of a few does not represent the majority. Include a specific example from your own knowledge or experience to illustrate the active involvement of young people in environmental issues. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Contrary to the notion that a significant portion of the population is indifferent to environmental concerns, it is crucial to recognize that the apathy of a minority does not equate to a widespread disinterest. An illustrative example from my experience involves the heightened awareness among young people, who, due to environmental education embedded in their curriculum, actively participate in initiatives addressing environmental issues. This enthusiastic engagement counters the claim that the majority remains indifferent."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by highlighting the historical attention to environmental issues and the subsequent decline in awareness. Each paragraph maintains a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, although there is a slight overuse of the term "environment" in certain instances.

However, there are minor issues with cohesion within and between sentences, resulting in occasional awkward phrasing and a slight lack of smooth flow. The essay manages paragraphing sufficiently, but there are instances where paragraph breaks could be more logically placed for improved coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Refine the use of cohesive devices, ensuring they enhance the flow without being repetitive.
  2. Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
  3. Review paragraphing to ensure breaks occur at points where there is a shift in focus or topic, enhancing overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "pertains," "cohesion," and "conscientious," showing an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, like "heeded immensely" could be refined for better precision. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only rare errors.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, strive for more nuanced and precise vocabulary. Review and refine phrases like "heeded immensely" for more sophisticated expressions. Pay attention to the balance of uncommon lexical items, ensuring they are used accurately. Keep an eye on word choice and collocation to elevate the overall lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a generally sophisticated language use. There is good control of grammar and punctuation throughout, with frequent error-free sentences. The essay effectively presents a nuanced argument, discussing the role of authorities, the pretentious nature of some environmental awareness, and the contradiction in people’s actions. The language is generally accurate, but occasional errors are present. For instance, in the phrase "the ones who truly care are overweighing them," "overweighing" might be better replaced with "outweighing" for clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy, it would be beneficial to proofread the essay for minor errors and refine sentence structures. Additionally, precision in word choice could further elevate the overall coherence and clarity of the argument. Ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning to eliminate potential misunderstandings.

Bài sửa mẫu

The consistently precarious state of our environment has captured the attention of people worldwide for several decades. Initially, there was a significant response to nature’s plea for assistance. However, over time, the awareness has become somewhat superficial. This essay will delve into the notion of people not adequately acknowledging environmental issues, and it somewhat aligns with the given statement.

Governments and authorities are commonly viewed as the primary drivers of campaigns related to environmental preservation. This perception misleads individuals into believing that the responsibility does not rest with them. Consequently, the process of safeguarding the environment occurs inefficiently and lacks coordination.

Even more concerning is the fact that some individuals feign passion for creating a more habitable world but inadvertently contribute to its degradation. This behavior explains why they fail to genuinely perceive the current situation and instead counteract it by engaging in activities harmful to the environment. In certain countries, despite clear signs against littering accompanied by warnings of fines, people continue to dispose of their belongings indiscriminately.

Nevertheless, those who display indifference toward our planet constitute a minority. Today’s youth, in particular, exhibit a heightened awareness of environmental issues, thanks to their education, which incorporates these concerns into the curriculum. This awareness is further promoted subtly in contemporary advertisements. Consequently, there is a widespread effort to save energy, use eco-friendly products, and actively participate in organizations dedicated to maintaining a pollution-free world.

Financial initiatives and campaigns, such as the recent “Oral” project led by the acclaimed artist Bjork, castigating intensive salmon farming for its detrimental impact on aquatic environments, have been consistently implemented over the years. This is far from being an exhaustive list of efforts.

In conclusion, while some individuals may not prioritize environmental protection, they do not represent the majority. Those who genuinely care about the environment far outnumber them. A united front, without daunting divisions, would undoubtedly contribute to a better world, one where collective conscientiousness prevails.

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