Most people think that the Internet is good, others think that its disadvantages are more serious. What is your opinion? Talk about the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet.

In this day and age, our world tends to become a technology era, and one of the achievements of it is the Internet being accessible for everyone people to use the Internet. While most people believe the Internet is beneficial, others think its drawbacks are more risky. For this statement, I wholeheartedly agree that the Internet has both advantages and disadvantages which depend on the way people use them.

Firstly, the Internet makes our lives more convenient than the past. Most things these days are handled simply in a short time or even do not waste our labors. By using its profits, people can have more time to concentrate on their main purposes or dreams. In addition, there is enormous free information on the Internet that people completely have if they desire. For instance, people can search on the Internet for any information about their fields instead of checking or finding them in thick books.

On the other hand, people are lost-connected by the way the Internet affects us. Leading to fewer appointments with families, friends or other relationships because they can meet through the Internet frequently. Therefore, their concerns are mostly about living in a private world on the Internet, they may forget and lose different acquaintances around them.

In conclusion, although the Internet influences us in two ways, people still have choices to make them become their own effective tool.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"our world tends to become a technology era" -> "our world has become a technological era"
Explanation: "Tends to become" is vague and less definitive. "Has become" provides a clearer and more direct statement.
"accessible for everyone people to use the Internet" -> "accessible to everyone to use the Internet"
Explanation: "For everyone people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Accessible to everyone" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"most people believe" -> "many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Most people" can be seen as too general and informal. "Many individuals" is more precise and formal.
"its drawbacks are more risky" -> "its drawbacks pose greater risks"
Explanation: "More risky" is an informal and imprecise term. "Pose greater risks" is more formal and specific.
"wholeheartedly agree" -> "firmly agree"
Explanation: "Wholeheartedly" is an emotional term that is less suitable for academic writing. "Firmly" is neutral and appropriate for formal essays.
"the Internet makes our lives more convenient than the past" -> "the Internet has made our lives more convenient than in the past"
Explanation: "Makes" is present tense, which is less formal. Using "has made" in the past perfect tense improves the formality and clarity.
"Most things these days are handled simply in a short time or even do not waste our labors" -> "Many tasks are now accomplished quickly, without requiring labor"
Explanation: "Most things these days are handled simply in a short time or even do not waste our labors" is awkward and unclear. The revised version is more concise and formal.
"its profits" -> "its benefits"
Explanation: "Profits" incorrectly implies financial gain, whereas "benefits" correctly refers to advantages or positive outcomes.
"people completely have if they desire" -> "people have access to if they wish"
Explanation: "Completely have" is awkward and unclear. "Have access to" is more precise and formal.
"people are lost-connected" -> "people become disconnected"
Explanation: "Lost-connected" is a non-standard term. "Become disconnected" is the correct and formal expression.
"Leading to fewer appointments with families, friends or other relationships" -> "resulting in fewer appointments with family, friends, and other relationships"
Explanation: "Leading to" is less formal and slightly vague. "Resulting in" is more direct and formal.
"they may forget and lose different acquaintances around them" -> "they may forget and lose contact with acquaintances"
Explanation: "Different acquaintances around them" is redundant and informal. "Contact with acquaintances" is more precise and formal.
"although the Internet influences us in two ways" -> "although the Internet influences us in two distinct ways"
Explanation: "In two ways" is vague and informal. "In two distinct ways" specifies the nature of the influence, enhancing clarity and formality.
"people still have choices to make them become their own effective tool" -> "individuals still have the option to utilize the Internet as their own effective tool"
Explanation: "People still have choices to make them become" is awkward and unclear. "Individuals still have the option to utilize" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet. However, it does not fully explore these aspects in depth. The advantages are briefly mentioned, but the disadvantages are not sufficiently elaborated. For instance, while the essay states that the Internet makes life more convenient, it fails to provide specific examples or statistics to support this claim. Similarly, the discussion on disadvantages is vague and lacks concrete examples.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should aim to provide a balanced discussion with clear examples for both advantages and disadvantages. Including specific instances or data to illustrate points would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a position in the introduction, indicating that the author believes the Internet has both pros and cons. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the dual nature of the Internet but does not clearly articulate the author’s opinion or stance on which aspect is more significant.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the conclusion and ensure that each paragraph supports this stance. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the author’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet, but these ideas are not well-developed. For example, the point about the Internet providing free information is mentioned, but it lacks depth and supporting details. The disadvantages are also introduced but not sufficiently explored.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with examples, explanations, and possibly counterarguments. This could involve discussing specific benefits of the Internet, such as online education or telecommuting, and contrasting them with detailed examples of its drawbacks, such as cyberbullying or misinformation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the Internet’s advantages and disadvantages. However, some sentences are somewhat unclear or off-topic, such as the phrase "people are lost-connected by the way the Internet affects us," which lacks clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Clearer phrasing and more structured sentences would help in keeping the discussion on track. Additionally, avoiding vague language will enhance clarity.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas with specific examples, maintaining a clear position throughout, and ensuring clarity and coherence in their writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of the Internet to its disadvantages feels abrupt. The introduction states a balanced view but does not clearly outline the specific points that will be discussed, which can lead to confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should provide a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" for advantages and "On the other hand" for disadvantages can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first body paragraph discussing the advantages is relatively strong, but the second body paragraph on disadvantages lacks depth and clarity. The ideas presented in the second paragraph are somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. The writer should also aim to provide more detailed examples or explanations to support their points, especially in the disadvantages paragraph. For instance, elaborating on how the Internet affects personal relationships with specific scenarios could strengthen the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "On the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disconnected. For example, the transition between discussing the convenience of the Internet and its potential drawbacks could be more effectively linked.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help to avoid repetition and improve the flow of ideas. For instance, instead of repeating "the Internet," the writer could use "it" or "this technology" in subsequent references.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective phrases such as "technology era" and "enormous free information." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with the use of "Internet" and "people," which detracts from the overall richness of the language. For example, phrases like "the Internet is beneficial" and "its drawbacks are more risky" could be varied to enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of repeatedly using "Internet," alternatives like "online resources," "digital platform," or "web" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs would enrich the vocabulary, such as "significant advantages" instead of just "beneficial."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the way people use them," where "them" is unclear and could refer to the Internet or its advantages/disadvantages. The phrase "lost-connected" is also awkward and not standard English; a more precise term would be "disconnected." Furthermore, "profits" in "By using its profits" is misleading, as it suggests financial gain rather than benefits or advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that pronouns clearly refer to their antecedents. Instead of "them," specifying "the Internet’s advantages and disadvantages" would clarify the meaning. Additionally, replacing vague terms with more accurate vocabulary will strengthen the essay. For example, "benefits" could replace "profits," and "disconnected" should be used instead of "lost-connected."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "the Internet being accessible for everyone people to use the Internet" is awkwardly constructed, which may lead to confusion rather than spelling issues. The term "labors" is also used incorrectly in this context; "efforts" or "time" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall clarity, the writer should focus on sentence structure and word choice. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading more diverse texts can help reinforce correct spelling and usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay for awkward phrases and ensuring clarity can prevent confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and focusing on clarity will significantly elevate the essay’s quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence, "In this day and age, our world tends to become a technology era," uses a complex structure effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "people can" and "the Internet," which could be diversified. The use of phrases like "by using its profits" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "people can," try starting with phrases like "By utilizing the Internet," or "Through its vast resources." Additionally, integrating more complex sentences that combine ideas could improve the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the Internet being accessible for everyone people to use the Internet" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in the sentence "Therefore, their concerns are mostly about living in a private world on the Internet, they may forget and lose different acquaintances around them," which should be split into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on sentence clarity and structure. Review the use of conjunctions and punctuation to ensure that sentences are properly connected. For example, the problematic sentence could be revised to: "Therefore, their concerns are mostly about living in a private world on the Internet; as a result, they may forget and lose touch with different acquaintances around them." Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper article usage, will enhance overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, our world has become a technological era, and one of the significant achievements of this era is that the Internet is accessible to everyone. While many individuals believe the Internet is beneficial, others think its drawbacks pose greater risks. In this regard, I firmly agree that the Internet has both advantages and disadvantages, which largely depend on how people choose to use it.

Firstly, the Internet has made our lives more convenient than in the past. Many tasks are now accomplished quickly, without requiring much labor. By utilizing its benefits, people can have more time to concentrate on their main goals or dreams. Additionally, there is an enormous amount of free information available on the Internet that people can access if they wish. For instance, individuals can search online for information related to their fields instead of sifting through thick books.

On the other hand, people can become disconnected due to the way the Internet affects us. This leads to fewer appointments with family, friends, and other relationships, as they often prefer to meet virtually rather than in person. Consequently, their concerns may revolve around living in a private world online, and they may forget and lose contact with acquaintances around them.

In conclusion, although the Internet influences us in two distinct ways, individuals still have the option to utilize the Internet as their own effective tool.