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Most people try to balance between work and other parts of life. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

Most people try to balance between work and other parts of life. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

In this integrated society, numerous employees are trying to maintain their work-life balance as ideal as possible but a majority of them have failed to achieve it. This essay will elaborate on the negative impacts of this status quo as well as some feasible solutions to tackle it.

The failure to strike the work-life balance results in a deterioration of both mental and physical health. Firstly, there is no doubt that the more time workers work, the less time they have for relaxation. As people don't have enough time to unwind, their sleep deprivation tends to be inevitable. In addition, a survey has shown that lack of sleep and prolonged working schedules are the breeding grounds for depression and other deadly anxiety. Secondly, excessive working hours without a break are inextricably linked with continuously painful backaches and headaches. In the long term, it could wreak irrevocable havoc on people’s immune systems. Consequently, they may wear out and their productivity can be diminished.

Two initiatives can be launched to help maintain such equilibrium, including a more flexible schedule and proper support from their companies. Workers, especially newcomers, should adjust their timetables between their employment and other activities. In this way, they can have room for their leisure time rather than being a workaholic. Companies could also take some consideration in raising employees' salaries or giving cash bonuses to employees who work overtime. This can be a spiritual gift for your subordinates, encouraging them to work hard. Plus, it can make workers feel the joy of working and can be more productive.

To conclude, unhealthy mental and physical well-being and low worker efficiency are the most remarkable repercussions of poor work-life balance. However, there still exist different down-to-earth measures such as a flextime plan and company bonuses to enable workers to balance their lives and employment.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "numerous employees" -> "a substantial number of employees"
    Explanation: Replacing "numerous employees" with "a substantial number of employees" adds a level of formality to the statement, aligning with academic writing standards.

  2. "ideal as possible" -> "as ideally as possible"
    Explanation: Changing "ideal as possible" to "as ideally as possible" improves the phrasing, making it more precise and fitting for academic writing.

  3. "failed to achieve it" -> "have struggled to attain it"
    Explanation: Substituting "failed to achieve it" with "have struggled to attain it" introduces a more nuanced and academically appropriate expression.

  4. "negative impacts" -> "adverse effects"
    Explanation: Using "adverse effects" instead of "negative impacts" enhances the formality of the language while maintaining clarity.

  5. "status quo" -> "current situation"
    Explanation: Replacing "status quo" with "current situation" contributes to a more straightforward and formal expression in academic writing.

  6. "there is no doubt that" -> "undoubtedly"
    Explanation: Changing "there is no doubt that" to "undoubtedly" streamlines the sentence and strengthens the assertion, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  7. "don’t have" -> "do not have"
    Explanation: Substituting the contraction "don’t" with "do not" adheres to the formality expected in academic writing.

  8. "unwind" -> "relax"
    Explanation: Replacing "unwind" with "relax" maintains the meaning while opting for a more formal synonym.

  9. "breeding grounds" -> "precursors"
    Explanation: Using "precursors" instead of "breeding grounds" adds a more sophisticated touch to the description of the relationship between long working hours, lack of sleep, and mental health issues.

  10. "excessive working hours" -> "prolonged work hours"
    Explanation: Changing "excessive working hours" to "prolonged work hours" offers a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "inextricably linked with" -> "closely associated with"
    Explanation: Substituting "inextricably linked with" with "closely associated with" provides a more formal and precise connection between working hours and health issues.

  12. "wreak irrevocable havoc" -> "cause irreparable harm"
    Explanation: Replacing "wreak irrevocable havoc" with "cause irreparable harm" maintains the severity of the consequence while using more formal language.

  13. "initiatives can be launched" -> "measures can be implemented"
    Explanation: Changing "initiatives can be launched" to "measures can be implemented" offers a more formal and precise term for taking action.

  14. "feasible solutions" -> "viable solutions"
    Explanation: Substituting "feasible solutions" with "viable solutions" introduces a more sophisticated term while preserving the meaning.

  15. "timetables between their employment" -> "schedules between their work commitments"
    Explanation: Replacing "timetables between their employment" with "schedules between their work commitments" enhances the clarity and formality of the expression.

  16. "spiritual gift" -> "incentive"
    Explanation: Changing "spiritual gift" to "incentive" provides a more suitable and formal term in the context of motivating employees.

  17. "workers feel the joy of working" -> "employees experience job satisfaction"
    Explanation: Substituting "workers feel the joy of working" with "employees experience job satisfaction" conveys a more formal and precise idea.

  18. "different down-to-earth measures" -> "various practical measures"
    Explanation: Replacing "different down-to-earth measures" with "various practical measures" maintains clarity while using a more formal expression.

  19. "well-being" -> "health"
    Explanation: Using "health" instead of "well-being" simplifies the terminology while maintaining the intended meaning in a formal manner.

  20. "remarkable repercussions" -> "significant consequences"
    Explanation: Changing "remarkable repercussions" to "significant consequences" introduces a more formal and impactful term.

  21. "flextime plan" -> "flexible working schedule"
    Explanation: Substituting "flextime plan" with "flexible working schedule" provides a clearer and more formal description of the proposed measure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "In this integrated society, numerous employees are trying to maintain their work-life balance as ideal as possible but a majority of them have failed to achieve it."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively addresses the topic, setting up the discussion on work-life balance. However, it lacks a clear and specific statement of the writer’s position on the issue. Adding a concise thesis statement that outlines the writer’s stance would enhance the introduction’s effectiveness.
    • Improved example: "In this integrated society, while many employees strive for an ideal work-life balance, a significant majority grapple with the challenges of achieving it. This essay contends that addressing this issue is crucial for both individual well-being and overall productivity."
  2. Quoted text: "The failure to strike the work-life balance results in a deterioration of both mental and physical health."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The body paragraph efficiently outlines the consequences of poor work-life balance, providing relevant examples. However, the connection between the examples and the writer’s argument could be strengthened. Explicitly stating how each consequence relates to the overall point would make the paragraph more cohesive.
    • Improved example: "The failure to strike a balance between work and personal life has dire consequences for mental and physical health. For instance, the pervasive lack of leisure time contributes to sleep deprivation, a well-documented precursor to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Additionally, continuous working hours without breaks can lead to chronic backaches and headaches, posing long-term threats to the immune system."
  3. Quoted text: "Two initiatives can be launched to help maintain such equilibrium, including a more flexible schedule and proper support from their companies."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion introduces practical solutions to the issue, which is commendable. However, the suggested solutions lack specificity and depth. Providing more detailed and nuanced recommendations would strengthen the essay’s overall persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "To address this challenge, employees and companies must collaborate on initiatives for a better work-life balance. Implementing flexible schedules tailored to individual needs can empower workers to manage their time effectively. Furthermore, companies should not only offer financial incentives but also invest in comprehensive support programs, including stress management workshops and wellness initiatives, to foster a holistic approach to employee well-being."

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in enhancing the clarity of the writer’s position, strengthening the connections between examples and arguments, and providing more specific and nuanced solutions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure with clear progression of ideas. It begins by addressing the negative impacts of a poor work-life balance on mental and physical health. The first paragraph focuses on sleep deprivation and its association with mental health issues, while the second paragraph discusses the physical health consequences. The essay then smoothly transitions to proposed solutions in the third paragraph, suggesting a more flexible schedule and support from companies. Each paragraph maintains a clear central topic.

However, while the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within sentences, affecting the overall fluency. For example, the phrase "In this integrated society" lacks clear connection to the topic and might confuse the reader. Additionally, some sentences are complex and could benefit from clearer organization for improved coherence.

The use of paragraphing is evident, but it is not always logical. For instance, the introduction could be more concise, and the second paragraph might be better placed later in the essay to enhance the flow. Despite these issues, the overall organization and progression of ideas contribute to a moderate level of coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Refine sentence structures for clearer cohesion. Avoid introducing ideas abruptly.
  2. Ensure logical placement of paragraphs to enhance overall coherence.
  3. Use transition words more effectively to guide the reader through different parts of the essay.
  4. Aim for a more concise introduction that directly introduces the topic of work-life balance.
  5. Review and revise sentences for better clarity, eliminating any mechanical cohesion issues.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. It incorporates less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to an overall effective communication. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, but they do not significantly impede understanding. The essay effectively addresses the negative impacts of an imbalance between work and personal life and proposes feasible solutions.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, consider refining word choices for a more nuanced and sophisticated expression. Additionally, pay careful attention to spelling and word formation to reduce the occurrence of occasional errors. Ensure that the less common lexical items are used accurately and appropriately, further contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex constructions, demonstrating a good range. Most of the sentences are error-free, contributing to a strong control of grammar and punctuation. However, occasional errors in sentence construction and usage detract slightly from the overall accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical accuracy further, attention to precision in sentence structures and word choices can be beneficial. Proofreading for minor errors and refining complex sentence structures might raise the score to an 8.0.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our interconnected society, a substantial number of employees endeavor to uphold an ideal work-life balance, yet a considerable majority find it challenging to attain this equilibrium. This essay aims to delineate the adverse effects of this prevailing situation and propose viable solutions to address it.

The inability to achieve a harmonious work-life balance takes a toll on both mental and physical health. Initially, it is undeniable that the more time individuals devote to work, the less time they have for relaxation. Insufficient downtime inevitably leads to sleep deprivation, a precursor to various mental health issues. Additionally, research indicates that prolonged work hours are closely associated with the development of conditions such as depression and severe anxiety. Furthermore, extended periods of work without breaks are closely linked to persistent backaches and headaches, which, over time, can cause irreparable harm to individuals’ immune systems, resulting in reduced productivity.

To mitigate these challenges, various practical measures can be implemented. Firstly, introducing flexible working schedules allows employees, especially newcomers, to adjust their timetables to accommodate both work and leisure. This incentivizes a healthier balance, preventing individuals from becoming overcommitted to their professional obligations. Moreover, companies can play a pivotal role in promoting work-life equilibrium by providing proper support. This could manifest in the form of increased salaries or cash bonuses for those who undertake overtime work. Such incentives not only serve as a tangible acknowledgment of employees’ efforts but also act as a motivational tool, fostering job satisfaction and increased productivity.

In conclusion, the current situation where a substantial number of employees struggle to maintain an ideal work-life balance has significant consequences for mental and physical well-being, as well as overall work efficiency. However, various down-to-earth solutions, such as the implementation of flexible schedules and company incentives, can empower individuals to strike a healthier equilibrium between their professional and personal lives.

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