Most people would agree that education is a critical factor in a country’s development. Opinion is divided, however, on whether a developing country with limited resources should give priority to improving and expanding basic education for the masses or to providing a high quality tertiary education for the future leaders. What do you think?

Most people would agree that education is a critical factor in a country's development. Opinion is divided, however, on whether a developing country with limited resources should give priority to improving and expanding basic education for the masses or to providing a high quality tertiary education for the future leaders.
What do you think?

The main factor for the development of the country is education. However, there is still a debate about providing primary education for everyone or giving high-quality university education only to geniuses. In my opinion, the masses need to be given priority. I will discuss both perspectives on this issue.
On the one hand, investing in the future leaders may bring quick results. Prioritizing training a group of talented people can create a highly skilled workforce. They can meet the demands of industries and develop the economic of the country quickly. Moreover, investing in high-quality universities can attract talented individuals from other countries. They can bring new ideas and diverse perspectives to contribute to national development.
On the other hand, giving opportunities to the masses may receive more long-term benefits. First, providing basic education to everyone will enhance the literacy standards of a country. As a result, people will have essential skills and knowledge which are necessary for their personal development. Then, workforce quality will improve. Individuals who approach education will have enough ability to participate in the labor force and contribute to the economy. Moreover, it can improve the living standard in society. A well-educated population not only can minimize social problems such as discrimination or inequality but also contribute to social stability and reduce poverty rates.
In conclusion, I believe that the benefits a country receives from the masses have more influence than from a few individuals. If every citizen has the right to study and work, society will become more balanced and contribute to the country's overall progress.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "In my opinion" -> "From my perspective"
   Explanation: "In my opinion" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "From my perspective" maintains the author’s viewpoint while aligning better with formal language expectations.

2. "quick results" -> "prompt outcomes"
   Explanation: "Quick results" is a bit colloquial. "Prompt outcomes" offers a more formal alternative without losing clarity.

3. "the economic of the country" -> "the economy of the country"
   Explanation: "Economic" should be replaced with "economy" to correct the syntax and maintain academic formality.

4. "Moreover, investing in high-quality universities can attract talented individuals from other countries" -> "Furthermore, investing in high-quality universities can attract talented individuals from other countries"
   Explanation: "Moreover" can be replaced with "Furthermore" to enhance coherence and formality in transitioning to the next point.

5. "giving opportunities to the masses may receive more long-term benefits" -> "granting opportunities to the masses may yield more long-term benefits"
   Explanation: "Receive" can be replaced with "yield" for a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

6. "First, providing basic education to everyone will enhance the literacy standards of a country" -> "Initially, furnishing basic education to everyone will enhance the literacy standards of a country"
   Explanation: Adding "Initially" enhances the structure and formality of the argument by indicating the beginning of a sequence of points.

7. "As a result, people will have essential skills and knowledge which are necessary for their personal development" -> "Consequently, individuals will acquire essential skills and knowledge imperative for their personal development"
   Explanation: "As a result" can be replaced with "Consequently" for a smoother transition between ideas, and "which are necessary" can be simplified to "imperative" for conciseness and formality.

8. "Then, workforce quality will improve" -> "Subsequently, workforce quality will improve"
   Explanation: "Then" can be replaced with "Subsequently" for a more formal and structured transition.

9. "Moreover, it can improve the living standard in society" -> "Furthermore, it can enhance the standard of living in society"
   Explanation: "Improve the living standard" can be replaced with "enhance the standard of living" for a more formal and precise expression.

10. "A well-educated population not only can minimize social problems such as discrimination or inequality but also contribute to social stability and reduce poverty rates" -> "An educated populace can not only mitigate social issues such as discrimination or inequality but also foster social stability and alleviate poverty rates"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, using "populace" instead of "population," and rephrasing "can minimize" to "can mitigate" for a stronger academic tone.

11. "If every citizen has the right to study and work" -> "If every citizen is entitled to pursue education and employment"
    Explanation: "Has the right to study and work" can be replaced with "is entitled to pursue education and employment" for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both perspectives on whether a developing country should prioritize basic education for the masses or high-quality tertiary education for future leaders. It analyzes the potential benefits of both approaches and offers a conclusion.
  • How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, it could provide a more nuanced analysis by delving deeper into the specific advantages and challenges associated with each option. Additionally, linking back to the prompt more explicitly in the conclusion would reinforce the comprehensive addressing of all elements of the question.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that prioritizing basic education for the masses is preferable. This stance is evident throughout the essay, with consistent arguments in favor of providing opportunities to the general population.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, providing counterarguments and addressing them could further strengthen the clarity of the position by demonstrating a thoughtful consideration of opposing viewpoints.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and logical reasoning. It discusses the potential benefits of both approaches in depth, providing specific examples to illustrate its points.
  • How to improve: While the essay provides adequate support for its arguments, enhancing the depth of analysis by incorporating additional examples or empirical evidence could strengthen the overall argumentation. Moreover, ensuring a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs would improve the coherence and flow of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic throughout, discussing the merits of prioritizing basic education for the masses versus high-quality tertiary education for future leaders.
  • How to improve: To further ensure relevance to the topic, the essay could avoid general statements and tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the central argument. Focusing on the specific implications of each approach for a developing country’s development would enhance the essay’s coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument in favor of prioritizing basic education for the masses, there is room for improvement in providing a more nuanced analysis, reinforcing the clarity of the author’s position, enhancing the depth of argumentation, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. Incorporating these suggestions would elevate the essay’s overall quality and potentially result in a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It starts with an introduction that outlines the debate between providing basic education for all and high-quality tertiary education for a select few. Each body paragraph presents a different perspective, with the first discussing the advantages of investing in future leaders and the second focusing on the benefits of prioritizing education for the masses. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the author’s stance. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" and "In conclusion" help signal shifts in perspective and aid the reader in following the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the argument, with the introduction providing context, body paragraphs presenting arguments, and the conclusion summarizing the author’s viewpoint. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide deeper analysis and support for the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: Aim for more robust paragraph development by including additional supporting details, examples, or counterarguments where appropriate. This will strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay while providing a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. While some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "Moreover," are utilized, there is room for improvement in diversifying these devices to enhance coherence further. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more explicit referencing and pronoun usage to maintain clarity and cohesion.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional adverbs, to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents to avoid confusion and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a diverse range of vocabulary to convey ideas. For instance, terms such as "prioritizing," "talented individuals," "diverse perspectives," "literacy standards," and "social stability" enrich the expression. These choices exhibit an effort to vary lexical choices, contributing to the overall coherence and depth of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more specialized vocabulary relevant to the discussion of education and national development. For example, incorporating terms like "pedagogical strategies," "educational infrastructure," or "human capital development" could elevate the sophistication of the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying intended meanings. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise to strengthen the clarity of expression. For example, the use of "geniuses" to refer to potential recipients of tertiary education is somewhat vague and might benefit from a more specific term such as "academically gifted individuals" or "high-achieving students." Additionally, phrases like "quick results" and "long-term benefits" could be substituted with more precise descriptors to enhance specificity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider carefully selecting vocabulary that precisely captures the intended nuances of meaning. Utilize synonyms or related terms to express concepts more accurately. Moreover, pay close attention to context to ensure that chosen words align closely with the intended message, avoiding ambiguity or potential misinterpretation.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are a couple of instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "economic" instead of "economy" ("develop the economic of the country quickly"). Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
  • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and actively practicing spelling through regular writing exercises. Additionally, paying closer attention to common pitfalls, such as homophones or irregular spellings, can help minimize errors and ensure greater precision in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are effectively utilized throughout the essay. For instance, there are straightforward declarative sentences such as "The main factor for the development of the country is education," which provide clear statements. Additionally, the essay incorporates compound sentences like "They can bring new ideas and diverse perspectives to contribute to national development," which connect related ideas, enhancing coherence. Moreover, complex sentences are present, such as "Moreover, it can improve the living standard in society," which convey nuanced relationships between concepts.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence patterns, such as those with relative clauses or participial phrases. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and add depth to the analysis. For instance, instead of solely relying on conjunctions like "Moreover" or "On the other hand," explore variations in sentence structure to vary the rhythm and flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates overall proficiency in grammar and punctuation usage. Most sentences are grammatically correct, contributing to clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "Prioritizing training a group of talented people can create a highly skilled workforce" are grammatically sound and effectively convey the intended meaning. Punctuation marks are appropriately employed to separate clauses and indicate pauses, aiding readability. However, there are instances where minor errors occur, such as missing articles ("investing in high-quality universities") or inconsistent verb tense usage ("First, providing basic education to everyone will enhance the literacy standards").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on consistent and precise verb tense usage throughout the essay. Ensure that articles (such as "a," "an," or "the") are appropriately included where needed to maintain clarity and completeness of expression. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure seamless sentence construction. Proofreading the essay carefully for such errors before final submission can help refine the grammatical precision of the writing. Furthermore, consider refining punctuation usage, especially regarding the correct placement of commas and the appropriate use of semicolons or colons to enhance sentence structure and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Education stands as a paramount factor in a country’s advancement. However, there persists a debate regarding whether to prioritize extending basic education to the masses or to solely invest in providing top-tier tertiary education for potential leaders in developing nations. From my perspective, granting priority to the masses holds greater significance. Let us explore both viewpoints.

On one hand, channeling resources into grooming future leaders might yield swift outcomes. Focusing on nurturing a cadre of exceptionally talented individuals can cultivate a highly proficient workforce. Such individuals can aptly meet industry demands, thereby fostering rapid economic development. Furthermore, investing in high-caliber universities has the potential to attract skilled individuals from abroad, introducing novel ideas and diverse perspectives that can enrich national progress.

On the other hand, affording opportunities to the masses may yield more long-term benefits. Initially, furnishing basic education to everyone will enhance a country’s literacy standards. Consequently, individuals will acquire essential skills and knowledge imperative for their personal development. Subsequently, workforce quality will improve, as those with access to education will possess the necessary competencies to actively participate in the labor force, thus bolstering economic growth. Furthermore, it can enhance the standard of living in society. An educated populace can not only mitigate social issues such as discrimination or inequality but also foster social stability and alleviate poverty rates.

In conclusion, the advantages accruing from empowering the masses outweigh those from focusing solely on a select few. If every citizen is entitled to pursue education and employment, society will become more balanced, contributing significantly to the country’s overall progress.