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Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe nations should invest more in skills and vocational training than university education. In this essay, I partly agree with this statement.
There are several advantages of vocational training. Initially, vocational training provides students with skills directly related to their intended trade, which makes it much easier for them to find a job once they are qualified. For example, those training to become an electrician learn the exact skills and knowledge required for the occupation, making it much easier for them to find a job quickly and start earning money. Moreover, vocational training is often much shorter and far less expensive than university-level qualifications. Indeed, Vocational training courses are often completed within 12 months or less to equip students with the skills and knowledge to enter the labor force quickly the cost of vocational training is usually much cheaper than university tuition fees because vocational training often is sponsored by the government to meet the demand of the job market.
On the other hand, there are several advantages to the academic training . Initially, a university is a place to educate and teach high-level training. Indeed, society needs a high-skilled level citizen to manage and manufacture the economy. For example, no company practices the advancement of technology without high-skill labor. Additionally, some majors require a bachelor's degree to understand and practice them easily such as Robotics, and Artificial intelligence. To be specific, these subjects are quite sophisticated for people who do not have the skill and knowledge to manufacture.
In conclusion, I partly agree with this statement because its training is related to the job and it is cheap and less time to train although the universities training has own advantages as practice high-skilled labor


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In this essay, I partly agree with this statement." -> "In this essay, I partially concur with this assertion."
    Explanation: Replacing "partly agree" with "partially concur" elevates the formality of the language while maintaining the nuanced expression of agreement.

  2. "There are several advantages of vocational training." -> "Vocational training offers numerous advantages."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative streamlines the sentence, providing a more concise and formal expression without altering the meaning.

  3. "Initially, vocational training provides students with skills directly related to their intended trade, which makes it much easier for them to find a job once they are qualified." -> "Primarily, vocational training imparts skills directly pertinent to the intended trade, facilitating a smoother job search upon qualification."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality by replacing "initially" with "primarily" and rephrasing for clarity and precision.

  4. "Moreover, vocational training is often much shorter and far less expensive than university-level qualifications." -> "Furthermore, vocational training is frequently of shorter duration and entails lower costs compared to university-level qualifications."
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce more sophisticated transition words ("Furthermore") and emphasize the comparative aspects with refined language.

  5. "Indeed, Vocational training courses are often completed within 12 months or less to equip students with the skills and knowledge to enter the labor force quickly the cost of vocational training is usually much cheaper than university tuition fees because vocational training often is sponsored by the government to meet the demand of the job market." -> "Indeed, vocational training courses are typically completed within 12 months or less, providing students with the requisite skills and knowledge for swift entry into the labor force. Moreover, the cost of vocational training is generally lower than university tuition fees, as governments often sponsor vocational programs to address job market demands."
    Explanation: This revision addresses run-on sentences, enhances clarity, and incorporates a more formal structure.

  6. "On the other hand, there are several advantages to the academic training." -> "Conversely, there are distinct advantages to academic education."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the informal "On the other hand" with "Conversely" for a more formal transition, while also refining the phrase "academic training" to "academic education" for precision.

  7. "Indeed, society needs a high-skilled level citizen to manage and manufacture the economy." -> "Indeed, society requires highly skilled individuals to oversee and contribute to economic processes."
    Explanation: This alteration replaces "high-skilled level citizen" with "highly skilled individuals" for grammatical correctness and uses more formal language for better alignment with academic tone.

  8. "For example, no company practices the advancement of technology without high-skill labor." -> "For instance, technological advancements in any company necessitate the employment of highly skilled labor."
    Explanation: The suggested change improves the syntax and formality of the sentence, ensuring a more academically appropriate expression.

  9. "Additionally, some majors require a bachelor’s degree to understand and practice them easily such as Robotics, and Artificial intelligence." -> "Furthermore, certain majors, such as Robotics and Artificial Intelligence, demand a bachelor’s degree for a comprehensive understanding and proficient practice."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal transition ("Furthermore") and enhances clarity and precision in the description of majors requiring a bachelor’s degree.

  10. "In conclusion, I partly agree with this statement because its training is related to the job and it is cheap and less time to train although the universities training has own advantages as practice high-skilled labor." -> "In conclusion, I partially agree with this assertion because vocational training is job-specific, cost-effective, and requires less time. However, academic education possesses its own merits, particularly in cultivating high-skilled labor."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality, clarity, and precision in summarizing the argument and align the language more closely with academic conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Some believe nations should invest more in skills and vocational training than university education. In this essay, I partly agree with this statement."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is generally clear in presenting your position, but it would be beneficial to provide a concise overview of the main points you intend to discuss in the essay. This would enhance the structure of your essay and guide the reader on what to expect.
    • Improved example: "Some argue that nations should prioritize investment in skills and vocational training over university education. In this essay, I partially agree with this perspective. I will discuss the advantages of vocational training, such as job relevance and cost-effectiveness, while also acknowledging the importance of academic education for high-skilled professions."
  2. Quoted text: "Indeed, Vocational training courses are often completed within 12 months or less to equip students with the skills and knowledge to enter the labor force quickly the cost of vocational training is usually much cheaper than university tuition fees because vocational training often is sponsored by the government to meet the demand of the job market."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the duration and cost of vocational training is valid, but the sentence is lengthy and lacks clarity. Break down the information into separate sentences to improve readability. Additionally, provide specific examples or personal experiences to support your claim and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Indeed, vocational training courses, typically completed within 12 months, swiftly prepare students for the workforce. Moreover, the cost of vocational training is often significantly lower than university tuition fees, thanks to government sponsorship aimed at meeting job market demands. For instance, government-backed programs in various countries have successfully reduced financial barriers for aspiring professionals."
  3. Quoted text: "Additionally, some majors require a bachelor’s degree to understand and practice them easily such as Robotics, and Artificial intelligence. To be specific, these subjects are quite sophisticated for people who do not have the skill and knowledge to manufacture."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument in favor of university education is valid, but the expression could be more precise. Instead of stating the obvious, delve into why certain majors, like Robotics and Artificial Intelligence, necessitate academic training. Provide concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate the complexity of these subjects and how university education equips individuals with the required depth of knowledge.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, certain disciplines like Robotics and Artificial Intelligence demand a comprehensive understanding that goes beyond basic skills. For instance, navigating the intricate algorithms and emerging technologies in these fields requires a deep theoretical foundation, often provided by university education. Without this academic grounding, individuals might struggle to grasp the complexities of programming and innovation essential for success in these cutting-edge industries."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear position and addresses the task adequately. To enhance your score, focus on refining your expressions for better clarity and supporting your arguments with specific examples or personal experiences.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas with clear overall progression. The introduction and conclusion frame the essay effectively, providing a clear stance. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are instances where the flow could be improved. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively, but there are occasional faults in cohesion within and between sentences. Some ideas lack clarity due to awkward phrasing. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 but requires more consistent cohesion and improved sentence-level coherence.
How to improve: Focus on maintaining a consistent flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used more consistently and accurately. Revise sentences for clarity and coherence, avoiding awkward phrasing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. The essay has some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

The writer effectively uses a variety of vocabulary to discuss the advantages of both vocational training and university education. There is a good attempt to incorporate less common words and phrases, enhancing the overall lexical range. However, some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "its training" (it’s training) and "practice high-skilled labor" (produce high-skilled labor), slightly affect the accuracy.

Additionally, while the essay contains some spelling and word formation errors (e.g., "manufacture" instead of "manage" in the sentence "to manage and manufacture the economy"), they do not obstruct the overall understanding of the text.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should aim for more precision in word choice and ensure accurate collocation. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is crucial, and careful consideration of the context in which each word is used can help eliminate inaccuracies. Furthermore, maintaining a consistently formal tone throughout the essay would contribute to a more sophisticated lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is a fair range of sentence structures used throughout the essay, contributing to its overall coherence. The candidate successfully conveys ideas using a combination of basic and more complex sentences. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, which, while not severely impacting communication, are present and detract from the overall accuracy. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "its training" instead of "this training" and "the universities training" instead of "university training."

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on eliminating common errors, especially those related to subject-verb agreement. Additionally, a careful proofreading to address punctuation errors is recommended. It’s essential to maintain consistency in using complex structures and ensure that they do not compromise accuracy. Moreover, expanding the range of complex structures used in the essay would contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a growing belief that nations should prioritize investing in skills and vocational training over university education. In this essay, I partially agree with this viewpoint.

Vocational training offers distinct advantages. Firstly, it equips students with skills directly applicable to their chosen profession, facilitating quick employment upon qualification. For instance, individuals training as electricians acquire precise skills essential for their trade, enhancing their job prospects and enabling swift entry into the workforce. Furthermore, vocational training is often more time-efficient and cost-effective than university education. Typically completed within 12 months or less, these courses swiftly prepare students for the job market. The cost is also usually lower as governments often sponsor vocational training to meet job market demands.

Conversely, there are merits to academic education. Universities serve as institutions for high-level education and training. A society requires highly skilled individuals to effectively manage and drive economic growth. For instance, fields like Robotics and Artificial Intelligence demand a bachelor’s degree for a comprehensive understanding and application. These subjects are intricate and necessitate specialized knowledge for effective implementation.

In conclusion, I partially agree with the notion that nations should allocate more resources to skills and vocational training due to its job relevance, cost-effectiveness, and efficiency. However, it’s crucial to recognize the unique advantages of university education, particularly in producing highly skilled professionals necessary for technological advancements and complex fields like Robotics and Artificial Intelligence.

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