Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work,
rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, people have remained divided over the type of education that should
deserve investment from countries. Although I agree that vocational education should have
a deserving investment from nations, I believe that academic education is also worthy to be
channeled into.
On the one hand, it is understandable why vocational programs should be invested in by the
nation. Firstly, vocational training plays a crucial role in equipping people with practical skills
needed for specific industries. For example, some students who want to have a job in the
manufacturing, construction, or healthcare industry can acquire the knowledge and skills
through hands-on experience and specific training from vocational programs, which helps
them easily find an occupation in their exact field. Secondly, students can save both time
and money by studying in vocational schools. Because of the shorter duration and cheaper
tuition fee of vocational training compared to university education, students would get a job
quickly and have financial savings during their education.
On the other hand, higher education also needs to be funded by the country. Firstly, learning
in higher education helps students to have broader career options as a major can include
different subjects covering many aspects. For example, when students major in business,
they can also be taught about business management, accounting, marketing and human
resources, so there are a host of jobs they can choose from after graduation. In addition,
students who study in academic education have an advantage in the job market and can
advance in their careers. Since big companies are often looking for people with university
degree holders and higher level skills, students having a college degree are likely to be
employed and put in a strong position in the company, making it easier for them to get
promoted in the future.
In conclusion, while vocational training is an important educated choice that needs to have
an investment, university education is also deserving to be diverted to. Government should
equally allocate to both types of education because of their merits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "deserve investment from countries" -> "warrant investment from governments"
   Explanation: The phrase "deserve investment from countries" is somewhat awkward and unclear. "Warrant investment from governments" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context, emphasizing the justification for investment in education programs.

2. "is also worthy to be channeled into" -> "also merits investment"
   Explanation: "Worthy to be channeled into" is somewhat informal and vague. "Merits investment" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.

3. "plays a crucial role in equipping people with practical skills" -> "plays a pivotal role in equipping individuals with practical skills"
   Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" enhances the formality of the language, and "pivotal" is a more precise synonym for "crucial," adding nuance to the description of the role of vocational training.

4. "can acquire the knowledge and skills" -> "can gain the knowledge and skills"
   Explanation: "Acquire" is slightly more formal than "gain," which is suitable for academic writing.

5. "helps them easily find an occupation" -> "facilitates their entry into employment"
   Explanation: "Facilitates their entry into employment" is more formal and precise than "helps them easily find an occupation," which is somewhat informal and vague.

6. "save both time and money" -> "save time and money"
   Explanation: The phrase "save both time and money" is redundant. Simplifying it to "save time and money" maintains the intended meaning without redundancy.

7. "Because of the shorter duration and cheaper tuition fee" -> "Due to the shorter duration and lower tuition fees"
   Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "Because of," and "lower tuition fees" is grammatically correct and more precise than "cheaper tuition fee."

8. "have an advantage in the job market" -> "enjoy an advantage in the job market"
   Explanation: "Enjoy" is more appropriate in this context, as it implies a positive outcome, which is more suitable for academic writing.

9. "have an advantage in the job market and can advance in their careers" -> "enjoy an advantage in the job market and can advance their careers"
   Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "enjoy" is more formal and precise than "have," and removing "their" before "careers" corrects the grammatical structure.

10. "Government should equally allocate to both types of education" -> "Governments should allocate equally to both types of education"
    Explanation: "Governments" should be plural to match the context of multiple countries, and "allocate equally" is grammatically correct and clearer than "allocate to."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both vocational training and university education. The writer clearly states their agreement with the need for investment in vocational education while also acknowledging the value of academic education. This balanced approach demonstrates a nuanced understanding of the topic. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit delineation of the extent of agreement, as the phrase "deserving investment" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer could explicitly state the extent of their agreement in the introduction, perhaps by using phrases like "I strongly agree that…" or "I partially agree that…". This would provide a clearer framework for the reader and help in structuring the argument more effectively.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both forms of education deserve funding, but it occasionally wavers in emphasis. While the introduction and conclusion reflect this dual focus, the body paragraphs could be more assertive in reinforcing the writer’s stance on the importance of vocational training relative to university education.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph not only presents information but also reinforces their position. For instance, after discussing the merits of vocational training, a direct statement reiterating its importance compared to university education would strengthen the argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect back to the main argument would enhance coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the practical skills gained through vocational training and the broader career options available through university education. However, some points could be developed further. For instance, while the essay mentions that vocational training saves time and money, it could elaborate on how this impacts students’ long-term career prospects.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the writer should aim to extend their ideas with more detailed examples or statistics. For instance, including data on employment rates for vocational graduates versus university graduates could provide a stronger foundation for their claims. Additionally, exploring potential drawbacks of each educational path could create a more balanced discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the merits of both vocational and university education. However, the conclusion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. The phrase "equally allocate to both types of education" may suggest a lack of prioritization, which could confuse the reader regarding the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the conclusion should reiterate the writer’s position more clearly. Instead of suggesting equal allocation, the writer could specify a recommendation for prioritizing vocational training while also acknowledging the importance of university education. This would provide a more definitive answer to the prompt and reinforce the overall argument.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score, demonstrating a more robust engagement with the task and a clearer articulation of the writer’s position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs for both vocational and university education, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the benefits of vocational training, while the second addresses the merits of higher education. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother, as the shift from discussing vocational training to higher education feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in focus, such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the essay’s argumentation.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by examples. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the final thoughts without a clear separation from the previous content.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and summarizes the key points without introducing new information. You might also consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain clarity and focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel repetitive, particularly the use of "Firstly" and "Secondly."
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid redundancy and enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "students," you might use "they" or "these individuals" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future evaluations.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "vocational training," "practical skills," and "higher education." However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly in phrases like "students can save both time and money" and "students who study in academic education." This repetition limits the lexical variety and richness expected for a higher band score.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "trainees" could be used. Additionally, phrases like "financial savings" could be replaced with "cost-effectiveness" or "economic benefits" to diversify language use.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "deserving investment" is somewhat awkward and could be more clearly expressed. Similarly, "have an advantage in the job market" is vague and could be articulated more precisely to convey the specific benefits of higher education.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of "deserving investment," they could say "meriting increased funding." Additionally, replacing vague phrases with more concrete descriptions, such as specifying "increased employability" instead of "an advantage in the job market," would enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. However, there are instances where spelling could be improved, such as in "educated choice," which should be "educational choice." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can further solidify spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the quality of the writing but also contribute to a more compelling argument in response to the essay prompt.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "it is understandable why vocational programs should be invested in by the nation" showcases a complex structure. Additionally, the essay effectively employs cohesive devices such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" to transition between ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly with "students" and "vocational training," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider using more varied subject phrases and introductory clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "students," you could use phrases like "Individuals pursuing vocational training" or "Those enrolled in higher education." Incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can also add depth to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "deserving investment from nations" could be more accurately phrased as "deserving of investment from nations." Additionally, the use of commas is mostly correct, but there are a few places where they could enhance clarity, such as in the sentence "Because of the shorter duration and cheaper tuition fee of vocational training compared to university education," where a comma after "education" would improve readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to prepositions and phrasing. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will help clarify your writing. Reading your essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence structure could be improved for clarity.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, people have remained divided over the type of education that should warrant investment from countries. Although I agree that vocational education merits investment from nations, I believe that academic education also deserves funding.

On the one hand, it is understandable why vocational programs should receive support from the nation. Firstly, vocational training plays a pivotal role in equipping individuals with practical skills needed for specific industries. For example, students aspiring to work in manufacturing, construction, or healthcare can gain the knowledge and skills through hands-on experience and specialized training from vocational programs, which facilitates their entry into employment in their chosen fields. Secondly, students can save both time and money by studying in vocational schools. Due to the shorter duration and lower tuition fees of vocational training compared to university education, students can quickly secure a job and enjoy financial savings during their studies.

On the other hand, higher education also merits funding from the country. Firstly, learning in higher education helps students to have broader career options, as a major can encompass various subjects covering many aspects. For instance, when students major in business, they can also learn about business management, accounting, marketing, and human resources, providing them with a diverse range of job opportunities after graduation. In addition, students who pursue academic education enjoy an advantage in the job market and can advance their careers. Since large companies often seek individuals with university degrees and higher-level skills, those holding a college degree are likely to be employed and positioned strongly within the company, making it easier for them to achieve promotions in the future.

In conclusion, while vocational training is an important educational choice that deserves investment, university education is also worthy of funding. Governments should allocate resources equally to both types of education due to their significant merits.