Newspapers are less important nowadays because we have up-to-date access to the news on the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, reading news from online platforms is becoming more popular all over the world. As a result, many people believe that traditional newspapers should be replaced by online news since they are less important than before. In my opinion, I totally agree with the viewpoint that there is no need to produce the paper-based newspaper anymore because of its demerits.
The most significant reason for this change is the explosion of modern technology. It means that people now can easily access the internet and feel free to choose the news categories which they are interested in. For example, a Vietnamese user can immediately receive the latest news from many kinds of online newspapers such as VTV News, 24h news, or Vietnamese Weather Forecast when he opens his smartphone or private laptop. Hence, no matter where or when, people can easily read the up-to-date news from the internet without waiting a few days.
Another reason for this matter is that modern people are more concerned about the environmental problems including cutting down the green trees for the traditional newspaper products. In fact, trees are the crucial elements in the biological system, they are not only providing oxygen for humans, but they also are the habitat places for flora and fauna species. And hence, the exploitation and use of a large amount of woods for paper- based newspapers means that they are damaging the planet gradually.
In conclusion, it is clear that accessing online platforms for reading news purposes instead of using traditional newspapers brings many merits for users.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"In modern society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: Replacing "modern" with "contemporary" adds a more formal and precise touch to the description of the current era.
"many people believe that" -> "many individuals contend that"
Explanation: Substituting "believe" with "contend" elevates the level of formality and emphasizes a more assertive expression of opinion.
"totally agree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: "Totally" is a colloquial term; using "strongly" enhances the intensity of agreement in a more formal manner.
"there is no need" -> "it is unnecessary"
Explanation: Replacing the phrase with a more formal equivalent, "it is unnecessary," contributes to a more academic tone.
"because of its demerits" -> "due to its drawbacks"
Explanation: "Demerits" is somewhat informal; "drawbacks" is a more formal term, fitting for academic writing.
"explosion of modern technology" -> "proliferation of modern technology"
Explanation: "Explosion" may be seen as too informal; "proliferation" is a more sophisticated term suitable for academic writing.
"feel free to choose" -> "have the freedom to choose"
Explanation: "Feel free" is a casual expression; replacing it with "have the freedom to choose" maintains formality.
"when he opens his smartphone or private laptop" -> "upon accessing their smartphone or personal laptop"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and aligns better with academic language.
"Hence, no matter where or when" -> "Thus, irrespective of location or time"
Explanation: "Hence" is replaced with "Thus," and the expression is refined for a more academic tone.
"up-to-date news" -> "current news"
Explanation: While "up-to-date" is not incorrect, "current" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"Another reason for this matter" -> "Another factor contributing to this issue"
Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and precise introduction to the following point.
"modern people" -> "contemporary individuals"
Explanation: "Modern" is replaced with "contemporary" for a more formal and refined expression.
"concerned about the environmental problems" -> "concerned about environmental issues"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "environmental issues" maintains clarity without sacrificing formality.
"cutting down the green trees" -> "felling mature trees"
Explanation: "Cutting down the green trees" is colloquial; "felling mature trees" is a more formal and precise choice.
"crucial elements in the biological system" -> "vital components of the ecosystem"
Explanation: "Biological system" is replaced with "ecosystem" for a more precise and academically suitable term.
"habitat places" -> "habitats"
Explanation: "Habitat places" is simplified to "habitats" for conciseness and formality.
"flora and fauna species" -> "flora and fauna"
Explanation: "Species" is redundant here; "flora and fauna" is comprehensive and concise.
"exploitation and use of a large amount of woods" -> "excessive exploitation of timber resources"
Explanation: "Woods" is replaced with "timber resources" for a more specific and formal expression.
"for paper-based newspapers" -> "in the production of paper-based newspapers"
Explanation: Adding "in the production of" provides clarity and formality to the sentence.
"damaging the planet gradually" -> "gradually causing harm to the planet"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality while expressing the idea more precisely.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "In my opinion, I totally agree with the viewpoint that there is no need to produce the paper-based newspaper anymore because of its demerits."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your opinion is clearly stated, the introduction lacks a brief overview of the main points you will discuss. Adding a roadmap for your essay would enhance its structure and guide the reader. For example, you can mention the reasons supporting your agreement, providing a preview of what follows.
- Improved example: "In my opinion, I strongly agree that traditional paper-based newspapers are becoming obsolete due to various drawbacks. In this essay, I will delve into the technological advancements that favor online news consumption and the environmental concerns associated with paper production."
Quoted text: "Another reason for this matter is that modern people are more concerned about the environmental problems including cutting down the green trees for the traditional newspaper products."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about environmental concerns is valid, but it lacks development. Expanding on how the shift to online news positively impacts the environment, without relying on the negative aspects of traditional newspapers, would strengthen your argument. Provide specific examples or details related to the environmental benefits of online news consumption.
- Improved example: "Furthermore, the transition to online news not only aligns with modern people’s environmental consciousness but also contributes positively to our ecosystems. By eliminating the need for extensive paper production, online news consumption helps preserve our forests, reducing deforestation and promoting a sustainable future."
Quoted text: "In conclusion, it is clear that accessing online platforms for reading news purposes instead of using traditional newspapers brings many merits for users."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your conclusion summarizes your stance but lacks a restatement of the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. Reinforcing the key reasons supporting your agreement and emphasizing their significance will leave a lasting impression on the reader. Avoid introducing new ideas; instead, consolidate your main arguments.
- Improved example: "In conclusion, the transition to online news platforms offers numerous advantages over traditional newspapers. From immediate access to personalized news categories to the positive environmental impact, it is evident that embracing online platforms enhances the news-reading experience in contemporary society."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis statement, and each paragraph follows a coherent structure. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, contributing to the overall coherence of the text. The writer skillfully manages paragraphing, with each paragraph focused on a central topic. Additionally, the use of examples, like mentioning specific online newspapers, enhances the clarity and coherence of the argument.
How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider expanding on the second reason mentioned in the body paragraph about environmental concerns. Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the argument. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis statement for a more comprehensive closure to the essay. Avoid minor errors in language use for a smoother reading experience. Overall, maintaining this level of logical organization while refining supporting details will enhance the essay’s coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, supporting a Band 7 score. The candidate effectively uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay discusses the impact of modern technology and environmental concerns in a coherent manner, employing a variety of vocabulary to convey ideas. There are occasional errors in word choice, such as "they are damaging the planet gradually," which could be improved for greater accuracy.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the candidate could focus on refining word choice for more precise expression. Attention to detail in selecting words and phrases would help minimize occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, introducing a greater variety of sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can further elevate the lexical quality of the essay, moving towards a Band 8 score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.5
Explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, attempting to convey ideas effectively. There is an effort to use varied sentence forms, although some errors in grammar and punctuation are present. The essay effectively communicates the reasons for the shift towards online news consumption, addressing technological advancements and environmental concerns.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures further. Work on precision in grammar and punctuation to minimize errors and improve clarity. Additionally, aim for a smoother flow between ideas by structuring complex sentences more accurately.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, many individuals contend that newspapers are less important nowadays due to the proliferation of modern technology. I strongly agree with this perspective because of its drawbacks.
The primary reason for this shift is the ease of access brought about by technological advancements. Individuals now have the freedom to choose their preferred news categories upon accessing their smartphone or personal laptop. For instance, a person in Vietnam can instantly access the latest news from various online newspapers like VTV News, 24h news, or Vietnamese Weather Forecast with just a few clicks. Thus, irrespective of location or time, people can easily stay informed without the delay of traditional print media.
Another factor contributing to this issue is the growing concern among contemporary individuals about environmental issues. The felling of mature trees for paper-based newspapers is particularly worrisome. Trees are vital components of the ecosystem, serving as habitats for flora and fauna while providing oxygen crucial for human survival. The excessive exploitation of timber resources in newspaper production is gradually causing harm to the planet’s delicate balance.
In conclusion, the shift towards accessing news through online platforms instead of relying on traditional newspapers offers numerous benefits for users. This change not only ensures real-time access to current news but also addresses the pressing environmental concerns associated with paper production.