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Not enough students choose science subjects in universities in many countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?

Not enough students choose science subjects in universities in many countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?

In a knowledge-based society, there is a decline in the number of young people who pursue a degree in science in tertiary education. I will elaborate several causes as well as implications this trend poses in society.

To begin with, students may have various reasons why they are likely to choose other fields instead of studying STEM. Firstly, some students said that they don’t want to pursue science because they find it hard. There is a lot of specialized knowledge and difficult theories. Consider biology as an illustration, students need to learn about the human body and animal body in detail such as about muscles, nerves or hairs. Another worth-mentioning reason is that a significant number of youth think learning science is not useful for their career. There is no doubt that many careers are not related to science fields like singers, artists or tailors. Therefore, many students who pursue these careers may find the science subject boring, redundant and time-consuming.

On the other hand, this tendency can lead to several problems in society. A decline in the number of science students can contribute to the lack of personnel in science fields, especially doctors. It will be an alarming issue if the world doesn't have enough human resources in doctors. Therefore, patients may face inadequate medical care and also doctors need to have pressure with heavy workload. As a result, medical fields may decline and lead to an imbalance in society. Besides, if young people don’t study science, they can limit their knowledge in this subject. Although future careers are not related to science, young people should extend their knowledge by learning general science. As a result, students can deal with some daily problems easily. For instance, knowing to drink warm water when unwell or avoid combining mike with lemon due to curdling.

In conclusion, science is an important subject that can be applied in future careers and even daily life. Thus, the government and schools should encourage more young people to learn science in university.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "I will elaborate several causes as well as implications this trend poses in society." -> "I will elucidate various causes and ramifications that this trend presents in society."
    Explanation: Replacing "elaborate several causes as well as implications" with "elucidate various causes and ramifications" adds precision and formality to the statement, aligning it more closely with academic style.

  2. "Firstly, some students said that they don’t want to pursue science because they find it hard." -> "Firstly, some students have expressed a reluctance to pursue science due to its perceived difficulty."
    Explanation: Substituting "said that they don’t want to" with "have expressed a reluctance to" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence while avoiding colloquial language.

  3. "Consider biology as an illustration, students need to learn about the human body and animal body in detail such as about muscles, nerves or hairs." -> "Consider biology as an illustration; students are required to delve into intricate aspects of the human and animal bodies, encompassing muscles, nerves, and hair structures."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, and replacing "learn about the human body and animal body in detail such as about" with "delve into intricate aspects of the human and animal bodies, encompassing" improves academic tone and precision.

  4. "Another worth-mentioning reason is that a significant number of youth think learning science is not useful for their career." -> "Another noteworthy reason is that a substantial number of young individuals believe that studying science is not advantageous for their careers."
    Explanation: Substituting "worth-mentioning" with "noteworthy" and "a significant number of youth" with "a substantial number of young individuals" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  5. "Therefore, many students who pursue these careers may find the science subject boring, redundant and time-consuming." -> "Hence, students opting for these careers may perceive science subjects as tedious, repetitive, and time-intensive."
    Explanation: Replacing "find the science subject boring, redundant and time-consuming" with "perceive science subjects as tedious, repetitive, and time-intensive" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.

  6. "It will be an alarming issue if the world doesn’t have enough human resources in doctors." -> "It would pose a significant concern if the world were to face a shortage of human resources in the medical profession."
    Explanation: Substituting "It will be an alarming issue if" with "It would pose a significant concern if" adds conditional nuance and elevates the formality of the expression.

  7. "Therefore, patients may face inadequate medical care and also doctors need to have pressure with heavy workload." -> "Consequently, patients may encounter insufficient medical care, and physicians may experience the burden of a heavy workload."
    Explanation: Refining the sentence structure and replacing "also doctors need to have pressure with heavy workload" with "physicians may experience the burden of a heavy workload" improves clarity and formality.

  8. "Besides, if young people don’t study science, they can limit their knowledge in this subject." -> "Moreover, if young individuals neglect the study of science, they may constrain their understanding of this subject."
    Explanation: Replacing "Besides" with "Moreover" and "can limit" with "may constrain" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  9. "Although future careers are not related to science, young people should extend their knowledge by learning general science." -> "Even if future careers are unrelated to science, young individuals should broaden their knowledge base through the study of general science."
    Explanation: Substituting "Although" with "Even if" and "extend their knowledge" with "broaden their knowledge base" contributes to a more formal and nuanced expression.

  10. "As a result, students can deal with some daily problems easily." -> "Consequently, students can adeptly address various everyday challenges."
    Explanation: Replacing "deal with some daily problems easily" with "adeptly address various everyday challenges" maintains formality and enhances the precision of the statement.

  11. "For instance, knowing to drink warm water when unwell or avoid combining mike with lemon due to curdling." -> "For example, being aware of the benefits of consuming warm water when unwell or avoiding the combination of milk with lemon to prevent curdling."
    Explanation: Adjusting the structure and replacing "knowing to drink warm water" with "being aware of the benefits of consuming warm water" improves formality and clarity.

  12. "Thus, the government and schools should encourage more young people to learn science in university." -> "Therefore, it is imperative for the government and educational institutions to promote science education among the youth in universities."
    Explanation: Substituting "Thus" with "Therefore" and "encourage more young people to learn science in university" with "promote science education among the youth in universities" enhances formality and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "In conclusion, science is an important subject that can be applied in future careers and even daily life. Thus, the government and schools should encourage more young people to learn science in university."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion lacks a summary of the main points discussed in the essay. Reiterating the key reasons and effects would strengthen the coherence and help reinforce the essay’s central arguments. Providing a concise recap reinforces the main ideas and enhances the overall cohesion of the essay.
    • Improved example: "To conclude, the significance of science in shaping future careers and addressing daily life challenges cannot be overstated. The government and educational institutions should actively promote scientific education among young people. The reasons behind the reluctance to pursue science, such as the perception of its difficulty and perceived lack of relevance to certain careers, have adverse effects on society. These consequences include the shortage of professionals in crucial fields like medicine and limited knowledge application in daily life. Encouraging more students to engage with science subjects at the university level is pivotal for addressing these issues."
  2. Quoted text: "There is no doubt that many careers are not related to science fields like singers, artists or tailors. Therefore, many students who pursue these careers may find the science subject boring, redundant and time-consuming."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While highlighting career diversity is valid, this statement oversimplifies the relationship between science and other fields. It could benefit from a more nuanced perspective. Some elements within creative professions, like music, art, or fashion design, may indeed draw from scientific principles (e.g., acoustics in music, chemistry in art materials). Incorporating such examples could add depth to the argument and show a more comprehensive view of how science interconnects with seemingly unrelated careers.
    • Improved example: "Although certain career paths, such as those in the arts, music, or fashion, may appear disconnected from scientific disciplines, they often intersect in surprising ways. For instance, advancements in acoustics technology have significantly impacted music production, demonstrating the fusion of science and creative fields. Recognizing these intersections not only enriches one’s understanding of diverse professions but also underscores the relevance of science beyond traditional STEM careers."
  3. Quoted text: "If young people don’t study science, they can limit their knowledge in this subject."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The sentence presents a somewhat obvious observation without delving into the implications or consequences of limited knowledge in science. It lacks depth and fails to fully emphasize the broader impact on individuals or society due to this limited understanding. Expanding on the outcomes of restricted scientific knowledge would reinforce the argument’s persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "A deficiency in scientific knowledge among young individuals could severely curtail their ability to comprehend and address various everyday challenges. Without a foundational understanding of scientific principles, individuals may find themselves ill-equipped to make informed decisions in areas ranging from healthcare choices to technological advancements. This limited scope of understanding may hinder their adaptability to a rapidly evolving world dependent on scientific progress."

Overall, while the essay addresses some reasons and effects of declining interest in science subjects, there’s a need for more substantial development of ideas and deeper exploration of the consequences to achieve a higher band score. Strengthening the connections between reasons and societal implications would significantly enhance the essay’s effectiveness in meeting the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay exhibits some coherence and cohesion throughout. There is an attempt to present the reasons and effects of the decline in students choosing science subjects. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing a general progression of ideas. The writer attempts to use cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs, though there are some faults in their application.

The introduction introduces the topic and the subsequent body paragraphs delve into causes and effects, offering examples and explanations. Each paragraph attempts to focus on a central idea but lacks consistent and precise paragraphing, which affects the overall logical flow of the essay.

The use of cohesive devices is attempted but tends to be mechanical and faulty in places, leading to occasional confusion or lack of clarity between ideas. The essay lacks consistent referencing and could benefit from improved transitional phrases to enhance the logical progression between sentences and paragraphs.

How to improve:

  1. Clear Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Work on using cohesive devices more effectively to establish clearer relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
  3. Logical Flow: Strengthen the essay’s overall coherence by refining the transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
  4. Referencing and Examples: Use more varied and pertinent examples to support the arguments while ensuring they are referenced effectively.

Improvement in these areas would help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay, leading to a more cohesive and logically organized piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. It addresses the reasons behind the declining interest in science subjects and outlines potential societal effects. The use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, and the essay incorporates some less common lexical items. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, which slightly impact the overall fluency and accuracy. For instance, the phrase "Consider biology as an illustration" could be refined for better coherence. Additionally, there are instances where the choice of words and expressions could be more varied for a higher score.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should aim for greater variety in vocabulary. This can be achieved by incorporating more precise and nuanced terms, especially when discussing complex scientific concepts. Additionally, attention to word choice and collocation is crucial to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Reviewing and refining sentences for better coherence will contribute to an improved lexical range and overall score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely impede communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and detailed examples, though there are occasional inaccuracies. The essay generally maintains good control over grammar and punctuation but makes a few errors that do not significantly affect overall understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring accuracy in the use of specialized vocabulary related to science. Proofreading for minor errors and inconsistencies in punctuation would further improve the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, providing more specific examples to support points would strengthen the essay’s depth and complexity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there has been a noticeable decline in the number of young individuals opting for science-oriented degrees at the tertiary level of education. This trend carries several causes and effects that are worth exploring in relation to society.

Initially, students may opt for fields other than STEM due to various reasons. Firstly, many find science challenging. It involves intricate specialized knowledge and complex theories. Take biology, for instance; students are required to delve into extensive details regarding the human and animal bodies, including muscles, nerves, and hair structure. Additionally, a significant proportion of young people believe that learning science doesn’t align with their career aspirations. Numerous professions, such as singers, artists, or tailors, don’t necessarily require a background in science. Consequently, students pursuing these career paths might perceive science subjects as uninteresting, repetitive, and time-consuming.

Conversely, this inclination away from science can give rise to several societal issues. A reduction in the number of students studying science can contribute to a shortage of professionals in scientific fields, particularly in the medical sector. This shortage could pose a critical concern if the world faces a dearth of medical personnel. Consequently, patients might encounter inadequate medical attention, while doctors may grapple with overwhelming workloads. Consequently, the field of medicine might witness a decline, causing an imbalance within society. Moreover, a lack of interest in science among young people might restrict their knowledge in this area. Although their future careers might not necessarily involve science, having a fundamental understanding of science can aid in handling everyday issues. For instance, knowing to consume warm water when unwell or avoiding mixing milk with lemon due to curdling.

In conclusion, science holds significant relevance for future careers and everyday life. Therefore, it is imperative that governments and educational institutions encourage more young individuals to pursue science-based education at the university level. This will not only equip them for potential careers but also enable them to tackle everyday challenges more effectively.

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