Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The emergence of the medical sector has ushered in significant changes to our lives and the course of human development, particularly in an era marked by a myriad of challenges and advancements. However, there remains a divergence of opinions regarding the overall impact of lab-based investigations employing animal specimens to generate medical-related commodities, with arguments debating its merits and demerits. While solid arguments exist on both sides of the spectrum, I firmly contend that the benefits of this practice outweigh its drawbacks.
It is undeniable that animal experiments, despite their controversial nature, have led to groundbreaking advancements in medicine. For instance, the development of vaccines for diseases such as polio and measles has saved millions of lives, showcasing the critical role of animal research in public health. Furthermore, these experiments can minimize the risks of side effects associated with new drugs, ensuring safer treatments for patients. Financially, medical corporations benefit significantly from the sale of medicines developed through these studies, which can lead to further investment in research and development.
Conversely, it is widely acknowledged that this practice is not without its limitations. The potential for zoonotic diseases, which can arise from animal testing, poses a significant risk to public health, as seen in past outbreaks. Additionally, ethical concerns regarding the treatment of animals in research can lead to public backlash and increased regulatory scrutiny, which may hinder research progress.
In conclusion, while there are compelling arguments regarding the pros and cons of animal testing in medicine, the continued development of alternative methods, such as in vitro testing and computer modeling, is poised to complement and eventually reduce reliance on animal research in the foreseeable future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"ushered in significant changes" -> "brought about significant changes"
Explanation: "Brought about" is a more formal and precise term than "ushered in," which can sound slightly metaphorical and less direct in an academic context. -
"myriad of challenges and advancements" -> "multitude of challenges and advancements"
Explanation: "Multitude" is a more formal synonym for "myriad," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"divergence of opinions" -> "divergence of views"
Explanation: "Views" is a more precise term in academic writing than "opinions," which can be seen as less formal and more subjective. -
"lab-based investigations employing animal specimens" -> "laboratory-based investigations utilizing animal specimens"
Explanation: "Laboratory-based" is more specific and formal than "lab-based," and "utilizing" is more precise than "employing" in this context. -
"generate medical-related commodities" -> "produce medical products"
Explanation: "Produce medical products" is a clearer and more direct term than "generate medical-related commodities," which is vague and awkwardly phrased. -
"solid arguments exist" -> "strong arguments exist"
Explanation: "Strong" is a more precise and academically appropriate adjective than "solid" in this context, as it directly relates to the quality of the arguments. -
"despite their controversial nature" -> "despite their controversial nature"
Explanation: This is a typographical error, correcting it to maintain the integrity of the text. -
"groundbreaking advancements" -> "significant advancements"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "groundbreaking," which can be seen as overly dramatic. -
"minimize the risks of side effects" -> "reduce the risk of adverse effects"
Explanation: "Reduce the risk of adverse effects" is more precise and formal, replacing the less specific "side effects." -
"ensuring safer treatments for patients" -> "ensuring safer treatment options for patients"
Explanation: "Treatment options" is a more comprehensive and formal term than "treatments," encompassing a broader range of possibilities. -
"Financially, medical corporations benefit significantly" -> "Financially, pharmaceutical companies benefit significantly"
Explanation: "Pharmaceutical companies" is a more specific and relevant term than "medical corporations," which is vague and less precise. -
"zoonotic diseases" -> "zoonotic illnesses"
Explanation: "Illnesses" is a more commonly used term in medical contexts than "diseases," which can imply a more specific type of disease. -
"public backlash" -> "public criticism"
Explanation: "Criticism" is a more formal and precise term than "backlash," which can be seen as informal and emotive. -
"increased regulatory scrutiny" -> "enhanced regulatory scrutiny"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more formal and precise term than "increased," fitting better in an academic context. -
"complement and eventually reduce reliance" -> "complement and ultimately reduce reliance"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is a more formal and precise adverb than "eventually," aligning better with academic style.
These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better suit an academic audience, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding animal experiments in medical research. The first half discusses the benefits, such as advancements in vaccines and drug safety, while the second half acknowledges the drawbacks, including ethical concerns and the risk of zoonotic diseases. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the opposing viewpoint in a more balanced manner, as it leans slightly towards the benefits without fully fleshing out the counterarguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are presented with equal depth. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to a more detailed exploration of the ethical concerns and public backlash against animal testing, potentially including specific examples or statistics to illustrate these points.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of animal testing outweigh its drawbacks. This stance is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, while the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more robust justification of this stance, particularly in the body paragraphs where counterarguments are mentioned.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument throughout the essay. This could involve explicitly stating how each point made supports the overall thesis, thereby reinforcing the argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several strong ideas, such as the role of animal testing in vaccine development and the financial benefits to medical corporations. However, some points, particularly those regarding the drawbacks, are not as thoroughly developed. For example, the mention of zoonotic diseases is brief and could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more examples and detailed explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing specific instances of zoonotic disease outbreaks linked to animal testing would add depth and credibility to the argument against animal testing.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of animal testing in medicine, with relevant discussions of both the advantages and disadvantages. However, the introduction could be seen as slightly broad, discussing the medical sector in general rather than directly addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the introduction could be more concise and directly related to animal testing. The writer should aim to avoid general statements about the medical sector and instead focus on the specific context of animal experiments, ensuring that every part of the essay remains relevant to the prompt.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a strong argument, but with some adjustments in depth, balance, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the benefits of animal testing, followed by the drawbacks, which is a logical progression. However, the transition between the two main viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages to the disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a transitional phrase that would guide the reader more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the paragraph discussing the drawbacks. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea can help reinforce the logical organization of the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph introducing the topic and the writer’s opinion, the second detailing the advantages, and the third addressing the disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently blends into the final body paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be done by starting it on a new line and using a phrase like "In conclusion" to signal the end of the discussion. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can enhance readability.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "for instance" and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the use of "additionally" in the second body paragraph could be complemented with other devices to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "Nevertheless." Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence without repetitive language. For example, instead of repeating "animal experiments," you could use "these studies" in subsequent sentences.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but with targeted improvements in transitions, paragraph separation, and the variety of cohesive devices, it could achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "groundbreaking advancements," "myriad of challenges," and "zoonotic diseases." These phrases reflect a sophisticated understanding of the topic and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "experiments" and "research" could be replaced with synonyms like "studies," "trials," or "investigations" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. This could involve brainstorming alternative vocabulary before writing and actively seeking to replace overused words with more varied expressions.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "critical role of animal research" and "ethical concerns regarding the treatment of animals" effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, the phrase "medical-related commodities" could be seen as somewhat vague or imprecise, as "commodities" typically refers to raw materials or goods rather than the context of medical products or treatments.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms that directly relate to the context. For instance, replacing "commodities" with "therapeutics" or "medical products" would clarify the meaning and strengthen the argument.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors present in the text. Words such as "advancements," "vaccines," and "controversial" are spelled correctly, reflecting a good level of attention to detail in this area.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should maintain this level of accuracy by continuing to proofread their work. To further enhance spelling skills, regular practice with vocabulary exercises and using tools like spell check can be beneficial. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "However, there remains a divergence of opinions regarding the overall impact of lab-based investigations employing animal specimens to generate medical-related commodities" effectively convey nuanced ideas. The use of conditional structures, as seen in "while solid arguments exist on both sides of the spectrum," adds depth to the discussion. Additionally, the essay incorporates a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which enhances readability and engagement.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "Despite the ethical concerns, animal testing has proven beneficial in many cases") can create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, using inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Rarely do we see such significant advancements without animal research") can enhance the sophistication of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Most sentences are well-constructed, and punctuation is used effectively to clarify meaning. For example, the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions in complex sentences is appropriate, as seen in "the benefits of this practice outweigh its drawbacks." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "medical-related commodities," which could be more clearly expressed as "medical products" to avoid awkwardness.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to word choice and collocation. Ensuring that terms are commonly used together can improve clarity. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures for errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, will help maintain high accuracy. For instance, ensure that phrases like "the potential for zoonotic diseases, which can arise from animal testing" are consistently clear and precise in their implications.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view on the topic. By continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.
Bài sửa mẫu
The emergence of the medical sector has ushered in significant changes to our lives and the course of human development, particularly in an era marked by a multitude of challenges and advancements. However, there remains a divergence of views regarding the overall impact of laboratory-based investigations utilizing animal specimens to produce medical products, with strong arguments existing on both sides of the spectrum. While solid arguments exist on both sides, I firmly contend that the benefits of this practice outweigh its drawbacks.
It is undeniable that animal experiments, despite their controversial nature, have led to significant advancements in medicine. For instance, the development of vaccines for diseases such as polio and measles has saved millions of lives, showcasing the critical role of animal research in public health. Furthermore, these experiments can reduce the risk of adverse effects associated with new drugs, ensuring safer treatment options for patients. Financially, pharmaceutical companies benefit significantly from the sale of medicines developed through these studies, which can lead to further investment in research and development.
Conversely, it is widely acknowledged that this practice is not without its limitations. The potential for zoonotic illnesses, which can arise from animal testing, poses a significant risk to public health, as seen in past outbreaks. Additionally, ethical concerns regarding the treatment of animals in research can lead to public criticism and enhanced regulatory scrutiny, which may hinder research progress.
In conclusion, while there are compelling arguments regarding the pros and cons of animal testing in medicine, the continued development of alternative methods, such as in vitro testing and computer modeling, is poised to complement and ultimately reduce reliance on animal research in the foreseeable future.