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Nowadays because of digital technology it is possible for not only studios but also individuals to produce their own films. Do you think this is a positive and negative development?

Nowadays because of digital technology it is possible for not only studios but also individuals to produce their own films.
Do you think this is a positive and negative development?

It is true that techological advances in the films industry have made it possible for individuals to make their own films. I believe that this trend is a very positive one, as I will explain now.

Firstly, we need to factor in the viewing options that this trend offers viewers. When making films was a reserve for only film companies, film-lover were restricted to several films on TV and had to go to the cinema to indulge their hobby. Nowadays, the profileration of sitcoms, short films and parodies made by amateur film producers on social media sites like facbook and youtube means that anyone with an interest connection can watch as much as they wish. This also opens up new possibilities for young people who opt for a caree in acting, as only few of those with expectional acting skills could hope to make it in this career only a decade ago.

To add futher credence to my assertion, I note fact that being allowed to make their own films film creators now can express their creativity and ideas without limits and with out being artistically judged by so-called professionals. As arts are purely subjective, this will be a step forward in the film making industry. This can be seen in the way many creative young movie producers, such as 1977 Vlogs, or WongFu production posted their short films on Youtube and become famous, enven thought their works are unconveniental and would be ridiculed based off of the standards that are still applied in the film industry.
In conclusion, the fact that individuals can now produce their own films is a welcome development as it benefits film-lovers, movive creators and the growth of the movie industry as a whole


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "techological" -> "technological"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "technological" enhances the professionalism and readability of the essay.
  2. "films industry" -> "film industry"
    Explanation: Using "film industry" instead of "films industry" is more grammatically accurate and aligns with standard terminology.
  3. "a very positive one" -> "highly beneficial"
    Explanation: Replacing "a very positive one" with "highly beneficial" elevates the level of formality and sophistication in the expression.
  4. "factor in" -> "consider"
    Explanation: Substituting "consider" for "factor in" maintains clarity while sounding more formal and precise.
  5. "reserve for" -> "reserved for"
    Explanation: Correcting "reserve for" to "reserved for" ensures grammatical accuracy and enhances the formal tone.
  6. "film-lover" -> "film enthusiasts"
    Explanation: Using "film enthusiasts" instead of "film-lover" is more refined and appropriate for academic writing.
  7. "profileration" -> "proliferation"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "proliferation" ensures accuracy and professionalism.
  8. "sitcoms" -> "short films"
    Explanation: "Short films" is a more appropriate term here, aligning better with the context of amateur film production discussed in the sentence.
  9. "parodies" -> "parodic works"
    Explanation: Replacing "parodies" with "parodic works" adds nuance and sophistication to the description of amateur productions.
  10. "facbook" -> "Facebook"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "Facebook" enhances the credibility and professionalism of the essay.
  11. "youtube" -> "YouTube"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "YouTube" maintains consistency and accuracy in referencing the platform.
  12. "indulge their hobby" -> "pursue their interest"
    Explanation: Substituting "pursue their interest" for "indulge their hobby" conveys a more formal tone and precise meaning.
  13. "opt for a caree" -> "pursue a career"
    Explanation: "Pursue a career" is a more standard and formal expression compared to "opt for a caree."
  14. "expectional" -> "exceptional"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "exceptional" improves the overall professionalism of the essay.
  15. "futher credence" -> "further credence"
    Explanation: Fixing the typo in "further credence" ensures correctness and enhances the credibility of the argument.
  16. "assertion, I note fact that" -> "assertion; I note the fact that"
    Explanation: Adding a semicolon before "I note the fact that" improves punctuation and readability in the sentence.
  17. "being allowed to make their own films film creators now can" -> "Now that film creators are allowed to make their own films, they can"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and removing redundancy improves readability and flow.
  18. "with out" -> "without"
    Explanation: Correcting "with out" to "without" ensures grammatical accuracy and clarity.
  19. "professionals" -> "professionals."
    Explanation: Adding a period after "professionals" completes the sentence and improves punctuation.
  20. "arts are purely subjective" -> "the arts are inherently subjective"
    Explanation: Replacing "arts are purely subjective" with "the arts are inherently subjective" adds precision and clarity to the statement.
  21. "enven thought" -> "even though"
    Explanation: Correcting "enven thought" to "even though" fixes the typo and ensures clarity and correctness.
  22. "unconveniental" -> "unconventional"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "unconventional" improves the professionalism and credibility of the essay.
  23. "ridiculed based off of" -> "ridiculed based on"
    Explanation: "Ridiculed based on" is a more grammatically accurate phrase than "ridiculed based off of."
  24. "benefits film-lovers" -> "benefits film enthusiasts"
    Explanation: Replacing "film-lovers" with "film enthusiasts" maintains formality and precision in language use.
  25. "movive" -> "movie"
    Explanation: Correcting the typo "movive" to "movie" ensures accuracy and professionalism.
  26. "the growth of the movie industry as a whole" -> "the overall growth of the film industry"
    Explanation: Substituting "film industry" for "movie industry" and rephrasing "the growth of the movie industry as a whole" to "the overall growth of the film industry" enhances clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of individuals being able to produce their own films due to technological advancements. It discusses the positive implications such as increased viewing options and opportunities for aspiring actors, while also touching upon the freedom of creativity for filmmakers. However, the negative aspects are not explicitly discussed, which slightly detracts from the completeness of the response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, it’s essential to explicitly address the negative implications of individuals producing their own films, such as potential quality issues, oversaturation of content, or challenges in maintaining industry standards. Ensuring a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects will strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the positive impact of individuals being able to produce their own films. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, with consistent support provided throughout the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To further improve clarity, consider reinforcing the position with more specific examples and counterarguments. This will help solidify the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas, providing examples such as the proliferation of content on social media platforms and the success of independent filmmakers like "1977 Vlogs" and "WongFu Production." These examples illustrate the benefits of individual film production and contribute to a compelling argument.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas further, consider elaborating on the societal or cultural impact of individual film production. Exploring how this trend influences audience perceptions, industry standards, or creative expression in more depth can enrich the discussion and provide additional insight.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the implications of individuals producing their own films due to technological advancements. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the emphasis on the benefits for aspiring actors. While relevant, these tangents could be more tightly linked to the central theme.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points and examples directly relate to the overarching topic of individual film production. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main argument, and prioritize coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues for the positive impact of individuals producing their own films, there are opportunities for improvement in addressing the complete spectrum of positive and negative implications, strengthening the clarity of the position, extending ideas with deeper analysis, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic. Incorporating these suggestions will elevate the quality and coherence of the response, leading to a more comprehensive and compelling argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the writer’s stance clearly and follows a structured approach, discussing two main points in separate paragraphs before concluding the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the increased viewing options and the creative freedom offered by digital technology.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and supporting it with relevant examples would strengthen the overall structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and develops its main point coherently. However, there is room for improvement in the length of the paragraphs. While the first paragraph is adequately developed, the second paragraph could benefit from further elaboration to fully explore the idea of creative freedom in filmmaking.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for balanced paragraph lengths and ensure that each paragraph fully develops its main idea. Adding more examples or elaborating on existing ones can help to strengthen the argument and provide more depth to the essay’s analysis.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. These include transitional phrases like "Firstly," "To add further credence," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, pronouns and demonstratives are used effectively to reference previously mentioned ideas and maintain coherence within paragraphs.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of cohesive devices, there is room to expand the range and variety of such devices. Introducing a wider range of transition words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," and "On the other hand," can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve overall cohesion. Additionally, using cohesive devices more consistently throughout the essay will strengthen its coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at employing a varied lexicon throughout. For instance, phrases like "techological advances," "profileration of sitcoms," and "being artistically judged" exhibit a breadth of vocabulary. However, there are opportunities to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary choices to enhance precision and depth of expression.
    • How to improve: To enrich the lexical resource further, consider integrating more advanced terminology and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of "techological advances," one could utilize "technological innovations" or "breakthroughs." Similarly, instead of "profileration," "proliferation" would be a more refined term. Engaging with synonyms and antonyms of common words can elevate the richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where precise usage could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "allowed to make their own films" could be refined to "empowered to create their own films," which conveys a stronger sense of agency. Additionally, the term "unconveniental" seems to be a misspelling or an unintended fusion of "unconventional" and "conventional," highlighting a lack of precision.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, it’s advisable to carefully select words that precisely convey intended meanings. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to explore nuanced alternatives and ensure accurate expression. Moreover, proofreading for typographical errors like "unconveniental" will help maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of misspellings, such as "techological" instead of "technological" and "facbook" instead of "Facebook." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall professionalism and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Employing spelling and grammar check tools can aid in identifying and rectifying spelling errors. Additionally, dedicating time to proofread written work thoroughly before submission is essential to ensuring polished and error-free writing. Developing a habit of reviewing written content systematically will contribute to enhanced spelling accuracy and overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. Many sentences follow a basic subject-verb-object pattern, lacking complexity and variety. For instance, "It is true that technological advances in the films industry have made it possible for individuals to make their own films." This sentence structure is repeated throughout the essay, resulting in a lack of sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and add variety to the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions. Experiment with sentence lengths and styles to create a more engaging and varied narrative. Additionally, using transitional phrases and connectors can help connect ideas more smoothly and improve coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mixture of accurate and inaccurate grammatical usage. There are several instances of subject-verb agreement errors, such as "When making films was a reserve for only film companies, film-lover were restricted…" The incorrect use of "were" instead of "was" results in a grammatical error. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization, detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, review common grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify recurring grammatical issues and focus on addressing them systematically. Additionally, practicing writing exercises specifically targeting areas of weakness can help reinforce grammatical concepts and improve overall accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar and sentence structure, there is still room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammatical details, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that technological advances in the film industry have made it possible for individuals to produce their own films. I believe that this trend is a very positive one, as I will explain now.

Firstly, we need to factor in the viewing options that this trend offers viewers. When making films was reserved only for film companies, film lovers were restricted to several films on TV and had to go to the cinema to indulge their hobby. Nowadays, the proliferation of sitcoms, short films, and parodies made by amateur film producers on social media sites like Facebook and YouTube means that anyone with an internet connection can watch as much as they wish. This also opens up new possibilities for young people who opt for a career in acting, as only a few with exceptional acting skills could hope to make it in this career only a decade ago.

To add further credence to my assertion, I note the fact that allowing film creators to make their own films now can express their creativity and ideas without limits and without being artistically judged by so-called professionals. As arts are purely subjective, this will be a step forward in the film-making industry. This can be seen in the way many creative young movie producers, such as 1977 Vlogs or WongFu Productions, posted their short films on YouTube and became famous, even though their works are unconventional and would be ridiculed based on the standards that are still applied in the film industry.

In conclusion, the fact that individuals can now produce their own films is a welcome development as it benefits film lovers, movie creators, and the growth of the movie industry as a whole.

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