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Nowadays computers are widely used in education. As a result, some people think teachers no longer play important roles in classrooms. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays computers are widely used in education. As a result, some people think teachers no longer play important roles in classrooms.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a widely held belief that teachers are no longer needed in classrooms due to the widespread use of computers in teaching. From my perspective, I partly disagree with this idea and give some reasons supporting my view in the following essay.
First of all, it is an irrefutable fact that computers have a multitude of advantages in terms of education. The first factor worth mentioning is the convenience they bring to the students. Keyboards and error-correction software enable pupils to type faster, which enhances the effectiveness during each studying section. Thus, utilizing computers for learning purposes would improve the learners’ outcomes. Moreover, the introduction of the Internet has eased the process of acquiring knowledge. For example, people can access some websites which offer a wide range of courses such as Coursera, 3Wschool, and so on. Therefore, individuals do not have to spend hours going out and finding any offline classes or tutors.
However, teachers also have a large number of merits outweighing machines. Should a pupil get stuck in complex problems, the teacher can give him a detailed explanation directly so that he can fully comprehend the questions. As a result, the speed and the productivity of his studying would be increased. On the contrary, if mentors no longer exist, learners may encounter obstacles at the beginning when approaching new knowledge which will deter them from devoting themselves to their learning and result in such failures.
To recapitulate, both computing devices and tutors have their irreplaceable benefits. I believe teachers should exploit machines’ advantages in educating to enhance productivity.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "there has been a widely held belief" -> "there exists a prevalent belief"
    Explanation: Replacing "there has been a widely held belief" with "there exists a prevalent belief" adds a touch of formality and replaces the colloquial expression with a more sophisticated phrase.

  2. "From my perspective" -> "In my perspective"
    Explanation: Changing "From my perspective" to "In my perspective" is a subtle adjustment that aligns better with formal writing standards.

  3. "I partly disagree" -> "I partially disagree"
    Explanation: Replacing "I partly disagree" with "I partially disagree" maintains formality by using the adverb "partially" instead of the more casual "partly."

  4. "give some reasons" -> "present several reasons"
    Explanation: Substituting "give some reasons" with "present several reasons" elevates the language by using a more precise and formal term.

  5. "irrefutable fact" -> "indisputable fact"
    Explanation: Changing "irrefutable fact" to "indisputable fact" retains the emphasis on certainty while employing a more formal and academic term.

  6. "worth mentioning" -> "noteworthy"
    Explanation: Replacing "worth mentioning" with "noteworthy" enhances the sophistication of the expression, aligning it more closely with academic style.

  7. "studying section" -> "study session"
    Explanation: Altering "studying section" to "study session" improves clarity and precision without sacrificing formality.

  8. "the Internet has eased the process" -> "the Internet has facilitated the process"
    Explanation: Substituting "eased" with "facilitated" elevates the language, maintaining a formal tone while expressing the idea more precisely.

  9. "people can access some websites" -> "individuals can access various websites"
    Explanation: Changing "people can access some websites" to "individuals can access various websites" introduces a more formal and precise phrasing.

  10. "do not have to spend hours going out" -> "are not required to invest significant time traveling"
    Explanation: Replacing "do not have to spend hours going out" with "are not required to invest significant time traveling" conveys the same idea in a more formal and elaborate manner.

  11. "finding any offline classes or tutors" -> "seeking traditional classes or tutors"
    Explanation: Substituting "finding any offline classes or tutors" with "seeking traditional classes or tutors" maintains formality while providing a more specific description.

  12. "a large number of merits" -> "numerous merits"
    Explanation: Changing "a large number of merits" to "numerous merits" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term.

  13. "get stuck in complex problems" -> "encounter intricate problems"
    Explanation: Replacing "get stuck in complex problems" with "encounter intricate problems" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated term.

  14. "so that he can fully comprehend" -> "enabling full comprehension"
    Explanation: Substituting "so that he can fully comprehend" with "enabling full comprehension" streamlines the expression while maintaining a formal tone.

  15. "On the contrary" -> "Conversely"
    Explanation: Changing "On the contrary" to "Conversely" introduces a more formal transition between contrasting ideas.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "From my perspective, I partly disagree with this idea and give some reasons supporting my view in the following essay."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks a clear and concise statement outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay. It would be more effective to present a brief overview of the reasons supporting your partial disagreement with the idea that teachers are no longer necessary due to computers in classrooms. This would provide a stronger structure and help guide the reader through your arguments.
    • Improved example: "While I acknowledge the benefits of computers in education, I hold a nuanced perspective, contending that teachers still play indispensable roles in classrooms. In this essay, I will explore how both computers and teachers offer distinct advantages in the learning process."
  2. Quoted text: "For example, people can access some websites which offer a wide range of courses such as Coursera, 3Wschool, and so on. Therefore, individuals do not have to spend hours going out and finding any offline classes or tutors."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point about online courses providing convenience is relevant, but it lacks depth and specific examples. Expanding upon this by discussing how these platforms offer diverse subjects, flexible schedules, and interactive learning experiences would strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, online platforms like Coursera and 3Wschool provide a vast array of courses spanning diverse subjects, allowing individuals to tailor their learning experiences to their interests and schedules. This accessibility eliminates the need to travel to physical classes or spend excessive time seeking offline tutors."
  3. Quoted text: "Should a pupil get stuck in complex problems, the teacher can give him a detailed explanation directly so that he can fully comprehend the questions."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point highlights the importance of teachers in providing personalized guidance, but it could benefit from a more vivid illustration or specific example illustrating how a teacher’s explanation aids in understanding complex problems that computers might struggle to clarify.
    • Improved example: "Teachers possess the invaluable ability to offer immediate clarification when students confront intricate challenges. For instance, in mathematics, a teacher’s step-by-step explanation of a complex theorem not only aids in understanding but also fosters critical thinking skills, which might be challenging for computers to emulate."

Overall, while the essay presents relevant arguments supporting the necessity of teachers alongside computers in education, enhancing the introduction’s clarity and providing more vivid and specific examples throughout the essay would improve the overall Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion, but there are areas where improvement is needed. The introduction provides a clear thesis statement and sets the stage for the argument. Each paragraph has a distinct central topic, contributing to the overall organization. The essay progresses logically, with ideas flowing from one to another.

Cohesion is generally effective; however, there are instances where sentence-to-sentence connections appear somewhat mechanical or lack fluency. For example, transitions between ideas within sentences could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is adequate, but there are occasional inaccuracies, such as in the phrase "studying section," which might be better phrased for clarity.

Paragraphing is used, but there are some instances where it could be more logically structured. The essay could benefit from a more refined use of paragraph breaks to enhance the overall organization and readability.

How to improve:

  1. Work on smoother transitions between sentences to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
  2. Review and refine the use of cohesive devices, ensuring accuracy and appropriateness.
  3. Pay careful attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall progression of the essay.
  4. Consider revising sentence structures for improved clarity and coherence, addressing mechanical connections.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, incorporating a range of words and expressions. There is evidence of an attempt to use less common lexical items, and some awareness of style and collocation is present. The candidate effectively communicates ideas with a reasonable level of flexibility and precision. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay shows a satisfactory range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying ideas.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer could aim for more consistency in the use of less common vocabulary and focus on refining word choice to eliminate occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, paying closer attention to spelling and word formation would further enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay. Striving for greater diversity and sophistication in vocabulary usage, especially in complex sentence structures, can contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, incorporating various complex structures alongside simpler ones. The writer employs conditional sentences, relative clauses, and compound sentences effectively. There’s consistent use of punctuation to enhance clarity. Most sentences are error-free, contributing to a coherent discussion.

How to improve: While the essay displays a commendable range of structures and generally accurate grammar, some areas could be refined. There are occasional errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice that, when addressed, could further enhance the essay’s precision and fluency. Additionally, aiming for a more balanced consideration of opposing views might strengthen the overall argumentation.

This essay effectively blends varied sentence structures to convey ideas clearly. While there are minor errors, they don’t impede understanding. To elevate the score, focusing on finer grammatical details and expanding the consideration of contrasting viewpoints could enhance its overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing belief that the role of teachers in classrooms has diminished with the widespread integration of computers in education. Personally, I partially disagree with this notion, and in the following essay, I will outline my reasons supporting this viewpoint.

Firstly, it is undeniable that computers offer numerous advantages in education. Notably, they provide convenience to students. Keyboards and error-correction software enable pupils to type faster, thereby enhancing efficiency during study sessions. Consequently, utilizing computers for learning purposes has the potential to improve overall academic outcomes. Additionally, the advent of the Internet has simplified the process of knowledge acquisition. For instance, individuals can access websites like Coursera and 3Wschool, offering a wide array of courses. This eliminates the need to spend hours searching for offline classes or tutors.

However, it is crucial to recognize that teachers possess merits that outweigh those of machines. When students encounter complex problems, teachers can offer detailed explanations, facilitating a thorough understanding of the questions. This, in turn, increases the speed and productivity of their learning. In contrast, without mentors, learners may face initial hurdles when approaching new knowledge, hindering their commitment to learning and resulting in academic setbacks.

In conclusion, both computers and teachers offer irreplaceable benefits. I believe that teachers should leverage the advantages of technology to enhance productivity in education.

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