Nowadays eating habits of people around the word are changing, causing many health problems including obesity. Why do people tend to eat so badly? What can be done to improve eating habits?

In contemporary society, a prevalent trend of adopting deleterious eating practices has emerged, making people more vulnerable to many health-related issues, namely obesity. This phenomenon, driven by widespread advertising and the availability of ultra-processed food, can be effectively addressed by collective efforts from both individuals and governments.

Two key factors contribute to the rise of this trend. One of which is the ubiquity of food commercials. In order to boost revenues, manufacturers often employ various advertising gimmicks, such as posters, videos, or discounts. These tempting deals and appealing visuals successfully lure consumers into making impulsive decisions when buying groceries. This leads to redundant purchases and overconsumption of food. Moreover, this phenomenon can also be attributed to the proliferation of prepackaged food. These offer great convenience, affordable prices, and decent flavors, which make people more hesitant to prepare home-cooked meals or purchase fresh products. Therefore, the preference for canned groceries has soared, especially for those having hectic schedules.

Nonetheless, the problems can be effectively addressed by actions from lawmakers. The first solution should be for governments to run public service advertising to raise awareness among the public about the health-related issues associated with the overconsumption of unhealthy food. Individuals can also improve their health by conducting thorough research about the ingredients and the calories of the food before taking into their body. This helps them make more informed decisions and avoid being attracted to glamorous advertisements . Another solution involves the implementation of laws. Indeed, canned food should be subject to significant taxation to reduce consumers' demand, while encouraging the use of more nutritious alternatives to. As a result, these practices would potentially promote sustainable eating habits among the general population, making them less susceptible to certain health risks like obesity or diabetes.

In conclusion, the shift towards unsustainable eating habits may be caused by the pervasive advertisements and widespread prepackaged food. Where possible, consumer education about the health implications and a policy to tax more on precooked groceries can tackle the problem.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"deleterious eating practices" -> "unhealthy eating habits"
Explanation: The term "deleterious" is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in contemporary academic writing. "Unhealthy eating habits" is more straightforward and widely understood, maintaining the formal tone while enhancing clarity.
"namely obesity" -> "specifically, obesity"
Explanation: "Namely" is often used informally and can be vague. "Specifically" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"can be effectively addressed" -> "can be effectively mitigated"
Explanation: "Mitigated" is a more precise term in the context of addressing health issues, implying a reduction or alleviation of the problem, which is more suitable than "addressed," which is broader and less specific.
"collective efforts from both individuals and governments" -> "joint efforts from both individuals and governments"
Explanation: "Collective" can be replaced with "joint" to emphasize the collaborative nature of the efforts, which is more specific and appropriate in an academic context.
"ubiquity of food commercials" -> "widespread presence of food commercials"
Explanation: "Ubiquity" is a less common term that may be unfamiliar to some readers. "Widespread presence" is clearer and more accessible while maintaining a formal tone.
"boost revenues" -> "increase revenue"
Explanation: "Boost" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "increase," which is more formal and precise in an academic context.
"tempting deals and appealing visuals" -> "attractive promotions and visually appealing advertisements"
Explanation: "Tempting deals" and "appealing visuals" are somewhat informal and vague. "Attractive promotions" and "visually appealing advertisements" are more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"redundant purchases" -> "excessive purchases"
Explanation: "Redundant" typically refers to unnecessary or duplicate items, which is not the intended meaning here. "Excessive" more accurately describes the overconsumption of food.
"preference for canned groceries" -> "preference for packaged foods"
Explanation: "Canned groceries" is a less common term and may not be universally understood. "Packaged foods" is a broader term that encompasses various types of packaged food products, making it more inclusive and clear.
"consuming their body" -> "ingesting"
Explanation: "Consuming their body" is awkward and incorrect. "Ingesting" is the correct term for the act of taking food into the body, making it more appropriate for formal writing.
"more nutritious alternatives to" -> "more nutritious alternatives"
Explanation: The phrase "to" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Removing it improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"taxation to reduce consumers’ demand" -> "taxation to reduce consumer demand"
Explanation: "Consumers’ demand" is grammatically correct, but "consumer demand" is more commonly used in economic and policy contexts, making it more precise and formal.
"precooked groceries" -> "pre-packaged foods"
Explanation: "Precooked groceries" is not a standard term. "Pre-packaged foods" is the correct term, referring to foods packaged for convenience and sale, which is more accurate and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying the reasons behind poor eating habits (advertising and convenience of processed foods) and proposing solutions (public awareness campaigns and taxation on unhealthy food). The writer clearly articulates these points in the introduction and develops them in the body paragraphs. For instance, the mention of "widespread advertising" and "availability of ultra-processed food" directly correlates with the first part of the question, while the proposed solutions in the latter part of the essay align well with the second part of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the impact of advertising and processed foods. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments or alternative solutions could demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that both individual and governmental actions are necessary to combat unhealthy eating habits. The writer’s stance is evident in phrases like "can be effectively addressed by collective efforts" and is reinforced by the solutions proposed. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points, ensuring the reader understands the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Additionally, explicitly stating the position in the conclusion could reinforce the essay’s overall message.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The factors contributing to poor eating habits are well-explained, and the proposed solutions are logically extended. For example, the discussion on public service advertising effectively supports the need for awareness about health issues. However, some ideas could benefit from further elaboration; for instance, the mention of "significant taxation" could be expanded to explain how this would specifically influence consumer behavior.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer could include more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. Additionally, integrating more nuanced arguments or acknowledging potential drawbacks of the solutions could provide a more balanced perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the causes and solutions related to unhealthy eating habits without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the writer consistently ties back to the main question. The use of relevant terminology, such as "obesity" and "health-related issues," reinforces the focus on the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate to the prompt. Avoiding overly complex language or jargon that may distract from the main points can also help maintain clarity and focus.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements, effectively addressing the prompt while maintaining a clear position and supporting ideas. By incorporating more specific examples, enhancing transitions, and elaborating on proposed solutions, the writer could further elevate the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and the factors contributing to it. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first discussing the causes of poor eating habits and the second focusing on potential solutions. For example, the transition from discussing advertising to the convenience of prepackaged foods is smooth and maintains the reader’s understanding of the topic. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly linked back to the points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, reinforcing connections between the causes and solutions in the conclusion would help solidify the overall argument and provide a clearer wrap-up of the discussion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as causes or solutions, and maintains a consistent theme. The use of transitional phrases helps guide the reader through the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer delineation between individual solutions, as the ideas presented are somewhat clustered together.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into smaller sections, each dedicated to one solution. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, using transitional phrases at the beginning of new paragraphs can further enhance the flow of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "Nonetheless," and "As a result," which effectively link ideas and indicate relationships between them. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are moments where the repetition of certain phrases (e.g., "this phenomenon") could be varied to avoid redundancy and enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this phenomenon," you could use "this trend" or "this issue." Additionally, varying the structure of sentences that introduce new ideas can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the argument with clarity and organization. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices, potentially elevating the essay to an even higher level of proficiency.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "deleterious," "ubiquity," "proliferation," and "impulsive decisions" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied and sophisticated language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the phrase "health-related issues" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "health-related issues," alternatives such as "health complications," "medical concerns," or "wellness challenges" could be used to avoid redundancy and enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the preference for canned groceries has soared" could be misleading, as "canned groceries" might not fully encompass the range of ultra-processed foods being discussed. Additionally, the term "glamorous advertisements" may not accurately reflect the nature of food marketing, which often relies on emotional appeal rather than glamour.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of "canned groceries," terms like "processed foods" or "convenience foods" could be more appropriate. Furthermore, clarifying the type of advertisements by using terms like "aggressive marketing tactics" could provide a clearer picture of the issue being addressed.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no evident spelling errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing. Words such as "contemporary," "vulnerable," and "advertising" are spelled correctly, demonstrating the writer’s attention to detail in this area.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice proofreading their work to maintain this standard. Engaging in spelling exercises or using tools like spell check can help reinforce this skill. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid band score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of various sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This phenomenon, driven by widespread advertising and the availability of ultra-processed food, can be effectively addressed by collective efforts from both individuals and governments" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "If governments run public service advertising to raise awareness…," showcases the ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly in the second paragraph where several sentences start with "One of which is…" or "Moreover," which could detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and employing a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. For example, instead of starting consecutive sentences with similar phrases, you could use different transitions or restructure sentences to begin with dependent clauses or phrases. This will create a more engaging flow and keep the reader’s interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the preference for canned groceries has soared" is grammatically correct and effectively communicates the idea. However, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "while encouraging the use of more nutritious alternatives to" in the sentence "Indeed, canned food should be subject to significant taxation to reduce consumers’ demand, while encouraging the use of more nutritious alternatives to." This omission can lead to confusion regarding the relationship between clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, carefully proofread the essay to catch any missing commas or other punctuation marks. Familiarize yourself with the rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, consider reading your essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or unclear connections between ideas, which can help in recognizing where punctuation may be needed for clarity.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, a prevalent trend of adopting unhealthy eating habits has emerged, making people more vulnerable to various health-related issues, specifically obesity. This phenomenon, driven by the widespread presence of food commercials and the availability of ultra-processed food, can be effectively mitigated by joint efforts from both individuals and governments.

Two key factors contribute to the rise of this trend. One of which is the ubiquity of food commercials. In order to increase revenue, manufacturers often employ various advertising gimmicks, such as posters, videos, or discounts. These attractive promotions and visually appealing advertisements successfully lure consumers into making impulsive decisions when buying groceries. This leads to excessive purchases and overconsumption of food. Moreover, this phenomenon can also be attributed to the proliferation of pre-packaged foods. These offer great convenience, affordable prices, and decent flavors, which make people more hesitant to prepare home-cooked meals or purchase fresh products. Therefore, the preference for packaged foods has soared, especially among those with hectic schedules.

Nonetheless, the problems can be effectively addressed through actions from lawmakers. The first solution should be for governments to run public service campaigns to raise awareness among the public about the health-related issues associated with the overconsumption of unhealthy food. Individuals can also improve their health by conducting thorough research about the ingredients and calories of the food they are ingesting. This helps them make more informed decisions and avoid being swayed by glamorous advertisements. Another solution involves the implementation of laws. Indeed, pre-packaged foods should be subject to significant taxation to reduce consumer demand, while encouraging the use of more nutritious alternatives. As a result, these practices would potentially promote sustainable eating habits among the general population, making them less susceptible to certain health risks like obesity or diabetes.

In conclusion, the shift towards unhealthy eating habits may be caused by the pervasive advertisements and widespread availability of pre-packaged food. Where possible, consumer education about the health implications and a policy to tax pre-cooked groceries can effectively tackle the problem.