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Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years, traveling to other countries accounts for most of the economic proportion of the world. While some believe that foreign tourism is a key reason for some intense situations in different nations, others argue that traveling overseas is an efficient way to exchange culture. There are additional reasons for these views which will be stated in this essay.
Traveling to other countries inevitably causes friction in different nations. The most compelling reason to be proved for this statement is that there are dire media reports relating to a particular country. As the technological industry is advanced, there is a variety of news without being censored and spreading worldwide. As a result, misleading news and information about a nation cannot be eliminated leading to misunderstanding insights for another nation. Taking Thailand as an example, it is considered a sex-tourism country. Each year, national statistics illustrate that there is a considerable increase in the number of foreign women suffering from prostitution and sexual abuse by local residents. Consequently, in international insights, Thailand is an undervalued country for overseas tourists.
On the other hand, it cannot be deniable that international traveling connects different civilizations and traditions. Tourism can have the same meaning as making out more about national customs, traditions, and cultures, which is a useful way to clear up misleading conflicts in the past. For instance, America has been an invader in occupying most of Vietnam’s territory to serve its ambition of being the most affluent country. However, back some centuries, American tourists had a fleeting visit to Vietnam even if they built a stable life in Vietnam because of local hospitality. It can be said that Vietnam and America transformed confrontation into cooperation and set a long-lasting friendship.
In conclusion, although traveling to another country could lead to some friction because of the negative outlook from dire media reports, I advocate that overseas tours could build brotherhood in different nations and eliminate misunderstanding outlook for this country.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "accounts for most of the economic proportion of the world" -> "constitutes a significant portion of the global economy"
    Explanation: The suggested replacement enhances formality by using the phrase "constitutes a significant portion of the global economy" instead of the informal "accounts for most of the economic proportion of the world."

  2. "intense situations in different nations" -> "tense situations in various countries"
    Explanation: The term "intense situations" is somewhat informal; replacing it with "tense situations" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.

  3. "additional reasons for these views which will be stated in this essay" -> "further rationale for these perspectives will be elaborated upon in this essay"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and precise, using "further rationale" instead of "additional reasons" and avoiding unnecessary words like "which will be stated."

  4. "compelling reason to be proved for this statement" -> "compelling evidence to support this assertion"
    Explanation: The term "reason to be proved" is less formal; "compelling evidence to support this assertion" is a more formal and accurate expression.

  5. "dire media reports" -> "negative media coverage"
    Explanation: "Dire" is somewhat informal; "negative media coverage" maintains formality and provides a clearer description of the media reports.

  6. "misleading insights for another nation" -> "misunderstandings about another nation"
    Explanation: The term "insights" is not the most suitable here; replacing it with "misunderstandings" improves clarity and formality.

  7. "national statistics illustrate" -> "national statistics indicate"
    Explanation: While "illustrate" is not incorrect, "indicate" is a more commonly used term in academic writing, providing a smoother transition in the sentence.

  8. "considered a sex-tourism country" -> "perceived as a destination for sex tourism"
    Explanation: The revised expression is more formal, using "perceived as a destination for sex tourism" instead of the informal "considered a sex-tourism country."

  9. "undervalued country for overseas tourists" -> "unfavorably perceived destination for international tourists"
    Explanation: The term "undervalued" may be too informal; the suggested replacement maintains formality and clarity.

  10. "it cannot be deniable" -> "it cannot be denied"
    Explanation: The phrase "it cannot be deniable" is grammatically awkward; the corrected version uses "it cannot be denied" for clarity and correctness.

  11. "making out more about national customs" -> "gaining a deeper understanding of national customs"
    Explanation: The phrase "making out more about" is informal; the revised expression is more formal and precise.

  12. "ambition of being the most affluent country" -> "aspiring to be the wealthiest nation"
    Explanation: The term "ambition of being the most affluent country" is somewhat awkward; the suggested replacement is more concise and formal.

  13. "fleeting visit to Vietnam" -> "brief visit to Vietnam"
    Explanation: "Fleeting" is somewhat informal; the replacement "brief" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.

  14. "set a long-lasting friendship" -> "established a enduring friendship"
    Explanation: While not incorrect, the term "set" can be replaced with "established" for a more formal tone, and "long-lasting" can be changed to "enduring" for variety and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "While some believe that foreign tourism is a key reason for some intense situations in different nations, others argue that traveling overseas is an efficient way to exchange culture. There are additional reasons for these views which will be stated in this essay."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction provides a clear indication of the two opposing views, which is a positive aspect. However, it lacks specificity and could benefit from a concise preview of the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help set a clear roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall structure of the essay.
    • Improved example: "While some argue that international tourism contributes to tension between nations, others believe it serves as an effective means of cultural exchange. In this essay, I will explore the reasons behind both perspectives, shedding light on the impact of media and the potential for cultural understanding through travel."
  2. Quoted text: "The most compelling reason to be proved for this statement is that there are dire media reports relating to a particular country."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay presents a clear point about the negative impact of media reports on a country’s image, but it lacks depth and specific examples. To strengthen this argument, provide specific instances or elaborate on how media portrayal can lead to misunderstandings. This will add substance to your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "A compelling illustration of this phenomenon is the case of Thailand, often portrayed in the media as a hub for sex tourism. This misrepresentation not only damages the country’s reputation but also creates a distorted image for international tourists, fostering misunderstanding and tension."
  3. Quoted text: "For instance, America has been an invader in occupying most of Vietnam’s territory to serve its ambition of being the most affluent country."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The example chosen is relevant, but the presentation lacks coherence and clarity. To improve, provide a concise background of the historical conflict between Vietnam and America, emphasizing how tourism played a role in transforming their relationship. This will enhance the depth of your argument and make it more compelling.
    • Improved example: "Consider the historical context of Vietnam and America’s conflict, where the latter occupied significant territory. Despite this contentious history, American tourists visiting Vietnam in recent times have contributed to a shift from confrontation to cooperation, fostering a long-lasting friendship between the nations."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but lacks depth in the development of ideas. Providing more specific examples and expanding on the arguments will contribute to a more fully developed and convincing response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a mix of cohesive elements, which help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. There’s a noticeable attempt at paragraphing, although it lacks consistent logic in placement. The progression of ideas is clear, transitioning between the negative impacts and positive outcomes of international tourism. The essay effectively uses examples to support its points, demonstrating some coherence in argumentation.

How to improve:

  1. Paragraph Structure: Work on more consistent and logically structured paragraphing. Each paragraph should contain a clear central idea and contribute distinctly to the overall argument.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Enhance the use of cohesive devices within and between sentences to create smoother transitions and flow between ideas.
  3. Clarity in Referencing: Ensure clearer referencing and substitution of ideas to avoid potential confusion or repetition.

Improving these aspects will further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay, elevating its overall quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay successfully presents contrasting views on international tourism, discussing the tensions it may create due to misleading media reports and contrasting it with the positive impact on cultural understanding. The vocabulary used is generally varied and adequate for the task. There is an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary, such as "dire media reports" and "misleading conflicts," demonstrating some awareness of language nuance.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as "insights" instead of "perceptions" and "undervalued" instead of "misunderstood." Additionally, there are minor spelling errors, such as "deniable" instead of "deniable" and "brotherhood" instead of "mutual understanding."

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim for more precision and accuracy in word choice. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is crucial. Using a wider variety of advanced vocabulary, while maintaining accuracy, can further elevate the essay’s overall lexical quality. Additionally, paying attention to collocation and ensuring that less common lexical items are used appropriately will contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, showcasing an attempt at varied sentence forms. There is an effort to employ complex structures, although some inaccuracies and errors in grammar and punctuation are present. The essay communicates the ideas effectively, but certain errors slightly impact clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Review grammar rules for tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Additionally, aim for more precision in expressing complex ideas to reduce any ambiguity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, global tourism has emerged as a major player in the world economy. While some argue that international tourism contributes to tensions between nations, others contend that it serves as an effective means of cultural exchange. This essay will explore these perspectives, shedding light on additional factors influencing these views.

Traveling to foreign countries inevitably triggers friction between nations. A significant factor supporting this claim is the prevalence of sensational media reports associated with specific countries. With advanced technology, a plethora of uncensored news circulates globally. Consequently, misleading information about a nation persists, fostering misunderstandings. Take Thailand, for example, often branded as a hub for sex tourism. National statistics annually reveal a notable increase in cases of foreign women falling victim to prostitution and abuse by locals. Consequently, Thailand suffers from a misrepresented image in the eyes of international tourists.

However, it is undeniable that international travel serves as a bridge connecting diverse civilizations and traditions. Tourism provides an avenue to explore national customs, traditions, and cultures, facilitating the resolution of historical conflicts. Consider the relationship between America and Vietnam. While America had been an invader, occupying significant portions of Vietnam, centuries later, American tourists visiting Vietnam experienced genuine hospitality. This transformation exemplifies how tourism can turn confrontation into cooperation, fostering enduring friendships between nations.

In conclusion, despite the potential for friction fueled by negative media portrayals during international travel, I assert that such tours play a vital role in fostering goodwill between nations and dispelling misconceptions about a country.

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