nowadays many families have both parents working. some working parents believe Other family members like grandparents can take care of their children While others think Child Care Centers provide the best care discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days people are arguing whether to send the children to childcare organizations or leave them at home with other family members. This author agrees with the later opinion due to the Fulfillment of affection of the child as well as that family's expenditure.
To begin with there will be loss of emotional attachment between children and their parents if they spend most of their childhood time in child care centers. Children during g the process of growing are in need of affection and encouragement from the entire family or at least some of them.Otherwise, there will be a distance between the family and the children which can contribute to cause the intensity and regularity of arguments.Therefore children should be kept at home with their family for cares rather than going to child care settings.
Nevertheless some may opine that centers for taking care of children can offer more staff who are well-trained and experienced to do the job.furthermore the children can approach to a comprehensive babysitting environment that raise the methodologically. Nonetheless suCh organizations usually deal with numerous requirements of different parents at different types that will be lack of the sense of Fulfillment for each child.
It is the opinion of this writer that people should not send their children to babysitting environment as it may help them to spend money more economically. Besides, the children can receive a hundred percent care of the family. For that reason there is no need for professional staff to take care of the children during their childhood.
To conclude staying at home can offer children a great sense of affection. Thus, It is best for children to stay home and spend time with family.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"send the children to childcare organizations" -> "enroll children in childcare facilities"
Explanation: "Enroll" is a more formal verb choice than "send," and "facilities" is a more precise term than "organizations" in this context.
"leave them at home with other family members" -> "leave them in the care of other family members"
Explanation: "In the care of" is a more formal and precise phrase than "at home with," which sounds informal and vague.
"This author agrees with the later opinion" -> "This author supports the latter view"
Explanation: "Supports" is more academically appropriate than "agrees," and "latter view" is grammatically correct compared to "later opinion."
"Fulfillment of affection" -> "fulfillment of emotional needs"
Explanation: "Emotional needs" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "affection," which is vague and informal.
"there will be loss of emotional attachment" -> "there may be a loss of emotional attachment"
Explanation: "May" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "will," as it acknowledges uncertainty in the prediction.
"during g the process of growing" -> "during the process of growth"
Explanation: Corrects the typo and uses "growth" as the correct noun form.
"in need of affection and encouragement" -> "require affection and encouragement"
Explanation: "Require" is a more formal and precise verb than "in need of," which is somewhat informal.
"Otherwise, there will be a distance between the family and the children" -> "Otherwise, this may lead to a distance between the family and the children"
Explanation: "This may lead to" is a more formal and conditional expression than "there will be," which is too absolute.
"can contribute to cause" -> "may contribute to causing"
Explanation: "May contribute to causing" corrects the awkward phrasing and aligns with formal academic style.
"for cares" -> "for care"
Explanation: "For care" is grammatically incorrect; "for care" is the correct form.
"going to child care settings" -> "attending childcare settings"
Explanation: "Attending" is a more formal and precise verb than "going to" in this context.
"furthermore the children can approach to a comprehensive babysitting environment" -> "furthermore, the children can access a comprehensive childcare environment"
Explanation: "Access" is more precise than "approach to," and "childcare" is the correct term instead of "babysitting."
"that raise the methodologically" -> "that enhances methodological approaches"
Explanation: "Enhances methodological approaches" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "raise the methodologically."
"suCh organizations" -> "such organizations"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "suCh" to "such."
"will be lack of the sense of Fulfillment" -> "may lack a sense of fulfillment"
Explanation: "May lack" is more appropriate than "will be lack," and "a sense of fulfillment" is grammatically correct.
"It is the opinion of this writer" -> "This writer’s opinion is"
Explanation: "This writer’s opinion is" is a more concise and formal way to express the author’s viewpoint.
"It is best for children to stay home and spend time with family" -> "It is advisable for children to remain at home and spend time with family"
Explanation: "Advisable" is a more formal and precise term than "best," and "remain at home" is more formal than "stay home."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding childcare options, discussing the benefits of family care and the advantages of childcare centers. However, the exploration of the second viewpoint is somewhat limited. The author mentions that childcare centers have trained staff and provide a comprehensive environment but does not elaborate on these points or provide specific examples. The conclusion reiterates the author’s opinion but does not sufficiently summarize the arguments for both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the strengths of childcare centers with specific examples, such as the socialization opportunities they offer or the structured learning environments. Additionally, summarizing both perspectives in the conclusion would strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their position in favor of family care early in the essay. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the discussion. For instance, while the author mentions the emotional benefits of family care, they could strengthen their argument by linking back to this point when discussing childcare centers.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should regularly refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases that connect back to the central thesis can help reinforce their stance and clarify their reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the emotional attachment children develop with family and the training of staff in childcare centers. However, the support for these ideas is often vague or underdeveloped. For example, the claim about emotional distance lacks specific evidence or examples to illustrate the potential consequences of this distance.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples to support their claims. For instance, they could include statistics on child development that highlight the importance of emotional attachment or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of family care. This would make the arguments more compelling and persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the childcare debate. However, there are instances where the argument becomes slightly muddled, particularly when discussing the disadvantages of childcare centers. The phrase "will be lack of the sense of Fulfillment for each child" is unclear and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of which childcare option is preferable. Clarifying vague statements and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more balanced discussion, stronger support for ideas, and clearer connections between points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument favoring family care over childcare centers. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph introducing the topic and the author’s stance, the second discussing the emotional benefits of family care, the third presenting the counterargument about childcare centers, and the final paragraph summarizing the author’s opinion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some points are not fully developed, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is fully elaborated with examples or explanations. For instance, when discussing emotional attachment, you could provide specific examples of how this affects children’s development.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is effective. However, the structure within paragraphs can be improved. For example, the second paragraph introduces the idea of emotional attachment but lacks a clear connection to how this impacts children’s behavior and relationships. The paragraphs also sometimes contain run-on sentences, making it difficult for readers to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use linking words or phrases to connect sentences within paragraphs. For instance, instead of starting the second sentence of the second paragraph with "Otherwise," consider using "As a result," to clarify the relationship between ideas. Additionally, breaking longer sentences into shorter ones can improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "nevertheless," and "to conclude." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their use is sometimes awkward. For example, the phrase "the later opinion" is unclear and could confuse readers. Additionally, some transitions between ideas lack clarity, which can disrupt the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," and "for instance." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow. For example, when transitioning from discussing the benefits of family care to the counterargument, you could use "Conversely" to clearly indicate a shift in perspective.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "childcare organizations," "emotional attachment," and "affection." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive, particularly with phrases like "child care centers" and "family." The use of "fulfillment" and "expenditure" shows some attempt at complexity, but the overall range is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "child care centers," alternatives like "daycare facilities" or "nursery schools" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as "nurturing environment" instead of just "care."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the later opinion," which should be "the latter opinion." The phrase "the intensity and regularity of arguments" is vague and could be more specific. Additionally, "the sense of Fulfillment for each child" lacks clarity in context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that terms are used correctly and in context. For example, instead of "the sense of Fulfillment," it could be more effective to say "the emotional needs of each child." Furthermore, reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that it accurately conveys the intended meaning will help enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "later" instead of "latter," "g the process" instead of "in the process," and "suCh" which should be "such." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that highlight errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying words that are misspelled or used incorrectly.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly improve the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Children during g the process of growing are in need of affection and encouragement from the entire family or at least some of them" is somewhat convoluted and could be simplified or restructured for clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the later opinion" and "the opinion of this writer" indicate a repetitive use of similar sentence constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Children during the process of growing are in need of affection," the writer could say, "As children grow, they need affection and encouragement from their families to develop emotionally." Practicing the use of varied sentence beginnings and integrating relative clauses can also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issuesthat detract from its clarity. For example, "the later opinion" should be "the latter opinion," and "fulfillment of affection" is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences (e.g., "Nevertheless some may opine" should be "Nevertheless, some may opine"). The use of capitalization is inconsistent, as seen in "Fulfillment" and "Child Care Centers," which should be lowercase unless they are part of a title.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct article usage. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes. For punctuation, the writer should practice using commas correctly, especially in compound sentences and after introductory phrases. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses (and thus commas) are needed for clarity.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear opinion, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, people are debating whether to enroll children in childcare facilities or leave them at home with other family members. This author supports the latter view due to the fulfillment of emotional needs for the child, as well as the family’s expenditure.

To begin with, there may be a loss of emotional attachment between children and their parents if they spend most of their childhood in childcare centers. During the process of growth, children require affection and encouragement from their entire family, or at least from some family members. Otherwise, this may lead to a distance between the family and the children, which can contribute to the intensity and regularity of arguments. Therefore, children should be kept at home with their family for care rather than attending childcare settings.

Nevertheless, some may opine that childcare centers can offer more staff who are well-trained and experienced in caring for children. Furthermore, the children can access a comprehensive childcare environment that enhances methodological approaches to development. Nonetheless, such organizations usually deal with numerous requirements from different parents, which may lack a sense of fulfillment for each child.

It is the opinion of this writer that people should not send their children to childcare environments, as this may help them manage their finances more effectively. Besides, the children can receive a hundred percent care from their family. For that reason, there is no need for professional staff to take care of children during their formative years.

To conclude, staying at home can offer children a great sense of affection. Thus, it is advisable for children to remain at home and spend time with family.