Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
These days, there are more and more people opting for self-working instead of working for a company or organization. This essay will explore the reasons as well as some drawbacks behind this trend.
The trend of being self-employed can be attributable to various factors. First of all, it enables people to have flexible time and workplaces. This can be explained by the fact that people can choose where and when they work without any restrictions like working in a company. Consequently, they can plan their personal schedule more reasonably. The second reason is that people want to challenge themselves and gain more useful skills. Since these people have to work on their own, problem-solving skills, time management skills, or self-disciplined skills can be improved. These skills will help them earn their living more easily.
There are a number of disadvantages that can arise from this trend. The first one is that people who work on themselves do not have enough instruction from experienced people who have worked for a long time. Consequently, they can face plenty of difficulties during their work. Moreover, these people also have to deal with various financial pressures which were mainly caused by unguaranteed income or loans from the bank. This issue can put these people at risk of being bankrupt. Take Walt Disney as an example. He had to work by himself and underwent bankruptcy several times before becoming a famous cartoonist in the world.
In conclusion, people nowadays choose to be self-employed due to a variety of reasons, including its flexibility and the aspiration of gaining more useful skills. However, it also possesses some drawbacks such as the lack of introduction from experienced employees or financial difficulties.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: Replacing "These days" with "Currently" adds formality to the introduction, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"opting for self-working" -> "choosing self-employment"
Explanation: "Opting for self-working" is colloquial; replacing it with "choosing self-employment" maintains a more formal tone while conveying the same meaning.
"some drawbacks behind this trend" -> "some drawbacks associated with this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Drawbacks behind this trend" is slightly informal; replacing it with "drawbacks associated with this phenomenon" aligns with academic language and provides a more precise description.
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "First of all" is a colloquial expression; replacing it with "Firstly" enhances the formality of the transition, aligning with academic conventions.
"This can be explained by the fact that" -> "This is attributed to"
Explanation: "This can be explained by the fact that" is verbose; replacing it with "This is attributed to" maintains conciseness and formality.
"Consequently" -> "As a result"
Explanation: "Consequently" is a bit formal; replacing it with "As a result" provides a more common and suitable transition in academic writing.
"The second reason is that" -> "Secondly"
Explanation: Similar to point 4, replacing "The second reason is that" with "Secondly" improves the formality of the transition.
"gain more useful skills" -> "acquire valuable skills"
Explanation: "Gain more useful skills" is a bit informal; replacing it with "acquire valuable skills" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.
"These skills will help them earn their living more easily" -> "These skills contribute to their livelihood"
Explanation: The original expression is somewhat casual; replacing it with "These skills contribute to their livelihood" enhances the academic tone.
"The first one is that" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: Replacing "The first one is that" with "Firstly" aligns with academic style and maintains a formal structure.
"instruction from experienced people" -> "guidance from seasoned professionals"
Explanation: "Instruction from experienced people" is a bit casual; replacing it with "guidance from seasoned professionals" adds formality.
"who have worked for a long time" -> "with substantial work experience"
Explanation: "Who have worked for a long time" can be refined to "with substantial work experience" for a more formal expression.
"Consequently, they can face plenty of difficulties" -> "As a result, they may encounter numerous challenges"
Explanation: The original sentence is slightly informal; the suggested change maintains clarity while adhering to academic formality.
"bankrupt" -> "bankruptcy"
Explanation: Using "bankruptcy" instead of "bankrupt" is more accurate in the context of financial difficulties and is a more formal term.
"Take Walt Disney as an example." -> "Consider Walt Disney as an illustrative case."
Explanation: "Take Walt Disney as an example" is informal; replacing it with "Consider Walt Disney as an illustrative case" adds formality and clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "The trend of being self-employed can be attributable to various factors. First of all, it enables people to have flexible time and workplaces. This can be explained by the fact that people can choose where and when they work without any restrictions like working in a company."
Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The introduction provides a reasonable starting point by mentioning the flexibility of time and workplace that self-employment offers. However, it lacks depth in exploring other possible reasons for this trend. To improve, consider elaborating on additional motivations for choosing self-employment, such as the desire for autonomy, pursuing passion, or seeking higher earnings through entrepreneurial ventures. For instance, individuals may opt for self-employment to align their work with personal values or to enjoy the potential financial rewards that come with successful entrepreneurship.
Improved example: "The trend of self-employment is fueled by multifaceted factors. Beyond the allure of flexible schedules and work settings, individuals often gravitate towards self-employment seeking autonomy in their professional pursuits. For many, the drive to align work with personal values, pursue passions, or seize entrepreneurial opportunities serves as a significant motivator."
Quoted text: "Moreover, these people also have to deal with various financial pressures which were mainly caused by unguaranteed income or loans from the bank."
Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The essay touches upon financial pressures faced by self-employed individuals due to uncertain income and potential bank loans. However, it lacks a deeper exploration of the financial challenges, such as irregular cash flows, lack of employee benefits, or difficulties in securing funds for business growth. Expanding on these aspects would enrich the discussion and provide a more comprehensive view of the financial drawbacks of self-employment.
Improved example: "Furthermore, the financial challenges stemming from erratic income streams, absence of traditional benefits like health insurance or retirement plans, and the struggle to secure funding for business expansion pose significant hurdles for those venturing into self-employment. These complexities often add layers of uncertainty and risk to their financial stability."
Overall, the essay presents a basic understanding of the reasons behind the trend of self-employment and briefly touches upon the disadvantages. However, to enhance the response, deeper exploration and richer examples related to motivations and challenges of self-employment would bolster the argument’s clarity and development.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion. There’s a clear attempt to organize ideas logically, with a discernible overall progression in the essay structure. The introduction outlines the two main points to be discussed: reasons for choosing self-employment and its disadvantages. However, some issues in cohesion and paragraphing hinder a higher score. While the essay attempts to maintain a clear central topic within each paragraph, it lacks a seamless flow between sentences and ideas. There are instances of faulty cohesion, where the transition between sentences is not consistently smooth. Additionally, paragraphing is somewhat inconsistent, affecting the logical flow of the essay.
How to improve:
- Focus on strengthening the logical flow between sentences. Ensure that each sentence naturally leads to the next, maintaining coherence and logical progression of ideas.
- Pay closer attention to the use of cohesive devices to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- Work on improving paragraphing to enhance the essay’s overall structure and coherence. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and follows a logical sequence.
Overall, refining the connection between ideas and enhancing the essay’s structure will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It uses less common lexical items, such as "aspiration" and "unguaranteed," and shows an awareness of style and collocation. The vocabulary is generally appropriate and contributes to the overall clarity of the essay. There are, however, occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "work on themselves," which could be improved for better accuracy.
How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should aim for more consistent accuracy in word choice and collocation. Instead of "work on themselves," a phrase like "work independently" or "be self-employed" would be more precise. Additionally, integrating a wider variety of vocabulary, especially in expressing ideas, could further elevate the lexical resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, using a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. The writer effectively uses a range of structures, showcasing flexibility in sentence construction. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "The trend of being self-employed can be attributable," where a more concise phrasing could improve clarity. Additionally, the phrase "work by himself" could be refined to "work independently" for gender-neutral language. These errors are relatively minor and do not significantly impede understanding.
How to improve:
- Aim for more concise expressions to enhance clarity and coherence.
- Consider using gender-neutral language for inclusivity, such as "work independently" instead of "work by himself."
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary times, an increasing number of individuals are opting for self-employment rather than seeking employment within a company or organization. This essay aims to explore the underlying reasons for this trend as well as shed light on its associated drawbacks.
The choice to pursue self-employment is influenced by several factors. Primarily, it grants individuals the freedom to manage their time and select their work environment. This autonomy allows them to decide when and where to work, unfettered by the constraints often imposed by corporate settings. Consequently, this flexibility enables a more balanced and personalized schedule.
Another compelling reason is the pursuit of personal challenge and skill development. Being self-employed necessitates honing essential abilities such as problem-solving, time management, and self-discipline. These acquired skills significantly contribute to their means of sustenance, empowering them in their professional endeavors.
However, this shift towards self-employment does not come without its downsides. Firstly, individuals working independently may lack the guidance and mentorship offered by seasoned professionals with substantial work experience. This absence of mentorship often results in encountering numerous challenges during their entrepreneurial journey.
Moreover, self-employed individuals often grapple with financial pressures stemming from irregular income streams or reliance on bank loans, which can potentially lead to financial instability or even bankruptcy. A prime example illustrating this is Walt Disney, who faced multiple instances of financial hardship before rising to become a renowned cartoonist.
In conclusion, the contemporary inclination towards self-employment is fueled by the desire for flexibility and the aspiration to acquire valuable skills. However, this choice is not without its shortcomings, notably the absence of guidance from experienced professionals and the financial challenges that arise.