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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.
Why might this be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In this state-of-the art glonalisation, there is an increasing trend of self-employment, many individuals opt for working for themselves rather than for a company for organisation. From my perspective, there are several reasons for this case, and there are many potential drawbacks of this option and this essay will elaborate on it.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why this may be the case. First, working for oneself allows for more flexibility and the ability to pursue one's own goals and projects, rather than those of a larger organization. They have more time to understand their passion and preference. For example, freelancers prefer working at home, which gives them for freedoom to pursue their own interests. Therefore, they could have opportinity to creat their own vision in career path and develop their business in the future that are not affected by external factors as in workplace. Secondly, being self employed allows individuals to create their own schedule and decide when and how much they work while at first it could take them hours building their business, which could mean working overtime or on weekends. However, the flexibility that comes with being self-employed give them freedom, motivation and discipline via creating personal schedule. As a result, people can have time to balance their work and housework in life.
On the other hand, being self-employed also comes with its own set of challenges. One of the main disadvantages is inconsistant income. Unlike most regular jobs that pay a consistent salary at specific intervals, most self-employed individuals don't have a guaranteed income and they alsoresponsible for all aspects of their work, . Hence, a higher amount of stress could be generated among self-employers compared to that of those working for an employer. Moreover, needing to perform multiple tasks that are unrelated to your specialty and having the entire responsibility of success or failure can also add to your stress levels. Last but not least, there may be less opportunity for career advancement or professional development compared to working for a company with established training programs and career paths. For example, self-employed do not have chance to meet join training courses and meet professionals to exchange their work experiences and opportunities.

In conclusion, although there are two main reasons leading to this trend in recent decades and also brings some benefits for workers, its drawbacks can not taken for granted to a certain extend.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "glonalisation" -> "globalization"
    Explanation: The term "glonalisation" is a misspelling; the correct term is "globalization," which is a standard and widely accepted term in academic writing.

  2. "trend of self-employment, many individuals opt for working for themselves rather than for a company for organisation." -> "trend of self-employment; many individuals choose to work for themselves rather than for an organization or company."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and contains awkward phrasing. The suggested revision provides a more precise and well-structured expression of the idea.

  3. "From my perspective," -> Omit this phrase.
    Explanation: In academic writing, personal perspectives are generally avoided. The omission of this phrase strengthens the objectivity and formality of the essay.

  4. "there are several reasons for this case," -> "there are several reasons for this trend,"
    Explanation: The use of "case" is imprecise in this context. "Trend" is a more suitable term to convey the idea of self-employment being on the rise.

  5. "and there are many potential drawbacks of this option and this essay will elaborate on it." -> "and this essay will elaborate on its potential drawbacks."
    Explanation: The original sentence is redundant and awkward. The suggested revision streamlines the expression by avoiding unnecessary repetition.

  6. "working for oneself allows for more flexibility and the ability to pursue one’s own goals and projects, rather than those of a larger organization." -> "self-employment provides individuals with greater flexibility and the autonomy to pursue personal goals and projects, distinct from the objectives of a larger organization."
    Explanation: The suggested revision enhances the formality of the sentence while maintaining clarity and precision.

  7. "They have more time to understand their passion and preference." -> "Individuals have more time to explore their passions and preferences."
    Explanation: The suggested revision refines the sentence by specifying that it is individuals who have more time, rather than an unspecified "they."

  8. "For example, freelancers prefer working at home, which gives them for freedoom to pursue their own interests." -> "For example, freelancers often prefer working from home, providing them with the freedom to pursue their own interests."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The suggested revision corrects these issues and maintains a more formal tone.

  9. "Therefore, they could have opportinity to creat their own vision in career path and develop their business in the future that are not affected by external factors as in workplace." -> "Therefore, they have the opportunity to create their own career path and develop their business independently from external workplace factors."
    Explanation: The original sentence has several grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The suggested revision improves clarity and formality.

  10. "Secondly, being self employed allows individuals to create their own schedule and decide when and how much they work while at first it could take them hours building their business, which could mean working overtime or on weekends." -> "Secondly, self-employment allows individuals to create their own schedules, deciding when and how much they work. Initially, building their business may require extra hours, potentially leading to overtime or weekend work."
    Explanation: The original sentence is complex and contains several grammatical errors. The suggested revision separates ideas for clarity and corrects the grammatical issues.

  11. "However, the flexibility that comes with being self-employed give them freedom, motivation and discipline via creating personal schedule." -> "However, the flexibility that comes with being self-employed provides them with the freedom, motivation, and discipline to create a personal schedule."
    Explanation: The original sentence has subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing. The suggested revision corrects these errors and maintains a more formal tone.

  12. "people can have time to balance their work and housework in life." -> "individuals can allocate time to balance their professional and domestic responsibilities."
    Explanation: The suggested revision uses more precise and formal language to convey the idea of achieving a work-life balance.

  13. "being self-employed also comes with its own set of challenges." -> "self-employment also presents its own set of challenges."
    Explanation: The suggested revision simplifies the expression without sacrificing formality, making it more concise and direct.

  14. "inconsistant income." -> "inconsistent income."
    Explanation: The original term is misspelled, and the correction ensures proper spelling.

  15. "they alsoresponsible for all aspects of their work," -> "they are also responsible for all aspects of their work,"
    Explanation: The original sentence has a spacing issue and lacks proper verb conjugation. The suggested revision corrects these issues for grammatical accuracy.

  16. "a higher amount of stress could be generated among self-employers compared to that of those working for an employer." -> "self-employed individuals may experience higher stress levels compared to those working for an employer."
    Explanation: The suggested revision improves the clarity and precision of the sentence, avoiding awkward phrasing.

  17. "Moreover, needing to perform multiple tasks that are unrelated to your specialty and having the entire responsibility of success or failure can also add to your stress levels." -> "Moreover, having to perform multiple tasks unrelated to one’s specialty and bearing the entire responsibility for success or failure can also contribute to elevated stress levels."
    Explanation: The suggested revision enhances formality and clarity while maintaining a consistent perspective.

  18. "Last but not least, there may be less opportunity for career advancement or professional development compared to working for a company with established training programs and career paths." -> "Lastly, there may be fewer opportunities for career advancement or professional development compared to working for a company with established training programs and defined career paths."
    Explanation: The suggested revision improves the flow of the sentence and uses more precise language to convey the idea.

  19. "self-employed do not have chance to meet join training courses and meet professionals to exchange their work experiences and opportunities." -> "self-employed individuals may lack opportunities to participate in training courses or engage with professionals to exchange work experiences and opportunities."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The suggested revision corrects these issues while maintaining clarity and formality.

  20. "although there are two main reasons leading to this trend in recent decades and also brings some benefits for workers, its drawbacks can not taken for granted to a certain extend." -> "While there are two main reasons contributing to this trend in recent decades and some benefits for workers, its drawbacks cannot be ignored to a certain extent."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The suggested revision improves clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses reasons for the increasing trend of self-employment and highlights potential drawbacks. The reasons provided are flexibility and the ability to pursue personal goals, and the drawbacks mentioned include inconsistent income and limited career advancement opportunities.

    • How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples and elaborate on each reason and drawback. Additionally, a smoother introduction that captures the reader’s attention and clearly outlines the essay’s structure would enhance the overall coherence.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance, stating that there are reasons for the rise in self-employment while acknowledging its drawbacks. The position is consistently presented throughout the essay.

    • How to improve: While maintaining clarity, the essay could strengthen its thesis statement by explicitly stating whether the author believes the advantages or disadvantages of self-employment outweigh the other. This would add depth to the argument.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, such as flexibility and inconsistent income, and provides some support through examples. However, the development could be more detailed, with specific instances or evidence to strengthen the arguments.

    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into each idea, providing more concrete examples and possibly integrating relevant statistics or studies to add credibility and depth to the discussion.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons for choosing self-employment and its disadvantages. However, there are moments where the expression becomes unclear, such as "state-of-the-art glonalisation," which may distract from the main focus.

    • How to improve: The essay should ensure that all expressions are clear and directly contribute to the discussion. Avoiding unnecessary jargon and maintaining focus on the key points will improve overall coherence.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear stance and presenting relevant ideas. To enhance the response, it should provide more detailed examples, improve coherence in expression, and strengthen the overall development of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic and provides a clear stance. However, the body paragraphs lack a smooth transition between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of self-employment to its disadvantages could be more seamless. Additionally, the concluding paragraph could summarize the main points more effectively for a stronger overall coherence.
    • How to Improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition phrases to guide the reader through different ideas. Ensure a clear and structured progression of arguments from one paragraph to the next. In the conclusion, provide a concise summary of the main points without introducing new information.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be improved. The first paragraph is an introduction, and the body paragraphs discuss advantages and disadvantages separately. While the ideas within each paragraph are coherent, there is room for improvement in the overall organization of the essay. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
    • How to Improve: Aim for a more balanced structure by ensuring each paragraph contributes to the development of the essay’s main points. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to provide a clear focus. In the body paragraphs, maintain a logical order of ideas to enhance the overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). However, there is a limited variety, and their usage could be more strategic for a smoother flow. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, affecting the overall cohesion.
    • How to Improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transition words, to connect ideas within and between sentences. Ensure that these devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. Review and revise sentences for clarity, avoiding ambiguous phrasing that might confuse the reader.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices will elevate its overall clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes some specific terms related to self-employment, such as "flexibility," "freelancers," and "inconsistent income." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in using more sophisticated and contextually relevant terms.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating advanced vocabulary related to the essay topic. For instance, instead of using the term "state-of-the-art globalization," you might explore alternatives like "contemporary globalization trends" or "current era of globalization."

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses imprecise vocabulary, such as "glonalisation" instead of "globalization" and "inconsistant" instead of "inconsistent." Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more precise wording to convey the intended meaning.

    • How to improve: To improve precision, proofread the essay thoroughly to catch and correct spelling errors. Consider using a variety of synonyms and avoiding repetitive language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "self-employed," you might use alternatives like "entrepreneur" or "freelancer" where appropriate.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "glonalisation," "freedoom," "opportinity," "employers," and "inconsistant." These errors impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools and reviewing the essay carefully before submission. Additionally, focus on common spelling patterns and practice writing to reinforce correct spelling. For instance, paying attention to the correct spelling of words like "opportunity," "freedom," and "inconsistent" can significantly improve the quality of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic and uses some relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in expanding and refining the vocabulary range. Addressing spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and complexity, such as the use of compound and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on simple sentences and repetitions, limiting the overall variety. For instance, the repetition of "flexibility" in the first body paragraph affects the essay’s structural diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and maintain reader engagement, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce varied sentence beginnings, use transitions effectively, and experiment with different syntactical structures. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "Firstly" or "Secondly," vary the structure by employing introductory phrases or clauses.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact overall accuracy. There are instances of subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "there is an increasing trend," should be "there are increasing trends"), articles are omitted (e.g., "to pursue one’s own goals and projects" should be "to pursue one’s own goals and projects"), and punctuation errors (e.g., "freedoom" should be "freedom"). These errors can hinder comprehension and detract from the essay’s overall quality.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct punctuation. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and correct errors. It may be helpful to review common grammatical rules and practice applying them in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era of globalization, a noticeable trend is emerging where many individuals are opting for self-employment instead of working for a company or organization. This shift can be attributed to various reasons, and this essay aims to explore both the motivations behind this choice and the potential drawbacks associated with it.

On one hand, there are two primary reasons driving individuals toward self-employment. Firstly, working for oneself provides a greater degree of flexibility and autonomy to pursue personal goals and projects, distinct from the objectives of larger organizations. This autonomy allows individuals to dedicate more time to understanding their passions and preferences. For instance, freelancers often prefer the convenience of working from home, granting them the freedom to pursue their own interests. Consequently, they have the opportunity to shape their own career paths and develop their businesses independently, free from external workplace factors.

Secondly, self-employment affords individuals the ability to create their own schedules, deciding when and how much they work. Although the initial stages of building a business may demand extra hours, potentially leading to overtime or weekend work, the flexibility that comes with being self-employed provides individuals with the freedom, motivation, and discipline to establish a personal schedule. This flexibility enables individuals to allocate time effectively, balancing their professional and domestic responsibilities.

However, on the other hand, self-employment presents its own set of challenges. A notable disadvantage is the inconsistency in income. Unlike traditional jobs that offer a consistent salary at specified intervals, self-employed individuals lack a guaranteed income and are responsible for all aspects of their work. Consequently, self-employed individuals may experience higher stress levels compared to those working for an employer. Moreover, the need to perform multiple tasks unrelated to one’s specialty and bear the entire responsibility for success or failure can further contribute to elevated stress levels.

Finally, there may be fewer opportunities for career advancement or professional development compared to working for a company with established training programs and defined career paths. Self-employed individuals may miss out on participating in training courses or engaging with professionals to exchange work experiences and opportunities.

In conclusion, while there are two main reasons contributing to the growing trend of self-employment in recent decades, and some benefits for workers, it is crucial to acknowledge the drawbacks associated with this choice. The challenges, particularly the inconsistency in income and limited opportunities for career advancement, cannot be overlooked to a certain extent.

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