Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep.
What problems can lack of sleep cause?
What can be done about lack of sleep?
Along with economic thriving, increasing number of people have to work hard and make deeply attention to their jobs, leading insufficient sleep to become common in the world. There are several indications of this issue on individuals, and viable solutions should be produced to address this phenomenon.
When it comes to sleep deprivation, the first negative impact that humans have to suffer from is the depreciation of cognitive function. This contributes to worsened concentration, memory and decision making. As a result, lacking sleep would decrease work and school performance as well as increase risk of accident. The second effect is linked to mental health issues, causing depression, anxiety, irritability, and emotional instability. If individuals always have adequate and good sleep every day, they will keep away the psychological diseases mentioned above, and it is likely considered a therapeutic method for themselves to get in high spirit.
To have enough mental and physical health to struggle with the challenges in life, humankinds should come up with feasible solutions to the lack of sleep. At the beginning, each individual should sustain a regular sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at consistent time, even weekends, which helps regulate their circadian rhythms. Simultaneously, spend time on physical activities every day. In addition, people should develop an evening routine that helps them unwind before bedtime, such as taking a bath, reading books, especially avoiding electronic devices, and disconnect from work issues and allow the mind to settle. In consequence, they could easily fall into a good sleep quickly.
In conclusion, some effects might be caused by lacking sleep, and several actions need to be taken to deal with this condition.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"increasing number of people" -> "a growing number of individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "increasing number of people" with "a growing number of individuals" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style.
"make deeply attention" -> "pay deep attention"
Explanation: "Make deeply attention" is an awkward phrase. "Pay deep attention" is a more appropriate and natural alternative for expressing attentiveness.
"leading insufficient sleep to become common" -> "resulting in the prevalence of insufficient sleep"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. The suggested alternative provides a smoother and more academically formal expression.
"indications of this issue on individuals" -> "manifestations of this issue in individuals"
Explanation: "Indications of this issue on individuals" is less precise. "Manifestations of this issue in individuals" is a more fitting and sophisticated phrase.
"viable solutions should be produced" -> "practical solutions should be devised"
Explanation: "Produced" is not the most suitable term here. "Devised" is more appropriate in an academic context, conveying the idea of thoughtful consideration.
"When it comes to sleep deprivation" -> "Regarding sleep deprivation"
Explanation: "When it comes to" is informal. "Regarding" is a more formal alternative that maintains clarity.
"humankinds" -> "humans"
Explanation: "Humankinds" is an unconventional term. Using "humans" is more standard and formal in academic writing.
"come up with feasible solutions" -> "devise practical solutions"
Explanation: "Come up with" is colloquial. "Devise practical solutions" is a more formal and precise choice.
"sustain a regular sleep schedule" -> "maintain a consistent sleep schedule"
Explanation: "Sustain" is less formal. "Maintain" is a more appropriate and academically suitable term.
"especially avoiding electronic devices" -> "particularly refraining from electronic devices"
Explanation: "Especially avoiding" can be refined for formality. "Particularly refraining from" is a more precise and formal choice.
"some effects might be caused by lacking sleep" -> "various effects may result from sleep deprivation"
Explanation: "Some effects might be caused by lacking sleep" is less precise. "Various effects may result from sleep deprivation" is a more formal and clear expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
Detailed explanation: The essay does address both parts of the question. It discusses the problems caused by lack of sleep (cognitive function depreciation, mental health issues) and suggests solutions (maintaining a regular sleep schedule, engaging in physical activities, developing an evening routine).
How to improve: While the essay touches on both aspects, the discussion could be more nuanced. For example, it briefly mentions the economic aspect but could delve deeper into why people are experiencing sleep difficulties in a fast-paced working environment.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by acknowledging the problems associated with lack of sleep and proposing specific solutions. The stance is consistent, advocating for the importance of addressing sleep deprivation.
How to improve: The essay could strengthen its position by providing more concrete examples or statistics to support the importance of addressing sleep deprivation in the modern world.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development. For instance, it mentions the impact of sleep deprivation on cognitive function and mental health, but it could provide more examples or details to elaborate on these points.
How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the essay should include specific examples or studies supporting the stated effects of sleep deprivation. This would add depth and credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the problems and solutions related to lack of sleep. However, there are some vague statements, such as "along with economic thriving," which could be seen as a slight deviation from the main topic.
How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid general statements that are not directly related to the prompt. Instead, it should delve deeper into the specific challenges posed by the modern working environment contributing to sleep difficulties.
In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in providing more nuanced responses, supporting ideas with specific examples, and avoiding vague statements that could distract from the main topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner. It begins with an introduction discussing the prevalence of insufficient sleep, followed by two clear body paragraphs addressing the negative impacts of lack of sleep and proposing solutions. However, the transition between the negative impacts and proposed solutions could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider a more explicit transition sentence or phrase between discussing the negative impacts and presenting solutions. This will create a clearer link between the two sections and improve the overall flow of the essay.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the introduction providing context, body paragraphs addressing specific aspects of the issue, and a conclusion summarizing key points. However, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph length; the second body paragraph is lengthy and could be broken down for better readability.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs. This will make it easier for readers to follow the essay’s arguments and ideas. Aim for a balance between paragraph length and maintaining a clear, coherent discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices effectively, such as linking words ("along with," "when it comes to," "simultaneously," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("this issue," "these phenomena"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by signaling relationships between ideas and facilitating smooth transitions.
- How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices. While the existing ones are appropriate, introducing additional devices like synonyms, parallel structures, and transitional phrases can add variety and sophistication to the essay’s language. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. Improvements in the transition between negative impacts and proposed solutions, paragraph length, and the introduction of more diverse cohesive devices will contribute to further refinement.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of varied word choices, but it lacks depth and sophistication in vocabulary selection. For instance, the repeated use of common phrases such as "lack of sleep" and "physical activities" limits the diversity of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the score, incorporate more nuanced and precise vocabulary. Instead of relying on generic terms, consider using synonyms and exploring more specific language to convey ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "lack of sleep," employ alternatives like "sleep deprivation" or "insufficient rest."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where imprecise language weakens the impact. For example, the phrase "economic thriving" is not entirely clear and could be replaced with a more precise term or explanation.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, consider specifying the economic aspect causing stress or using a clearer term. Precision contributes to a more refined and sophisticated essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, with only minor issues observed. For instance, "humankinds" should be corrected to "humankind." While there are no major spelling errors, attention to detail can further improve the overall impression.
- How to improve: Proofread carefully to catch minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider using writing tools or spell-check features to identify and correct any overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of meticulous proofreading will enhance the overall accuracy of spelling.
In conclusion, while the essay exhibits a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in both range and precision. Focusing on incorporating more varied and nuanced language, as well as paying meticulous attention to spelling accuracy, will contribute to achieving a higher band score for Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, providing a basic variety. However, there is room for improvement in terms of more complex sentence structures, such as the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, or varied sentence lengths for stylistic purposes. For example, in the third paragraph, the sentences tend to be straightforward, lacking intricate structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce relative clauses, conditional sentences, or varied sentence lengths to add sophistication to the writing. For instance, instead of relying on basic sentence structures, experiment with compound-complex sentences to convey ideas more elaborately.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall coherence. For example, "make deeply attention" should be "pay deep attention," and "humankinds" should be "humanity." Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as missing commas after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay to catch errors like awkward phrasing and grammatical inconsistencies. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice. Also, focus on proper punctuation usage, especially after introductory phrases. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can contribute to more precise and polished writing.
Overall, the essay exhibits a strong foundation in grammatical range and accuracy, with a few areas that can be refined for a more sophisticated and error-free presentation.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the contemporary era, as more individuals immerse themselves in the demands of a thriving economy, an increasing number of people find themselves devoted to their jobs, resulting in a widespread prevalence of insufficient sleep. This manifests in various ways in individuals, and it is imperative to devise practical solutions to address this growing concern.
Regarding sleep deprivation, one primary consequence is the decline in cognitive function. This translates to diminished concentration, memory, and decision-making abilities, subsequently impairing work and school performance while elevating the risk of accidents. Another noteworthy effect is the impact on mental health, leading to conditions such as depression, anxiety, irritability, and emotional instability. Ensuring a consistent and sufficient sleep routine acts as a preventive measure against these psychological issues, essentially serving as a therapeutic method to maintain high spirits.
To combat the challenges posed by sleep deprivation and promote both mental and physical well-being, humans must devise practical solutions. Firstly, individuals should maintain a regular sleep schedule by adhering to consistent bedtime and waking times, even on weekends, thereby regulating their circadian rhythms. Concurrently, incorporating daily physical activities is crucial. Additionally, cultivating an evening routine that facilitates relaxation before bedtime, such as indulging in a bath, reading books, particularly refraining from electronic devices, and disconnecting from work-related concerns, allows the mind to settle, promoting a seamless transition into restful sleep.
In conclusion, the manifestations of insufficient sleep are multifaceted, impacting cognitive function and mental health. Practical solutions, such as maintaining a consistent sleep schedule and adopting evening routines, are essential to mitigate these effects and ensure a balanced and rejuvenating sleep pattern.