Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

In contemporary times, there is no doubt that computers have been accessed by the community including the majority of children playing computer games. Some parents might think this is a good way for their offspring to develop problem-solving skills, however, several negative problems have resulted from this tendency and they should be tackled by a number of different measures by families and schools.
As mentioned, numerous problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that children lose their interest to interact with society in real life. As children spend too much time on the computer to play games, they have the tendency to live an artificial life where they prefer connecting and communicating with other people through a screen rather than talking face-to-face. Another problem with this phenomenon is health. Offspring utilize most of their time sitting in front of the computer, resulting in lack of movements and physical exercising. This motionless life leads to many health problems such as obesity, cardiovascular issues or muscle weakness.
Since such issues are serious, families and education systems should take steps to tackle this problem. The first measure should be streak regulation by parents. Offspring must be given a time limit so that parents can set up a balanced timetable in a day for their child. If children follow a healthy lifestyle, it leads to a good wellbeing in the future. Another solution is educational applications by schools and teachers. Children should be taught how to use electric devices for learning functions instead of gaming. Furthermore, raising children's awareness about how important physical activities and engaging in society are.
To conclude, there are various negative consequences of children playing too much computer games and appropriate methods need to be done in order to solve these problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In contemporary times" -> "In the modern era"
Explanation: "In contemporary times" is somewhat redundant and overly verbose. "In the modern era" maintains the formal tone while being more concise and precise.
"there is no doubt that computers have been accessed by the community including the majority of children playing computer games" -> "it is undeniable that computers have become ubiquitous, with a majority of children engaging in computer games"
Explanation: Simplifying and refining the statement enhances clarity. "Accessed by the community" is vague and can be replaced with "become ubiquitous".
"Some parents might think this is a good way for their offspring to develop problem-solving skills" -> "Some parents may perceive this as beneficial for their children’s cognitive development"
Explanation: "Think" can be replaced with "perceive" for a more formal tone. "Offspring" is less formal than "children’s". "Develop problem-solving skills" can be refined to "cognitive development".
"several negative problems" -> "various negative consequences"
Explanation: "Several negative problems" is redundant. "Consequences" is more precise and formal than "problems".
"The main issue is that children lose their interest to interact with society in real life" -> "A primary concern is children’s diminished inclination to engage socially in the real world"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality. "Lose their interest" can be replaced with "diminished inclination". "Interact with society" can be refined to "engage socially in the real world".
"As children spend too much time on the computer to play games" -> "Due to excessive time spent playing computer games"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. Replacing it with "Due to excessive time spent playing computer games" improves clarity and maintains formality.
"Another problem with this phenomenon is health" -> "Another issue associated with this trend is health"
Explanation: "Problem with this phenomenon" is somewhat awkward. "Issue associated with this trend" is more precise and formal.
"Offspring utilize most of their time sitting in front of the computer" -> "Children spend the majority of their time sitting in front of the computer"
Explanation: "Utilize most of their time" can be simplified to "spend the majority of their time". "Offspring" can be replaced with "children".
"Since such issues are serious" -> "Given the severity of these issues"
Explanation: "Since such issues are serious" is somewhat informal. "Given the severity of these issues" maintains formality and clarity.
"streak regulation by parents" -> "monitoring and regulating screen time by parents"
Explanation: "Streak regulation" is unclear and informal. "Monitoring and regulating screen time" is more precise and formal.
"it leads to a good wellbeing in the future" -> "it contributes to overall well-being in the future"
Explanation: "Good wellbeing" can be refined to "overall well-being". "Leads to" can be replaced with "contributes to" for clarity and formality.
"educational applications by schools and teachers" -> "educational initiatives implemented by schools and teachers"
Explanation: "Educational applications" can be broad. "Initiatives implemented" is more precise.
"Furthermore, raising children’s awareness about how important physical activities and engaging in society are." -> "Additionally, increasing children’s awareness of the importance of physical activity and social engagement"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incomplete. Revising it for clarity and completeness maintains formality.
"To conclude, there are various negative consequences of children playing too much computer games and appropriate methods need to be done in order to solve these problems." -> "In conclusion, excessive computer gaming among children yields various adverse effects, necessitating the implementation of appropriate interventions."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and conciseness. By restructuring it and using more formal language, the conclusion becomes clearer and more academically appropriate.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: the negative impacts of playing computer games and potential solutions to minimize these effects. It identifies problems such as social isolation and health issues resulting from excessive gaming and proposes measures involving both families and schools to address these issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or data to illustrate the negative impacts of gaming and the effectiveness of proposed solutions. Additionally, a deeper analysis of why these problems arise and how the suggested measures can mitigate them would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that excessive computer gaming has negative consequences, and it suggests measures to minimize these effects. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, with the introduction clearly stating the problems associated with gaming and the conclusion reiterating the need for solutions.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state its position in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the body paragraphs. Providing stronger transitions between ideas can also help maintain coherence and reinforce the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the negative impacts of gaming and ways to mitigate these effects. However, some ideas could be further developed and supported with additional evidence or examples. For instance, while it mentions health problems resulting from gaming, it could elaborate on specific health issues and provide statistics or research findings to support the claim.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, each idea should be expanded upon with relevant details, examples, or evidence. Including real-life anecdotes or case studies could also make the argument more compelling and relatable to the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the negative impacts of playing computer games and proposing ways to minimize these effects. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when mentioning the benefits of problem-solving skills from gaming without directly linking it to the prompt’s focus on negative impacts.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points raised directly relate to the negative consequences of gaming and the suggested measures to address them. Avoiding tangential discussions or unrelated examples can help keep the essay tightly focused on the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of computer gaming and proposing solutions, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, reinforcing the clarity of the argument, expanding upon ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout. With further development and refinement, the essay could achieve an even higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing the negative impacts of computer games, and suggestions for minimizing these effects. Each paragraph discusses a different aspect of the issue, from social detachment to health concerns, and proposes solutions. However, there could be a stronger connection between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases to create smoother connections between ideas. For example, phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help link ideas more explicitly, aiding the reader in following the flow of your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide further explanation or evidence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph fully explores its main idea and provides sufficient supporting details or examples. Additionally, consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as transition words ("Furthermore", "Another solution is") to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices help to create coherence and guide the reader through the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and precision of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Expand your repertoire of cohesive devices to include a wider range of conjunctions, pronouns, and linking phrases. Additionally, pay attention to the specific context in which cohesive devices are used, ensuring they effectively signal relationships between ideas and enhance overall clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices, there are opportunities for improvement to further enhance coherence and cohesion. By strengthening the connections between ideas, providing more detailed explanations, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, encompassing terms like "contemporary times," "offspring," "phenomenon," "tackle," and "wellbeing." However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance lexical resource. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "contemporary times," incorporating more specific terms or synonyms could enrich the expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the breadth of vocabulary, the writer can integrate synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or domain-specific terminology related to the topic. For example, instead of "contemporary times," the writer could use alternatives like "modern era," "current epoch," or "present-day society" to add variety and depth to the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, such as using "phenomenon" to describe the excessive gaming habit and "awareness" to emphasize the need for understanding. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "streak regulation" may not precisely convey the intended meaning; clarity could be enhanced by using a term like "schedule regulation" or "time management."
- How to improve: To ensure precision, it’s beneficial to choose words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid vague or ambiguous terms that might confuse the reader. In this essay, refining terms like "streak regulation" to more explicit alternatives will enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates acceptable spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors are present, such as "offspring" instead of "offspring" and "wellbeing" instead of "well-being." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, improving spelling accuracy can enhance the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s helpful to proofread the essay carefully, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, utilizing spell-checking tools and seeking feedback from peers or educators can aid in identifying and correcting spelling errors. Consistent practice in spelling and vocabulary usage will contribute to improved accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence beginnings and lengths, albeit with some repetition and occasional reliance on basic structures. For instance, while there are instances of complex sentences (e.g., "As mentioned, numerous problems can be anticipated"), they are not consistently employed throughout the essay. Additionally, some sentences follow a predictable subject-verb-object pattern, reducing overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, strive for greater consistency in incorporating complex sentence structures. Experiment with using different sentence beginnings and lengths to create more engaging and dynamic prose. Avoid overreliance on basic structures and aim for a smoother integration of complex sentences throughout the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies, such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "Some parents might think this is a good way for their offspring to develop problem-solving skills"), awkward phrasing (e.g., "The first measure should be streak regulation by parents"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas before introductory phrases). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, particularly with complex sentence structures. Review sentence structures to ensure clarity and coherence, avoiding awkward phrasing where possible. Additionally, refine punctuation skills, particularly regarding the correct use of commas, apostrophes, and punctuation marks within complex sentences. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify grammatical errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision, the essay could achieve greater clarity, coherence, and effectiveness in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, it is undeniable that computers have become ubiquitous, with a majority of children engaging in computer games. Some parents may perceive this as beneficial for their children’s cognitive development. However, various negative consequences have emerged from this trend, which require attention from both families and schools.

A primary concern is children’s diminished inclination to engage socially in the real world. Due to excessive time spent playing computer games, children tend to prefer connecting and communicating with others through a screen rather than interacting face-to-face. Another issue associated with this trend is health. Children spend the majority of their time sitting in front of the computer, leading to a lack of movement and physical exercise. This sedentary lifestyle can result in various health problems such as obesity, cardiovascular issues, or muscle weakness.

Given the severity of these issues, monitoring and regulating screen time by parents is crucial. Children must be given a time limit, allowing parents to establish a balanced timetable for their child’s activities throughout the day. By following a healthy lifestyle, children can contribute to their overall well-being in the future. Additionally, educational initiatives implemented by schools and teachers can play a significant role in addressing this issue. Children should be taught how to use electronic devices for learning purposes rather than solely for gaming. Furthermore, increasing children’s awareness of the importance of physical activity and social engagement is essential.

In conclusion, excessive computer gaming among children yields various adverse effects, necessitating the implementation of appropriate interventions by both families and educational institutions.