Nowadays, many students at a university have pursue their interests (watch film, play games, hang out with friends). Many of them spend much time on their interests. You discuss the advantages and disadvantages about this issue.

In this day and age, the university have a huge amount of scholars spend enormous time to chill out such as watch movie, play games, or hang out with their friends and so on. Therefore, they have not to much time to learn and they will have a bad score, specially they could be fail the subject.
On the one hand, there are some drawbacks in relation to this development. First of all, a lagre amount of students normally have a hobbie is hang out with their teammate day by day. They cost too much for happiness. For example, they spend a lot money for take some photos in a gorgeous coffee shop and their drinks are not inexpensive. Secondly, the students glide the social network about two to four hours and moreover to watch video clip or watch korean drama film. As an example, when they glide to social network, they use an enormous time for this, but they never want to sit in table and learn anything. And the result is they have a bad score.
On the other hand, I think that there more benefits that the drawbacks. The first positive aspect is that the scholar spend time to hang out with their friends to chill out after exhausted school hours. For example, the students study about six to seven hours, after that they have to work a part-time job. So they require space to relax and to converse with friends. Secondly, the scholars could go to a coffee to learn lesson with friends. Example, The professor assigned many difficult exerci, they will date on the coffee shop and results of this, and can talk anything they want share to their friends .
To sum up, the students should concentrate to study to have a large amount of knowledge. They could hang out with friends, watch movie, play games, and so on make they chill out, but the scholars should spend enormous time to study. I believe that these benefits I mentioned above is outweigh its drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"huge amount of scholars spend enormous time to chill out such as watch movie" -> "a significant number of scholars spend considerable time relaxing, such as watching movies"
Explanation: "Huge amount" can be replaced with "significant number" for a more precise description. "Enormous time to chill out" can be refined to "considerable time relaxing," which sounds more formal. Additionally, "watch movie" should be corrected to "watching movies" for grammatical accuracy.
"they have not to much time to learn" -> "they do not have much time to dedicate to learning"
Explanation: "Not to much" should be corrected to "not much." Additionally, "learn" can be replaced with "dedicate to learning" for clarity and formality.
"specially they could be fail the subject" -> "especially they may fail their subjects"
Explanation: "Specially" should be corrected to "especially" for accuracy. "Fail the subject" should be revised to "fail their subjects" for grammatical correctness.
"First of all, a lagre amount of students normally have a hobbie is hang out with their teammate day by day." -> "Firstly, a large number of students typically have a hobby of spending time with their peers on a daily basis."
Explanation: "Lagre" should be corrected to "large." "Hobbie" should be changed to "hobby," and "is hang out with their teammate" should be revised to "of spending time with their peers" for clarity and accuracy.
"They cost too much for happiness." -> "This pursuit of happiness comes at a high cost."
Explanation: "They cost too much for happiness" is unclear and informal. The suggested alternative is clearer and more formal.
"For example, they spend a lot money for take some photos in a gorgeous coffee shop and their drinks are not inexpensive." -> "For example, they spend a significant amount of money to take photos in upscale coffee shops, and the beverages are not cheap."
Explanation: "A lot money for take some photos" should be revised to "a significant amount of money to take photos." "Gorgeous coffee shop" can be changed to "upscale coffee shops" for sophistication. "Not inexpensive" can be replaced with "not cheap" for conciseness.
"Secondly, the students glide the social network about two to four hours" -> "Secondly, students spend approximately two to four hours browsing social networks."
Explanation: "Glide the social network" is not a commonly used phrase and should be replaced with "browse social networks." Additionally, "about two to four hours" provides a more precise time frame.
"Moreover to watch video clip or watch korean drama film." -> "Moreover, they watch video clips or Korean drama films."
Explanation: "Moreover to watch video clip or watch korean drama film" is awkward and should be revised to "Moreover, they watch video clips or Korean drama films" for clarity and coherence.
"when they glide to social network" -> "when they browse social networks"
Explanation: "Glide to social network" should be replaced with "browse social networks" for clarity and correctness.
"They could hang out with friends, watch movie, play games, and so on make they chill out" -> "They could hang out with friends, watch movies, play games, and engage in other activities to relax."
Explanation: "Watch movie" should be changed to "watch movies" for grammatical accuracy. "Make they chill out" is awkward and should be revised to "engage in other activities to relax" for clarity and formality.
"but the scholars should spend enormous time to study." -> "however, scholars should dedicate significant time to studying."
Explanation: "Enormous time to study" can be refined to "significant time to studying" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "but" should be replaced with "however" for better flow.
"I believe that these benefits I mentioned above is outweigh its drawbacks." -> "I believe that the benefits mentioned above outweigh the drawbacks."
Explanation: "These benefits I mentioned above is" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "the benefits mentioned above outweigh." Additionally, "its drawbacks" should be changed to "the drawbacks" for clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Task Response: 4

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of university students spending time on their interests. It mentions the activities students engage in (watching movies, playing games, hanging out with friends) and discusses the impact on their academic performance.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more thorough analysis of the advantages and disadvantages. It could explore various aspects of each side, such as the social benefits of hanging out with friends versus the negative impact of excessive leisure activities on academic performance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position throughout, leaning towards the idea that spending time on leisure activities is beneficial for students, but it also acknowledges the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should articulate a more definitive stance and ensure that each paragraph consistently supports that position. Clear topic sentences and logical progression of arguments can help maintain coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and coherence. It offers examples to support points but they are often vague or lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, it mentions students spending money on leisure activities without providing specific details or implications.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more concrete examples and develop ideas in greater detail. It could incorporate statistics or studies to strengthen arguments and provide a more convincing rationale for the presented viewpoints.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the issue of university students spending time on their interests. However, there are instances where the discussion strays, such as briefly mentioning part-time jobs without clear relevance to the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic at hand. Avoiding tangents and staying consistent with the main argument can help improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the prompt and presents both advantages and disadvantages, it would benefit from clearer organization, deeper analysis, and more specific examples to support its points effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic attempt at organizing information, but it lacks coherence due to inconsistent development and unclear progression of ideas. The introduction sets up the discussion but lacks clarity in presenting the main points. Body paragraphs follow, discussing drawbacks and benefits, but the transitions between ideas are abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the logical flow. The conclusion attempts to summarize the points but does so inadequately, failing to reinforce the main argument effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on developing a clear thesis statement in the introduction that previews the main points of the essay. Each body paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs and ensure coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, revise the conclusion to succinctly restate the thesis and summarize key points, reinforcing the main argument effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure lacks coherence and unity. Paragraphs are inconsistently developed, with some containing multiple ideas without clear delineation, while others lack sufficient elaboration. This inconsistency affects the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by focusing on unity and coherence within each paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument and provides adequate support and elaboration. Use transitions between paragraphs to maintain the logical progression of ideas and improve overall cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "they," "their"), conjunctions (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "to sum up"). However, their usage is inconsistent and sometimes incorrect, leading to disruptions in coherence. Additionally, the essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, relying heavily on repetitive structures.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and accuracy of cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion. Use pronouns and transition words effectively to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and consistently throughout the essay. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and transitional expressions, to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but it lacks depth and variety. There is some repetition of phrases and limited use of more sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "huge amount of scholars," "enormous time," "lagre amount of students," and "they require space" are used frequently without much variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, diversify your vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and more precise terminology. Instead of repetitive phrases like "huge amount of scholars," consider alternatives such as "a substantial number of students" or "a significant proportion of scholars." Similarly, replace generic terms like "enormous time" with more specific descriptors like "a significant portion of their day." Utilizing a wider range of vocabulary will elevate the sophistication of your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage in several instances. For example, the phrase "have pursue their interests" lacks precision and clarity. Additionally, expressions like "to chill out" and "hang out with their teammate" are colloquial and informal, detracting from the academic tone of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for precision and clarity in your choice of vocabulary. Instead of vague phrases like "pursue their interests," specify the activities being pursued, such as "engage in leisure activities" or "pursue recreational interests." Similarly, replace informal expressions like "chill out" with more formal alternatives such as "relax" or "unwind." This will enhance the professionalism and coherence of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. Examples include "hobbie" instead of "hobby," "lagre" instead of "large," "glide" instead of "spend," and "exerci" instead of "exercises."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading your work carefully before submission. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling. Taking these steps will help eliminate errors and enhance the readability of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is some variation in sentence length and structure, including simple and compound sentences. However, more complex structures such as complex-compound sentences or conditional sentences are limited. The essay predominantly relies on basic sentence structures, which affects the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence patterns. Introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or complex-compound sentences to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings and structures to create a more engaging and polished essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits numerous grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the text. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the university have", "the students could be fail"), article usage ("a lagre amount of students", "a enormous time"), verb tense consistency ("they have not to much time to learn", "the scholars should concentrate to study"), and punctuation errors (missing commas in compound sentences, incorrect use of capitalization).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and practice the correct usage of grammar rules. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Use articles appropriately and be mindful of punctuation rules, especially regarding comma placement in compound sentences. Proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and correct these errors, enhancing the overall clarity and coherence of the writing. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or teachers can provide valuable insights for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, a considerable number of university students dedicate substantial time to leisure activities such as watching movies, playing games, or socializing with friends. Consequently, they find themselves with limited time for academic pursuits, potentially leading to poor academic performance and even failure in certain subjects.

On one hand, there are several drawbacks associated with this trend. Firstly, many students prioritize socializing with their peers on a daily basis, often at significant expense. For instance, they may splurge on outings to trendy coffee shops, spending considerable amounts on drinks and photos, which adds financial strain. Additionally, students often spend excessive hours on social media or watching videos, including Korean dramas, instead of dedicating time to study. This diversion of attention from academic responsibilities inevitably results in poor academic outcomes.

On the other hand, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Firstly, spending leisure time with friends after long school hours can be beneficial for mental well-being. For example, after studying for six to seven hours and working a part-time job, students deserve the opportunity to relax and engage in meaningful conversations with friends. Moreover, social gatherings at coffee shops can facilitate collaborative learning experiences, enabling students to discuss challenging exercises assigned by professors and share knowledge.

In conclusion, while it is important for students to prioritize their studies to acquire knowledge, it is also essential for them to allocate time for leisure activities to relax and unwind. By striking a balance between academic commitments and leisure pursuits, students can achieve academic success while maintaining their well-being.