Nowadays, men are staying at home to take care of childeren while more women work full-time. What are the causes of this trend? Is this a positive or negative development?

In the contemporary social fabric, the roles in family regarding responsibilities of the two genders has increasingly become interchangeable, with men taking care of childcare and women being the primary earner. This essay will discuss some of the reasons behind this trend as well as why I feel this is a negative development.
The tendency of role reversal in family is firstly consequence of the development of gender equity. This societal transition reflects broader changes in attitudes toward gender roles. Owing to that revolution, women now have wider access to education, enhancing their aspiration after progression in advocacy and ascending the social ladder. Simultaneously, men are no longer significantly influenced by the traditional stereotype to be breadwinner for the family. Thus, duty allocation is solely based on personal inclination, willingness and the couple’s agreement.
Additionally, the media nowadays tends to amplify models with attributes normally recognized as natural lacunae of each gender. Social media encourages women’s independence by circulating stories of successful female influencers while implicitly praising the type of family men through contents that showcase men’s adroitness in floristry or culinary art. This trend unconsciously and gradually set new stereotypes for men and women, resulting in the aforementioned reversal in family structure.
Not as radical as it initially seems, this phenomenon manifests a negative transformation since it goes against the nature of gender and may lead to marital discord. Men and women are physiologically and psychologically distinct. Each gender has specific biological characteristics which define their inherent responsibility in family and society. Men are born with muscular strength and better resilience to be compatible with the role of provider of the family. On the other hand, women’s nature associates with childcare due to maternity. Therefore, working full-time, especially after procreation, might beget deterioration in women’s health while being a full-time caregiver at home might cause men to experience feelings of inferiority. Both may lead to unexpected conflicts that strain the family relationship.
To sum up, although the shift in family role partly presents the equality between genders, it might have bad impacts on both men and women. An egalitarian society should encourage shared responsibilities in parenting and work.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the roles in family regarding responsibilities of the two genders" -> "the roles within families regarding the responsibilities of both genders"
Explanation: The phrase "the roles in family" is awkward and vague. "Within families" clarifies the context and is more precise. Additionally, "both genders" is more formal than "the two genders."
"has increasingly become interchangeable" -> "has increasingly become more interchangeable"
Explanation: Adding "more" before "interchangeable" enhances the precision of the statement, indicating a gradual increase in interchangeability.
"with men taking care of childcare and women being the primary earner" -> "with men assuming childcare responsibilities and women serving as the primary earners"
Explanation: "Assuming childcare responsibilities" and "serving as the primary earners" are more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"This essay will discuss" -> "This essay will examine"
Explanation: "Examine" is a more academically appropriate verb than "discuss" for a formal essay.
"The tendency of role reversal in family" -> "The trend of role reversal within families"
Explanation: "Trend" is more commonly used in academic writing than "tendency," and "within families" is more precise than "in family."
"is firstly consequence of" -> "is primarily a consequence of"
Explanation: "Primarily" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "firstly," which is less commonly used in formal essays.
"Owing to that revolution" -> "owing to this revolution"
Explanation: "This" is more appropriate than "that" when referring to the revolution mentioned earlier in the sentence.
"enhancing their aspiration after progression in advocacy and ascending the social ladder" -> "enhancing their aspirations as they progress in advocacy and ascend the social ladder"
Explanation: "Aspirations" should be plural to match "they," and "as they progress" is more fluid and formal than "after progression."
"men are no longer significantly influenced by the traditional stereotype to be breadwinner for the family" -> "men are no longer significantly influenced by the traditional stereotype of being the sole breadwinner for the family"
Explanation: Adding "sole" clarifies that it is not just about being a breadwinner but being the only one, and "of being" is grammatically correct.
"the media nowadays tends to amplify" -> "the media currently tends to amplify"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal and precise than "nowadays."
"models with attributes normally recognized as natural lacunae of each gender" -> "models exhibiting attributes commonly associated with each gender"
Explanation: "Exhibiting" is more precise and formal than "with attributes normally recognized as natural lacunae," which is awkward and unclear.
"set new stereotypes for men and women" -> "establish new stereotypes for men and women"
Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal and precise verb than "set" in this context.
"Not as radical as it initially seems" -> "Not as radical as it may initially appear"
Explanation: "May initially appear" is more formal and cautious, fitting the academic style better than "seems."
"Men and women are physiologically and psychologically distinct" -> "Men and women are physiologically and psychologically distinct in their characteristics"
Explanation: Adding "in their characteristics" clarifies that the distinction refers to inherent traits.
"might beget deterioration in women’s health" -> "may lead to deterioration in women’s health"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "might beget," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"being a full-time caregiver at home might cause men to experience feelings of inferiority" -> "full-time caregiving at home may lead men to experience feelings of inadequacy"
Explanation: "Full-time caregiving" is more specific and formal than "being a full-time caregiver," and "inadequacy" is a more precise term than "inferiority" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of men staying at home and women working full-time, as well as evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative. The first body paragraph outlines the societal changes leading to this trend, such as gender equity and changing attitudes. The second body paragraph presents the author’s viewpoint that this development is negative, supported by arguments about physiological differences and potential marital discord. However, while the causes are well-articulated, the conclusion could more explicitly summarize the causes and impacts to reinforce the connection to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could explicitly restate the causes and their implications in the conclusion, ensuring that all aspects of the prompt are clearly tied together. Additionally, providing a more balanced view by acknowledging potential positive aspects of the trend could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the trend is negative, which is consistently reflected in the arguments presented. The author articulates this stance in the introduction and reinforces it throughout the body paragraphs. However, the position could be perceived as somewhat one-dimensional, as it does not explore any potential benefits of the trend, which could provide a more nuanced perspective.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and depth, the author could briefly acknowledge opposing views or potential benefits of men taking on caregiving roles, then counter these points with their own arguments. This would demonstrate critical thinking and strengthen the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of societal changes and the implications of gender roles. The use of specific examples, such as the influence of media and the physiological differences between genders, adds depth to the arguments. However, some points, such as the impact of media, could be further developed with more concrete examples or studies to enhance credibility.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author could include specific examples or statistics related to the effects of media on gender roles or studies that demonstrate the psychological impacts of these role reversals. This would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the causes and implications of men staying at home and women working full-time. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the arguments are relevant to the prompt. However, the author could strengthen the focus by ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central question of whether this trend is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the author could explicitly link each argument back to the prompt in the body paragraphs. For instance, after discussing a cause, they could briefly reiterate how this cause contributes to the negative aspects of the trend, ensuring that the relevance is clear throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument, but it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the topic and deeper support for its claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the causes of the trend, followed by an exploration of its implications. However, while the ideas are generally presented in a logical order, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing gender equity to media influence feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas. For example, after discussing gender equity, a phrase like "In addition to these societal changes, the role of media also plays a significant part…" could help guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as causes and consequences. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the final body paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be achieved by starting it on a new line and summarizing the main points more explicitly. Additionally, consider reinforcing the conclusion by reiterating the main argument and its implications in a more concise manner.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "additionally," and "to sum up," which help in guiding the reader through the text. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive, particularly in the listing of points. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to connect ideas. Instead of repeatedly using "this phenomenon," you could use "this trend" or "this shift" to maintain engagement. Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "as a result," can enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, addressing these areas for improvement can help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms such as "interchangeable," "gender equity," "societal transition," and "advocacy." These words show an understanding of the topic and the ability to express complex ideas. However, some phrases, like "natural lacunae," may be less accessible and could confuse readers. Additionally, while the vocabulary is varied, there are instances where more common synonyms could enhance clarity without sacrificing sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate a broader array of synonyms and expressions that convey similar meanings to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of "primary earner," alternatives like "main breadwinner" or "chief income provider" could be used. This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also enhance readability.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "physiologically and psychologically distinct" is somewhat vague; it could be more precise by specifying how these distinctions manifest in behavior or societal roles. Additionally, the term "duty allocation" could be replaced with a more straightforward term like "division of responsibilities" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that directly relates to the ideas being expressed. For instance, instead of saying "natural lacunae," which may not be clear to all readers, the writer could use "traditional roles" or "expected traits." This will help ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, most notably "childeren," which should be "children." This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. While the majority of the vocabulary is spelled correctly, such mistakes can impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reduce errors in future essays. Keeping a list of frequently used terms and their correct spellings can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a score of 7, there are areas for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of the vocabulary used. By focusing on diversifying word choice, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can elevate their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, the use of phrases like "the roles in family regarding responsibilities of the two genders has increasingly become interchangeable" shows an ability to construct longer, more intricate sentences. However, there are instances of less varied sentence beginnings, which can lead to a monotonous rhythm. For example, the repeated use of "this" at the beginning of several sentences can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this," the writer could use transitions such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover," to connect ideas. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences will create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the tendency of role reversal in family is firstly consequence" should be "is firstly a consequence." This missing article creates confusion. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, "Owing to that revolution, women now have wider access to education" is correctly punctuated, but other areas lack necessary commas, such as "Simultaneously men are no longer significantly influenced" which should include a comma after "Simultaneously."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay attention to articles, ensuring they are used correctly. A thorough proofreading process focused on punctuation would also be beneficial. The writer could practice identifying common punctuation errors and reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Furthermore, reading the essay aloud may help catch awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on sentence variety and meticulous proofreading will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary social fabric, the roles within families regarding the responsibilities of both genders have increasingly become interchangeable, with men taking care of childcare and women being the primary earners. This essay will discuss some of the reasons behind this trend as well as why I feel this is a negative development.

The trend of role reversal within families is primarily a consequence of the development of gender equity. This societal transition reflects broader changes in attitudes toward gender roles. Owing to this revolution, women now have wider access to education, enhancing their aspirations as they progress in advocacy and ascend the social ladder. Simultaneously, men are no longer significantly influenced by the traditional stereotype of being the sole breadwinner for the family. Thus, duty allocation is solely based on personal inclination, willingness, and the couple’s agreement.

Additionally, the media currently tends to amplify models exhibiting attributes commonly associated with each gender. Social media encourages women’s independence by circulating stories of successful female influencers while implicitly praising the type of family men through content that showcases men’s adroitness in floristry or culinary arts. This trend unconsciously and gradually establishes new stereotypes for men and women, resulting in the aforementioned reversal in family structure.

Not as radical as it may initially appear, this phenomenon manifests a negative transformation since it goes against the nature of gender and may lead to marital discord. Men and women are physiologically and psychologically distinct in their characteristics. Each gender has specific biological traits that define their inherent responsibilities in family and society. Men are born with muscular strength and better resilience, making them compatible with the role of provider for the family. On the other hand, women’s nature is associated with childcare due to maternity. Therefore, working full-time, especially after procreation, might lead to deterioration in women’s health, while full-time caregiving at home may cause men to experience feelings of inadequacy. Both may lead to unexpected conflicts that strain family relationships.

To sum up, although the shift in family roles partly presents equality between genders, it might have negative impacts on both men and women. An egalitarian society should encourage shared responsibilities in parenting and work.