Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

In the contemporary era, there has been an upward trend that individuals or couples tend to have children later in their life. This essay will examine remarkable reasons, along with some noticeable demerits that I believe outweigh its merits.

To begin with, having children later means that parents will prepare full factors, specifically financial aspects to ensure their babies are taken care all-rounded because having children requires loads of goods, such as clothes, healthcare services, and vaccines for babies which take a big expense to invest in. Another reason is that an increasing number of individuals want to pursue career development, especially women who consider having children as an obstacle, preventing them from promoting their jobs and receiving a higher career path.

However, having children in later life also faces some challenges. Firstly, getting older means that the possibility of pregnancy will reduce significantly in both genders compared to younger parents because experts believe men decrease the ability to produce germline which is true for women in the case of producing eggs. Secondly, the existence of generation gap between elder parents and their children will expand, leading the close relationships to reduce gradually because it is not easy for old parents to catch up with their children, especially the youth generation in recent years who tend to spend much time using modern technology. Because of these problems, having children in later life is not a good choice for couples, when its disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which focus on preparing financial aspects.

In conclusion, there are two reasons for this trend, including financial factors and career development. This trend brings more disadvantages, like the decreased ability to have babies and the generation gap than its benefits, which is only a financial point.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"remarkable reasons" -> "significant reasons"
Explanation: "Remarkable" suggests something noteworthy or exceptional, but "significant" better communicates the importance of the reasons being discussed in a formal context.
"some noticeable demerits" -> "certain drawbacks"
Explanation: "Noticeable" is a bit informal, and "demerits" is less commonly used in academic writing. "Certain drawbacks" maintains formality while expressing the idea of disadvantages.
"full factors" -> "various factors"
Explanation: "Full factors" is not idiomatic. "Various factors" is more appropriate and encompasses a wider range of considerations.
"taken care all-rounded" -> "properly cared for in all aspects"
Explanation: "Taken care all-rounded" is awkward and lacks precision. "Properly cared for in all aspects" conveys the idea more clearly and formally.
"loads of goods" -> "a plethora of necessities"
Explanation: "Loads of goods" is colloquial. "A plethora of necessities" maintains formality while expressing abundance.
"take a big expense to invest in" -> "incur significant expenses"
Explanation: "Take a big expense to invest in" is awkward phrasing. "Incur significant expenses" is clearer and more formal.
"germline" -> "sperm production (for men) and egg production (for women)"
Explanation: "Germline" might not be familiar to all readers. Clarifying with "sperm production (for men) and egg production (for women)" ensures understanding in an academic context.
"the existence of generation gap between elder parents" -> "the generation gap between older parents"
Explanation: "The existence of generation gap between elder parents" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. Simplifying to "the generation gap between older parents" maintains clarity and formality.
"leading the close relationships to reduce gradually" -> "resulting in a gradual decline in close relationships"
Explanation: "Leading the close relationships to reduce gradually" is unclear and awkward. "Resulting in a gradual decline in close relationships" is more precise and formal.
"tend to spend much time using modern technology" -> "are inclined to spend a significant amount of time utilizing modern technology"
Explanation: "Tend to spend much time using modern technology" could be more precise and formal. "Are inclined to spend a significant amount of time utilizing modern technology" expresses the idea with more academic rigor.
"when its disadvantages outweigh the advantages" -> "when the disadvantages outweigh the advantages"
Explanation: "Its disadvantages outweigh the advantages" lacks clarity as it’s not clear what "its" refers to. Simplifying to "the disadvantages outweigh the advantages" removes ambiguity.
"which focus on preparing financial aspects" -> "which primarily focus on financial preparation"
Explanation: "Focus on preparing financial aspects" is unclear. "Which primarily focus on financial preparation" clarifies the intended meaning in a more formal manner.
"there are two reasons for this trend, including financial factors and career development" -> "Two primary reasons for this trend are financial considerations and career advancement."
Explanation: "There are two reasons for this trend, including financial factors and career development" could be more precise and formal. "Two primary reasons for this trend are financial considerations and career advancement" clarifies the key factors driving the trend in a more academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons why people choose to have children later in life and evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. It acknowledges financial preparation and career development as reasons for delayed parenthood and discusses the disadvantages such as decreased fertility and generation gap.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately addresses both parts of the question, providing more specific examples and elaboration would strengthen the response. Additionally, considering other potential advantages and disadvantages could offer a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of having children later in life outweigh the advantages. This stance is evident from the thesis statement through the supporting arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the chosen position and avoids ambiguity. Explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion can further reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. For instance, while financial preparation and career development are mentioned, they are not extensively elaborated upon with concrete examples or analysis. Similarly, the discussion of disadvantages like decreased fertility and generation gap could benefit from further expansion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support each idea. Additionally, ensure each idea is thoroughly analyzed and connected to the overall argument to enhance coherence and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the reasons for delayed parenthood and evaluating the advantages and disadvantages. However, some points lack relevance or clarity, such as the brief mention of career development without elaboration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central topic and contributes to the overall argument. Avoid tangents or vague statements that do not add to the discussion.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, it could benefit from deeper analysis, clearer development of ideas, and stricter adherence to the topic. By providing more specific examples, elaboration, and staying focused, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where the organization could be improved. For instance, the second paragraph introduces reasons for having children later in life, but then transitions abruptly to discussing challenges without a clear segue. This disrupts the logical flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. In the body paragraphs, maintain coherence by connecting each point back to the main argument, either supporting reasons or counterarguments. Consider using transition phrases to guide the reader through the essay, such as "Furthermore," "On the other hand," or "In conclusion."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument, which is a positive feature. However, there are issues with the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, leading to confusion for the reader. Additionally, the conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize the main points.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-defined paragraphs, each centered on a single idea or aspect of the argument. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay. In the conclusion, provide a concise summary of the key arguments without introducing new ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence, such as conjunctions ("To begin with," "However," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this trend"). However, the range and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. There is a lack of variety in transition words and phrases, which leads to repetition and monotony.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a range of transition words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect, comparison, contrast, and addition. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect sentences and ensure a smooth flow of ideas. Experiment with different conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional expressions to add nuance and sophistication to the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There is a variety of vocabulary used to discuss the reasons for delaying parenthood, such as "career development," "financial aspects," and "generation gap." However, there are instances where more precise or diverse vocabulary could enhance the richness of expression. For example, instead of repeatedly using "having children later in life," alternatives like "delaying parenthood" or "postponing family planning" could add variety and depth to the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or more nuanced terms where appropriate. Additionally, introducing specialized vocabulary related to parenthood, such as terms describing fertility issues or sociocultural dynamics, can elevate the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "career development" and "financial aspects." However, there are instances of imprecise word choice or awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of expression. For instance, the phrase "full factors" in the opening sentence could be replaced with "various factors" for clearer communication. Similarly, the term "goods" in the sentence discussing the expenses of childcare could be replaced with "necessities" or "essential items" for greater precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, carefully consider the context in which words are used and choose terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. Proofreading for clarity and coherence can also help identify and rectify instances of imprecise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy overall, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are some minor spelling errors present, such as "all-rounded" instead of "well-rounded" and "germline" instead of "germ cells." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism and polish of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading more thoroughly before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly misspelled words and paying close attention to detail during the writing process can help minimize errors and enhance overall spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which can affect the essay’s sophistication and coherence. For instance, there is a frequent use of basic subject-verb-object constructions without much variation. Complex sentences are occasionally used, but they are not consistently deployed throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and coherence of the essay, aim to incorporate a more diverse array of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity to your arguments. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to create a more engaging rhythm in your writing. Utilize techniques such as parallelism and inversion to add stylistic flair and sophistication to your prose.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable instances of errors throughout. Sentence structure issues such as subject-verb agreement errors, awkward phrasing, and incorrect word usage detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, punctuation errors, including missing commas and incorrect usage of apostrophes, are present and contribute to the overall impression of imprecision.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Review common grammatical errors and practice identifying and correcting them. Additionally, focus on clarity and precision in your phrasing, ensuring that each sentence communicates your intended meaning clearly. Develop a thorough understanding of punctuation rules and conventions, particularly regarding comma usage and apostrophes. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct any errors before submission. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement and refine your grammatical skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, there has been an upward trend where individuals or couples opt to have children later in life. This essay will explore significant reasons, along with certain drawbacks that I believe outweigh its merits.

To commence, delaying parenthood entails thorough preparation, particularly in financial aspects, to ensure comprehensive care for babies. Raising children entails a plethora of necessities, including clothing, healthcare services, and vaccines, incurring significant expenses. Additionally, an increasing number of individuals prioritize career advancement, especially women who perceive parenthood as a hindrance to professional growth, impeding their career trajectories.

However, delaying parenthood also presents challenges. Firstly, advancing age diminishes the likelihood of pregnancy in both genders compared to younger parents. Experts assert that sperm production in men and egg production in women decline with age. Secondly, the generation gap between older parents and their children widens, resulting in a gradual decline in close relationships. Older parents may struggle to keep pace with their children, particularly in today’s youth-centric digital age, where youngsters are inclined to spend significant time utilizing modern technology. Considering these challenges, postponing parenthood may not be advisable when the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, primarily focusing on financial preparation.

In conclusion, two primary reasons for this trend are financial considerations and career advancement. However, the disadvantages, such as decreased fertility and the widening generation gap, overshadow its benefits, primarily centered on financial readiness.