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Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

Nowadays, there has been an increase in the number of people who have children later in their life. The urge to pursue their personal interests is the main explanation and this trend will lead to several health problems for pregnant women. Conversely, older parents who are more prosperous can provide children with better education, thus contributing to society when they grow up.
It is clearly inevitable that young people won’t sacrifice their valuable time to raise offspring if they want to pursue their own interests. Having no children to take care of not only means that a full concentration will be paid on working or studying but it also relieves parental burdens for them. For instance, many young adults in VietNam have an intention of postponing marriage with a view to seeking interesting experiences such as traveling abroad. Moreover, the need to make ends meet also makes a great contribution to their priority.
Becoming parents at a later date is likely to exert both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, when an aged couple decides to give birth, there are serious risks for the woman in the prenatal and postnatal period. They are faced with miscarriage and other potential illnesses which in turn brings detrimental consequences after childbirth. On the other hand, mom and dad can have greater financial ability as they get older. As a result, children are capable of studying in a decent environment and therefore will become helpful citizens. For example, with a stable financial investment of parents, children will be able to be taught by qualified teachers, and have a good standard of living in order to enhance their ability.
In conclusion, following dreams and passion is the foremost reason for people’s refusal to have babies. This may cause some harmful influences on mother’s health while children can receive better upbringing.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "Nowadays" with the more formal expression "In contemporary times" enhances the formality of the introduction, aligning it with academic style.

  2. "increase in the number of people who have children later" -> "rise in the prevalence of delayed parenthood"
    Explanation: Substituting "increase in the number of people who have children later" with "rise in the prevalence of delayed parenthood" introduces a more sophisticated and precise description, adhering to academic language standards.

  3. "urge to pursue their personal interests" -> "desire to pursue personal endeavors"
    Explanation: Replacing "urge to pursue their personal interests" with "desire to pursue personal endeavors" provides a more formal and nuanced expression, aligning with the tone expected in academic writing.

  4. "Conversely" -> "However"
    Explanation: Substituting "Conversely" with "However" maintains the logical connection between the pursuit of personal interests and potential health problems, while employing a more standard transition term for academic writing.

  5. "it is clearly inevitable" -> "it is evidently inevitable"
    Explanation: Enhancing the phrase "it is clearly inevitable" to "it is evidently inevitable" strengthens the assertion in a more formal manner, maintaining clarity and precision.

  6. "won’t sacrifice their valuable time" -> "are unwilling to sacrifice their valuable time"
    Explanation: Expanding "won’t" to "are unwilling to" adds formality to the statement, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  7. "full concentration will be paid on working or studying" -> "full concentration will be devoted to work or studies"
    Explanation: Substituting "full concentration will be paid on working or studying" with "full concentration will be devoted to work or studies" offers a more precise and formal expression, avoiding colloquial language.

  8. "young adults in VietNam" -> "young adults in Vietnam"
    Explanation: Correcting the capitalization of "VietNam" to "Vietnam" ensures adherence to proper writing conventions.

  9. "intention of postponing marriage with a view to seeking interesting experiences" -> "intention to delay marriage to pursue enriching experiences"
    Explanation: Restructuring "intention of postponing marriage with a view to seeking interesting experiences" to "intention to delay marriage to pursue enriching experiences" results in a more formal and refined statement.

  10. "exert both positive and negative effects" -> "have both positive and negative ramifications"
    Explanation: Replacing "exert both positive and negative effects" with "have both positive and negative ramifications" introduces a more formal and precise term for the consequences of delayed parenthood.

  11. "mom and dad" -> "parents"
    Explanation: Substituting the colloquial "mom and dad" with the more formal term "parents" enhances the professionalism of the essay.

  12. "get older" -> "age"
    Explanation: Replacing "get older" with "age" provides a more formal and concise expression without compromising clarity.

  13. "capable of studying" -> "able to pursue their studies"
    Explanation: Substituting "capable of studying" with "able to pursue their studies" maintains formality and avoids potential ambiguity in the context.

  14. "stable financial investment of parents" -> "steady financial support from parents"
    Explanation: Replacing "stable financial investment of parents" with "steady financial support from parents" offers a more accurate and formal representation of the parents’ contribution.

  15. "In conclusion, following dreams and passion" -> "In conclusion, pursuing dreams and passions"
    Explanation: Adjusting "following dreams and passion" to "pursuing dreams and passions" maintains coherence and improves the formality of the concluding statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Nowadays, there has been an increase in the number of people who have children later in their life. The urge to pursue their personal interests is the main explanation and this trend will lead to several health problems for pregnant women. Conversely, older parents who are more prosperous can provide children with better education, thus contributing to society when they grow up."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction successfully presents the topic of having children later in life and briefly mentions the reasons and potential effects. However, to enhance clarity, consider specifying the personal interests that individuals want to pursue. Additionally, a concise preview of the main reasons and effects that will be discussed in the essay could provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.

    • Improved example: "In recent times, a growing number of individuals are opting to become parents later in life. This shift is predominantly driven by the desire to explore personal interests, such as career advancements or travel experiences. However, this choice raises concerns about potential health issues for pregnant women. On the positive side, older parents, often more financially stable, can offer their children superior education, thus making a lasting contribution to society."

  2. Quoted text: "It is clearly inevitable that young people won’t sacrifice their valuable time to raise offspring if they want to pursue their own interests. Having no children to take care of not only means that a full concentration will be paid on working or studying but it also relieves parental burdens for them. For instance, many young adults in VietNam have an intention of postponing marriage with a view to seeking interesting experiences such as traveling abroad. Moreover, the need to make ends meet also makes a great contribution to their priority."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the point about young people prioritizing personal interests over parenting is well articulated, the example provided lacks specificity and could benefit from a more vivid illustration. Additionally, the connection between postponing marriage and seeking interesting experiences could be elaborated for better coherence.

    • Improved example: "Certainly, it is understandable that young individuals, eager to explore their passions and career opportunities, may delay parenthood. For example, many young adults in Vietnam deliberately postpone marriage to engage in enriching experiences like international travel. This not only allows them to focus entirely on personal and professional growth but also alleviates the immediate responsibilities associated with raising a family."

  3. Quoted text: "Becoming parents at a later date is likely to exert both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, when an aged couple decides to give birth, there are serious risks for the woman in the prenatal and postnatal period. They are faced with miscarriage and other potential illnesses which in turn brings detrimental consequences after childbirth. On the other hand, mom and dad can have greater financial ability as they get older. As a result, children are capable of studying in a decent environment and therefore will become helpful citizens. For example, with a stable financial investment of parents, children will be able to be taught by qualified teachers, and have a good standard of living in order to enhance their ability."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph effectively addresses both the positive and negative aspects of having children later in life. However, it would be beneficial to elaborate on the potential health risks for the woman during pregnancy, providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the example of financial stability contributing to a better education environment is well-stated, but more details about the specific benefits children gain from a quality education could enhance the depth of the argument.

    • Improved example: "On one hand, the decision to become parents later introduces significant health risks for women during pregnancy, including a higher likelihood of miscarriage and other complications. These challenges can have lasting detrimental effects on both the mother’s well-being and the child’s development. On the positive side, older parents often possess greater financial resources, ensuring a conducive environment for their children’s education. For instance, a stable financial investment can enable children to receive education from qualified teachers, fostering a higher standard of living that enhances their overall capabilities."

Overall, the essay addresses the task with relevant ideas, but improvements in specificity and development of examples would elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion by presenting information in a reasonably organized manner. There is a clear overall progression, and the essay contains relevant ideas. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences, and the use of cohesive devices can be faulty or mechanical. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically.

The introduction sets the stage by introducing the trend of having children later in life and stating the main reason. The body paragraphs discuss the positive and negative effects, providing examples to support the arguments. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as in the sentence: "The urge to pursue their personal interests is the main explanation and this trend will lead to several health problems for pregnant women." The transition between ideas is not smooth, affecting overall coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesion within sentences: Pay attention to the flow of ideas within sentences. Ensure that there is a clear and logical connection between the different parts of a sentence.

  2. Cohesion between sentences: Use transitional words and phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas. This will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

  3. Logical paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a central topic, and ideas within paragraphs are logically connected. This will contribute to a more coherent structure.

  4. Review and revise: After writing, carefully review the essay to identify areas where cohesion can be improved. Look for opportunities to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, covering both common and less common lexical items. There is a clear attempt to use vocabulary flexibly, contributing to an overall coherent argument. The writer employs varied sentence structures, showing a degree of fluency and precision in conveying ideas. However, there are some instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "full concentration will be paid" and "priority to their priority." Despite these, the errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede communication. The essay successfully addresses the prompt, discussing reasons for delayed parenthood and examining both positive and negative effects on individuals and society.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Proofread carefully to eliminate minor errors in sentence structure and improve overall precision. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to elevate the sophistication of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a varied structure. While the majority of sentences are error-free, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The essay effectively communicates ideas, but the language could be more precise.
How to improve: Focus on refining sentence structures for greater clarity. Pay attention to grammar details, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, aim for more precise word choices to enhance overall expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, an increasing number of individuals are opting to become parents at a later stage in life. The primary rationale behind this choice is the desire to pursue personal interests. Although this inclination may pose health challenges for pregnant women, it also brings certain advantages to both society and family life.

Undoubtedly, young adults are less inclined to dedicate their precious time to child-rearing when they are keen on pursuing personal interests. Choosing not to have children allows them to focus entirely on their work or studies, alleviating parental responsibilities. For instance, many young adults in Vietnam are intentionally delaying marriage to explore enriching experiences such as international travel. Additionally, the necessity to meet financial obligations significantly influences their decision.

Postponing parenthood can yield both positive and negative outcomes. On the downside, when an older couple decides to have children, there are heightened risks for the woman during both the prenatal and postnatal periods. These risks include the potential for miscarriage and other illnesses, leading to adverse consequences after childbirth. Conversely, older parents often possess greater financial stability. Consequently, their children can benefit from a more enriching education, ultimately contributing positively to society. With stable financial support, children can receive quality education from competent teachers, ensuring a higher standard of living that enhances their capabilities.

In conclusion, the primary driver behind the choice to delay having children is the pursuit of dreams and passions. While this may pose health risks for mothers, it also results in a more favorable upbringing for children. This delicate balance underscores the complex interplay of personal choices and societal impact in the context of delayed parenthood.

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