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Nowadays, more and more women decide to have children later in their life? why? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, more and more women decide to have children later in their life? why? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, the tendency of giving birth late in women is increasing. The main reasons of this trend are the occupational prioritization and the belief that older parents will take care of the children better than the younger ones. This essay believes that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits because although children can have a better education, this can have a negative impact on family life and society.

Women today tend to have children late for several reasons. One of them is they prioritize careers over taking parental roles. Nowadays, not only men but also women want to stabilize their finance before becoming parents as they want to be able to provide their kids with a good living condition. Additionally, it is supposed that children are raised better by older parents. This is because these parents will have more experience and broader knowledge so they can educate their children better. As a result, children born to well-off and experienced parents can receive a better and more comprehensive education.

However, giving birth late can affect the fertility of the mother as well as the baby. Once over 30 years old, a woman’s ability to have children will decrease, especially after 35 years old. In addition, with poor health conditions, older women are more likely to have children with birth defects or have a high risk of miscarriage. Down syndrome is a typical example of the problems that those kids might have to suffer from. This not only affects family life but also affects the country’s human resources. If more and more women follow this trend, it will lead to adverse impacts on the population structure like lack of young human labour, and will hinder social development in long term.

In conclusion, late childbirth can help parents prepare well for their children’s education, but it can have serious effects on the health of mother and child as well as on society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "These days, the tendency of giving birth late in women is increasing." -> "Currently, there is a growing trend of delayed childbirth among women."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the informal phrase "These days" with "Currently" for a more formal and academic tone. "Giving birth late" is also replaced with "delayed childbirth" for clarity and formality.

  2. "The main reasons of this trend are the occupational prioritization and the belief that older parents will take care of the children better than the younger ones." -> "This trend can be primarily attributed to the prioritization of careers and the perception that older parents are more capable of providing superior childcare."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language and structure. "The main reasons of this trend" is replaced with "This trend can be primarily attributed to," and "occupational prioritization" is changed to "prioritization of careers" for greater clarity and formality.

  3. "This essay believes that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits because although children can have a better education, this can have a negative impact on family life and society." -> "This essay argues that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. While children may receive a superior education, this can adversely affect both family life and society."
    Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language by replacing "believes" with "argues" and provides greater clarity by using "disadvantages" and "advantages" instead of "drawbacks" and "benefits."

  4. "Women today tend to have children late for several reasons." -> "Contemporary women often delay childbirth for various reasons."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces "today" with "contemporary" for a more formal tone and replaces "tend to" with "often" for conciseness and formality.

  5. "One of them is they prioritize careers over taking parental roles." -> "One of these reasons is their prioritization of careers over assuming parental roles."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal structure and avoids the informal "they" by specifying "One of these reasons."

  6. "Nowadays, not only men but also women want to stabilize their finance before becoming parents as they want to be able to provide their kids with a good living condition." -> "In modern times, both men and women aspire to achieve financial stability before embarking on parenthood, with the aim of offering their children an improved standard of living."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses "In modern times" for a more formal expression of the contemporary era. "Stabilize their finance" is changed to "achieve financial stability," and "living condition" is replaced with "standard of living" for greater precision and formality.

  7. "Additionally, it is supposed that children are raised better by older parents." -> "Furthermore, there is a prevailing belief that children fare better when raised by older parents."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses "Furthermore" for formal transition and replaces "it is supposed" with "there is a prevailing belief" for a more formal and clear statement.

  8. "This is because these parents will have more experience and broader knowledge so they can educate their children better." -> "This is attributed to the greater experience and broader knowledge possessed by older parents, enabling them to provide superior education to their children."
    Explanation: The suggested change enhances formality by using more precise vocabulary and a clearer structure.

  9. "Once over 30 years old, a woman’s ability to have children will decrease, especially after 35 years old." -> "After the age of 30, a woman’s fertility begins to decline significantly, with a sharper decrease observed after the age of 35."
    Explanation: The revised version provides a more precise and formal description of the age-related fertility decline.

  10. "Down syndrome is a typical example of the problems that those kids might have to suffer from." -> "Down syndrome serves as a representative example of the potential challenges faced by such children."
    Explanation: The change uses a more formal phrase, "serves as a representative example," and avoids the informal "might have to suffer from."

  11. "If more and more women follow this trend, it will lead to adverse impacts on the population structure like lack of young human labour, and will hinder social development in long term." -> "Should an increasing number of women continue to embrace this trend, it could have adverse effects on population demographics, including a shortage of young labor force, thereby posing long-term challenges to social development."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality and precision by rephrasing and providing a more detailed explanation of the potential consequences.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses why more women are choosing to have children later in life and weighs the advantages against the disadvantages.
    • How to improve: There is no improvement needed in this aspect. The essay comprehensively covers the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It clearly states that the drawbacks of late childbirth outweigh the benefits and supports this stance throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: There is no improvement needed in this aspect. The essay maintains a strong and consistent stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. It provides reasons for the trend of late childbirth, discusses the benefits and drawbacks, and offers specific examples such as the impact on fertility and potential birth defects.
    • How to improve: There is no improvement needed in this aspect. The essay effectively presents, elaborates upon, and supports its ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic and does not deviate from the main theme of late childbirth and its advantages and disadvantages. All points discussed are relevant to the topic.
    • How to improve: There is no improvement needed in this aspect. The essay maintains focus and relevance to the topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting ideas while maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout. It answers all parts of the question comprehensively, and the quality of writing is appropriate for an IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It starts by introducing the reasons behind the trend of late childbirth and then discusses both advantages and disadvantages. However, the transition between these sections could be smoother. It would benefit from a more clear and distinct introduction of each point to improve the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. For instance, you could start a paragraph about the disadvantages of late childbirth with a sentence like, "On the flip side, there are significant drawbacks to this trend."
  • Use Paragraphs:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to structure its content. However, some paragraphs are quite long and contain multiple ideas. Breaking them down into smaller, more focused paragraphs would improve the overall structure and readability.
    • How to improve: Divide longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each focusing on a single point or idea. For example, you could create a separate paragraph for discussing the health risks associated with late childbirth.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("Additionally," "However," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Try to incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and synonyms, to create smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, you can replace repetitive phrases like "late childbirth" with pronouns like "this trend" or use synonyms to add variety to your language.

Overall, this essay shows potential but could benefit from refinements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of a more diverse set of cohesive devices to achieve a higher coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary throughout. It includes words like "occupational prioritization," "comprehensive education," "fertility," "miscarriage," and "human resources." These words contribute to a fairly varied lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary further, consider incorporating more specific and domain-specific terminology related to the topic, such as "maternal age," "career advancement," or "population demographics." Expanding your vocabulary in this way can add depth to your arguments.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, there are some instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "poor health conditions" could be further elaborated to specify the health risks associated with older mothers. Similarly, instead of "better education," specifying the kind of educational advantages older parents can provide would add precision.
    • How to improve: Aim to be more specific in your vocabulary usage by providing concrete details and examples. Instead of general terms like "better education," you can use phrases like "enhanced cognitive development" or "access to a wider range of experiences."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. There are no major spelling errors, and most words are spelled correctly.
    • How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, continue to proofread your work carefully. Pay attention to common problem areas, such as homophones (e.g., "their" vs. "they’re") and irregular verb forms (e.g., "affect" vs. "effect"). Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools as well.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary and spelling accuracy. To improve further, focus on using more precise vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively. Additionally, keep refining your spelling and proofreading skills to maintain a high level of accuracy. Your score of 6 for Lexical Resource is justified, and with continued effort, you can aim for even higher scores in the future.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fairly good range of sentence structures. It uses simple sentences, compound sentences, and complex sentences effectively. There are instances of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, which contributes to the overall readability and engagement of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using conditional sentences or more intricate subordinate clauses. This will add depth to your writing and showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and the punctuation is generally accurate. However, there are a few minor errors, such as missing articles (e.g., "the belief that older parents") and subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "older parents will take care of the children better"). Punctuation marks like commas and periods are appropriately used in most instances.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to articles (e.g., "the" or "a/an") and ensure they are used correctly. Additionally, work on subject-verb agreement, as consistency in this area is crucial for clarity. Proofreading carefully can help eliminate minor punctuation errors and further enhance the overall accuracy of your essay.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for minor improvements. Expanding your range of sentence structures and refining grammatical details will contribute to a more polished and impressive piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a noticeable increase in the trend of delayed childbirth among women. This growing inclination can primarily be attributed to two significant factors: the prioritization of careers and the belief that older parents are more capable of providing superior childcare. This essay argues that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages, as it may have adverse effects on both family life and society.

Contemporary women often choose to delay childbirth for various reasons. One of these primary reasons is their emphasis on advancing their careers before taking on parental roles. In today’s society, both men and women aspire to achieve financial stability before embarking on parenthood, with the goal of offering their children an improved standard of living.

Furthermore, there is a prevailing belief that children fare better when raised by older parents. This belief is rooted in the notion that older parents possess greater experience and broader knowledge, which enables them to provide superior education to their children. While it is true that children born to well-off and experienced parents can receive a better and more comprehensive education, it is essential to consider the potential drawbacks of delayed childbirth.

After the age of 30, a woman’s fertility begins to decline significantly, with a more pronounced decrease observed after the age of 35. It is important to acknowledge that giving birth at a later age can impact both the mother’s fertility and the health of the baby. Older women are more likely to experience difficulties in conceiving, have a higher risk of miscarriage, and may give birth to children with birth defects. Down syndrome serves as a representative example of the potential challenges faced by children born to older mothers.

Furthermore, if an increasing number of women continue to embrace the trend of delayed childbirth, it could have adverse effects on population demographics. This could lead to a shortage of young labor force, posing long-term challenges to social development.

In conclusion, while delayed childbirth may allow parents to better prepare for their children’s education, it can have serious repercussions on the health of both the mother and the child, as well as on society as a whole. Therefore, it is crucial to carefully weigh the advantages and disadvantages of this trend before making a decision regarding the timing of childbirth.

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