Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary society, most countries have the ability to enhance the cost of living through economic development lead to the loss of social values.In my opinion, by improving the standard through economy provide more opportunities which can outweigh the disadvantages.
Social values are linked to individuals from the past until now. As the cost of living increase, people chase for money and fame that they forget how to act normally. There are several values missing that are essential to form a human which distinc from other species. For instance, justice is the only thing that protect underdogs over the stronger, however, it is now governed by a little money. As a result it may create an imbalance in society. Further more it can prevent the prospectives from developing and having a right to say which deteriorate the country's economy and happiness.
Despite having those disadvantages, the benefits are more likely approachable to most people. The standard of living increasing means that the resident have higher incomes and the country is developing. It creates a competitive environment where people work really hard to acheive their salary. In fact, to measure the happiness in a country, they often look into the cost of living in the area. There are more convenient things rise due to high standard such as transportation, payment, education. Students will have a greater place with modern facilities to study or aldults may have a mean of transport to get to work in short time. Therefore, individuals have more time and more opportunities to do whatever they like and enjoy their life.
Although losing some social values is an considerable issue, the advantages of having a better cost of living trough economic development perform a greater stage in my view.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"most countries have the ability to enhance the cost of living through economic development lead to the loss of social values" -> "many countries can increase the cost of living through economic development, leading to the loss of social values"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and uses "lead" incorrectly. The revised version corrects the verb tense and structure for clarity and formality.
"by improving the standard through economy provide more opportunities" -> "by improving standards through economic development, more opportunities are provided"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and vague. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the verb tense, making it more formal and precise.
"Social values are linked to individuals from the past until now" -> "Social values are rooted in historical contexts"
Explanation: The original phrase is overly simplistic and informal. The suggested change uses more precise academic language, emphasizing the historical basis of social values.
"As the cost of living increase, people chase for money and fame" -> "As the cost of living increases, people pursue wealth and fame"
Explanation: The original phrase uses the incorrect verb form and informal language. The revision corrects the verb tense and uses more formal vocabulary.
"distinc from other species" -> "distinct from other species"
Explanation: The original is a typographical error. Correcting it to "distinct" maintains the formal tone and accuracy of the text.
"it is now governed by a little money" -> "it is now governed by money"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. Removing "a little" simplifies and clarifies the statement, aligning it with formal academic style.
"Further more it can prevent the prospectives from developing" -> "Furthermore, it can prevent prospective development"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.
"having a right to say which deteriorate the country’s economy and happiness" -> "having a say that can deteriorate the country’s economy and happiness"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure.
"The standard of living increasing means that the resident have higher incomes" -> "An increase in the standard of living means that residents have higher incomes"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the verb agreement and clarifies the meaning.
"to acheive their salary" -> "to achieve their salaries"
Explanation: The original is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. The correction corrects the spelling and verb form, aligning with formal English usage.
"There are more convenient things rise due to high standard" -> "There are more conveniences that arise due to the high standard"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the verb form and clarifies the meaning, improving the formal tone.
"aldults may have a mean of transport" -> "adults may have a means of transportation"
Explanation: The original is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. The correction corrects the spelling and verb form, enhancing clarity and formality.
"in a considerable issue" -> "a considerable issue"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. Removing "in" corrects the prepositional error, aligning with formal English syntax.
"the advantages of having a better cost of living trough economic development perform a greater stage" -> "the advantages of a better cost of living through economic development are more significant"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the preposition and verb form, improving clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values. The writer acknowledges the loss of social values and presents a viewpoint that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, the exploration of the disadvantages is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions the loss of justice and social imbalance, it does not delve deeply into how these issues manifest or their broader implications on society.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the disadvantages. This could involve including specific examples or statistics that illustrate the negative impacts of economic development on social values. Additionally, a clearer structure that distinctly separates the advantages and disadvantages would help in addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position that the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages. However, the clarity of this position could be improved. Phrases like "in my opinion" are used, but the argument could be more assertively stated. The essay occasionally wavers in focus, particularly in the discussion of social values, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by restating the main argument in the conclusion and ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the central thesis. Using more definitive language and reducing hedging phrases would also strengthen the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to economic development and its effects on social values. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes weak. For example, the claim that a higher standard of living leads to increased happiness is made but not substantiated with evidence or examples. Additionally, the discussion of social values lacks depth and specific instances that could illustrate the points being made.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to include more concrete examples and evidence. This could involve citing studies or real-world examples that demonstrate the relationship between economic development and social values. Furthermore, expanding on each point with detailed explanations would help to extend the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the relationship between economic development and social values. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion on justice and imbalance could be more tightly connected to the overall argument. The phrase "the cost of living increase" is also somewhat ambiguous and could lead to confusion about its relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and keep the discussion aligned with the prompt. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that all terms are clearly defined will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the relationship between economic development and social values. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs attempt to explore both sides of the argument. However, the organization could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing social values to the advantages of economic development feels abrupt. The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a more structured approach. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, in the paragraph discussing social values, begin with a sentence that explicitly states the negative impact of economic development on these values. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one, using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. The first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks clarity and coherence. The second paragraph discusses the loss of social values, while the third focuses on the benefits of economic development. However, the paragraphs could be better defined, as some ideas seem to overlap, and the transitions between them are not always smooth.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a distinct focus. For instance, separate the discussion of social values and economic benefits into two clear paragraphs, each with its own main idea. Use linking words at the beginning of each paragraph to signal a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" for contrasting ideas. This will help the reader navigate through the essay more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "despite," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "As a result it may create an imbalance in society" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance clarity. Additionally, there are instances of grammatical errors that impede cohesion, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy to ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly. For instance, revising sentences for clarity and correctness will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on improving the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variation in word choice. For example, terms like "cost of living," "economic development," and "social values" are repeated without synonyms or paraphrasing. This repetition limits the lexical diversity expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "cost of living," you could incorporate phrases like "standard of living," "economic status," or "financial well-being." Additionally, integrating more sophisticated vocabulary related to economics and sociology could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "enhance the cost of living" is misleading; it would be more accurate to say "improve the standard of living." Similarly, "chase for money and fame" should be revised to "chase after money and fame" for clarity. The use of "prospectives" is also incorrect in context; it should be "prospects."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review the context in which words are used to ensure they fit appropriately. Consider using a thesaurus or vocabulary-building tools to find more precise alternatives. Practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary can also help solidify understanding and correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "acheive" should be "achieve," "aldults" should be "adults," and "trough" should be "through." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the reader’s perception of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, checking for spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but be cautious as they may not catch every error. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, sentences such as "Social values are linked to individuals from the past until now" and "Despite having those disadvantages, the benefits are more likely approachable to most people" show basic structure but lack complexity. There are few instances of complex sentences, which are necessary for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "As the cost of living increase, people chase for money and fame," the writer could say, "As the cost of living increases, many people, driven by the desire for money and fame, often forget the importance of social values." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "enhance the cost of living through economic development lead to the loss of social values" lacks proper subject-verb agreement and should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing space after the period in "values.In my opinion," which disrupts the reading flow. Furthermore, phrases like "the standard of living increasing means that the resident have higher incomes" contain subject-verb agreement errors ("resident" should be "residents").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence construction. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are complete and correctly structured will help improve clarity. For example, revising "Further more it can prevent the prospectives from developing and having a right to say which deteriorate the country’s economy and happiness" to "Furthermore, it can prevent individuals from developing their potential and expressing their opinions, which could ultimately deteriorate the country’s economy and overall happiness" would enhance both grammar and clarity.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the essay should incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice and careful proofreading will be key to making these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, most countries have the ability to enhance the cost of living through economic development, leading to the loss of social values. In my opinion, by improving the standard of living through economic development, more opportunities are provided that can outweigh the disadvantages.

Social values are linked to individuals from the past until now. As the cost of living increases, people chase after money and fame, forgetting how to act normally. There are several values missing that are essential to forming a human being, which is distinct from other species. For instance, justice is the only thing that protects the underdogs from the stronger; however, it is now governed by money. As a result, it may create an imbalance in society. Furthermore, it can prevent prospective development and having a say, which can deteriorate the country’s economy and happiness.

Despite these disadvantages, the benefits are more likely accessible to most people. An increase in the standard of living means that residents have higher incomes and the country is developing. It creates a competitive environment where people work really hard to achieve their salaries. In fact, to measure happiness in a country, they often look into the cost of living in the area. There are more conveniences that arise due to the high standard, such as transportation, payment systems, and education. Students will have a better place with modern facilities to study, or adults may have a means of transportation to get to work in a short time. Therefore, individuals have more time and more opportunities to do whatever they like and enjoy their lives.

Although losing some social values is a considerable issue, the advantages of having a better cost of living through economic development are more significant, in my view.