Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world?

Today, the consequence of the majority of people about the essentials of the natural world is restricted, which leads to some negative effects on the environment even on many aspects of the world such as the economy and tourism. There are two main reasons behind this phenomenon and there are many solutions to people have concerns about the world’s nature.
The chief driving force behind this phenomenon is the development of technology, which makes people not have opportunities to contact and understand the world even nature. This can lead to people having consciousness about the essentials of the natural world. For example, according to Bild, 60 percent of Americans are phoneaholic and their experiment and adventure are not enough. Another contribution can be the lack of education about the crucial of the natural world. In school or college students mainly are studied theory lectures about Math, Literature, English, and Physics. The lack of focus on the experiment subject and the amount of homework make students not have any time to travel, play, and adventure in nature.
In truth, several measures ought to be taken to give people good knowledge about nature. Firstly, encouraging students and people to take vacations or holidays in forest or natural areas is highly recommended. It would give people more opportunities to contact and get acquainted with the crucials of the environment. This knowledge and experiences will make people live more eco-friendly and have a conscious about protecting nature. Secondly, the expansion of the green area must be the responsibility of the government and organizations, they can do it by planting more trees in the city and afforestation and teaching their country residents the intellectual about gardening and living eco-friendly, the impact of these activities is very considerable.

In conclusion, some causes behind this trend could be investigated, and there are several solutions that can help people have a good awareness of the world's nature.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"consequence of the majority of people about the essentials" -> "awareness among the majority of people regarding the essentials"
Explanation: "Consequence" does not fit well here as it suggests a result rather than an awareness. "Awareness" is a more appropriate term in this context, and using "among" instead of "of" improves clarity and formality. Additionally, "essentials" could be replaced with "fundamentals" for a more precise expression.
"not have opportunities to contact and understand" -> "lack opportunities to engage with and comprehend"
Explanation: "Contact" is more commonly used for communication between people rather than interaction with the natural world. "Engage with" is a more suitable phrase for interaction, and "comprehend" is more formal than "understand."
"consciousness about the essentials" -> "awareness of the fundamentals"
Explanation: "Consciousness" is not the most appropriate term here; "awareness" is more precise. Additionally, "essentials" can be replaced with "fundamentals" for greater clarity and formality.
"According to Bild" -> "As reported by Bild"
Explanation: "According to" is informal for academic writing. "As reported by" maintains formality and clarity.
"phoneaholic" -> "addicted to their phones"
Explanation: "Phoneaholic" is informal and not widely recognized. "Addicted to their phones" is a more straightforward and formal expression.
"experiment and adventure" -> "exploration and outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Experiment" is not the most suitable term here; "exploration" conveys the idea more accurately. "Adventure" is a bit informal; "outdoor activities" is a more appropriate alternative.
"crucial of the natural world" -> "importance of the natural world"
Explanation: "Crucial of" is grammatically incorrect; "importance of" is the correct preposition to use with "crucial." Also, "crucial" is more commonly used as an adjective rather than a noun in this context.
"mainly are studied" -> "mainly study"
Explanation: "Mainly are studied" is awkward phrasing; "mainly study" is a more concise and grammatically correct alternative.
"the amount of homework make students not have any time" -> "the volume of homework deprives students of time"
Explanation: "Amount" is typically used for uncountable nouns, while "volume" is more appropriate for measurable quantities like homework. Also, "make" should be "deprives" for clearer expression.
"live more eco-friendly" -> "adopt a more environmentally friendly lifestyle"
Explanation: "Live more eco-friendly" is colloquial; "adopt a more environmentally friendly lifestyle" is a more formal and precise expression.
"have a conscious about protecting nature" -> "be conscious of protecting nature"
Explanation: "Have a conscious about" is incorrect; "be conscious of" is the appropriate phrase to convey awareness. Additionally, "protecting nature" is more idiomatic than "the protection of nature."
"expansion of the green area" -> "expansion of green spaces"
Explanation: "Expansion of the green area" is a bit ambiguous; "expansion of green spaces" is a clearer and more precise term.
"the responsibility of the government and organizations" -> "the responsibility of governmental bodies and organizations"
Explanation: "Government" is more formal than "the government," and specifying "governmental bodies" clarifies the reference. Additionally, "responsibility of" is more appropriate than "responsibility."
"they can do it by planting more trees in the city and afforestation" -> "This can be achieved through tree planting in urban areas and afforestation"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality. Using "achieved through" instead of "do it by" improves the academic tone, and "urban areas" is more specific than "the city."
"teaching their country residents the intellectual about gardening" -> "educating their citizens about gardening practices"
Explanation: "Teaching their country residents the intellectual about gardening" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. "Educating their citizens about gardening practices" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons for the lack of awareness about the natural world and suggesting solutions for increasing people’s knowledge about it.
- How to improve: While the essay covers the main points of the prompt, a more thorough exploration of the reasons behind the lack of awareness and a more detailed discussion of potential solutions would strengthen the response. Additionally, providing specific examples or data to support the arguments would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that people have limited awareness of the natural world due to technological advancements and lack of education, and proposing solutions to increase awareness.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central position and that transitions between ideas are seamless. Additionally, explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and restating it in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing reasons for the lack of awareness and proposing solutions. However, some points lack elaboration and examples to fully develop the arguments.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed explanations and examples to support each argument. Incorporating relevant statistics, case studies, or real-life examples would enrich the content and make the arguments more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing reasons for the lack of awareness about the natural world and suggesting ways to increase knowledge about it. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be sharper, such as tangential references to phone addiction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the main topic of awareness about the natural world. Avoid introducing tangential topics or examples that detract from the central argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the lack of awareness about the natural world and proposing solutions, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and relevance of examples. By providing more detailed explanations, reinforcing the central position, strengthening support for ideas, and maintaining focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. The introduction sets up the discussion by outlining reasons for the lack of awareness about the natural world and proposing solutions. However, the body paragraphs lack clear progression, jumping between reasons and solutions without a smooth transition. For instance, the essay discusses the impact of technology and education on awareness in the first body paragraph but then abruptly shifts to solutions in the second paragraph without a clear transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a clear and cohesive flow between ideas. Start each body paragraph with a topic sentence that previews the main point, and use transition phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next. Additionally, consider grouping related ideas together within paragraphs to create a more coherent structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas but lacks consistency and coherence in paragraph structure. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, but some paragraphs in this essay combine multiple points, leading to confusion. For instance, the second paragraph addresses both the impact of technology and the lack of education in schools within a single paragraph.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear and unified topic for each paragraph. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as transition words like "firstly" and "secondly," to indicate the sequence of ideas. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used throughout the essay, resulting in repetitive and simplistic transitions.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices to include a variety of transition words, pronouns, and cohesive phrases to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices more strategically to create smoother transitions and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Experiment with advanced cohesive devices such as parallelism, referencing, and conjunctions to add sophistication to the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at varied expression. For instance, synonyms like "essentials" and "crucials" are used to refer to the importance of the natural world. However, there is a tendency towards repetitive phrasing ("nature", "the natural world") which limits the lexical variety. Additionally, there are instances of imprecise word choice ("experiment" instead of "experience", "crucials" instead of "crucial aspects").
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary usage. Instead of repeating phrases like "natural world," explore synonyms or alternative expressions. Replace imprecise words with more fitting ones; for instance, replace "experiment" with "experience" to convey a clearer meaning.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys meaning adequately, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the term "experiment" is used in the context of adventure, which is not accurate. Additionally, "crucials" is not a precise term; "crucial aspects" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in word choice to convey ideas more accurately. Ensure that each word used aligns precisely with the intended meaning. Use a thesaurus to explore alternative words and choose the most fitting ones for the context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, with only minor errors observed (e.g., "crucials" instead of "crucials").
- How to improve: Continue practicing spelling to maintain a high level of accuracy. Consider using spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to catch and correct any spelling errors before finalizing written work.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some proficiency in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. By actively seeking out diverse vocabulary, striving for precision in word choice, and practicing spelling, the author can further strengthen their lexical resource skills and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, although there’s room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these structures. For instance, while there are some attempts at complex sentences, they could be more varied and effectively utilized throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and fluency of the essay, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures. This could involve using more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, varied sentence beginnings, and rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion. Additionally, ensure that the structures used contribute to the coherence and cohesion of the essay, supporting the development of ideas in a clear and logical manner.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates fairly accurate grammar and punctuation usage, but there are notable instances of errors throughout. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the consequence of the majority of people about the essentials of the natural world is restricted"), incorrect preposition usage ("consciousness about the essentials of the natural world"), and punctuation errors (missing commas, incorrect placement of periods).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s important to review and practice foundational grammar rules, paying particular attention to areas of weakness such as subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and appropriate word choice. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors can help enhance clarity and readability. Consider utilizing resources such as grammar guides or online exercises to reinforce grammatical concepts and refine punctuation skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures used and the precision of grammar and punctuation. By incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills through practice and careful proofreading, the essay can achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, the awareness among the majority of people regarding the essentials of the natural world is limited, which leads to various negative impacts on the environment, as well as on many aspects of society such as the economy and tourism. There are two primary reasons behind this phenomenon, along with numerous solutions to enhance people’s understanding of the world’s nature.

The main factor driving this trend is the widespread use of technology, which limits people’s opportunities to engage with and comprehend nature. This can result in a lack of consciousness about the importance of the natural world. For instance, as reported by Bild, 60 percent of Americans are addicted to their phones, which detracts from their exploration and outdoor activities. Another contributing factor is the lack of education about the significance of the natural world. In schools and colleges, students mainly study theoretical subjects such as Math, Literature, English, and Physics. The heavy workload and focus on theory leave little time for students to engage in outdoor activities and experience nature firsthand.

To address this issue, several measures should be implemented to increase people’s knowledge about nature. Firstly, it is essential to encourage students and individuals to spend their vacations or holidays in forests or natural areas. This would provide them with more opportunities to connect with and understand the essentials of the environment. Such experiences can lead to a more environmentally friendly lifestyle and a greater awareness of the need to protect nature. Secondly, the expansion of green spaces should be a priority for governmental bodies and organizations. This can be achieved through tree planting in urban areas and afforestation initiatives. Additionally, educating citizens about gardening practices and living eco-friendly lifestyles can significantly contribute to raising awareness about nature conservation.

In conclusion, it is crucial to identify the causes behind the lack of awareness regarding the natural world, and there are several viable solutions that can help people develop a deeper understanding of nature.