Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are parents’ reasons for doing this? Is this positive or negative development for the children?

In today’s fast-pace and competitive world, many parents place a significant pressure on their children to achieve both academic and extracurricular success. This phenomenon can largely be attributed to cutural imperatives and societal norms that equate a child’s accomplishment with familial honor and prestige. While such expectations could drive their offsprings to excel, they often pose potential risk to their mental health and overall well-being, in terms of depression and overwhelming.

First of all, there are many reasons why some families put so much pressure on their children, especially on their academic and other extracurricular performance. One of the most important reason for that is the way religous values and societal norms shape parents belief that children success is linked to family’s reputation and honor. Therefore, in many societies, parential influence plays a pivotal role in children education. Children lives are regulated by many extra-classes and participation in different extracurricular activities. The frequent of taking part in these acitivites also fosters children’s fear of failure and overwhelming sense of obligation, as children strive to meet with lofty expectations set forth by both their family and social milieu.

Moreover, the culture emphasis on success can also overshadow the consideration of children’s mental health and overall well-being. Parents, who are affected by societal norms, often neglect the psychological well-being of their offsprings, overlooking the detrimental effects of relentless pressure. The constant pursuit of excellence can lead to a higher level of anxiety and diminish one’s motivation, as one children can forgo their personal interests in favor of meeting external expectations. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to balance cultural aspirations with a nurturing environment that prioritizes their child’s hoslitic development, ensuring that the constant pursuit of excellence does not come at the expense of mental health and personal contentment.

In conclusion, the cultural imperatives and societal norms play an important role in the way parents put pressure on their children to be successful in both academic and extracurricular activities. While this phenomenon can help children to develop themselves in a positive way, it also carries a potential risk of harming children mental health and well-being such as leading to depression or self-harm when they can not neet their parents axpectations. So, it is essential for parents to not only focus on encouraging their children to be more active in academic and extracurricular activities, but they also have to take care of children mental health by listening to their personal interests. By fostering an environment that values both acheivement and personal fulfillment, parents can positively encourage their children’s ambitions without compromising their mental health and overall well-being.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"fast-pace" -> "fast-paced"
Explanation: "Fast-paced" is the correct adjectival form, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formal tone of the sentence.
"place a significant pressure" -> "exert significant pressure"
Explanation: "Exert" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating the active application of pressure, which is more appropriate in an academic context than the passive "place a significant pressure".
"cutural imperatives" -> "cultural imperatives"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of "cultural" for clarity and professionalism.
"offsprings" -> "offspring"
Explanation: "Offspring" is the correct noun form, referring to children or young animals, and is more commonly used in formal writing than "offsprings".
"parential influence" -> "parental influence"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of "parental" for accuracy and formality.
"Children lives" -> "Children’s lives"
Explanation: Adds the possessive apostrophe to "children" to correctly form the possessive noun phrase, enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"extra-classes" -> "extracurricular classes"
Explanation: "Extracurricular classes" is the correct term for activities outside of regular academic classes, providing a more precise and formal expression.
"frequent of taking part" -> "frequent participation"
Explanation: "Frequent participation" is a more natural and grammatically correct way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward construction "frequent of taking part".
"meet with lofty expectations" -> "meet lofty expectations"
Explanation: Removing "with" improves the grammatical structure and flow of the sentence, aligning with formal academic style.
"one children" -> "one child"
Explanation: "One child" is the correct singular form, as "children" is a plural noun, correcting the grammatical error.
"hoslitic development" -> "holistic development"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of "holistic", which refers to the integration of various aspects of development.
"neet" -> "meet"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the correct spelling of "meet" for clarity and professionalism.
"axpectations" -> "expectations"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of "expectations" for accuracy and formality.
"not only focus on" -> "not only focus"
Explanation: Removing "on" after "focus" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with the formal style of academic writing.
"take care of children mental health" -> "address children’s mental health"
Explanation: "Address" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating a proactive approach to supporting children’s mental health, which is more appropriate in an academic context than "take care of".
"acheivement" -> "achievement"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the proper spelling of "achievement" for clarity and professionalism.

These changes enhance the essay’s clarity, precision, and adherence to academic writing standards, ensuring a more formal and effective expression of ideas.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons why parents exert pressure on their children, such as cultural imperatives and societal norms, and discusses the implications of this pressure on children’s mental health. The analysis is well-rounded and considers both the motivations behind parental pressure and its potential negative outcomes. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit distinction between the positive and negative aspects of this pressure, as it tends to lean more towards the negative consequences without fully exploring any potential benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly outline both the positive and negative aspects in separate sections. For instance, while discussing the reasons for pressure, they could also mention how it can lead to increased discipline and achievement, before transitioning into the negative impacts on mental health.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that parental pressure can be detrimental to children’s mental health. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive in reinforcing the position. For example, phrases like "it is imperative for parents to balance" could be strengthened to emphasize the necessity of this balance more forcefully.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is not only clear but also assertively stated. Using stronger language and definitive statements can help reinforce their stance. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can help to solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the influence of cultural norms and the psychological impact of pressure on children. These ideas are generally well-supported with explanations and examples. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the mention of "fear of failure" is a strong point but lacks specific examples or anecdotes that could illustrate this fear in a more relatable way.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. This could include hypothetical scenarios or references to studies on the effects of parental pressure on children’s mental health.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the reasons for parental pressure and its effects on children. However, there are instances where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which can detract from the main argument. For example, the phrase "the frequent of taking part in these activities" could be clearer and more concise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness in their language. Avoiding overly complex sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument can help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a more structured approach, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph, can enhance coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-reasoned argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can elevate their essay to an even higher level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the pressures parents place on their children and the implications of these pressures. The introduction effectively outlines the main points, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons behind parental pressure, while the second addresses the consequences. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly when moving from one reason to another within the same paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could be broken down into smaller sections for better readability. For instance, the second body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be separated into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on societal norms and the other on the impact on mental health.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure where each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. This can be achieved by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence and is followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "moreover," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "as children strive to meet with lofty expectations" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between societal expectations and children’s experiences.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "for instance," "as a result," or "in contrast" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity and coherence, rather than simply for the sake of variety.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "pressure," "accomplishment," "societal norms," and "mental health." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "put a lot of pressure" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms such as "exert pressure" or "impose expectations." Additionally, the use of "extra-curricular" and "academic" is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from more diverse expressions related to success and achievement.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "pressure," explore alternatives like "stress," "burden," or "strain." Engaging with a thesaurus can help identify suitable vocabulary that maintains the essay’s clarity while enriching its language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "cutural imperatives" should be "cultural imperatives," and "offsprings" should be "offspring." The phrase "the frequent of taking part" is awkward and should be revised to "the frequency of participation." Additionally, "one children" is incorrect and should be "one child." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, it is essential to proofread the essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of "the frequent of taking part," consider using "the frequency of participation" to convey the idea more clearly. Regular practice in writing and revising can help develop a more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cutural" (cultural), "religous" (religious), "parential" (parental), "acitivites" (activities), "hoslitic" (holistic), and "axpectations" (expectations). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the reader’s confidence in the writer’s language proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a systematic approach to proofreading. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help identify errors, but it is crucial to manually check for context-specific spelling. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource in the IELTS Task 2 writing assessment.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple sentences are used effectively, such as "In today’s fast-pace and competitive world, many parents place a significant pressure on their children to achieve both academic and extracurricular success." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of clauses and phrases. For example, phrases like "the way religious values and societal norms shape parents’ belief" and "the culture emphasis on success" show a tendency toward similar constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For instance, using conditional clauses (e.g., "If parents prioritize academic success, they may overlook…") or participial phrases (e.g., "Overwhelmed by expectations, children may…") can add depth. Additionally, integrating a mix of declarative, interrogative, and exclamatory sentences can help create a more engaging narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "cutural imperatives" should be "cultural imperatives," and "offsprings" should be "offspring." The phrase "the frequent of taking part" is incorrect; it should be "the frequency of taking part." Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas in complex sentences hinder readability. For instance, "Parents, who are affected by societal norms, often neglect…" is correctly punctuated, but similar constructions elsewhere are not as clear.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify common errors. Furthermore, practicing sentence construction and punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are notable areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s fast-paced and competitive world, many parents exert significant pressure on their children to achieve both academic and extracurricular success. This phenomenon can largely be attributed to cultural imperatives and societal norms that equate a child’s accomplishments with familial honor and prestige. While such expectations could drive their offspring to excel, they often pose potential risks to their mental health and overall well-being, leading to issues such as depression and overwhelming stress.

First of all, there are many reasons why some families place so much pressure on their children, particularly regarding their academic and extracurricular performance. One of the most important reasons for this is the way religious values and societal norms shape parents’ beliefs that their children’s success is linked to the family’s reputation and honor. Therefore, in many societies, parental influence plays a pivotal role in children’s education. Children’s lives are regulated by numerous extracurricular classes and participation in various activities. The frequency of involvement in these pursuits also fosters a fear of failure and an overwhelming sense of obligation, as children strive to meet the lofty expectations set forth by both their families and social environments.

Moreover, the cultural emphasis on success can overshadow the consideration of children’s mental health and overall well-being. Parents, influenced by societal norms, often neglect the psychological well-being of their offspring, overlooking the detrimental effects of relentless pressure. The constant pursuit of excellence can lead to heightened anxiety and diminish motivation, as one child may forgo personal interests in favor of meeting external expectations. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to balance cultural aspirations with a nurturing environment that prioritizes their child’s holistic development, ensuring that the constant pursuit of excellence does not come at the expense of mental health and personal contentment.

In conclusion, cultural imperatives and societal norms play an important role in how parents apply pressure on their children to succeed in both academic and extracurricular activities. While this phenomenon can help children develop positively, it also carries the potential risk of harming their mental health and well-being, such as leading to depression or self-harm when they cannot meet their parents’ expectations. Thus, it is essential for parents to not only focus on encouraging their children to be more active in academic and extracurricular pursuits, but also to address their mental health by listening to their personal interests. By fostering an environment that values both achievement and personal fulfillment, parents can positively encourage their children’s ambitions without compromising their mental health and overall well-being.