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Nowadays, some people post offensive or uncomfortable things on social media. Do you think social media companies should do something to prevent this? What do you think people should not be allowed to post on social media?

Nowadays, some people post offensive or uncomfortable things on social media. Do you think social media companies should do something to prevent this? What do you think people should not be allowed to post on social media?

In the contemporary milieu, exasperating and incommodious contents are posted on social platform. This essay sheds light on my contention whether the companies have responsibilities to preclude this status quo or not before delving into the question of which types of content should not be censored to update on social media platforms.

To commence, I believe that companies should have some methods to tackle with this negative trend. Firstly, companies can rely on technological tools that can automatedly censoring all the contents and delete the negative ones. In the light of modernisation, technology has been significantly improved to help people deal with all kinds of problem effectively .Therefore, it is convenient and reliable to take advantage of it. Additionally, the companies can released some punishment policies for people who post inappropriate things on the platform as a means of warning them. After their accounts being banned or deleted, they will understand their faults and stop publishing the uncomfortable contents.
Moreover, I think that there are two main contents that should not be putting up socially. First and foremost, people should not post videos or images related to some creepy things like murders or surgery scenes because they might traumatized the viewers or can foster the ill intention of potential criminals. Furthermore, violence scenes including negative words like arguments or fightings should also be prohibited from social platforms since they can act as examples for children to follow, simultaneously instill a sense of hatress into the applications users.
In conclusion, companies can utilize technological advancement to solve the problem in question and creepy or violence scenes should be banned from the social platforms.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "exasperating and incommodious contents" -> "frustrating and offensive content"
    Explanation: "Exasperating" and "incommodious" are not commonly used in this context and may be considered overly formal or archaic. "Frustrating" and "offensive" are more precise and commonly understood terms that fit the context better.

  2. "posted on social platform" -> "posted on social media platforms"
    Explanation: "Social platform" is an incorrect term; "social media platforms" is the correct phrase, which is widely recognized and appropriate in academic writing.

  3. "preclude this status quo" -> "address this issue"
    Explanation: "Preclude" is a less common term that may be misinterpreted or misunderstood. "Address" is straightforward and universally understood, making it more suitable for academic writing.

  4. "tackle with" -> "address"
    Explanation: "Tackle with" is an informal and less precise phrase. "Address" is a more formal and academically appropriate term.

  5. "automatedly censoring" -> "automatically censoring"
    Explanation: "Automatedly" is not a standard word; "automatically" is the correct term, which is widely recognized and used in formal writing.

  6. "modernisation" -> "modernization"
    Explanation: "Modernisation" is the British English spelling, whereas "modernization" is the preferred spelling in American English, which is more commonly used in academic texts.

  7. "released some punishment policies" -> "implement some punitive measures"
    Explanation: "Released" is incorrect in this context; "implement" is the correct verb for introducing policies or measures. "Punitive measures" is a more precise term than "punishment policies," which sounds awkward and informal.

  8. "After their accounts being banned or deleted" -> "After their accounts are banned or deleted"
    Explanation: "Being" is incorrectly used as a gerund here; "are" is the correct form needed for the passive construction.

  9. "creepy things" -> "disturbing content"
    Explanation: "Creepy" is informal and vague; "disturbing" is a more precise and formal term suitable for academic writing.

  10. "traumatized the viewers" -> "traumatize the viewers"
    Explanation: "Traumatized" is the past participle, which is incorrect in this context. "Traumatize" is the correct verb form needed for the present tense.

  11. "can foster the ill intention" -> "may foster ill intentions"
    Explanation: "Ill intention" is grammatically incorrect; "ill intentions" is the correct plural form needed here. "May" is also more appropriate than "can" for expressing possibility in formal writing.

  12. "act as examples for children to follow" -> "serve as examples for children to emulate"
    Explanation: "Act as" is somewhat informal and vague; "serve as" is more formal and precise. "Emulate" is also more specific than "follow," which is too general.

  13. "instill a sense of hatress" -> "instill a sense of hatred"
    Explanation: "Hatress" is a typographical error; "hatred" is the correct word.

  14. "creepy or violence scenes" -> "disturbing or violent content"
    Explanation: "Creepy" is informal and vague; "disturbing" is more precise and formal. "Violence scenes" should be "violent content" for consistency and clarity.

  15. "hatress into the applications users" -> "hatred among the application users"
    Explanation: "Hatress" is a typographical error; "hatred" is the correct word. "Into" is incorrect; "among" is the correct preposition for indicating a distribution or spread among a group.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing whether social media companies should take action against offensive content and identifying specific types of content that should not be allowed. The writer argues that companies have a responsibility to manage negative content and provides examples of what should be prohibited, such as violent or disturbing imagery. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the two parts of the question, particularly in how the proposed actions relate to the types of content mentioned.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is not only answered but also linked together. For instance, when discussing the types of content that should be banned, the writer could elaborate on how the proposed methods (like technological tools or punishment policies) specifically address these types of content.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that social media companies should take action against offensive content. The writer consistently supports this viewpoint, stating that companies can use technology and impose penalties to manage inappropriate posts. However, the phrasing in some areas is somewhat convoluted, which may obscure the clarity of the position.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should focus on simplifying sentence structures and avoiding overly complex language. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph could also help reinforce the main argument and guide the reader through the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the use of technology for content moderation and the need for punitive measures against offenders. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the mention of technological tools is relevant, the explanation lacks depth regarding how these tools would function in practice. Additionally, the examples of prohibited content could be expanded to provide a more comprehensive view of the issue.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, elaborating on specific technologies that could be used for content moderation or discussing case studies of successful implementations could enhance the argument. Furthermore, providing statistics or expert opinions could lend credibility to the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the responsibilities of social media companies and the types of content that should be restricted. However, there are moments where the phrasing becomes vague or strays slightly from the main argument, such as the use of terms like "creepy things" without clear definitions or context.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all terms and phrases used are precise and clearly defined. Avoiding colloquial language and instead opting for more formal terminology will help keep the essay professional and on-topic. Additionally, a clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, focusing on clarity, depth of support, and explicit connections between ideas will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two main points that will be discussed: the responsibility of companies and the types of content that should be prohibited. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the companies’ responsibilities to the types of content that should not be posted feels abrupt. The second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer connection to the first, perhaps by summarizing the previous point briefly before introducing the new topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Building on this point," or "In addition to the responsibilities of companies," can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis will strengthen the overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on technological solutions and the other on punitive measures. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new idea or when the discussion shifts significantly. This will not only enhance clarity but also make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "Moreover," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely heavily on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "should not be" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the text.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "should not be," alternatives like "are inappropriate," "ought to be avoided," or "must be restricted" can add variety. Additionally, using devices that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "on the other hand" or "in contrast," can enrich the text and clarify relationships between ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "exasperating," "incommodious," and "preclude." However, the range is somewhat limited, and some word choices are overly complex or not entirely appropriate for the context. For instance, "incommodious" is an uncommon word that may confuse readers and does not effectively convey the intended meaning of "uncomfortable." Additionally, phrases like "negative trend" and "technological advancement" are somewhat repetitive and could be diversified.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms that fit the context better. For example, instead of "incommodious," they could use "offensive" or "disturbing." Additionally, varying expressions for "negative trend" could include "unpleasant phenomenon" or "harmful behavior." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in expanding lexical variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "automatedly censoring" is awkward; the correct form would be "automatically censor." The phrase "the companies can released some punishment policies" contains a grammatical error and should be "can release." Furthermore, the phrase "putting up socially" is unclear and could be expressed more clearly as "shared on social media."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity in word choice. Regular practice in writing and revising sentences can help identify and correct awkward phrases. Using simpler, clearer language can often convey ideas more effectively than complex vocabulary that may lead to confusion.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fightings" (should be "fighting") and "hatress" (should be "hatred"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling through repetition.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("In the light of modernisation, technology has been significantly improved to help people deal with all kinds of problem effectively.") and simple sentences. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect structures, such as "tackle with this negative trend" (which should be "tackle this negative trend") and "should not be putting up socially" (which is unclear and awkward). The use of phrases like "this status quo" and "creepy things" shows an attempt to incorporate varied vocabulary, but the overall sentence construction lacks sophistication and fluidity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence types, including conditional sentences, passive voice, and different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of saying "companies can rely on technological tools," they could say, "By relying on technological tools, companies could effectively address this issue." Additionally, incorporating more complex clauses and varying the sentence beginnings can help create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "automatedly censoring" should be "automatically censoring," and "the companies can released some punishment policies" should be "the companies can release some punishment policies." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "After their accounts being banned" (which should be "After their accounts are banned"). Punctuation is also inconsistent; for example, there should be a comma after "effectively" in the sentence "to help people deal with all kinds of problem effectively."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those that focus on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses can enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, significant improvements in grammatical accuracy and the range of sentence structures are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and targeted feedback will be essential for the writer’s development.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary milieu, frustrating and offensive content is posted on social media platforms. This essay sheds light on my contention regarding whether the companies have responsibilities to address this issue or not before delving into the question of which types of content should not be allowed on social media.

To commence, I believe that companies should have some methods to tackle this negative trend. Firstly, companies can rely on technological tools that can automatically censor all the content and delete the negative ones. In light of modernization, technology has significantly improved to help people deal with all kinds of problems effectively. Therefore, it is convenient and reliable to take advantage of it. Additionally, the companies can implement some punitive measures for people who post inappropriate things on the platform as a means of warning them. After their accounts are banned or deleted, they will understand their faults and stop publishing the offensive content.

Moreover, I think that there are two main types of content that should not be posted on social media. First and foremost, people should not post videos or images related to disturbing things like murders or surgery scenes because they might traumatize the viewers or may foster ill intentions in potential criminals. Furthermore, violent scenes, including negative words like arguments or fighting, should also be prohibited from social platforms since they can serve as examples for children to emulate and simultaneously instill a sense of hatred among the application users.

In conclusion, companies can utilize technological advancements to solve the problem in question, and disturbing or violent content should be banned from social media platforms.

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