Nowadays, some young people decide not to get a university education. Instead, they try to find a job whehn leave school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this ?

In recent years, there has been a noticeable trend where some teenagers opt to develop their career after graduating from high school than studying to have a university qualification. Nevertheless, there are numerous jobs that require higher education … especially those that require high skills such as medicine, scientific research, military weaponry, and space science. This essay takes a look at both sides of argument.

On the one hand, advocates of finding a jobin the near futurewhen leaving school may argue that this method is of immense benefits for a number of young people. One reason why the fact is advantageous is that people who decide to get a job straight after graduating from high school have the opportunity to learn various useful and practical skills. During that time, as I see it, they could try out various fields, which helps them learn numerous valuable lessons such as how to work effectively with their employers and colleagues, how make to wise decisions or how to deal with difficult customers. Furthermore, these skills play an essential role in any job. Another benefit of this trend is that there is no denying that life experience and skills are more critical than academic qualifications. This is largely due to the fact that thousands of university graduates face unemployment mainly due to the fact of a lack of necessary skills and work experience.

On the other hand, despite the above-mentioned advantages, there are a variety of reasons why I also believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. One downside of finding job when leaving school is that these days, recruiters tend to favour candidates with a university qualification over those who did not enter tertiary education. In light of the fact that a plethora of people claim that a student ought to devote a large amount of time and effort to his study in order to complete his university learning programmes, which somehow proves that he or she is a hard-working and persevering person.

In conclusion, weighing up both sides of this argument, I’m inclined to think that insteading of rushing to enroll in university or find a job, we can take a gap year. From that, the gap year gave us the opportunity to explore various career options. It’s never too late, as long as young people can choose their own direction.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"opt to develop their career" -> "choose to pursue their careers"
Explanation: "Choose to pursue their careers" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic style by using the verb "pursue," which is more specific to career development.
"than studying to have a university qualification" -> "rather than pursuing a university degree"
Explanation: "Pursuing a university degree" is more specific and formal than "studying to have a university qualification," which is vague and awkwardly phrased.
"especially those that require high skills" -> "especially those that demand advanced skills"
Explanation: "Demand advanced skills" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the level of expertise required in these fields.
"advocates of finding a jobin the near futurewhen leaving school" -> "advocates of securing employment immediately after graduation"
Explanation: "Securing employment immediately after graduation" is clearer and more formal than the awkward and incorrect "finding a jobin the near futurewhen leaving school."
"of immense benefits" -> "of significant benefits"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more academically appropriate term than "immense," which can sound overly dramatic and informal.
"people who decide to get a job straight after graduating from high school" -> "individuals who opt for immediate employment after completing high school"
Explanation: "Individuals who opt for immediate employment after completing high school" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "get a job."
"how make to wise decisions" -> "how to make wise decisions"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"there is no denying that" -> "it is undeniable that"
Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a statement that is widely accepted as true.
"a lack of necessary skills and work experience" -> "a lack of requisite skills and work experience"
Explanation: "Requisite" is more formal and precise than "necessary," fitting better in an academic context.
"despite the above-mentioned advantages" -> "despite these advantages"
Explanation: "These advantages" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "above-mentioned."
"finding job when leaving school" -> "securing employment upon graduation"
Explanation: "Securing employment upon graduation" is more formal and precise than "finding job when leaving school."
"a plethora of people claim" -> "many individuals assert"
Explanation: "Many individuals assert" is more formal and less colloquial than "a plethora of people claim."
"devote a large amount of time and effort to his study" -> "devote considerable time and effort to their studies"
Explanation: "Considerable time and effort to their studies" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"in order to complete his university learning programmes" -> "to complete their university programs"
Explanation: "To complete their university programs" corrects the possessive error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"It’s never too late" -> "It is never too late"
Explanation: Corrects the contraction "It’s" to "It is" for formal writing standards.
"the gap year gave us the opportunity" -> "the gap year provides an opportunity"
Explanation: "Provides an opportunity" is more formal and active, improving the sentence structure and tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people choosing to enter the workforce instead of pursuing a university education. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and both sides are explored in separate paragraphs. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced treatment of the two sides, as the advantages section is more developed than the disadvantages section. For example, while the advantages are supported with specific examples, the disadvantages are less detailed and could be expanded upon.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal attention and detail. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples and explanations for the disadvantages of not pursuing higher education, such as the potential long-term career limitations or the impact on earning potential.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument but ultimately leans towards the value of university education. However, the conclusion introduces the idea of a gap year, which may confuse the reader regarding the writer’s final stance. The phrase "I’m inclined to think" suggests uncertainty, which detracts from the overall clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion without introducing new ideas that could dilute their argument. A more assertive conclusion that reinforces the main argument would help solidify the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the advantages section, where practical skills and life experience are discussed. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust; for instance, the mention of recruiters favoring university graduates is a good point but lacks further elaboration or examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more depth in the disadvantages section. This could include statistics about employment rates for non-graduates, or anecdotes illustrating the challenges faced by those who enter the workforce without a degree. Additionally, ensuring each point is fully explained and connected back to the main argument will enhance the overall coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of entering the workforce versus attending university. However, the introduction of the gap year concept in the conclusion feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the advantages and disadvantages of the main topic. If discussing alternative options like a gap year, it should be framed as part of the advantages or disadvantages rather than as a separate conclusion, ensuring that it ties back to the original question.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but it would benefit from more detailed exploration of both sides, a clearer position, and stronger support for ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the introduction mentions a "noticeable trend" but does not clearly define what this trend entails before diving into the advantages and disadvantages. The transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages could also be smoother, as the shift feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the introduction should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" when moving from advantages to disadvantages can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the first body paragraph mixes several ideas about the benefits of immediate employment, which could be clearer if divided into specific points, each with its own supporting sentence.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph. Following this, supporting sentences should elaborate on that idea with examples or explanations. This would not only clarify the argument but also strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate different perspectives. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and at times repetitive. For instance, phrases like "this is largely due to the fact that" could be varied to avoid redundancy and enhance the essay’s fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "Nevertheless." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without over-relying on the same phrases. For example, instead of repeating "university graduates," the writer could use "these individuals" or "such candidates" in subsequent mentions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph focus, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advocates," "immense benefits," and "plethora." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "find a job" and "get a university education" are quite basic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions such as "pursue employment" or "obtain a tertiary qualification."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "job," consider alternatives like "employment opportunities" or "career paths." Additionally, using more academic or formal language can elevate the overall quality of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the fact is advantageous" and "the best way for students to prepare." These phrases could be clearer and more direct. For example, "the advantages of this approach" would be more precise than "the fact is advantageous." Additionally, the phrase "finding job when leaving school" should be corrected to "finding a job upon leaving school" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that directly conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that word choices accurately reflect the context. Practicing paraphrasing and summarizing complex ideas can also help in developing more precise language skills.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "whehn" (when), "jobin" (job in), and "insteading" (instead). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader. The misspelling of "jobin" also indicates a lack of attention to spacing, which is crucial for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. It is also advisable to allocate time for revision after writing to catch any spelling or grammatical errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some use of subordinate clauses. For example, phrases like "there are numerous jobs that require higher education" and "this method is of immense benefits for a number of young people" show an attempt to vary sentence types. However, the essay also contains several instances of awkward phrasing and unclear structure, such as "the fact is advantageous is that people who decide to get a job straight after graduating from high school have the opportunity to learn various useful and practical skills." This sentence could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences with varied conjunctions and relative clauses. For instance, instead of saying "there are numerous jobs that require higher education," the writer could say, "While many jobs require higher education, there are also numerous opportunities for those who choose to enter the workforce directly after high school." Additionally, incorporating different sentence beginnings and avoiding repetitive structures would improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "jobin the near futurewhen leaving school" lacks spacing and is a typographical error. Additionally, phrases like "how make to wise decisions" are grammatically incorrect. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "In light of the fact that a plethora of people claim that a student ought to devote a large amount of time and effort to his study in order to complete his university learning programmes" is overly lengthy and could benefit from clearer punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch typographical errors and awkward phrases. They might also benefit from reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing with exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as verb forms and conjunction usage, could help solidify their understanding. Additionally, using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers could aid in identifying and correcting errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument and attempts to address both sides of the topic, enhancing the range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the future.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been a noticeable trend where some teenagers opt to develop their careers after graduating from high school rather than studying to obtain a university qualification. Nevertheless, there are numerous jobs that require higher education, especially those that demand advanced skills such as medicine, scientific research, military weaponry, and space science. This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, advocates of finding a job in the near future when leaving school may argue that this method is of significant benefits for a number of young people. One reason why this is advantageous is that individuals who choose to pursue their careers straight after graduating from high school have the opportunity to learn various useful and practical skills. During that time, as I see it, they could try out various fields, which helps them learn numerous valuable lessons such as how to work effectively with their employers and colleagues, how to make wise decisions, or how to deal with difficult customers. Furthermore, these skills play an essential role in any job. Another benefit of this trend is that it is undeniable that life experience and skills are more critical than academic qualifications. This is largely due to the fact that thousands of university graduates face unemployment mainly because of a lack of requisite skills and work experience.

On the other hand, despite these advantages, there are a variety of reasons why I also believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future careers. One downside of finding a job when leaving school is that these days, recruiters tend to favour candidates with a university qualification over those who did not enter tertiary education. In light of the fact that a plethora of people claim that a student ought to devote considerable time and effort to their studies in order to complete their university programs, this somehow proves that he or she is a hard-working and persevering person.

In conclusion, weighing up both sides of this argument, I’m inclined to think that instead of rushing to enroll in university or find a job, we can take a gap year. The gap year provides an opportunity to explore various career options. It’s never too late, as long as young people can choose their own direction.