Nowadays there is a growing shift towards the use of cashless transactions. While some people argue in support of a cashless society, claiming that it is beneficial to citizens, others raise concerns about security. Which side of this argument do you, personally, agree with, and why?

Using cashless trade is a marked rise. Many people believe that it brings many positive outcomes to urban people. However, people think that it is unsafe and has a lot of negative outcomes. In my opinion, it has both pros and cons. This below will be discussed.

On the bright side, people need to admit that using cashless trade has many merits. Firstly, it enables users to become convinient. This mean is that users start a activity which need much money and can not prepare immediately. Using cashless transaction will create a opportunity to trade quickly and effectively with digital devices instead of using physical cash. Secondly, non-cash payment allows people to decrease the risk of theft and loss compared with carrying cash. Moreover, users can manage money efficently. For example, when users want to check card which contains cash as bank card and so on, they can track expenses and manage budgets through digital records.

On the dark side, people are no denying that using cashless transition has many demerits. The first reason is that it causes privacy concern. That mean is that many online transaction can be tracked and compromise financial information by hackers and others treats, raising potential privacy issues. The second reason is that users can depend on digital equipment to realize non-cash payment. This mean is that people need to access to internet connection and if they do not realize this, technical failures can disrupt transaction. For instance, my friend visit a market on the mountain without internet and devices to trade. However he want to buy souvenirs through cashless trade and he defeats transaction.

To sum up, cashless transaction is service that has bot advantages and disadvantages. From ideas mentioned above, people should take the usage of cashless transaction into consideration to make use of benefits and avoid the drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Using cashless trade is a marked rise." -> "The use of cashless transactions is increasing significantly."
Explanation: The original phrase "Using cashless trade is a marked rise" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"Many people believe that it brings many positive outcomes to urban people." -> "Many individuals believe that it offers numerous benefits to urban dwellers."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly phrased and uses vague terms. The revision clarifies the subject and uses more precise language, enhancing the academic tone.
"people think that it is unsafe" -> "others contend that it is unsafe"
Explanation: The original phrase "people think" is too informal and vague. "Others contend" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"has a lot of negative outcomes" -> "entails numerous negative outcomes"
Explanation: "Has a lot of" is informal and imprecise. "Entails numerous" is more formal and specific, fitting the academic style.
"This below will be discussed." -> "This essay will discuss."
Explanation: "This below" is incorrect and unclear. "This essay will discuss" is grammatically correct and appropriate for academic writing.
"people need to admit that using cashless trade has many merits" -> "it is acknowledged that the use of cashless transactions offers numerous benefits"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The revision clarifies and formalizes the statement.
"This mean is that users start a activity which need much money" -> "This means that users initiate activities that require significant funds"
Explanation: "This mean" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and uses more precise language.
"Using cashless transaction will create a opportunity" -> "Using cashless transactions creates an opportunity"
Explanation: "Will create a opportunity" is grammatically incorrect. "Creates an opportunity" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"non-cash payment allows people to decrease the risk of theft and loss" -> "non-cash transactions reduce the risk of theft and loss"
Explanation: "Allows people to decrease" is verbose and informal. "Reduce" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style.
"manage money efficently" -> "manage their finances efficiently"
Explanation: "Manage money efficently" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Manage their finances efficiently" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"people are no denying that using cashless transition has many demerits" -> "it is undeniable that the use of cashless transactions has numerous drawbacks"
Explanation: "People are no denying" is incorrect and informal. "It is undeniable" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"That mean is that many online transaction can be tracked" -> "This means that many online transactions can be tracked"
Explanation: "That mean" is grammatically incorrect. "This means" corrects the grammar and maintains formal tone.
"others treats" -> "other threats"
Explanation: "Others treats" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Other threats" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"cashless transaction is service that has bot advantages and disadvantages" -> "cashless transactions are services that have both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Cashless transaction is service" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"From ideas mentioned above" -> "From the points discussed above"
Explanation: "From ideas mentioned" is vague and informal. "From the points discussed" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding cashless transactions, presenting both the benefits and drawbacks. The introduction acknowledges the existence of differing opinions, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both perspectives. However, the essay lacks a definitive stance on which side the author personally agrees with, which is a crucial part of the prompt. The conclusion reiterates the dual nature of cashless transactions but does not clearly state the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay. For example, after presenting both sides, the author could clearly state, "I believe that the advantages of cashless transactions outweigh the disadvantages," and then provide reasons for this belief.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay mentions both pros and cons, it fails to maintain a clear and consistent position. The phrase "in my opinion, it has both pros and cons" suggests neutrality rather than a definitive stance. This ambiguity can confuse readers about the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: The author should adopt a clear position early in the essay and reinforce it in each paragraph. Using phrases like "I strongly believe that…" or "In my view, the benefits of cashless transactions are significant because…" would help clarify the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of cashless transactions. For instance, it discusses convenience and security on the positive side, and privacy concerns and dependence on technology on the negative side. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For example, the mention of privacy concerns could be elaborated with more detail about the types of threats faced.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Instead of simply stating that cashless transactions can be tracked, the author could explain how this tracking occurs and provide a specific example of a security breach to illustrate the point.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing cashless transactions and their implications. However, there are moments where the phrasing is unclear, such as "Using cashless trade is a marked rise," which could confuse readers about what is meant. Additionally, the example about the friend’s experience lacks clarity and relevance to the broader argument about cashless transactions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each example directly supports the argument being made. Clarifying statements and ensuring that examples are relevant to the main points will help keep the essay on topic. For instance, instead of a vague anecdote, the author could provide a more relevant example of how cashless transactions have improved efficiency in a specific context, like online shopping or bill payments.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from a clearer position, more in-depth support for arguments, and improved clarity in expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding cashless transactions, with a structure that includes an introduction, two main body paragraphs (one for advantages and one for disadvantages), and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph is somewhat abrupt, and the connection between ideas within paragraphs can be unclear. The mention of "this below will be discussed" in the introduction is vague and does not effectively guide the reader on what to expect.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea being discussed. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "Conversely," can help to signal shifts in the argument and improve the overall flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the advantages of cashless transactions but lacks a clear progression of ideas, making it feel somewhat disjointed. The second body paragraph also suffers from similar issues, with ideas not fully developed or clearly linked.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. For instance, in the advantages paragraph, the writer could start with a sentence like, "One significant advantage of cashless transactions is their convenience," followed by specific examples and explanations. This would create a more cohesive and focused paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "To sum up," which help to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For example, phrases like "This mean is that" are awkward and do not effectively link ideas. Additionally, there are grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the contrary," and "As a result." Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will enhance coherence. The writer should also focus on correcting grammatical errors to improve clarity and readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "cashless trade," "positive outcomes," and "privacy concern" show an effort to incorporate relevant terminology. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the repeated use of "cashless" and "transaction," which could have been varied with terms like "digital payments" or "electronic transactions."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "cashless," they could use "digital," "electronic," or "non-cash." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to finance and technology, such as "financial technology" or "e-commerce," could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "using cashless trade is a marked rise" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "the use of cashless transactions is on the rise." Additionally, "This mean is that users start a activity which need much money" contains grammatical errors and vague phrasing, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They should revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity. For instance, instead of "This mean is that users start a activity which need much money," it could be rephrased to "This means that users can engage in activities requiring significant funds without needing to have cash on hand." Regular practice with sentence structure and vocabulary usage will help in achieving greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "convinient" (should be "convenient"), "effictently" (should be "efficiently"), and "treats" (should be "threats"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them could be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises that focus on spelling can also help solidify correct forms in memory.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, improvements can be made in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, refining word choice for clarity, and practicing spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, phrases like "Using cashless trade is a marked rise" and "This mean is that users start a activity which need much money" reflect basic sentence construction. Additionally, the use of phrases like "On the bright side" and "On the dark side" introduces some variety, but overall, the essay does not effectively utilize complex sentences or varied clauses to convey ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "This mean is that users start a activity which need much money," the writer could say, "This means that users can engage in activities requiring significant funds without the need for immediate cash." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also enhance the overall complexity and richness of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "convinient" should be "convenient," and "This mean is that" is incorrect; it should be "This means that." The phrase "decrease the risk of theft and loss compared with carrying cash" is awkwardly constructed, and "effictently" is a misspelling of "efficiently." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "people are no denying," which should be "people cannot deny." Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with commas, which are often missing in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, separating clauses with commas where necessary can improve readability. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common problem areas will also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy through varied sentence structures and careful proofreading will significantly improve the score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Using cashless transactions is on the rise. Many people believe that it brings many positive outcomes to urban dwellers. However, others think that it is unsafe and entails numerous negative outcomes. In my opinion, it has both pros and cons. This essay will discuss both sides.

On the bright side, it is acknowledged that using cashless transactions has many merits. Firstly, it enables users to become more convenient. This means that users can initiate activities that require significant funds and cannot prepare immediately. Using cashless transactions creates an opportunity to trade quickly and effectively with digital devices instead of using physical cash. Secondly, non-cash payments allow people to decrease the risk of theft and loss compared with carrying cash. Moreover, users can manage their finances efficiently. For example, when users want to check a card that contains cash, such as a bank card, they can track expenses and manage budgets through digital records.

On the dark side, it is undeniable that using cashless transactions has many drawbacks. The first reason is that it causes privacy concerns. This means that many online transactions can be tracked and compromise financial information by hackers and other threats, raising potential privacy issues. The second reason is that users can become dependent on digital equipment to complete non-cash payments. This means that people need to have access to an internet connection, and if they do not have this, technical failures can disrupt transactions. For instance, my friend visited a market in the mountains without internet access and devices to trade. However, he wanted to buy souvenirs through cashless transactions and was unable to complete the transaction.

To sum up, cashless transactions are services that have both advantages and disadvantages. From the points discussed above, people should take the usage of cashless transactions into consideration to make use of the benefits and avoid the drawbacks.