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Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than a positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies
rather than a positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to
society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, social media is popular for people in updating news. However, the reports in these platforms progressively more concentrate on problems and emergencies instead of a positive development. Some people believe that it creates negative effects for each individual and society. In my personal view, I partly agree with this statement in a certain aspect.
In one hand, when information about problems and emergencies is overwhelming social media, it is easier for humans to recognize and handle urgent situations promptly. As can be seen that, there are many natural disasters requiring people’s immediate actions. Therefore, receiving news quickly is one of the most important factors that can change the situations extremely. For instance, a little time ago when Vietnam needed to face up with typhoon Yagi, thanks to the news which was updated everyday on TV and media platform, the population in other provinces could donate and give supports for people who suffer from terrible effects from the typhoon.
In other hand, if people are only surrounding by news about difficulties in society, it will also affect them in a harmful way. Because of the fact that this information usually brings negative status or worries for each individual instead of comfortable feelings and relaxation. It makes humans feel more tired and have a gloomy view in life which can lead to many mental health problems and violent behaviors in countries. However, these problems can be tackled by sharing positive information such as the development in society, entertainment or national achievements. For example, at the same time when Vietnam made an effort to deal with typhoon Yagi, the modern recreational industry was successful in spreading spirit of mutual support to citizens by their enormous influence beside their main content.
To sum up, the high occurrence of news about problems and emergencies in some period of time is necessary and helpful. Personally, I believe that news about positive development also plays an important role in human life. In the future, reports of media will contribute to a balanced and healthier lifestyle for viewers if they can manage the frequency of these two different kinds of information.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Today, social media is popular for people in updating news." -> "Today, social media is widely used for news updates by individuals."
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The revised version clarifies the purpose of social media use and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

  2. "progressively more concentrate on" -> "increasingly focus on"
    Explanation: "Progressively more concentrate on" is awkward and redundant. "Increasingly focus on" is more concise and maintains the intended meaning.

  3. "In my personal view" -> "In my opinion"
    Explanation: "In my personal view" is redundant as "personal" is implied by "view." "In my opinion" is the standard academic phrase.

  4. "In one hand" -> "On one hand"
    Explanation: "In one hand" is a typographical error. "On one hand" is the correct phrase used to introduce contrasting ideas.

  5. "As can be seen that," -> "as is evident"
    Explanation: "As can be seen that" is verbose and informal. "As is evident" is more concise and formal.

  6. "a little time ago" -> "recently"
    Explanation: "A little time ago" is vague and informal. "Recently" is more precise and formal.

  7. "face up with" -> "face up to"
    Explanation: "Face up with" is a misuse of the prepositions. "Face up to" is the correct idiomatic expression.

  8. "thanks to the news which was updated everyday" -> "thanks to the daily updates"
    Explanation: "Which was updated everyday" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Daily updates" is more concise and grammatically correct.

  9. "In other hand" -> "On the other hand"
    Explanation: "In other hand" is a typographical error. "On the other hand" is the correct phrase used to introduce contrasting ideas.

  10. "surrounding by" -> "surrounded by"
    Explanation: "Surrounding by" is grammatically incorrect. "Surrounded by" is the correct form.

  11. "negative status or worries" -> "negative reports or concerns"
    Explanation: "Negative status or worries" is unclear and informal. "Negative reports or concerns" is more specific and formal.

  12. "comfortable feelings and relaxation" -> "positive emotions and relaxation"
    Explanation: "Comfortable feelings and relaxation" is vague and informal. "Positive emotions and relaxation" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.

  13. "makes humans feel more tired and have a gloomy view in life" -> "leads to feelings of fatigue and a pessimistic outlook"
    Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revised version uses more formal language and is clearer.

  14. "violent behaviors in countries" -> "violent behavior in society"
    Explanation: "Violent behaviors in countries" is awkward and imprecise. "Violent behavior in society" is more specific and appropriate for an academic discussion.

  15. "the modern recreational industry was successful in spreading spirit of mutual support" -> "the modern recreational industry successfully disseminated a spirit of mutual support"
    Explanation: "Was successful in spreading" is verbose and informal. "Successfully disseminated" is more concise and formal.

  16. "their enormous influence beside their main content" -> "their significant influence alongside their primary content"
    Explanation: "Beside their main content" is awkward and unclear. "Alongside their primary content" is clearer and more formal.

  17. "the high occurrence of news about problems and emergencies in some period of time" -> "the frequent reporting of news about problems and emergencies during certain periods"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the frequency and specificity of the news reporting.

  18. "news about positive development" -> "news of positive developments"
    Explanation: "News about positive development" is grammatically incorrect. "News of positive developments" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  19. "a balanced and healthier lifestyle for viewers" -> "a balanced and healthier lifestyle for the public"
    Explanation: "For viewers" is too specific and informal. "For the public" is more appropriate and inclusive in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive aspects of media focusing on problems and emergencies. The writer acknowledges the harmful effects of such media coverage while also highlighting its importance in urgent situations, such as natural disasters. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, which is crucial for a clearer task response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement at the beginning and reinforce it throughout the essay. Adding a sentence that explicitly states whether they agree or disagree more strongly would provide clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear, stating that the author "partly agrees" with the statement. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay, leading to some ambiguity. For instance, the transition between discussing the negative effects and the necessity of urgent news could be smoother to maintain a cohesive stance.
    • How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is consistently referenced in each paragraph. Using phrases like "While I acknowledge the importance of urgent news, I believe…" can help maintain clarity. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion with a stronger statement would reinforce the essay’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the need for urgent news during disasters and the negative psychological effects of constant exposure to negative news. Examples, like the situation during typhoon Yagi, are used to support the arguments. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the discussion on mental health could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating data or studies related to the psychological impact of negative news would enhance credibility. Additionally, expanding on how positive news can counteract these effects would provide a more balanced view.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of media coverage of problems and emergencies. However, there are moments where the discussion drifts slightly, such as when discussing the recreational industry’s role in spreading positivity. While relevant, it could be more directly tied back to the main argument about media reporting.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. When introducing examples or related topics, it should be clear how they support the main argument. A brief explanation of how the recreational industry contributes to a balanced media perspective could help tie this point back to the main topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant arguments. By clarifying the position, enhancing the development of ideas, and maintaining focus, the writer can improve the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument, with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance and body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the issue. The first body paragraph effectively addresses the benefits of focusing on problems and emergencies, while the second body paragraph discusses the potential negative impacts of such a focus. However, the transition between these two points could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "In other hand" is not standard English; it should be "On the other hand." Additionally, the connection between the examples provided and the main argument could be more explicitly stated to enhance logical flow.
    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer should ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are clear and grammatically correct. Using phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, reinforcing the connection between examples and the main argument can enhance clarity.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the positive and negative implications of media focus. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and impactful. Currently, it feels somewhat repetitive and could benefit from a stronger summary of the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the key arguments without introducing new information. A strong concluding statement can reinforce the overall message of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "however," which help link ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Because of the fact that" is unnecessarily wordy and could be simplified to "Because." Additionally, the use of pronouns could be improved to avoid ambiguity, particularly in the second body paragraph where "it" could refer to multiple subjects.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." This will help create a more fluid reading experience. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "natural disasters," "immediate actions," and "mental health problems" indicating some level of lexical variety. However, phrases such as "the reports in these platforms progressively more concentrate" and "surrounding by news about difficulties" suggest a limited use of more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions. The use of "little time ago" is also somewhat informal and could be improved.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of "progressively more concentrate," a phrase like "increasingly focus" or "shift their emphasis" could be used. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to media and psychology, such as "sensationalism" or "psychological impact," would elevate the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "negative status" and "comfortable feelings." These phrases are vague and do not convey a clear meaning. The phrase "the population in other provinces could donate and give supports" also lacks precision; "support" does not need to be pluralized in this context.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity and specificity. For example, instead of "negative status," they could use "negative emotions" or "pessimistic outlook." Similarly, "donate and give supports" could be revised to "donate and provide assistance." Encouraging the use of more specific terms will enhance the overall clarity of the arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "in one hand" (should be "on one hand") and "beside their main content" (should be "besides"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can be beneficial. Keeping a list of commonly confused words, such as "beside" vs. "besides," may also aid in improving spelling accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "when information about problems and emergencies is overwhelming social media, it is easier for humans to recognize and handle urgent situations promptly" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "it is" and "there are," which can limit the overall range.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different grammatical forms. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "It is" or "There are," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. For example, "Overwhelming social media with information about problems and emergencies makes it easier for humans to recognize urgent situations" would diversify the sentence structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "the reports in these platforms progressively more concentrate" should be corrected to "the reports on these platforms increasingly concentrate." Additionally, the sentence "As can be seen that, there are many natural disasters requiring people’s immediate actions" has an unnecessary "that" and a misplaced comma. The use of articles and prepositions is inconsistent, such as in "In one hand" (should be "On one hand") and "the population in other provinces could donate and give supports" (should be "support").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, review the rules for articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on these areas can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially with commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into correct grammatical usage and punctuation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are specific areas for improvement that can help elevate the score. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, social media is increasingly used by individuals for news updates. However, the reports on these platforms progressively focus more on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people believe that this trend creates negative effects for both individuals and society. In my opinion, I partly agree with this statement from a certain perspective.

On one hand, when information about problems and emergencies dominates social media, it becomes easier for people to recognize and address urgent situations promptly. As is evident, there are many natural disasters that require immediate action from the public. Therefore, receiving news quickly is one of the most important factors that can significantly change these situations. For instance, recently, when Vietnam needed to face up to Typhoon Yagi, thanks to the daily updates on TV and social media, people in other provinces were able to donate and provide support to those suffering from the devastating effects of the typhoon.

On the other hand, if individuals are constantly surrounded by news about difficulties in society, it can have harmful effects on their well-being. This information often brings negative emotions or concerns, rather than feelings of comfort and relaxation. It can lead to fatigue and a pessimistic outlook on life, which may contribute to various mental health issues and even violent behavior in society. However, these problems can be mitigated by sharing positive information, such as societal advancements, entertainment, or national achievements. For example, at the same time that Vietnam was working to manage Typhoon Yagi, the modern recreational industry successfully disseminated a spirit of mutual support among citizens, thanks to their significant influence alongside their primary content.

To sum up, the frequent reporting of news about problems and emergencies during certain periods is necessary and beneficial. Personally, I believe that news of positive developments also plays a crucial role in human life. In the future, if media reports can manage the frequency of these two different types of information, they will contribute to a balanced and healthier lifestyle for the public.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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