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Nowadays there is a trend that the media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays there is a trend that the media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, it is unquestioned that issues and emergencies which are televised and broadcasted are a heated topic on social media. That case sparks controversy whether or not this information is harmful to individuals and society. As far as I observe, their speculation is partly true due to several justifications.
On the one hand, admittedly, the broadcasting of practical perilous situations yields a handful of benefits. Initially, these programmes are liable to raise the awareness of the masses in order that they are conscious of the real peril and then have an appropriate approach to confront it.A hundred of potential invisible danger exist in our daily life, which pose a threat to the existence of people, as a result, if we are oblivious to risk, we can even pass away. The typical example is the news related to covid 19 pandemic used to be updated on daily basis to inform citizens of the pressing conundrum so that they can save themself.
On the other hand, I am in favor of the notion that this action is detrimental to both individuals and to society. The first possible reason is that an array of peoples are subjected to serious mental adversity. It is not exaggerated to say that humans are a highly-organized society so the residents have a propensity to imitate people who completed something which is considered true by them. This gives rise to the emergence of bandwagon effect and werther effect, which was entitled by the novel of the same name . To elaborate, the death of celebrity which is paid a great deals of attention can even create the wave of copy cat suicide and incresing rate of suicide, especially in the young.Furthermore, the hysteria, outrage of the public can be provoked, which plagues every domains: politic, economy,..For instace no sooner had the election programme of America been launched, uncountable rally appeared partly due to the unlimited information about it was broadcasted on social platforms.
In conclusion, as aforementioned ideas, while there are numerous advantages and advantages, I still hold firm conviction that this negative information should not be reported without meticulous censorship.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, it is unquestioned that issues and emergencies which are televised and broadcasted are a heated topic on social media." -> "Currently, there is no doubt that issues and emergencies, when televised and broadcasted, become hot topics on social media."
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" adds a touch of formality, and the restructuring of the sentence improves clarity and aligns with academic style.

  2. "That case sparks controversy whether or not this information is harmful to individuals and society." -> "This situation sparks controversy regarding the potential harm of such information to individuals and society."
    Explanation: The use of "that case" is vague, and the revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific expression. Additionally, the change to "regarding" enhances formality.

  3. "As far as I observe, their speculation is partly true due to several justifications." -> "From my observations, it can be argued that their speculation holds some validity based on several justifications."
    Explanation: The phrase "As far as I observe" can be refined to "From my observations," and the rest of the sentence is rephrased to enhance formality and precision.

  4. "A hundred of potential invisible danger exist in our daily life, which pose a threat to the existence of people, as a result, if we are oblivious to risk, we can even pass away." -> "Numerous potential invisible dangers exist in our daily lives, posing a threat to human existence. Consequently, if we remain oblivious to these risks, the consequences can be severe, even fatal."
    Explanation: The phrase "A hundred of" is more formally expressed as "Numerous," and the sentence is restructured for better flow and clarity.

  5. "The typical example is the news related to covid 19 pandemic used to be updated on daily basis to inform citizens of the pressing conundrum so that they can save themself." -> "A notable example is the daily updates on the COVID-19 pandemic, aiming to inform citizens about the urgent situation and guide them in safeguarding themselves."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for clarity and formality. "Covid 19" is standardized to "COVID-19," and "save themself" is corrected to "safeguard themselves" for grammatical accuracy.

  6. "On the other hand, I am in favor of the notion that this action is detrimental to both individuals and to society." -> "On the flip side, I support the notion that this practice is detrimental to both individuals and society."
    Explanation: The phrase "I am in favor of" is simplified to "I support," and the sentence is slightly rephrased for a more concise and formal expression.

  7. "The first possible reason is that an array of peoples are subjected to serious mental adversity." -> "One primary reason is that a variety of individuals are exposed to significant mental adversity."
    Explanation: "An array of peoples" is corrected to "a variety of individuals," and the phrase is refined for better formality and clarity.

  8. "It is not exaggerated to say that humans are a highly-organized society so the residents have a propensity to imitate people who completed something which is considered true by them." -> "It is not an exaggeration to state that humans live in a highly organized society, and residents tend to imitate those who have achieved something perceived as true by them."
    Explanation: The sentence is revised for better structure and to eliminate redundancy. "Completed something which is considered true by them" is streamlined for clarity and conciseness.

  9. "This gives rise to the emergence of bandwagon effect and werther effect, which was entitled by the novel of the same name." -> "This gives rise to the bandwagon effect and the Werther effect, named after the novel of the same title."
    Explanation: The phrase "emergence of" is omitted for conciseness, and "werther effect, which was entitled by the novel of the same name" is corrected to "the Werther effect, named after the novel of the same title" for clarity and formality.

  10. "Furthermore, the hysteria, outrage of the public can be provoked, which plagues every domains: politic, economy,.." -> "Furthermore, the hysteria and outrage of the public can be provoked, affecting various domains such as politics and the economy."
    Explanation: "Every domains" is corrected to "various domains," and the sentence is refined for better structure and formality.

  11. "For instace no sooner had the election programme of America been launched, uncountable rally appeared partly due to the unlimited information about it was broadcasted on social platforms." -> "For example, shortly after the launch of the American election program, numerous rallies emerged, partially influenced by the abundant information broadcasted on social platforms."
    Explanation: "For instace" is corrected to "For example," and the sentence is rephrased for better clarity and formality.

  12. "In conclusion, as aforementioned ideas, while there are numerous advantages and advantages, I still hold firm conviction that this negative information should not be reported without meticulous censorship." -> "In conclusion, considering the aforementioned points, despite the numerous advantages, I maintain a strong conviction that negative information should not be disseminated without careful censorship."
    Explanation: "As aforementioned ideas" is changed to "considering the aforementioned points" for better flow, and the sentence is refined for formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Nowadays, it is unquestioned that issues and emergencies which are televised and broadcasted are a heated topic on social media. That case sparks controversy whether or not this information is harmful to individuals and society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting your position on the topic. While you acknowledge the prevalence of issues and emergencies in the media, it is unclear whether you agree or disagree with the notion that it is harmful. Consider rephrasing the introduction to make your stance explicit, setting a clear direction for the essay.
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary era, the media extensively covers issues and emergencies, generating debates on whether such information is detrimental to individuals and society. In this essay, I will argue that this media trend has both advantages and disadvantages."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, admittedly, the broadcasting of practical perilous situations yields a handful of benefits. Initially, these programmes are liable to raise the awareness of the masses in order that they are conscious of the real peril and then have an appropriate approach to confront it."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about raising awareness is valid, but the expression is convoluted. Simplify and streamline your sentences for better clarity. Additionally, provide a specific example or personal experience to illustrate how media coverage has positively impacted public awareness.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, broadcasting practical perilous situations serves to raise public awareness. For instance, daily updates on the COVID-19 pandemic enabled citizens to stay informed about the pressing crisis, empowering them to take necessary precautions and protect themselves."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, I am in favor of the notion that this action is detrimental to both individuals and to society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your position is clear, but the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider connecting the concluding sentence of the previous paragraph to the opening sentence of this paragraph to create a more cohesive flow.
    • Improved example: "While acknowledging the benefits, I firmly believe that this constant exposure to emergencies is detrimental. This is evident in the adverse impact on individuals and society, as I will discuss in the following paragraphs."
  4. Quoted text: "The first possible reason is that an array of peoples are subjected to serious mental adversity."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The sentence structure here is unclear. Specify the mental adversity people experience and provide a more precise explanation. Moreover, support your point with an example or elaboration to strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, the constant exposure to distressing events on media platforms places individuals under significant mental stress. For instance, the sensational coverage of tragic incidents can lead to heightened anxiety and emotional distress among viewers."
  5. Quoted text: "Furthermore, the hysteria, outrage of the public can be provoked, which plagues every domain: politic, economy,… For instace no sooner had the election programme of America been launched, uncountable rally appeared partly due to the unlimited information about it was broadcasted on social platforms."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point lacks specificity and coherence. Provide a clearer example that directly connects media coverage to public hysteria or outrage. Additionally, ensure your examples are relevant and directly related to the harmful effects on society.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, relentless media coverage can incite public hysteria, leading to widespread unrest. A pertinent illustration is the surge in political rallies following extensive coverage of the election program in America on social platforms, demonstrating the profound societal impact of media influence."

Overall, while your essay addresses all parts of the task, improvements in clarity, sentence structure, and the inclusion of more specific examples would enhance your Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some degree of coherence and cohesion, presenting a mix of logical organization and effective use of cohesive devices. However, there are notable areas where improvement is needed.

The essay manages to convey ideas coherently, with a discernible overall progression. The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for the essay, and each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved for a more seamless flow of ideas.

Cohesive devices are utilized, but there is room for enhancement. Some sentences lack clear connections, leading to occasional confusion. Additionally, the use of certain cohesive devices may be perceived as somewhat mechanical or repetitive, affecting the essay’s overall fluidity.

Paragraphing is generally applied, but there are instances where the logical flow within paragraphs could be strengthened. The transitions between ideas could be smoother, contributing to a more polished presentation.

How to improve:

  1. Focus on refining the organization within paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
  2. Work on using cohesive devices more naturally, avoiding mechanical or repetitive usage.
  3. Enhance the logical progression between sentences and paragraphs for a more cohesive structure.
  4. Pay careful attention to transitions between ideas to improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "a hundred of potential invisible danger" and "save themself." The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, like "unquestioned" instead of "undeniable" and "copy cat" instead of "copycat." Despite these issues, the overall communication is not significantly impeded.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary more accurately. Pay attention to word choices and ensure they fit seamlessly into the context. Additionally, work on improving spelling and word formation to avoid distracting errors. Aim for more precision in language use to convey ideas fluently and effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with an attempt at a variety of structures. There are noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. However, these errors rarely impede communication, allowing the main ideas to be understood. The writer makes an effort to use a range of vocabulary and employs complex sentences, but there are instances where the language could be more precise.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Review sentence structures to ensure correctness.

  2. Clarity and Precision: Strive for clearer expression of ideas. Some sentences are convoluted, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. Aim for simplicity and precision in language.

  3. Vocabulary: While the essay attempts to use a diverse vocabulary, ensure that the chosen words accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid overly complex language that may lead to confusion.

  4. Coherence and Cohesion: Enhance the organization of ideas. Ensure a logical flow between paragraphs and ideas to improve overall coherence.

  5. Editing: Allocate time for proofreading and editing. This will help catch and rectify errors that may have been overlooked during the initial writing phase.

By addressing these areas, the essay has the potential to achieve a higher band score by exhibiting improved grammatical accuracy, clarity, and overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, it is widely acknowledged that issues and emergencies take center stage in media coverage, becoming hot topics on social platforms. This situation raises questions about the potential harm this information may inflict on individuals and society. In my observation, this speculation holds some truth, supported by various reasons.

On one hand, it is undeniable that broadcasting practical perilous situations brings about certain benefits. Firstly, such programs play a crucial role in raising awareness among the masses, making them conscious of real threats and encouraging appropriate responses. Our daily lives are filled with potential invisible dangers that could jeopardize our existence. Without being aware of these risks, individuals might unknowingly put their lives at risk. A prime example is the regular updates on the COVID-19 pandemic, informing citizens about the urgent situation and guiding them to take necessary precautions.

On the other hand, I lean towards the belief that this practice is detrimental to both individuals and society. One significant reason is the potential for serious mental distress among people. Given that humans are highly social beings, they tend to imitate actions deemed true by their society. This can lead to the emergence of the bandwagon effect and the Werther effect, as depicted in the novel of the same name. For instance, the intense focus on the death of a celebrity can trigger a wave of copycat suicides, especially among the young. Additionally, the heightened public hysteria and outrage can negatively impact various domains such as politics and the economy. For example, the extensive coverage of the American election program on social platforms led to numerous rallies, fueled by unlimited information.

In conclusion, despite the numerous advantages, I maintain a firm conviction that negative information requires careful censorship before being reported. While awareness is crucial, unchecked dissemination of harmful content can have severe consequences on the mental well-being of individuals and societal harmony.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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