Older generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behavior. Most people argue that it is not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is believed that many elder people's ideas are applicable to today's life which seem incompatible with the youth's needs. While I accept that some traditional values are no longer useful, I would argue that others should be remembered.
Admittedly, there are various compelling reasons why traditional values are becoming outdated. Firstly, the elderly's advices are no longer pertinent for the youth. In the past, previous generations advice juveniles to choose stable career such as doctor, police or teacher. However, in modern society, younger generations are at liberty to selecting suitable jobs. Secondly, attitudes towards gender roles are greatly distinctive. In the past, women had to fulfil their domestic duties whereas their husband took responsibility to crucial positions in society. Conversely, nowadays, both men and women are equal to each other.
On the other hand, I firmly hold the view that some conventional views and values are still relevent to the modern times. To be specific, older generations attach great importance of working hard as well as resilience which has always been rewarded. This can bring benefits for teenagers when they enter today's ever-competitive job market. Moreover, the young's behaviour is also the worth thing that the elderly need to teach their off-springs so as to having good manners. In our globalised world, juveniles can expect to contact other people having a variety of backgrounds, hence, younger generations treat others with deeply respect and politeness.
In conclusion, despite the belief that the conventional values bear relevance to contemporary life and serve the young generation, I would contend that certain values should not be forgotten. Therefore, the youth should apply its useful for their future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"elder people’s ideas" -> "elderly individuals’ perspectives"
Explanation: "Elderly people’s ideas" is a colloquial phrase that lacks the formality expected in academic writing. "Elderly individuals’ perspectives" is a more appropriate and sophisticated term.
"juveniles" -> "young individuals" or "young people"
Explanation: "Juveniles" is often associated with legal contexts and might not convey the intended meaning in this context. "Young individuals" or "young people" are more general and suitable alternatives.
"attitudes towards gender roles are greatly distinctive" -> "attitudes towards gender roles have evolved significantly"
Explanation: "Greatly distinctive" is imprecise and lacks clarity. "Evolved significantly" conveys the idea of change over time in a more precise and formal manner.
"Conversely, nowadays" -> "In contrast, in contemporary times"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a bit abrupt here, and "nowadays" is too informal. "In contrast, in contemporary times" provides a smoother transition and maintains a formal tone.
"the worth thing" -> "the valuable aspect"
Explanation: "Worth thing" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The valuable aspect" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea.
"off-springs" -> "descendants"
Explanation: "Off-springs" is a less formal term. "Descendants" is more suitable for academic writing and maintains the formal tone.
"having good manners" -> "exhibiting good manners"
Explanation: "Having good manners" is a bit informal. "Exhibiting good manners" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"juveniles" -> "young individuals" or "young people"
Explanation: Repetition of "juveniles." Refer to suggestion 2 for alternatives.
"the conventional values bear relevance" -> "traditional values remain relevant"
Explanation: "Bear relevance" is a less precise and slightly awkward phrase. "Traditional values remain relevant" is clearer and more concise.
"useful for their future" -> "beneficial for their future endeavors"
Explanation: "Useful for their future" is a bit vague. "Beneficial for their future endeavors" adds clarity and formality to the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question, arguing both for and against the relevance of traditional values to younger generations. It acknowledges that some traditional values are outdated but argues that others should be retained.
- The essay discusses the incompatibility between older generations’ advice and modern youth needs, as well as the changing attitudes towards gender roles. It also mentions the benefits of older generations’ emphasis on hard work and respect.
- However, it lacks depth in discussing how traditional values may or may not prepare younger generations for modern life in a comprehensive manner. There is room for more detailed exploration and analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into how specific traditional values may or may not help the younger generation prepare for modern life. It should provide more specific examples and perhaps contrast them with examples of how modern values or changes in society could be beneficial or detrimental. This will help in addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that some traditional values are still relevant to modern life, even though some are outdated. It maintains this stance throughout the essay.
- The introduction and conclusion clearly state the author’s perspective, and the body paragraphs consistently support this view.
- However, there are instances where the ideas could be presented more clearly, especially in the second body paragraph where the discussion about gender roles seems somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: The essay would benefit from a more structured approach to maintaining a clear position. Each body paragraph should directly relate to and support the thesis statement. Clear topic sentences can help guide the reader through the essay and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both sides of the argument (traditional values are outdated vs. traditional values are still relevant) but could benefit from deeper development and more specific examples.
- It gives examples of outdated career advice and gender roles but could provide more detailed examples or evidence to support the claim that some traditional values are still beneficial.
- The third paragraph offers examples of how traditional values like hard work and respect can still be useful, but these ideas could be further extended with additional specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should aim for more detailed development of each idea. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the relevance or irrelevance of traditional values. Additionally, providing statistics or studies that support the claims made would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relevance of traditional values to younger generations and the extent to which they prepare them for modern life.
- However, there are some instances where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the second paragraph about gender roles seems somewhat tangential to the main argument.
- The essay could benefit from tighter organization and more focused paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should maintain a clear focus on how traditional values prepare younger generations for modern life. Each paragraph should directly relate to this topic, and unnecessary details or tangents should be avoided. Clear topic sentences and concluding sentences will help keep the essay focused.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a clear stance and addresses the prompt to a considerable extent, it could benefit from deeper analysis, more specific examples, and tighter organization. Developing each idea more thoroughly and ensuring each paragraph directly supports the thesis statement would enhance the coherence and strength of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument or viewpoint, starting with an introduction that outlines the author’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the argument, and concluding with a concise summary. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as there are abrupt shifts between discussing outdated traditional values and the relevance of certain values in modern times. For instance, the transition from discussing outdated career advice to the importance of hard work and resilience lacks coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Furthermore" can help signal shifts between different arguments or perspectives. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it coherently before moving on to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to structure the discussion, but there are some issues with paragraphing effectiveness. Paragraphs generally start with a topic sentence introducing the main idea, followed by supporting details. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, which can make the organization less clear. For example, the second paragraph discusses both outdated career advice and changing gender roles without clear separation.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. If discussing multiple points within a paragraph, use clear transitions or subheadings to delineate between them. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and clarity of thought.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transition words like "however," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion," which help signal shifts between different arguments or sections of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices used. Some transitions feel repetitive or overly simplistic.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a variety of transition words and phrases, such as "moreover," "furthermore," "nevertheless," and "conversely," to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to link sentences and ensure a smooth flow of thought throughout the essay. Finally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance rather than disrupt the coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied word choices such as "pertinent," "distinctive," "resilience," and "globalized." These words contribute to the richness of expression and showcase the writer’s ability to employ diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas with greater precision. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "ever-competitive," opt for more specific terms like "fiercely competitive" or "intensely competitive" to add depth to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, though there are instances where clarity could be improved. For example, the phrase "the worth thing" could be replaced with "the valuable aspect," enhancing precision and clarity. Additionally, the term "useful" in the concluding sentence could be substituted with a more specific descriptor to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Continuously refine vocabulary usage by aiming for precision in expression. Utilize words that precisely convey intended meanings and avoid ambiguity. Proofreading carefully can help identify areas where vocabulary could be sharpened for clearer communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are several instances of misspellings, such as "off-springs" instead of "offspring" and "relevent" instead of "relevant." While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, improving spelling accuracy would enhance the overall professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: Employing spell-check tools and dedicating time to review and revise written work can aid in identifying and correcting spelling errors. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading and actively engaging with written material can reinforce correct spelling patterns and reduce the likelihood of errors in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to overall readability. However, there is room for improvement in utilizing more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or inversion, to add depth and complexity to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. For instance, try using conditional sentences to present hypothetical scenarios or employing inversion for emphasis. Additionally, experiment with different sentence patterns to convey ideas more eloquently and persuasively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation, but there are instances of errors throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("older generation…hold" should be "holds"), article usage ("the worth thing" should be "the worthy thing"), and punctuation errors (missing commas after introductory phrases). Moreover, there are some awkward phrasings and word choices that hinder clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, particularly missing commas after introductory phrases. Additionally, consider revising awkward phrasings and choosing more precise and appropriate vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence. Practice writing and revising sentences to ensure grammatical correctness and fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that many elderly individuals’ perspectives on life, thoughts, and behavior may seem out of touch with the needs of younger generations in today’s society. While I acknowledge that some traditional values may no longer be applicable, I believe that others still hold value.

Certainly, there are compelling reasons why certain traditional values are becoming outdated. Firstly, advice from older generations may no longer be relevant to today’s youth. In the past, elders often advised young people to pursue stable careers such as doctor, police officer, or teacher. However, in contemporary times, younger individuals have the freedom to choose careers that suit them best. Secondly, attitudes towards gender roles have evolved significantly. Historically, women were expected to fulfill domestic duties while men held positions of authority in society. However, nowadays, both men and women have equal opportunities.

Nevertheless, I maintain that some traditional values remain relevant in modern times. For example, older generations emphasize the value of hard work and resilience, qualities that are still beneficial for young individuals as they enter today’s competitive job market. Additionally, teaching younger generations good manners is invaluable. In our globalized world, young people interact with individuals from diverse backgrounds, making it essential for them to exhibit respect and politeness.

In conclusion, while it is true that certain traditional values may no longer be applicable to contemporary life, I believe that others should not be forgotten. Therefore, it is important for younger generations to recognize the valuable aspects of traditional wisdom and apply them to their future endeavors.