One of the water taps in your apartment has been leaking for a few days. You have phoned the maintenance oflice to fix it. They promised to do it but never come. Write to the school authority to complain about it. You should write at least 100 words. (The actual test instruction requests 150 words) You do NOT need to write your address.
One of the water taps in your apartment has been leaking for a few days. You have phoned the maintenance oflice to fix it. They promised to do it but never come.
Write to the school authority to complain about it.
You should write at least 100 words. (The actual test instruction requests 150 words)
You do NOT need to write your address.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am apologize to bother you with this letter in advance.
On July 16, 2014, when I was coming back home after work, I detected one of the water taps in my apartment had been leak and the floor was full of water. Then, I phoned you immediately to fix and you gave me a promise that you would arrive as soon as possible. However, it has been one week from that day and I have not seen you and the water tap has become serious. I wonder if you were too busy to remember my request, but I have a bit annoyed about this.
The leakage tap has caused numerous of issues. First of all, it wastes the valuable water resource seriously. More and more different countries and areas in our planet do not have enough fresh and clean water resource for living but we are profusing it unreasonably now. Second, it affects on apartment's tenants too. The amount of leakage water made the apartment surrounded by water and it was hard to move. It's sound even disturb me from working at home. Additionally, I have also been annoyed every night and I could not sleep well.
I was thinking of your busyness and tried to sympathize with you but one week have passed. I can not stand it anymore.
I am requesting that you will reply me and have a quick solution.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"I am apologize to bother you with this letter in advance." -> "I apologize for the inconvenience of this letter in advance."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language suitable for an academic or professional context. -
"I detected one of the water taps in my apartment had been leak" -> "I noticed that one of the water taps in my apartment had leaked"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the verb tense and uses a more formal verb form. -
"Then, I phoned you immediately to fix and you gave me a promise" -> "I then immediately contacted you to arrange for the repair, and you assured me that you would attend to it promptly."
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks clarity. The revised version is more formal and precise, improving the flow and clarity of the communication. -
"However, it has been one week from that day" -> "However, it has now been a week since that day"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the tense and provides a clearer temporal reference. -
"I have not seen you and the water tap has become serious" -> "I have not seen you, and the water leak has worsened"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language. -
"I wonder if you were too busy to remember my request, but I have a bit annoyed about this" -> "I wonder if you were too busy to recall my request, which has caused me some annoyance"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks precision. The revision maintains formality and clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship. -
"numerous of issues" -> "numerous issues"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The correction removes the unnecessary "of" to maintain grammatical accuracy. -
"More and more different countries and areas in our planet do not have enough fresh and clean water resource for living" -> "Increasingly, many countries and regions worldwide lack sufficient fresh and clean water resources for survival"
Explanation: The original sentence is verbose and awkward. The revision simplifies and clarifies the statement, using more precise and formal language. -
"we are profusing it unreasonably now" -> "we are wasting it excessively now"
Explanation: The original word "profusing" is not only incorrect but also unclear. The suggested replacement is more accurate and appropriate for the context. -
"it affects on apartment’s tenants too" -> "it also affects the apartment’s tenants"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the preposition error and improves the flow of the sentence. -
"The amount of leakage water made the apartment surrounded by water" -> "The amount of leaked water surrounded the apartment"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the verb tense and improves the clarity of the description. -
"It’s sound even disturb me from working at home" -> "It even disturbs me from working at home"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revision corrects the verb form and removes the contraction for a more formal tone. -
"I can not stand it anymore" -> "I can no longer tolerate this"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the meaning. -
"I am requesting that you will reply me and have a quick solution" -> "I am requesting that you respond promptly and provide a swift solution"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revision corrects the verb form and uses more formal language appropriate for a professional or academic context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the main issue of the leaking tap and the lack of response from maintenance. However, it does not fully meet the requirements of the prompt, particularly in terms of the length, as it is under the required 150 words. The letter does mention the consequences of the leak, which is relevant, but it lacks a clear request for action or a specific solution, which is crucial for a complaint letter.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that the letter meets the word count requirement. Additionally, they should explicitly state what action they want the school authority to take (e.g., a request for immediate repair or a follow-up on the maintenance promise). Including a clear call to action would strengthen the response.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is somewhat clear in expressing frustration over the lack of response from maintenance. However, the tone fluctuates between apologetic and frustrated, which can create confusion about the writer’s overall stance. Phrases like "I wonder if you were too busy" and "I can not stand it anymore" show mixed feelings that detract from a strong, consistent position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should adopt a more assertive tone throughout the letter. They could start with a clear statement of dissatisfaction and follow it up with a firm request for action. Avoiding overly apologetic language would also help in establishing a stronger stance.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the consequences of the leaking tap, such as water wastage and disturbance to daily life. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, the mention of water wastage is relevant but lacks statistical or contextual support that would make the argument more compelling.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on their points with more specific examples and details. For instance, they could quantify the amount of water wasted or describe how the leak has specifically impacted their daily routine. This would provide a stronger foundation for their complaint and make the letter more persuasive.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the leaking tap and the lack of maintenance response. However, some sentences, such as the discussion of global water scarcity, feel somewhat tangential and could distract from the main issue. The mention of the writer’s annoyance is relevant but could be more succinctly expressed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly relates to the issue at hand. They could streamline their arguments by removing any extraneous information that does not directly support their complaint about the maintenance issue. Keeping the letter concise and focused would enhance its effectiveness.
Overall, the essay needs to meet the word count requirement and strengthen its clarity, development of ideas, and focus on the topic to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, starting with the introduction of the problem and then explaining the consequences of the leak. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from the description of the leak to the consequences is somewhat abrupt. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through each paragraph’s main idea.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider outlining the essay before writing. Start with a clear introduction that states the purpose of the letter. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details. For example, the paragraph discussing the consequences of the leak could start with a sentence like, "The leak has resulted in several significant issues," which would prepare the reader for the details that follow.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better separated into distinct paragraphs. The second paragraph, which discusses the consequences of the leak, is lengthy and could be broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the description of the leak and the initial contact with maintenance, while a second paragraph could detail the consequences of the leak. This separation will help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve the overall readability of the essay.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "second," to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "on the other hand" or "in addition" could enhance the connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, when transitioning from the description of the leak to its consequences, you could use "Furthermore," or "Moreover," to add depth to your argument. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in your writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and communicates the main points effectively, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and coherence of the writing, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. For instance, the repeated use of "water" and "leak" could be improved by incorporating synonyms or related terms, such as "drip," "flow," or "leakage." Phrases like "valuable water resource" and "fresh and clean water" are somewhat redundant and could be expressed more succinctly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using a thesaurus to find synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of "wastes the valuable water resource seriously," one could say "significantly depletes our precious water supply." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating idiomatic expressions could enrich the text.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, "the leakage tap has caused numerous of issues" should be "the leaking tap has caused numerous issues." The phrase "I have a bit annoyed about this" is also incorrect; it should be "I am a bit annoyed by this." Such inaccuracies detract from the clarity of the message.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and the correct use of phrases. It is advisable to proofread the essay for common errors and ensure that phrases are used in their correct context. Engaging in vocabulary exercises that focus on collocations and common phrases can also help.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "apologize" (should be "apologise" in British English), "offlice" (should be "office"), and "profusing" (which is used incorrectly; the intended word may have been "profligating" or "wasting"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the letter.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling common words and phrases, particularly those relevant to formal writing. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for vocabulary usage, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For example, the writer uses a compound sentence in "I phoned you immediately to fix and you gave me a promise that you would arrive as soon as possible." However, there is a noticeable lack of complex sentences, which limits the overall range of grammatical structures. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "the leakage tap has caused numerous of issues," which should be "numerous issues."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "I detected one of the water taps in my apartment had been leak," the writer could say, "When I returned home, I discovered that one of the water taps in my apartment had been leaking." This not only improves grammatical variety but also enhances clarity and sophistication.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "I am apologize" should be "I apologize," and "the water taps in my apartment had been leak" should be "had been leaking." Additionally, punctuation is inconsistent; for instance, there should be a comma after "First of all" in "First of all, it wastes the valuable water resource seriously." The use of "numerous of issues" is incorrect; it should simply be "numerous issues." These errors contribute to a lack of clarity and coherence in the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Practicing sentence correction exercises could help identify common mistakes. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for introductory phrases and clauses, would enhance the overall readability of the essay. The writer might also benefit from reading their work aloud to catch errors and awkward phrasing before submission.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of grammatical structures, it requires significant improvement in both the range and accuracy of grammar and punctuation to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on complex sentence formation and careful proofreading will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Dear Sir or Madam,
I apologize for the inconvenience of this letter in advance. On July 16, 2014, when I was coming back home after work, I noticed that one of the water taps in my apartment had leaked and the floor was full of water. I then immediately contacted you to arrange for the repair, and you assured me that you would attend to it promptly. However, it has now been a week since that day, and I have not seen you, and the water leak has worsened. I wonder if you were too busy to recall my request, which has caused me some annoyance.
The leaking tap has caused numerous issues. First of all, it is wasting valuable water resources seriously. Increasingly, many countries and regions worldwide lack sufficient fresh and clean water resources for survival, but we are wasting it excessively now. Second, it also affects the apartment’s tenants. The amount of leaked water surrounded the apartment, making it hard to move. It even disturbs me from working at home. Additionally, I have also been annoyed every night, and I could not sleep well.
I have been thinking of your busyness and tried to sympathize with you, but one week has passed. I can no longer tolerate this. I am requesting that you respond promptly and provide a swift solution.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
