one way to solve the problem of congestion on the roads is to increase the tax on private vehicles. how could this alleviate congestion? what other measures can you suggest to deal with congestion in cities?

one way to solve the problem of congestion on the roads is to increase the tax on private vehicles.
how could this alleviate congestion?
what other measures can you suggest to deal with congestion in cities?

People tend to use private vehicles in nowadays life with purpose on working and travelling, in turn numerous environment consequences are resulted. So that, the government increased taxes is an effective way to decrease congestion, especially collaboration with other ways.
On the one hand, it is believed that the government increased taxes on private vehicles is a suitable way to alleviate congestion. Initially, the tendency for citizen to utilize mass transit would be climbed remarkably, contributing to a cleaner and healthier environment. Furthermore, the taxes can be used in an effective way to improve infrastructure including: buildings, roads, bridges,…and so on. For instance, bridge contruction and road widening projects conducted pave the way for smoothier and advantageous journeys.
On the other hand, collecting fees on automobile alone may not be sufficent to decline traffic jams, o that several measures should be implemented. The major is open priority bus routes in the city with affordable fares, enough to convince residents to give up cars, helping both saving money and commute time. In another aspect, the subway system is equally significant, not only reduces transportation cost but also has a part in the beauty of the city and saves energy resources.
In conclusion, increasing taxes on four-wheeled vehicles is an useful way to reduce traffic jams, but it still not be sufficent. Therefore, some other solutions should be conducted including subway system and preference bus routes, contributing to upgrade people life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "People tend to use private vehicles in nowadays life" -> "Individuals increasingly rely on private vehicles in contemporary life"
   Explanation: "Individuals increasingly rely on" is more precise and formal than "People tend to use," and "contemporary life" is a more appropriate term than "nowadays life," which is colloquial and vague.

2. "with purpose on working and travelling" -> "for purposes of work and travel"
   Explanation: "For purposes of work and travel" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "with purpose on working and travelling."

3. "in turn numerous environment consequences are resulted" -> "thereby numerous environmental consequences result"
   Explanation: "Thereby" is more formal and appropriate than "in turn," and "environmental consequences result" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality.

4. "the government increased taxes is an effective way" -> "the government’s increased taxation is an effective method"
   Explanation: "The government’s increased taxation" corrects the grammatical error and "method" is more precise than "way" in this context, aligning better with academic style.

5. "collaboration with other ways" -> "collaboration with other measures"
   Explanation: "Measures" is more specific and appropriate than "ways" in this context, referring to specific actions taken by the government.

6. "the government increased taxes on private vehicles is a suitable way" -> "increasing taxes on private vehicles is a suitable measure"
   Explanation: "Increasing taxes" is more active and precise, and "measure" is more formal than "way," fitting the academic tone better.

7. "the tendency for citizen to utilize mass transit" -> "the tendency for citizens to use public transportation"
   Explanation: "Citizens" should be plural to match "tendency," and "public transportation" is a more formal term than "mass transit."

8. "would be climbed remarkably" -> "would significantly increase"
   Explanation: "Would significantly increase" is grammatically correct and more formal than "would be climbed remarkably," which is awkward and incorrect.

9. "bridge contruction" -> "bridge construction"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "contruction" to "construction."

10. "smoothier" -> "smoother"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "smoothier" to "smoother."

11. "collecting fees on automobile alone may not be sufficent" -> "collecting fees on automobiles alone may not be sufficient"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "sufficent" to "sufficient" and changes "automobile" to the plural "automobiles" for grammatical consistency.

12. "o that" -> "so that"
    Explanation: Corrects the typographical error from "o" to "so."

13. "The major is open priority bus routes" -> "The major measure is to open priority bus routes"
    Explanation: "The major measure is to open" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.

14. "enough to convince residents to give up cars" -> "sufficient to persuade residents to abandon their cars"
    Explanation: "Sufficient to persuade" is more formal than "enough to convince," and "abandon their cars" is more precise than "give up cars."

15. "subway system is equally significant" -> "subway system is equally important"
    Explanation: "Important" is more precise and formal than "significant" in this context, referring to the value or relevance of the subway system.

16. "saves energy resources" -> "conserves energy resources"
    Explanation: "Conserves" is more specific and appropriate in the context of reducing energy usage, compared to the more general "saves."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the first part of the prompt by discussing how increasing taxes on private vehicles could alleviate congestion. However, it does not fully explore the second part of the question regarding other measures to deal with congestion. While the author mentions priority bus routes and the subway system, these points are not sufficiently developed or elaborated upon. The response lacks depth in discussing how these measures could work in conjunction with the tax increase.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should ensure that each part is given equal attention. This could involve providing more detailed explanations of how the suggested measures would alleviate congestion, including potential benefits and examples of successful implementations in other cities.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that increasing taxes on private vehicles is a suitable solution to congestion. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "the government increased taxes is an effective way" and "the tendency for citizen to utilize mass transit would be climbed remarkably." These issues can confuse readers and detract from the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should focus on using straightforward language and correct grammatical structures. Additionally, reiterating the main argument throughout the essay can help reinforce the position. For instance, summarizing the benefits of the tax increase in the conclusion would strengthen the overall stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of increased taxes and alternative measures like priority bus routes and subways. However, these ideas are not well-extended or supported with sufficient evidence or examples. For example, the mention of "bridge construction and road widening projects" lacks detail on how these projects would specifically alleviate congestion.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve discussing specific case studies or statistics that demonstrate the effectiveness of the proposed measures. Additionally, linking ideas more cohesively will help create a more persuasive argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on congestion and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes vague or slightly off-topic, particularly in the conclusion where the phrase "contributing to upgrade people life" feels disconnected from the main argument about congestion.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate to the topic of congestion. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. A more precise conclusion that summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas would also enhance coherence.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on addressing all parts of the prompt in detail, maintaining clarity and consistency in their position, providing well-supported ideas, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic of congestion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main argument regarding increasing taxes on private vehicles is introduced effectively, followed by supporting points. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing tax implications and other measures is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "on the one hand" is used correctly, but the subsequent transition to "on the other hand" lacks a clear connection to the previous point, which can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of increased taxes, a transitional sentence could summarize the limitations of this approach before introducing alternative measures. This would help create a smoother flow between sections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the following paragraphs delve into the main points. However, the paragraph discussing alternative measures could be more clearly defined, as it blends multiple ideas without distinct separation.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. For instance, the paragraph on alternative measures could start with a sentence that explicitly states the need for additional solutions, followed by separate sentences for each proposed measure. This would enhance clarity and make it easier for readers to follow the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "o that several measures should be implemented" is unclear and lacks a proper transition from the previous sentence.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "however," and "for example." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a context that clearly illustrates the relationship between ideas. For instance, instead of "o that," a clearer phrase like "therefore" or "as a result" could enhance understanding.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "congestion," "utilize," "infrastructure," and "automobile." However, there are instances where the vocabulary choices are somewhat limited or repetitive. For example, the phrase "private vehicles" appears multiple times without variation, which could detract from the overall lexical richness. Additionally, terms like "numerous environment consequences" could be expressed more effectively as "numerous environmental consequences."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "private vehicles," you could use "personal cars," "individual transport," or "motor vehicles." Expanding your vocabulary through reading and practice can help you incorporate a broader range of terms in your writing.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable inaccuracies. For instance, "the government increased taxes is an effective way" should be "the government’s increase in taxes is an effective way." The phrase "the tendency for citizen to utilize mass transit would be climbed remarkably" is awkward; "citizens" should be plural, and "would climb remarkably" is not the best choice. Additionally, "smoothier" is a misspelling of "smoother."
  • How to improve: Focus on grammatical structures and ensure that vocabulary fits the context correctly. Reading more academic essays can help you see how vocabulary is used in context. Practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary can also solidify your understanding of precise usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "smoothier," "sufficent," "contruction," and "useful." These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the essay. The misspelling of "sufficient" and "construction" indicates a need for more careful proofreading.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work with fresh eyes. Utilize spell-check tools and maintain a personal list of commonly misspelled words to practice. Additionally, reading more can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Engaging in regular reading, writing practice, and proofreading will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("People tend to use private vehicles in nowadays life") and compound sentences ("Furthermore, the taxes can be used in an effective way to improve infrastructure including: buildings, roads, bridges,…and so on"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, "the government increased taxes is an effective way" contains a grammatical error and lacks complexity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although increasing taxes may deter some drivers, it could also encourage others to use public transport"). Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can add depth to the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in developing this skill.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "the government increased taxes is an effective way" should be "the government’s increase in taxes is an effective way." There are also punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and the ellipsis in "including: buildings, roads, bridges,…and so on," which should be corrected to "including buildings, roads, and bridges." Additionally, phrases like "o that" appear to be typographical errors for "so that."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Regular grammar exercises, such as identifying and correcting errors in sample sentences, can be beneficial. Moreover, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that all sentences are complete and coherent will enhance overall clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and careful proofreading are essential steps toward achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People increasingly rely on private vehicles in contemporary life for purposes of work and travel, which results in numerous environmental consequences. Therefore, the government’s increased taxation on private vehicles is an effective method to alleviate congestion, especially when combined with other measures.

On the one hand, it is believed that increasing taxes on private vehicles is a suitable way to reduce congestion. Initially, the tendency for citizens to use public transportation would significantly increase, contributing to a cleaner and healthier environment. Furthermore, the revenue generated from these taxes can be effectively utilized to improve infrastructure, including buildings, roads, and bridges. For instance, bridge construction and road widening projects can pave the way for smoother and more advantageous journeys.

On the other hand, relying solely on increased taxes may not be sufficient to decrease traffic jams; therefore, several additional measures should be implemented. A major strategy could be to open priority bus routes in the city with affordable fares, which would encourage residents to abandon their cars, helping them save both money and commute time. Additionally, enhancing the subway system is equally significant, as it not only reduces transportation costs but also contributes to the aesthetic appeal of the city and conserves energy resources.

In conclusion, increasing taxes on private vehicles is a useful way to reduce traffic congestion, but it may not be sufficient on its own. Therefore, other solutions should be implemented, including the development of subway systems and priority bus routes, which would contribute to improving the quality of life for citizens.