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Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?

Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?

In today's society, there is a pressing issue that more and more people prefer shopping via media platforms, which is appearing in some nations. This essay will elucidate some impacts of this trend on the environment and the labor market.
One of the main effects of the environment is the threat to air quality. To be specific, more and more people prefer shopping online due to the convenience that leads to an increase in the number of vehicles transporting goods on the road. As a result, a large amount of fumes, and gases is emitted into the air by transportation causing air pollution. Moreover, e-shopping not only impacts negatively on air but also causes soil and water pollution. For instance, Vietnamese sellers often overuse shockproof wraps, plastic bags, or foams to protect their goods, similar to the rising of plastic pollutants. Consequently, these things not recycled or disposed of properly will be released and pollute the soil, lake, or ocean.
On the other hand, shopping through the Internet affects the labor market. The main positive impact is the decrease in the unemployment rate. This could be because online shopping provides occupation opportunities for people who do not have jobs. For example, on the Shopee platform, Vietnamese can easily apply for many positions such as sellers, shippers, or collaborators because the cost of doing online business is much cheaper and more flexible than that of opening a physical store. Therefore, more and more unemployed people can have jobs which helps reduce the rate of joblessness.
In conclusion, e-shopping not only harms the air quality but also pollutes soil and water. Apart from that, shopping via media platforms also decreases the unemployment proportion.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "there is a pressing issue that more and more people prefer shopping via media platforms" -> "there is a pressing issue wherein an increasing number of individuals favor shopping through online platforms"
    Explanation: Replacing "shopping via media platforms" with "shopping through online platforms" provides a more precise and formal description, aligning with academic style.

  2. "elucidate some impacts" -> "explore the impacts"
    Explanation: "Elucidate" is a somewhat formal term; however, "explore" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains the formality of the essay.

  3. "To be specific" -> "Specifically"
    Explanation: "To be specific" can be replaced with the more concise "Specifically" to enhance the essay’s formal tone.

  4. "leads to an increase" -> "results in an increase"
    Explanation: Replacing "leads to" with "results in" provides a more formal and direct expression, enhancing the clarity and formality of the statement.

  5. "fumes, and gases is emitted" -> "fumes and gases are emitted"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement error by changing "is" to "are" ensures grammatical accuracy in the sentence.

  6. "e-shopping" -> "online shopping"
    Explanation: Using "online shopping" instead of "e-shopping" is a more standard and formal term in academic writing.

  7. "Vietnamese sellers often overuse shockproof wraps, plastic bags, or foams" -> "Vietnamese sellers frequently misuse shockproof wraps, plastic bags, or foam materials"
    Explanation: Replacing "overuse" with "frequently misuse" and adding "materials" after "foam" provides a more accurate and formal description of the environmental impact.

  8. "similar to the rising of plastic pollutants" -> "contributing to the increase in plastic pollutants"
    Explanation: The revised phrase offers a more formal and precise expression of the cause-and-effect relationship.

  9. "These things not recycled or disposed of properly" -> "If these items are not recycled or disposed of properly"
    Explanation: Adding "If" at the beginning of the sentence improves the conditional structure, enhancing the academic style.

  10. "affects the labor market" -> "impacts the labor market"
    Explanation: "Impacts" is a more formal term compared to "affects" in academic writing.

  11. "main positive impact is the decrease" -> "primary positive impact is the reduction"
    Explanation: Substituting "main" with "primary" and "decrease" with "reduction" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "could be because" -> "may be attributed to"
    Explanation: Replacing "could be because" with "may be attributed to" adds a level of formality and clarity to the explanation.

  13. "Vietnamese can easily apply for many positions" -> "Vietnamese individuals can readily apply for various positions"
    Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "people" and "readily" instead of "easily" contributes to a more formal and refined language.

  14. "the cost of doing online business is much cheaper" -> "the cost of conducting online business is significantly lower"
    Explanation: Substituting "doing" with "conducting" and "much cheaper" with "significantly lower" enhances the precision and formality of the statement.

  15. "which helps reduce the rate of joblessness" -> "thus aiding in the reduction of unemployment rates"
    Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more formal and structured conclusion to the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the environmental impact and the effects on the labor market. The essay mentions air pollution due to increased transportation and also touches upon soil and water pollution. It also discusses the positive impact on the labor market, emphasizing the reduction in unemployment.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more specific examples and details related to the environmental impact and a deeper exploration of the effects on the labor market. Expanding on these aspects will add depth to the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on both the environmental and labor market impacts of online shopping. It consistently discusses the negative environmental effects and the positive impact on employment rates.
    • How to improve: While the stance is clear, strengthening the thesis statement in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion would enhance coherence and emphasize the central position throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, especially regarding the negative environmental impact and the positive effect on employment. However, some ideas could benefit from further development. For instance, elaborating on specific types of pollutants or providing more details on the types of jobs created would strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on environmental impacts by providing specific examples and statistics. In the labor market section, elaborate on the types of jobs created, their nature, and the skills required. This will add depth and specificity to the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing both aspects of the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion on pollution could be more directly related to online shopping. For instance, connecting the use of shockproof wraps and plastic bags to the online shopping process would strengthen relevance.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made is directly tied to the online shopping trend. Provide more explicit connections between the environmental and labor market effects and the act of shopping online.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses both elements of the prompt, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing more specific examples, and ensuring a direct connection between ideas and online shopping will contribute to an improved essay. Strengthening the thesis statement and reiterating it in the conclusion will also enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing environmental impacts and effects on the labor market, and a concise conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses environmental impacts, while the second tackles effects on the labor market.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs for a smoother flow. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, creating a seamless progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, presenting distinct ideas in separate sections. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding statement. The division between environmental impacts and effects on the labor market is evident, aiding readability.
    • How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, focus on varying sentence structures within each paragraph to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, consider providing more specific examples within paragraphs to bolster the presented arguments.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas and facilitate understanding. Transition phrases such as "On the other hand" and "In conclusion" are used appropriately, guiding the reader through the essay. Additionally, cohesive devices like pronouns ("this trend," "these things") link sentences, contributing to overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking words or phrases, such as "moreover," "however," or "nevertheless." This will add sophistication to the essay’s language and improve the overall cohesion. Additionally, ensure that the usage of pronouns remains clear and unambiguous.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, enhancing sentence variety within paragraphs, and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and cohesive presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words, but some repetition and limited lexical diversity are noticeable. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "more and more" and "impacts" could be addressed to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To widen the vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring different expressions. Replace repetitive phrases with alternative terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "more and more," try variations like "increasingly" or "a growing number of."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally appropriate, but there are instances where words could be used more precisely. For example, the term "shockproof wraps" might be more accurately described as "protective packaging." Additionally, using more specific terms for environmental impacts, such as specifying the types of pollutants, would enhance precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Replace general terms with more specific ones and ensure that the chosen words accurately represent the concepts being discussed.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate; however, there are a few instances where minor errors are present. For instance, "elucidate" is correctly spelled, but attention to small errors like "impacts" instead of "impact" and "joblessness" could improve overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to detail during proofreading to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Consider using spell-check tools and allocating specific time for careful review to minimize such mistakes.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of vocabulary use and generally accurate spelling, improvements can be made by enhancing lexical diversity, increasing precision in word choice, and addressing minor spelling errors. These refinements will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement as some sentences tend to be formulaic, such as the repetitive use of "more and more" and the consistent structure of presenting an effect followed by an example.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using subordinate clauses, inversion, or different sentence beginnings. Additionally, strive to avoid repetitive phrases to make the writing more engaging.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as the use of "appearing" instead of "prevailing" in the introduction and the inconsistent use of plural forms (nations, goods) without clear context. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are minor issues, such as unnecessary spaces before commas.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to word choice, ensuring that the selected words fit the context accurately. Additionally, proofread for consistency in the use of plural forms. For punctuation, review the rules for comma usage, eliminating unnecessary spaces and ensuring consistent application.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a competent level of grammatical range and accuracy. To improve, focus on diversifying sentence structures and eliminating repetitive patterns. Additionally, careful attention to word choice and consistent use of plural forms will enhance overall grammatical accuracy. Lastly, a thorough proofreading for punctuation consistency will contribute to refining the essay’s language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is a noteworthy trend where an increasing number of individuals favor shopping through online platforms, particularly in certain nations. This essay aims to explore the impacts of this trend on the environment and the labor market.

One of the prominent environmental effects is the threat to air quality. Specifically, the growing preference for online shopping contributes to an increase in the number of vehicles transporting goods on the roads. Consequently, a substantial amount of fumes and gases are emitted into the air during transportation, causing air pollution. Additionally, the negative impact extends to soil and water pollution. For example, Vietnamese sellers frequently misuse shockproof wraps, plastic bags, or foam materials to protect their goods, thereby contributing to the increase in plastic pollutants. If these items are not recycled or disposed of properly, they are released and can pollute the soil, lakes, or oceans.

On the flip side, the rise of online shopping has implications for the labor market, with the primary positive impact being the reduction in the unemployment rate. This reduction may be attributed to the fact that online businesses offer job opportunities for individuals without employment. Vietnamese individuals, for instance, can readily apply for various positions such as sellers, shippers, or collaborators on platforms like Shopee. The cost of conducting online business is significantly lower and more flexible than opening a physical store, thus aiding in the reduction of unemployment rates. Therefore, online shopping plays a role in providing jobs for more people, contributing to a decrease in the overall unemployment rate.

In conclusion, the surge in online shopping not only poses threats to air quality but also leads to soil and water pollution. On a positive note, it has a favorable impact on the labor market by reducing the unemployment rate, as individuals can readily find employment opportunities in the online business sector.

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