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Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular.
Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

In recent years, the number of tours in the countryside has grown significantly, which could lead to pros and cons in both environment and local life. This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages and demonstrate why positive development is more crucial.

On the one hand, the growth of the tourist industry in rural areas may strongly improve the human’s life. It is evident that local residents and agents would earn large money from organizing tourism activities, which could lead to increased the average income of people there. Moreover, if the local committee could impose great strategies, such as building great infrastructure and facilities, the quality of life in areas could be raised dramatically in the long-term.

On the other hand, organizing tours could also bring adverse consequences to the environment in local sites. Firstly, more tourists means more waste would be released, which could negatively affect the ecosystem there. Secondly, the landscape in tourist attractions could also be destroyed if there is no strict control. Nevertheless, there are strong measures that could be adopted by the government and local residents to mitigate those problems. The government may promote putting more waste bins and cleaning more regularly in areas. Furthermore, they could spend money earned from organizing tours to organize campaigns, projects to raise awareness of travelers and local residents about protecting the environment.

In conclusion, in spite of the fact that tourism development in remote areas might have some negative aspects, I believe they are outweighed by the more important positive ones.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "number of tours" -> "volume of tourism"
    Explanation: "Number of tours" is a bit casual. "Volume of tourism" is a more formal and precise term for discussing the overall level or extent of tourism activity.

  2. "pros and cons" -> "benefits and drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Pros and cons" is a colloquial phrase. "Benefits and drawbacks" is a more formal way to express the positive and negative aspects.

  3. "demonstrate why positive development is more crucial" -> "argue for the significance of positive development"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal. "Argue for the significance of positive development" maintains a formal tone while emphasizing the importance of positive growth.

  4. "the human’s life" -> "residents’ lives" or "human livelihoods"
    Explanation: "The human’s life" is an awkward phrasing. Using "residents’ lives" or "human livelihoods" maintains formality and clarity.

  5. "local residents and agents" -> "inhabitants and stakeholders"
    Explanation: "Local residents and agents" is a bit vague. "Inhabitants and stakeholders" specifies the groups involved in a more formal manner.

  6. "large money" -> "substantial income" or "considerable revenue"
    Explanation: "Large money" is informal. "Substantial income" or "considerable revenue" conveys the idea more formally.

  7. "which could lead to increased the average income" -> "potentially resulting in an increase in average income"
    Explanation: The original structure lacks clarity. Rewording it improves precision and formality.

  8. "great strategies" -> "effective strategies" or "robust approaches"
    Explanation: "Great strategies" lacks specificity. "Effective strategies" or "robust approaches" sound more formal and precise.

  9. "could be raised dramatically" -> "could be significantly enhanced"
    Explanation: "Raised dramatically" is a bit informal. "Significantly enhanced" maintains formality and clarity.

  10. "more waste would be released" -> "more waste generated"
    Explanation: "Would be released" is passive. "More waste generated" is a clearer and more active phrase.

  11. "adverse consequences" -> "negative repercussions"
    Explanation: "Adverse consequences" can be replaced with a more formal synonym like "negative repercussions."

  12. "there is no strict control" -> "if not closely regulated"
    Explanation: The revised phrase sounds more formal and clearer.

  13. "Nevertheless" -> "However"
    Explanation: "Nevertheless" is slightly informal. "However" maintains formality in academic writing.

  14. "could spend money earned" -> "could allocate funds generated"
    Explanation: "Could spend money earned" is informal. "Could allocate funds generated" is more formal and precise.

  15. "despite of the fact that" -> "although"
    Explanation: "Despite of the fact that" is wordy. "Although" is a more concise and formal alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In recent years, the number of tours in the countryside has grown significantly, which could lead to pros and cons in both environment and local life. This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages and demonstrate why positive development is more crucial."

    • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: The introduction effectively presents the topic but lacks a clear and concise thesis statement that outlines the writer’s position on whether organized tours to remote places are a positive or negative development. It would be beneficial to explicitly state the writer’s viewpoint to provide a roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "In recent years, there has been a significant increase in tours to rural areas, raising questions about the impact on the environment and local communities. This essay will explore both the positive and negative aspects of this trend and argue that, despite some drawbacks, the overall development is positive."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, the growth of the tourist industry in rural areas may strongly improve the human’s life. It is evident that local residents and agents would earn large money from organizing tourism activities, which could lead to increased the average income of people there. Moreover, if the local committee could impose great strategies, such as building great infrastructure and facilities, the quality of life in areas could be raised dramatically in the long-term."

    • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: The paragraph provides a clear viewpoint on the positive impact of tourism on local communities. However, it lacks depth in idea development, and the examples provided are general. The writer should provide specific and detailed examples to support their argument and enhance the overall persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "On the positive side, the expansion of tourism in rural areas has the potential to significantly enhance the lives of local residents. For instance, increased tourist activities can create job opportunities for locals, leading to a substantial rise in average income. Additionally, strategic investments in infrastructure, such as improved roads and accommodations, can contribute to a lasting improvement in the overall quality of life."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, organizing tours could also bring adverse consequences to the environment in local sites. Firstly, more tourists means more waste would be released, which could negatively affect the ecosystem there. Secondly, the landscape in tourist attractions could also be destroyed if there is no strict control. Nevertheless, there are strong measures that could be adopted by the government and local residents to mitigate those problems. The government may promote putting more waste bins and cleaning more regularly in areas. Furthermore, they could spend money earned from organizing tours to organize campaigns, projects to raise awareness of travelers and local residents about protecting the environment."

    • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: The paragraph effectively addresses the negative impact on the environment but lacks clarity and cohesion. It is crucial to structure the ideas logically and provide specific examples to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the proposed solutions need more detail to be practical.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, the surge in tourism may pose environmental threats to local sites. The influx of tourists often leads to increased waste generation, posing a significant risk to the local ecosystem. Moreover, unregulated tourism can result in the degradation of landscapes. To address these issues, governments and local communities should implement robust waste management systems, including the strategic placement of waste bins and regular cleaning initiatives. Furthermore, funds generated from tourism activities could be allocated to campaigns and projects aimed at promoting environmental awareness among both travelers and locals."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. However, enhancing the depth of idea development and providing more specific examples would further strengthen the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. Ideas are arranged in a logical sequence, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The use of cohesive devices is effective to some extent, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is present, but it is not consistently logical throughout the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Pay closer attention to the use of cohesive devices. While there is an attempt to use them, some connections between sentences could be improved for smoother transitions.

  2. Paragraphing: Ensure a more consistent and logical use of paragraphing. Each paragraph should present a clear central topic, and transitions between paragraphs should be smooth and logical.

  3. Referencing and Substitution: Be cautious of potential repetition due to lack of referencing and substitution. Vary your language and use pronouns or synonyms where appropriate to enhance coherence.

  4. Sentence Structure: While not explicitly covered in the coherence and cohesion criteria, varying sentence structures can also contribute to overall essay quality. Consider diversifying your sentence structures for added sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. It effectively discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of organized tours in rural areas, showcasing awareness of style and collocation. The essay uses less common lexical items, such as "impose great strategies" and "outweighed," contributing to the overall lexical resource. While there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer successfully conveys a nuanced understanding of the topic, addressing both positive and negative aspects.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should aim for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and ensuring greater accuracy in collocation will help minimize occasional errors. Striving for a seamless integration of less common lexical items will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as the use of conditional sentences and complex sentence forms. There is good control of grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. However, there are some minor errors in grammar and punctuation that do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: Pay closer attention to verb agreement and tense consistency. Additionally, ensure that the use of articles (a, an, the) is accurate. Proofread the essay thoroughly to catch and correct these minor errors, enhancing overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in tours to rural areas, bringing forth both advantages and disadvantages to both the local environment and community. This essay will explore these aspects, emphasizing why positive developments are crucial.

On the positive side, the expansion of the tourism industry in rural regions can greatly enhance the lives of the local population. It is clear that organizing tourism activities can generate substantial income for local residents and organizers, thereby elevating the overall income levels in these areas. Furthermore, if the local authorities implement effective strategies, such as developing robust infrastructure and facilities, the quality of life in these regions could witness a substantial long-term improvement.

Conversely, organizing tours may also have detrimental effects on the local environment. Firstly, an influx of tourists often leads to an increase in waste, posing a threat to the local ecosystem. Additionally, the scenic beauty of tourist attractions could be compromised without stringent control measures. Nevertheless, viable solutions can be implemented by both the government and local residents to address these issues. The government could advocate for the installation of more waste bins and regular cleaning in these areas. Furthermore, funds generated from tourism activities could be utilized to organize campaigns and projects aimed at promoting environmental awareness among both travelers and locals.

In conclusion, while tourism development in remote areas may have some negative aspects, I believe that the positive outcomes are more significant. With careful planning and proactive measures, the adverse impacts on the environment can be mitigated, ensuring that the benefits to local communities far outweigh the drawbacks.

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