Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born, and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. To what extent do you agree?

There is a prevailing consensus that personal characteristics of each person belong to their own genes as innate or inheritance. Consequently, they cannot be fixed, and even with the right training, we may not be the authors of our own cognitive capabilities. From my perspective, I contend that a balanced approach, combining heredity and relentless commitment, is the most perfect perception.
There are several compelling reasons why some individuals believe that their genetic makeups play a crucial role in certain aspects of their personalities. Firstly, there is some research showing that children can inherit several traits from their parents and ancestors, like intelligence, extroversion, or introversion. For example, if individuals possess verbal fluency, they may pass down this perfect skill for their children, and, occasionally, their children might encounter speech disfluency. Moreover, certain genetic markers have been linked to specific behaviour tendencies, which present throughout early detection of genetic characteristics thanks to cutting-edge technology.
Conversely, this phenomenon can generate divergent views and controversial debate that numerous personalities can be adjusted through a long-term modification. First, environmental factors are also influential in shaping personal characteristics such as culture, family, education and life experiences. All of them may impact both the physical and mental development of an individual. For example, according to nature, most boys might be quite more mischievous and stubborn than girls. However, via rigorous education and training at school, some of them can mitigate their naughtiness and become more disciplined and obedient. Furthermore, a number of individuals nowadays might easily transfer their previous personality traits through novel tendencies in society. Especially, teenagers sometimes can adopt and replicate the traits of their cherished people.
In conclusion, there are various viewpoints about this statement. I strongly hold the belief that both nature and nurture are essential in generating the complexities of human personality. While our genes plays a vital role in shaping our own characteristics, environmental factors, personal experiences, and conscious efforts could also exchange our behaviours.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"personal characteristics of each person belong to their own genes as innate or inheritance" -> "each person’s personal characteristics are innate or inherited"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "are innate or inherited" removes redundancy and enhances clarity, aligning with formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary prepositional phrases.
"cannot be fixed" -> "are immutable"
Explanation: Replacing "cannot be fixed" with "are immutable" uses a more precise and academically formal term that better conveys the idea of unchangeability.
"the most perfect perception" -> "the most optimal perspective"
Explanation: "The most perfect perception" is overly simplistic and colloquial. "The most optimal perspective" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a well-considered viewpoint.
"genetic makeups" -> "genetic profiles"
Explanation: "Genetic makeups" is an uncommon and potentially confusing term. "Genetic profiles" is a more standard and clear term in scientific and academic contexts.
"perfect skill" -> "exceptional skill"
Explanation: "Perfect" can imply absolute perfection, which may not be accurate in this context. "Exceptional" is more precise and appropriate for describing a high level of skill that is not necessarily absolute.
"speech disfluency" -> "speech difficulties"
Explanation: "Speech disfluency" is a less common term; "speech difficulties" is more widely recognized and understood in academic and clinical contexts, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"cutting-edge technology" -> "advanced technology"
Explanation: "Cutting-edge" is somewhat informal and can be seen as overly dramatic. "Advanced" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term.
"divergent views and controversial debate" -> "divergent views and contentious debates"
Explanation: "Controversial debate" is redundant; "contentious debates" is a more precise and formal way to describe ongoing disagreements.
"long-term modification" -> "long-term development"
Explanation: "Modification" can imply a change in form or structure, which may not be the intended meaning. "Development" better captures the idea of growth and change over time.
"All of them may impact" -> "Each of these factors may impact"
Explanation: "All of them" is vague and informal; specifying "each of these factors" clarifies the reference and enhances formality.
"most boys might be quite more mischievous and stubborn than girls" -> "many boys tend to be more mischievous and stubborn than girls"
Explanation: "Most boys might be quite more" is awkward and unclear. "Many boys tend to be more" is clearer and more formal, avoiding redundancy and improving readability.
"mitigate their naughtiness" -> "reduce their mischievous behavior"
Explanation: "Mitigate their naughtiness" is informal and less precise. "Reduce their mischievous behavior" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.
"plays a vital role in shaping our own characteristics" -> "plays a crucial role in shaping our characteristics"
Explanation: Removing "our own" simplifies the phrase and aligns with the formal tone of academic writing, as it is implied that the characteristics being discussed are those of the individual.
"exchange our behaviours" -> "alter our behaviors"
Explanation: "Exchange" is incorrect in this context; "alter" is the correct verb to use when describing changes in behavior. Additionally, "behaviors" should be used in American English to maintain consistency in style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the influence of genetics and environment on personality. The introduction presents a balanced view, indicating that both heredity and personal commitment are important. However, while the essay does touch on both perspectives, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The conclusion reiterates the balanced view but lacks a definitive stance on the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in relation to the prompt. For instance, they could specify whether they lean more towards genetics or environmental influences and provide a rationale for this stance. Additionally, integrating more direct references to the prompt throughout the essay would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, suggesting that both genetic and environmental factors contribute to personality. However, the clarity of this position is diluted by the phrasing, such as "the most perfect perception," which can be vague. The use of terms like "strongly hold the belief" in the conclusion implies a firm stance, but the body paragraphs oscillate between supporting genetics and environmental influences without a clear prioritization.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently emphasize their viewpoint throughout the essay. This could be achieved by using more definitive language and structuring the argument to favor one side while acknowledging the other, thereby creating a more cohesive narrative.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of genetics in personality traits and the impact of environmental factors. However, some points lack depth and could be better supported with more concrete examples or research. For instance, while the mention of "cutting-edge technology" is intriguing, it is not adequately explained or linked to the argument. The example of boys being more mischievous than girls is a good start but could be expanded to illustrate how upbringing can modify these traits.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. Incorporating studies or statistics could lend credibility to the claims made. Additionally, ensuring that each point is clearly tied back to the main argument will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the influence of genetics and environment on personality. However, some sentences, such as "especially, teenagers sometimes can adopt and replicate the traits of their cherished people," could be perceived as slightly tangential, as they introduce a new idea without fully integrating it into the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. They could also use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline how the content relates to the overall argument, thus reinforcing the essay’s relevance to the task.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth, and focus that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a balanced perspective on the nature versus nurture debate regarding personality traits. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses genetic influences, while the second addresses environmental factors. However, the transition between these two points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing genetic traits to environmental influences feels abrupt, which slightly disrupts the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two perspectives. For example, after discussing genetic influences, a sentence like "However, it is also important to consider the role of environmental factors" could provide a clearer transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the genetic perspective, while the second addresses environmental influences. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should summarize the main points more effectively. Currently, it feels somewhat repetitive and does not clearly encapsulate the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by explicitly summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. A clear restatement of your position, along with a brief recap of the main points, will reinforce the essay’s overall message. Additionally, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the final paragraph does not introduce new ideas but rather synthesizes the existing ones.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Conversely," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, and there are instances where cohesion could be improved, such as the transition between the discussion of genetic traits and environmental factors, which lacks a cohesive device.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Moreover," consider alternatives like "In addition," "On the other hand," or "Furthermore." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "individuals," you could use "they" or "these individuals" to maintain flow and avoid redundancy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "prevailing consensus," "innate," "heredity," "cognitive capabilities," and "divergent views." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall argument. However, some phrases are somewhat repetitive, such as "personal characteristics" and "genetic makeups," which could be varied for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "personal characteristics," alternatives like "traits," "attributes," or "qualities" could be employed. This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also enrich the essay’s texture.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the most perfect perception" could be more accurately expressed as "the most comprehensive understanding" or "the most balanced perspective." Additionally, "perfect skill" is somewhat misleading; "valuable skill" or "essential skill" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, it is crucial to ensure that word choices align closely with the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and appropriateness can help. Engaging in exercises that focus on synonyms and context usage can also aid in developing a more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only a few minor errors. For example, "plays" in the conclusion should be "play" to agree with the plural subject "genes." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay multiple times, focusing specifically on common spelling errors and subject-verb agreement. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing exercises that emphasize spelling can help solidify correct forms in memory.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, focusing on variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the writing further. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises and thorough proofreading will contribute significantly to improvement in these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "From my perspective" and "For example" effectively sets the stage for arguments. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which can hinder clarity. For example, the sentence "Moreover, certain genetic markers have been linked to specific behaviour tendencies, which present throughout early detection of genetic characteristics thanks to cutting-edge technology" is convoluted and could be simplified for better readability.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different conjunctions. Additionally, aim for clarity by breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler, more direct statements. For instance, instead of "which present throughout early detection," consider rephrasing to "which can be identified through early detection."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "our genes plays a vital role" should be "our genes play a vital role" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences (e.g., "First, environmental factors are also influential in shaping personal characteristics such as culture, family, education and life experiences"), can lead to run-on sentences or confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that plural nouns match with plural verbs. Additionally, practice using commas correctly, especially in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for smoother revisions.

By focusing on these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing consensus that each person’s personal characteristics are innate or inherited through their genes. Consequently, they cannot be altered, and even with the right training, we may not be the authors of our own cognitive capabilities. From my perspective, I contend that a balanced approach, combining heredity and relentless commitment, is the most optimal perspective.

There are several compelling reasons why some individuals believe that their genetic profiles play a crucial role in certain aspects of their personalities. Firstly, research indicates that children can inherit various traits from their parents and ancestors, such as intelligence, extroversion, or introversion. For example, if individuals possess exceptional verbal fluency, they may pass down this skill to their children, while occasionally, their children might experience speech difficulties. Moreover, certain genetic markers have been linked to specific behavioral tendencies, which can be identified through the early detection of genetic characteristics thanks to advanced technology.

Conversely, this phenomenon can generate divergent views and contentious debates regarding the extent to which personalities can be adjusted through long-term modification. Environmental factors also play a crucial role in shaping personal characteristics, including culture, family, education, and life experiences. Each of these factors may impact both the physical and mental development of an individual. For instance, according to nature, many boys tend to be more mischievous and stubborn than girls. However, through rigorous education and training at school, some of them can reduce their mischievous behavior and become more disciplined and obedient. Furthermore, many individuals today can easily alter their previous personality traits through novel tendencies in society. In particular, teenagers often adopt and replicate the traits of their admired peers.

In conclusion, there are various viewpoints regarding this statement. I firmly believe that both nature and nurture are essential in generating the complexities of human personality. While our genes play a vital role in shaping our characteristics, environmental factors, personal experiences, and conscious efforts can also alter our behaviors.