Parents often give children everything they ask for and let them do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up?
The upbringing of a child has always been vexing for those in parenthood. Chief of these emerges a prevalent method where children’s needs are fully satisfied by caregivers. While regarding this as conducive to forming a non-risk-averse individual, I am more convinced that the entailing issues which are immediately presented and in the foreseeable future are more concerning.
Granted, when one is not restricted to what they can engage in, this supposedly enables the child to foster a sense of audacity. The freedom to make decisions in terms of favorite activities, food to consume, and clothing styles may prompt these individuals to be more proactive in their choices of preference, thus inherently giving them a sense of confidence when voicing their perspectives. Despite that, if child-rearers appear amply accommodating, this rearing style may do more harm than good to the child's emotional development. By fulfilling all of their offspring’ s demands, the children’s mindset/perspective might be woefully skewed. Inevitably, they tend to assume that the world solely revolves around them, which inadvertently catalyzes poorly-behaved individuals who are likely to lack sympathy or social skills.
In accordance with the forth-brought assertion, I opine that the implications of spoiling a child in an excessive manner are far-reaching. The foremost one is the recurring of ephemeral/passing/transient/short-lived social relationships. When it comes to long-lasting ties, parties are normally expected to be able to possess compassion and the willingness to listen. Yet, these traits are hardly found in such friends, leading to them finding it challenging to cultivate enduring companionship. Not only that, the mental-wellbeing of pampered people since childhood proves fragile/less resilient/more vulnerable compared to those growing up in hardy conditions. As a matter of fact, the transition into adulthood and working life is, fundamentally, laden with hardships which require the intrinsic capacity to acclimatize with novel challenges. Hence, grown-ups who have just emerged from the ‘so-called’ over-protection might struggle mentally in an unfamiliar environment.
In conclusion, although catering to children’s every single request may initially boost their boldness in life, their behavior could be rendered detrimental to the process of development, as well as the ability to maintal close rapports and psychological adaptation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"vexing" -> "challenging"
Explanation: While "vexing" refers to something causing annoyance or distress, using "challenging" maintains the tone but offers a clearer and more academic term for the difficulties faced in parenting.
"emerges a prevalent method" -> "arises a prevailing approach"
Explanation: Replacing "emerges a prevalent method" with "arises a prevailing approach" provides a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic language.
"non-risk-averse individual" -> "individual less averse to risk"
Explanation: The phrase "non-risk-averse individual" is somewhat convoluted. Simplifying it to "individual less averse to risk" retains the meaning in a clearer manner, suitable for academic writing.
"entailing issues" -> "resulting issues"
Explanation: "Entailing issues" could be perceived as slightly informal. "Resulting issues" is a more precise and formal choice within an academic context.
"supposedly enables" -> "purportedly enables"
Explanation: While "supposedly" implies uncertainty, "purportedly" suggests a claim that’s widely believed or assumed, fitting better in academic discourse.
"offspring’s demands" -> "children’s demands"
Explanation: "Offspring" is more formal but slightly archaic. "Children’s demands" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains formality.
"woefully skewed" -> "significantly skewed"
Explanation: "Woefully" carries a more emotional tone, while "significantly" maintains a formal stance without emotional connotations.
"In accordance with the forth-brought assertion" -> "Following the aforementioned assertion"
Explanation: "In accordance with the forth-brought" is verbose. "Following the aforementioned" is more concise and maintains academic formality.
"ephemeral/passing/transient/short-lived" -> "fleeting"
Explanation: The multiple synonyms in this context can be condensed into a more succinct term, "fleeting," which conveys the same meaning in a formal manner.
"hardy conditions" -> "challenging circumstances"
Explanation: "Hardy conditions" might be interpreted as informal or ambiguous. "Challenging circumstances" offers a clearer and more academic description.
"‘so-called’ over-protection" -> "alleged overprotection"
Explanation: The phrase "‘so-called’ over-protection" seems informal. "Alleged overprotection" maintains formality while indicating doubt or questioning its existence.
"boldness in life" -> "confidence in their endeavors"
Explanation: "Boldness in life" could be less precise. "Confidence in their endeavors" aligns better with academic language, conveying a similar meaning.
"rended detrimental" -> "proved detrimental"
Explanation: "Rended" is less common and slightly archaic. "Proved detrimental" is a more standard and formal choice in academic writing.
"maintal close rapports" -> "maintain close relationships"
Explanation: "Rapports" is a bit informal. "Relationships" is a more academic term, maintaining formality and clarity.
"psychological adaptation" -> "psychological adjustment"
Explanation: "Psychological adaptation" could be less precise. "Psychological adjustment" better aligns with formal academic writing, expressing the idea more clearly.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "Chief of these emerges a prevalent method where children’s needs are fully satisfied by caregivers."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introductory sentence attempts to introduce the topic but lacks clarity and conciseness. To enhance Task Response, consider rephrasing to better capture the essence of the argument. For instance, "One prevalent method of parenting involves fulfilling all the needs and desires of children."
- Improved example: "One prevalent method of parenting involves fulfilling all the needs and desires of children. However, this approach raises pertinent concerns regarding its long-term impact on their development."
Quoted text: "if child-rearers appear amply accommodating, this rearing style may do more harm than good to the child’s emotional development."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the argument touches upon the potential harm of over-accommodation, the explanation lacks specificity and clarity. To address this, provide concrete examples or scenarios illustrating how excessive accommodation impacts emotional development. For instance, "When parents consistently cater to every whim of a child, it may lead to a sense of entitlement, hindering the child’s ability to handle disappointments and setbacks, crucial aspects of emotional growth."
- Improved example: "When parents consistently cater to every whim of a child, it may lead to a sense of entitlement, hindering the child’s ability to handle disappointments and setbacks, crucial aspects of emotional growth. For example, a child accustomed to instant gratification may struggle to cope with failure later in life, lacking resilience and problem-solving skills."
Quoted text: "The foremost one is the recurring of ephemeral/passing/transient/short-lived social relationships."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the point attempts to address the consequence of spoiling children, it lacks clarity and coherence. It would benefit from a more direct and focused explanation of how overindulgence affects their ability to form lasting relationships. For instance, "Overindulged children might struggle to develop empathy and communication skills necessary for maintaining meaningful relationships, leading to superficial connections that fail to endure."
- Improved example: "Overindulged children might struggle to develop empathy and communication skills necessary for maintaining meaningful relationships, leading to superficial connections that fail to endure. For instance, a child accustomed to instant gratification may find it challenging to understand others’ perspectives, impacting their ability to build deep, lasting friendships."
Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the impact of overindulgence on children’s development, enhancing the clarity and specificity of examples would further strengthen the argument and better fulfill the Task Response criteria. Striving for more precise illustrations of the consequences and their implications for a child’s future would elevate the essay’s coherence and effectiveness in addressing the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, contributing to overall coherence. The central topic within each paragraph is evident, contributing to the essay’s cohesion. However, there is some occasional overuse of cohesive devices, and certain sentences could benefit from more precise referencing.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should be cautious about overusing certain cohesive devices. Additionally, there could be more clarity in referencing specific ideas within sentences, avoiding ambiguity. Further attention to maintaining a consistent level of cohesion between sentences and paragraphs will contribute to an even more logically structured essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficiently wide range of vocabulary, with an attempt to use less common lexical items. The writer exhibits some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a moderately flexible and precise expression of ideas. While occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains coherence and clarity in presenting arguments, effectively utilizing vocabulary to convey nuanced meanings.
How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, the writer can strive for more variety in sentence structures and explore additional idiomatic expressions or figurative language. Paying closer attention to the accuracy of less common vocabulary usage and refining collocation can elevate the essay to a higher band score. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation will contribute to a more polished linguistic presentation.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at using a variety of complex structures, showcasing a range of sentence forms. The majority of the sentences are error-free, contributing to good readability and coherence. There’s evident control over grammar and punctuation, although a few errors are present.
How to improve: To elevate the score further, focus on refining the accuracy of complex structures. Pay particular attention to verb tenses and word choices to ensure precision in conveying ideas. Additionally, revise the vocabulary choices for greater clarity and avoid overcomplicating sentences with multiple synonymous terms.
Bài sửa mẫu
The upbringing of a child has always been a challenging task for parents. One prevalent approach involves satisfying all of children’s needs and allowing them to pursue their preferences freely. While this method is seen as fostering a confident and non-risk-averse individual, I believe that the immediate and long-term consequences it brings are more worrisome.
Certainly, allowing children the freedom to choose their favorite activities, food, and clothing can encourage them to be proactive and confident in expressing their preferences. However, an overly accommodating parenting style may hinder the child’s emotional development. If all of a child’s demands are met, they might develop a skewed mindset, believing that the world revolves around them. This can lead to the creation of poorly-behaved individuals who may lack sympathy and essential social skills.
I strongly believe that the implications of excessive spoiling are significant. One major consequence is the formation of short-lived social relationships. Long-lasting connections typically require compassion and the ability to listen, qualities that may be lacking in individuals who have been overly pampered. Furthermore, emotionally fragile individuals who have grown up in such conditions may find it challenging to cope with the hardships of adulthood and the demands of the working world.
In conclusion, while catering to every request of children may boost their confidence initially, it can have detrimental effects on their overall development, hindering their ability to form lasting relationships and adapt psychologically to life’s challenges.