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Parents should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether parents should attend parenting classes yearly to raise their childrenthe right way or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention around the world. Although some drawbacks exist, I completely agree with this notion due to its benefits.

To start with, the parents would acquire valuable information about children's upbringing. The courses would provide useful knowledge for parents about how to help their children properly develop physically. If they are without those classes, the children might not have a highly nutritional regimen due to the parents’ lack of knowledge in providing their child with nutritious foods. For example, parents would learn nutrition lessons that are scientifically guaranteed by nutritionist to ensure they incorporate enough nutrition in preparing daily meals for their offspring. As a result, their children would be fully met with essential nutrients which help them grow taller, smarter and stronger.

Another justification for my argument is that parents would comprehend the children’s mentallity if they attend parenting classes. Knowing how their children think and feel would help them become their companions and make it possible for them to share triumphs and struggles in their lives. More specially, when children reach adolescent age, they often do not obey their parents and argue with them. For instance, by attending a parenting workshop, parents would know how to control their children’s temper and give them moral lessons instead of using verbal or physical violence to solve it. This means that children would grow in a good condition which enhances their mentality through each developmental stage.

To sum up, for the reasons mentioned above, I contend that parenting classes are a holistic approach to parenting that brings merits to physical and mental health of children.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "raise their childrenthe right way" -> "raise their children in the right manner"
    Explanation: Separating "children" and "the right way" with a space and using "in the right manner" instead of "the right way" enhances formality and clarity in expressing the idea of proper child-rearing.

  2. "Although some drawbacks exist, I completely agree with this notion due to its benefits." -> "Despite the existence of some drawbacks

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Although some drawbacks exist, I completely agree with this notion due to its benefits."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets a clear position agreeing with the notion, which is positive. However, it lacks a concise overview of the main points to be discussed, affecting the essay’s structure. Consider summarizing the key arguments you’ll cover to enhance the coherence and roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "While acknowledging the existence of some drawbacks, I firmly support the implementation of mandatory parenting classes for the substantial benefits they offer. This essay will delve into two pivotal aspects: the acquisition of crucial knowledge regarding child nutrition and understanding children’s mentality, illustrating the immense advantages that such courses bring to parenting."
  2. Quoted text: "For example, parents would learn nutrition lessons that are scientifically guaranteed by nutritionist to ensure they incorporate enough nutrition in preparing daily meals for their offspring."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea of parents gaining nutrition knowledge is strong, yet the expression lacks specificity and conciseness. To strengthen this point, specify the types of nutritional lessons parents might learn, such as balanced diet composition, portion control, or understanding specific nutrients essential for children’s growth.
    • Improved example: "For instance, these courses might provide insights into designing a balanced diet, understanding the significance of macronutrients like proteins, carbohydrates, and fats, and grasping portion control strategies suitable for children’s growth and development."
  3. Quoted text: "More specially, when children reach adolescent age, they often do not obey their parents and argue with them."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea about adolescent behavior is pertinent but lacks depth and specific examples. To further elucidate this point, consider mentioning common challenges parents face during adolescence, like rebellion or defiance, and how parenting courses could equip parents to handle these situations effectively.
    • Improved example: "Specifically during adolescence, a stage marked by burgeoning independence, it’s common for children to rebel against parental authority or engage in heated arguments. With tailored strategies from these courses, parents can learn de-escalation techniques, active listening skills, and negotiation approaches to navigate such challenging phases harmoniously."

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance and relevant ideas supporting the necessity of parenting classes. To elevate it further, incorporating specific examples and refining the introductory overview of main points would enhance coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are instances of underuse and overuse of cohesive devices, impacting the overall cohesion. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, but some improvements could enhance overall coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Refine Cohesive Devices: While the essay employs cohesive devices, attention should be paid to their usage. Ensure a balanced and consistent application, avoiding instances of underuse or overuse.
  2. Strengthen Paragraphing Logic: While paragraphs are used, there is room for improvement in logical paragraphing. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent structure, contributing to a smoother overall flow.
  3. Enhance Central Topic Clarity: Ensure that each paragraph’s central topic is explicitly stated and consistently maintained throughout the paragraph.

Overall, the essay shows promise but would benefit from fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices and strengthening logical paragraphing to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. The use of vocabulary is generally appropriate and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. There is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as "triumphs," "regimen," and "mentality," although some of the word choices may lack sophistication. The essay effectively communicates the main ideas, and errors in word choice and collocation are occasional. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only rare minor errors.

How to improve:
To move to a higher band score, the essay could benefit from incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary throughout. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choices to ensure they align seamlessly with the context would enhance lexical precision. Further efforts to minimize errors in word choice and collocation, even those classified as occasional, would contribute to a more refined use of language. Overall, maintaining the current trajectory of vocabulary range while refining the precision of word choice will lead to an improved Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a good range. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few errors present, such as "childrenthe" (space missing) and "mentallity" (spelling error). Despite these, the errors do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling and spacing to eliminate minor errors. Consider revising sentence structures for further diversity, and proofread carefully to catch any remaining mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether parents should attend parenting classes yearly to raise their children in the right manner or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention around the world. Although some drawbacks exist, I completely agree with this notion due to its benefits.

To start with, parents would acquire valuable information about children’s upbringing. The courses would provide useful knowledge for parents about how to help their children properly develop physically. Without these classes, children might not have a highly nutritional regimen due to the parents’ lack of knowledge in providing their child with nutritious foods. For example, parents would learn nutrition lessons that are scientifically guaranteed by nutritionists to ensure they incorporate enough nutrition in preparing daily meals for their offspring. As a result, their children would be fully met with essential nutrients that help them grow taller, smarter, and stronger.

Another justification for my argument is that parents would comprehend the children’s mentality if they attend parenting classes. Knowing how their children think and feel would help them become their companions and make it possible for them to share triumphs and struggles in their lives. More specifically, when children reach adolescent age, they often do not obey their parents and argue with them. For instance, by attending a parenting workshop, parents would know how to control their children’s temper and give them moral lessons instead of using verbal or physical violence to solve it. This means that children would grow in a good condition that enhances their mentality through each developmental stage.

To sum up, for the reasons mentioned above, I contend that parenting classes are a holistic approach to parenting that brings merits to the physical and mental health of children.

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