People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

Nowadays, a lot of people's beverage consumption is rising enormously, it is noticeable when they are at risk of leading to high obesity rates in many countries. In my point of view, there are many causes for this condition, so we should have measures to improve those problems.

On the first hand, there are two main reasons why people are having more and more sugar-based drinks. First, in sports activities, they need many drink water and of course, the most athletes will be choose sugar-based drink because sugar-based drink is the beverage male athletes become energetic and they have enough the strong to keep the match continues. Second reason, every people to understand one things, they like to sugar-bases drink more than water because sugar-base help people is becoming too refreshing or maybe make to someone develop mental.

On the other hand, there should be a respective solution for the consumption of sugar-based drink is rising respectable. To begin with, to address this problem, people are in need of reducing the number of beverage consumption and They can drink filtered water instead of sugar-based drinks. That is more, the solution to make people drink less is They should teach sons and daughters, they can restrict beverage consumption and in future, We can have a society where everyone just needs filtered water and sugar-based drinks are not recommended in the rules.

The solution to make people's beverage consumption become rising substantial is that many people like the taste of sugar-based. Finally, we should propagate their health and level of danger when someone uses sugar-based drinks for a long time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, a lot of people’s beverage consumption is rising enormously" -> "Currently, beverage consumption among many individuals is increasing significantly"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal than "Nowadays," and "increasing significantly" is more precise and less colloquial than "rising enormously."
"it is noticeable when they are at risk of leading to high obesity rates" -> "it is evident that this may contribute to high obesity rates"
Explanation: "It is evident that this may contribute to" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction "at risk of leading to."
"In my point of view" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "In my view" is a more concise and formal expression than "In my point of view."
"we should have measures to improve those problems" -> "measures should be implemented to address these issues"
Explanation: "Measures should be implemented to address these issues" is more direct and formal, avoiding the vague "those problems."
"On the first hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase than "On the first hand."
"they need many drink water" -> "they require numerous glasses of water"
Explanation: "Require numerous glasses of water" is more precise and formal than "need many drink water."
"the most athletes will be choose sugar-based drink" -> "most athletes opt for sugar-based drinks"
Explanation: "Opt for" is more formal and correct than "will be choose," and "sugar-based drinks" is grammatically correct.
"sugar-base help people is becoming too refreshing" -> "sugar-based drinks help people feel refreshed"
Explanation: "Sugar-based drinks help people feel refreshed" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.
"make to someone develop mental" -> "may lead to mental health issues"
Explanation: "May lead to mental health issues" is a clearer and more formal expression than "make to someone develop mental."
"respectable solution" -> "effective solution"
Explanation: "Effective solution" is a more appropriate and academically precise term than "respectable solution."
"people are in need of reducing" -> "people need to reduce"
Explanation: "People need to reduce" is more direct and formal than "people are in need of reducing."
"They can drink filtered water instead of sugar-based drinks" -> "they should opt for filtered water instead of sugar-based drinks"
Explanation: "Opt for" is more formal and precise than "can drink."
"That is more, the solution to make people drink less is" -> "Furthermore, the solution involves"
Explanation: "Furthermore, the solution involves" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction "That is more, the solution to make people drink less is."
"They should teach sons and daughters, they can restrict beverage consumption" -> "parents should educate their children to limit beverage consumption"
Explanation: "Parents should educate their children to limit beverage consumption" is more formal and avoids the awkward repetition of "They should teach sons and daughters, they can restrict."
"in future, We can have a society where everyone just needs filtered water and sugar-based drinks are not recommended in the rules" -> "in the future, we can envision a society where everyone relies solely on filtered water, with sugar-based drinks discouraged by regulations"
Explanation: "In the future, we can envision a society where everyone relies solely on filtered water, with sugar-based drinks discouraged by regulations" is more formal and precise, improving clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by identifying reasons for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and suggesting solutions. However, the response lacks depth and clarity. For instance, while it mentions that athletes prefer sugar-based drinks for energy, it fails to elaborate on why this trend is significant beyond the athletic context. Additionally, the solutions presented are vague and not well-developed, such as the suggestion to "teach sons and daughters" without specifying how this education would occur or its potential effectiveness.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should clearly delineate the reasons and solutions. Each reason should be supported with specific examples or data, and solutions should be actionable and detailed. For instance, discussing public health campaigns or taxation on sugary drinks could provide a more robust response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that there are causes for the rise in sugar-based drink consumption and that solutions are necessary. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Phrases like "in my point of view" are vague, and the transition between discussing causes and solutions is abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and maintain focus on the main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the claim that "sugar-based drinks help people become too refreshing" is vague and not substantiated with evidence or examples. The essay also fails to explore the implications of increased sugar consumption on health, which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the author should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the reasons behind sugar-based drink consumption and the effectiveness of proposed solutions. Each point should be elaborated upon to provide a deeper understanding of the issues at hand.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic, particularly in the latter part where it discusses the "taste of sugar-based" drinks without linking it back to the solutions proposed. This can distract from the main focus of the essay, which is to explore reasons and solutions for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It would be beneficial to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all ideas are aligned with the task requirements. Regularly referring back to the prompt throughout the essay can help keep the discussion on track.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should focus on developing clearer arguments, providing specific examples, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the reasons for increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and potential solutions. However, the organization is somewhat disjointed. For example, the transition from discussing reasons to solutions is abrupt, lacking clear connections between the two sections. The introduction mentions "many causes for this condition," but it does not clearly outline these causes before delving into solutions. Additionally, the points made within paragraphs are not always logically sequenced, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should clearly outline the main points in the introduction and follow a structured approach. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details. Using transitional phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "In conclusion") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The first paragraph attempts to introduce the topic but lacks clarity and focus. The second paragraph mixes reasons and solutions without clear separation, leading to confusion. The final paragraph does not effectively summarize or conclude the argument, which is essential for coherence.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For instance, one paragraph could be dedicated solely to the reasons for increased sugar-based drink consumption, while another could focus on solutions. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear beginning, middle, and end will help improve overall coherence. A concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of the issue would also strengthen the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. Phrases such as "On the first hand" and "On the other hand" are used, but they are not always appropriately applied, and the transitions between ideas can feel forced. There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "every people to understand one things," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "However," "As a result") to connect ideas more effectively. It is also important to ensure that these devices are used correctly and naturally within the context of the sentences. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For example, terms like "beverage consumption," "obesity rates," and "refreshing" show an effort to incorporate relevant vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety, such as the frequent use of "sugar-based drinks" without synonyms or alternative phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms, such as "sugary beverages," "sweetened drinks," or "carbonated drinks." Additionally, using phrases like "high sugar consumption" or "sugar-laden drinks" would diversify the language. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to health and nutrition could be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the most athletes will be choose sugar-based drink" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The writer also states, "sugar-base help people is becoming too refreshing," which is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. Such inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the overall message.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and clarity. For instance, instead of "the most athletes will be choose," it could be revised to "most athletes choose sugar-based drinks." Additionally, clarifying phrases like "sugar-base help people is becoming too refreshing" to "sugar-based drinks help people feel refreshed" would enhance understanding. Practicing sentence structure and clarity in writing will aid in achieving more precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors and awkward constructions that affect readability. For example, "sugar-bases drink" should be "sugar-based drinks," and "every people to understand one things" is incorrect and should be "everyone understands one thing." Such errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring correct forms are used. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing exercises that emphasize spelling can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, practicing grammatical structures, and thorough proofreading will significantly enhance the quality of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that would enhance the overall quality of the writing. For example, phrases like "there are two main reasons why people are having more and more sugar-based drinks" and "the solution to make people’s beverage consumption become rising substantial" show a reliance on straightforward constructions. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "on the first hand" and "on the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure the essay, but the transitions could be more varied and sophisticated.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying, "First, in sports activities, they need many drink water," the writer could say, "First, during sports activities, athletes often require hydration, which leads many to choose sugar-based drinks for their quick energy boost." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in developing a wider range of structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "it is noticeable when they are at risk of leading to high obesity rates" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the most athletes will be choose sugar-based drink," which should be "most athletes will choose sugar-based drinks." Punctuation errors, such as the incorrect capitalization of "They" in "They can drink filtered water instead of sugar-based drinks," also disrupt the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms, ensuring that they match in number and tense. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission would help catch mistakes like unnecessary capitalization and comma splices. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying awkward phrasing and grammatical inconsistencies.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and attempts to address the prompt, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, a lot of people’s beverage consumption is rising enormously; it is noticeable that this may contribute to high obesity rates in many countries. In my view, there are many causes for this condition, so we should implement measures to address these problems.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why people are having more and more sugar-based drinks. Firstly, in sports activities, they need many glasses of water, and of course, most athletes choose sugar-based drinks because these beverages help them feel energetic and provide the strength to keep the match going. The second reason is that people generally prefer sugar-based drinks over water because these drinks help them feel refreshed or may even lead to mental health issues.

On the other hand, there should be effective solutions for the rising consumption of sugar-based drinks. To begin with, to address this problem, people need to reduce the number of beverages they consume, and they should opt for filtered water instead of sugar-based drinks. Furthermore, the solution involves parents educating their children to limit beverage consumption. In the future, we can envision a society where everyone relies solely on filtered water, with sugar-based drinks discouraged by regulations.

The reason for the substantial rise in beverage consumption is that many people enjoy the taste of sugar-based drinks. Finally, we should promote awareness of the health risks associated with long-term consumption of sugar-based drinks.