People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution. What causes air pollution in big cities? Can you suggest some ways to deal with this situation?
People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution. What causes air pollution in big cities? Can you suggest some ways to deal with this situation?
In recent years, people living in metropolis have dealt with serious health problems because of the increase of air pollution. In this essay, I will outline some causes and then give some suggestions to against this situation.
To begin with, there are many reasons why big cities are affected by air pollution. Detrimental living habits of human greatly impact this problem. For instance, using private vehicles instead of public transport causes emissions which is generated the large quantities. Besides, waste from daily activities of densely populated metropolis in the big city is evaporated, causing environmental pollution. Consequently, the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold, then influence human respiratory diseases, including the nose, the lungs. Moreover, development of industries is also responsible for pollutes air due to a plenty of toxic components is emitted into the air. To save costs along with the overload of production demand, factories do not treat exhaust gases before exporting to the external environment. Therefore, not only affects health, it cause the global warming greenhouse effect.
On the other hand, both governments and citizen are responsible for remedying and protecting. Regarding individuals, they need to make adjustments in the use of transportation. In particular, instead of using provate behicles, such as cars, motorbikes, they should consider using public transport such as bus, trains. It can help reduce toxic gas emission from vehicles. To urge this, the government's action is needed. For example, adjusting the service price of approriate public transport or building, upgrading infrastructure for the development of this vehicles. As for emissions from factories, the governments should pass strict laws and run as a punishment to the businesses, which have bad behaviors with a nature. As a result, along with reducing pollution, the cities also develop in civilization and become more morden.
In conclusion, due to air pollution, human's health is afected significantly. To tackle this problem, each person needs to contribute together.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"people living in metropolis" -> "residents of metropolitan areas"
Explanation: "Residents of metropolitan areas" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the intended meaning of people living in cities, enhancing the academic tone of the essay. -
"dealt with serious health problems" -> "experienced serious health issues"
Explanation: "Experienced serious health issues" is a more formal and precise way to describe the health problems faced by people in metropolis, aligning better with academic language. -
"increase of air pollution" -> "increase in air pollution"
Explanation: The phrase "increase in air pollution" is grammatically correct and more commonly used in formal writing, improving the sentence structure and clarity. -
"give some suggestions to against this situation" -> "offer some solutions to address this situation"
Explanation: "Offer some solutions to address this situation" is more precise and formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "give some suggestions to against this situation." -
"Detrimental living habits of human" -> "Detrimental human habits"
Explanation: "Detrimental human habits" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, removing redundancy and enhancing readability. -
"using private vehicles instead of public transport causes emissions which is generated the large quantities" -> "the use of private vehicles instead of public transport generates large quantities of emissions"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more direct and formal. -
"waste from daily activities of densely populated metropolis in the big city is evaporated" -> "waste from the daily activities of densely populated cities is released"
Explanation: "Released" is a more accurate term than "evaporated" in this context, and "cities" is more general and appropriate than "metropolis in the big city," which is redundant. -
"a plenty of toxic components is emitted" -> "a significant amount of toxic components is emitted"
Explanation: "A significant amount" is a more precise and formal expression than "a plenty of," which is colloquial and vague. -
"it cause the global warming greenhouse effect" -> "it causes the global warming greenhouse effect"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense to "causes" aligns with the rest of the sentence structure and maintains grammatical consistency. -
"both governments and citizen" -> "both governments and citizens"
Explanation: "Citizens" is the correct plural form of "citizen," ensuring grammatical accuracy. -
"provate behicles" -> "private vehicles"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling errors in "private vehicles" to maintain professionalism and accuracy. -
"approriate public transport" -> "appropriate public transportation"
Explanation: "Appropriate public transportation" is the correct term, and "transportation" is the more formal term used in academic writing. -
"building, upgrading infrastructure for the development of this vehicles" -> "building and upgrading infrastructure for the development of these vehicles"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and adds "and" for clarity and flow, ensuring proper article usage with "these vehicles." -
"run as a punishment to the businesses, which have bad behaviors with a nature" -> "impose penalties on businesses that exhibit harmful behaviors"
Explanation: "Impose penalties on businesses that exhibit harmful behaviors" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward and unclear original phrasing. -
"morden" -> "modern"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "modern," ensuring the text maintains its professional tone and accuracy. -
"human’s health is afected" -> "human health is affected"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form "human’s" to "human" and the spelling of "affected" to maintain grammatical correctness and clarity.
These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies several causes of air pollution in big cities, such as the use of private vehicles, waste management issues, and industrial emissions. However, while it mentions these causes, it could benefit from a more structured approach to ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. The suggestions for dealing with air pollution are present but lack depth in explanation and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is clearly linked to its impact on health, providing specific examples or statistics where possible. Additionally, expanding the range of suggested solutions, such as promoting green technologies or community awareness programs, would provide a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the health impacts of air pollution and the need for action from both individuals and governments. However, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the importance of collective action but could be more emphatic in summarizing the main points.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use signposting language to guide the reader through the essay. Phrases like "Firstly," "In addition," and "Finally," can help clarify the structure. The conclusion should succinctly restate the main arguments and emphasize the urgency of addressing air pollution.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the causes of air pollution and potential solutions. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes vague or lacks sufficient elaboration. For example, the mention of "detrimental living habits" could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the impact of these habits on air quality.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific pollutants and their effects on health or citing successful case studies from other cities that have implemented effective pollution control measures.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on air pollution and its health impacts. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or slightly off-topic, such as the phrase "not only affects health, it cause the global warming greenhouse effect," which introduces a new topic without sufficient context or relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly relates to the main topic of air pollution and health. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in language will help keep the discussion relevant and on track. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs areorganized into causes and solutions, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is abrupt, which may confuse readers about the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases such as "In addition to these causes," or "On the other hand," to signal shifts between sections. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea will help guide the reader through the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with distinct sections for causes and solutions. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For instance, the first body paragraph combines multiple causes without clear delineation, making it harder to follow the argument. The second body paragraph also mixes individual and governmental responsibilities, which could be confusing.
- How to improve: Aim to create more focused paragraphs by dedicating each one to a single idea or aspect. For example, separate the discussion of individual actions from governmental responsibilities into two distinct paragraphs. This will not only clarify the argument but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "besides," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, which can disrupt the flow. For example, the phrase "Consequently, the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold" could benefit from additional linking words to clarify the relationship between the cause and effect.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "therefore," "as a result," "in contrast," and "furthermore." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, which may involve revising sentences to clarify their connections.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the logical flow, focusing paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger coherence and cohesion score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of air pollution and health challenges. Terms such as "detrimental," "emissions," and "toxic gases" indicate a reasonable range. However, the vocabulary is sometimes repetitive, particularly in phrases like "big cities" and "public transport," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "big cities," alternatives like "urban areas," "metropolitan regions," or "city environments" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "transportation options" or "public transit" can replace "public transport" to avoid redundancy.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold" could be more clearly articulated as "the concentration of carbon dioxide and other harmful gases increases significantly." Moreover, "remedying and protecting" is vague and could be more specific about what actions are being suggested.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys specific meanings. Instead of "remedying and protecting," consider phrases like "implementing solutions" or "taking protective measures." Additionally, ensure that verbs and nouns agree in form; for example, "pollutes air" should be "pollutes the air."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "provate" (private), "approriate" (appropriate), "morden" (modern), and "afected" (affected). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing frequently and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. Consider creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on correct spelling, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex structures. For example, phrases like "there are many reasons why big cities are affected by air pollution" and "using private vehicles instead of public transport causes emissions" are straightforward and do not showcase a range of grammatical forms. The use of conjunctions is present, but the overall complexity of sentences is lacking.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold," the writer could say, "as the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold, it significantly impacts human respiratory health." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and integrating relative clauses can also add complexity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "which is generated the large quantities" is incorrect; it should be "which are generated in large quantities." Additionally, the phrase "the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold, then influence human respiratory diseases" lacks proper conjunction use and should be rephrased for grammatical accuracy. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, "the development of industries is also responsible for pollutes air" should be corrected to "the development of industries is also responsible for polluting the air." Practicing sentence restructuring and reviewing basic grammar rules can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring commas are used to separate clauses appropriately, will enhance clarity and coherence.
Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy through careful revision and practice.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, residents of metropolitan areas have faced serious health challenges due to the increase in air pollution. In this essay, I will outline some causes and then offer some solutions to address this situation.
To begin with, there are many reasons why big cities are affected by air pollution. Detrimental human habits greatly impact this problem. For instance, the use of private vehicles instead of public transport generates large quantities of emissions. Additionally, waste from the daily activities of densely populated cities is released into the environment, contributing to pollution. Consequently, the amount of carbon dioxide and other toxic gases reaches a high threshold, which influences human respiratory diseases, including issues related to the nose and lungs. Moreover, the development of industries is also responsible for polluting the air, as a significant amount of toxic components is emitted. To save costs and meet the overload of production demand, factories often do not treat exhaust gases before releasing them into the environment. Therefore, this not only affects health but also causes the global warming greenhouse effect.
On the other hand, both governments and citizens are responsible for remedying and protecting the environment. Regarding individuals, they need to make adjustments in their use of transportation. In particular, instead of using private vehicles, such as cars and motorbikes, they should consider using public transport, such as buses and trains. This can help reduce toxic gas emissions from vehicles. To encourage this, government action is needed. For example, adjusting the service prices of appropriate public transportation or building and upgrading infrastructure for the development of these vehicles can be effective. As for emissions from factories, governments should pass strict laws and impose penalties on businesses that exhibit harmful behaviors towards nature. As a result, along with reducing pollution, cities can also develop in civilization and become more modern.
In conclusion, due to air pollution, human health is significantly affected. To tackle this problem, each person needs to contribute collectively.